Untitled
Untitled
ft: changmin/sooyoung, pg, ~3137w, au,
written after being inspired by a jiraiya/tsunade fic trololol, just random word vomit, but i still liked the way it turned out.
if you have any suggestions for the title, don't hesitate to tell me.
merry advance christmas, bamthegreat this random one-shot is dedicated to you. xoxo
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Changmin felt extremely relief as he collapsed onto the ground outside the warehouse on fire. The sky, an azure blue, stared right back into his eyes, and he was eternally grateful to be able to breathe in fresh air again. It has never been easy, the path he had chosen to take. It wasn’t the time for him to regret, but it wasn’t the time for him to celebrate either. Changmin had just escaped a narrow death, and reality hadn’t quite sunk into his mind yet.
He could still feel the knife against his throat; the cuts on his arms and the pain that came along with it were a reminder of the torture he had just gone through. And he was evidently sure that the scars produced will always be there to haunt him of the days he thought he would never see light again.
It was a mistake on his side, a decision he had rashly made which resulted to his disappearance and near death. None of his teammates could track him down, and he hardly blamed them for this. It was his fault for being impulsive, thinking he could succeed solo in this mission and thinking he could return home a hero.
Changmin gulped in the fresh air as much as he could, crawling further from the warehouse, further from harm and nearer to safety. The fire that suddenly broke out in the warehouse was a blessing in disguise to him. He was grateful the fire provided enough time to distract attention away from him before cutting the rope which bound his hands and legs against a broken shard of glass and finally slipping to safety.
Glancing up at the sound of footsteps and seeing an approaching team with a few familiar faces among them, he knew then that the fire wasn’t a coincidence.
“Changmin!”
His aids rushed towards him, and he knew he was finally safe.
Changmin unlocked the door to the safety comfort of his own home after a day of recuperating in a hospital outside of town. It was already night when he arrived at the premise of his haven, and just before two days ago, he thought he would never be able to return home again. He was still tired, both mentally and physically, but he had been away for too long-a month, to be exact-and it was time for him to go home. The mere sight of his living room gave him the assurance he needed, and he couldn’t wait to collapse onto his bed and remember nothing but comfort and serenity.
When he walked into his room, he nearly jumps out of his skin. To say he was surprised was an understatement. The sight of his best friend sleeping in his bed came as a complete shock to him, and even when she stirred and they exchanged a brief eye contact, Changmin couldn’t exactly believe (but wouldn’t complain) what he was looking at. “Sooyoung?” There was a pause as Changmin tried to figure out how she has the keys to his home, but remembered then that he was the one who gave a copy to her. Dumbass, he mentally scolded himself.
The brunette looked at him for a good solid minute, scanning him from head to toe before breathing a sigh of relief. “You’re back.”
Choi Sooyoung, or Sooyoung, was Changmin’s workmate and almost work-partner in missions. They have known each other since they were merely children, and when they were both in the academy, were assigned to the same mentor and trained under the same supervision. While Changmin was more of a field-agent, Sooyoung was more of an internal person; cracking codes and solving hidden riddles, hacking into computers and accessing information that were not opened for public viewing. They were also best friends, having to know each other from young and even possessing the same ambition of keeping their nation safe.
“Yes, and I am wanting my hard earned beauty sleep, so if you can please…” Changmin’s sentence trailed off as he approached the unmoving tired-looking female. She was still looking at him silently, and he wonders why.
“Can I just stay here tonight?” She asked, and that nearly caught him off guarded. What on earth? “I don’t mean to pry but…did something happen between you and Kyuhyun?” Changmin asked as he sat on the empty side of his bed. Even till the day he left for his mission, he was still aware that Sooyoung was happily sharing an apartment with Kyuhyun. So what happened?
Sooyoung was silent, her back against Changmin. “Well, if you aren’t going to talk, then I’m going to sleep here. No way am I giving up my bed for you, so it’s either we share one or you’re sleeping on the couch.” He said loud and clear, hoping that this would get his best friend to start talking, or at least, to abuse him for even suggesting them sharing a bed.
But instead, Sooyoung was still silent.
“…Alright. If that’s so.” Changmin shrugged to himself and tucked himself under his blanket. He was too tired to make his way to his living room, or to have enough energy to send his best friend home. Changmin kept a reasonable distance between him and Sooyoung, his body lying rigidly on his side, fearing that he would irk her for moving too much or too close to her side of the bed. But even with those precautions, he could still feel his heart pounding wildly against his chest.
Sure, she was his best friend. But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to have a crush on her, right?
Sooyoung turned to face him and within seconds, she tucked herself in the curve of his arm and closed her eyes, still not uttering a single word. Changmin froze immediately at this; the knots in his stomach tangled in complication-as if they weren’t complicated enough before.
“Uh…Sooyoung?”
“Go to sleep, Changmin.”
This is a dream, Changmin said to himself when he concluded that this was all too good to be true. There had been twice when Changmin had suggested for something more than just friendship, but Sooyoung had always laughed at his ‘joke’ and turned him down flatly. It was after Sooyoung began dating Kyuhyun, another field agent, that he decided not to pursue her anymore. After all, he couldn’t afford to ruin his friendship, and if he cannot love Sooyoung as a lover, then he can at least love her as a friend. Just a dream. Let it last while it still can.
Changmin tightened the grip around Sooyoung, and dozed off to sleep several seconds after that.
When Changmin awoke, he found no human being beside him. He sighed, a little sad that it was all but an imagination and mentally punched himself for even thinking of his best friend in that sense. He was ready to fall back to sleep when he caught the waft of freshly cooked breakfast in the air. Puzzled and equally curious, he got down from his bed and guided his way to the kitchen.
Changmin halted in his footsteps as his eyes bore on the familiar sight of Sooyoung by the dining table, a plate of food in her hands.
“Okay. So it wasn’t a dream,” He mumbled, not sure if he should be happy that it wasn’t a dream, or surprise that it wasn’t a dream.
“You’re awake.” Sooyoung nodded at his direction and pointed into the kitchen. “There’s more breakfast in there, if you’re interested.”
Changmin walked quietly into the kitchen, still trying to fathom everything as he subconsciously filled his plate with food Sooyoung had just cooked. He noticed though, that most of the leftovers in the pan were either too burnt to be eaten or no longer in a proper piece, but who was he to complain? He crinkled his nose at both the sight and smell of the food in his plate, but proceeded to the dining table nonetheless.
He found Sooyoung staring at her plate, her food seemingly untouched and he arched an eyebrow in surprise. “Your stomach isn’t going to be filled with you just looking at the food,” Changmin said as he took his seat across the table and hesitantly fed himself with the half-burnt sausage. Forcing himself to swallow the piece of food down his throat, Changmin knocked his knuckles against the space beside Sooyoung’s plate: “Are you okay?”
Sooyoung nodded, but clearly wasn’t enough to convince her best friend that she was in good condition. There was a pause before Changmin asked, “Is something wrong with Kyuhyun?”
Kyuhyun and Sooyoung. They naturally came in a pair even though Changmin knew Sooyoung longer than Kyuhyun did. They were inseparable, even in their Academy days. The thought of something happening to Kyuhyun was too cruel for him to even imagine. And he knew that if it was cruel for him already, it would be devastating for the brunette.
“We broke up.” She simply said, her eyes meeting his, her tone crisp and clear.
Changmin’s eyes widen in pure surprise. “What?” He blurted out, almost sure that his ears were deceiving him. When he realized it wasn’t a joke, Changmin rose from his seat and went to Sooyoung’s side, an attempt to console her. No wonder she looks half dead, Changmin frowned.
“Don’t worry, there are always other men in the world, you don’t have to be so disheartened because of him…” Changmin swore the first thing he is going to do after making sure his friend was alright is to march up to Kyuhyun and demand an explanation. What was Kyuhyun even thinking, breaking off like that? Didn’t he know how important he is to Sooyoung?
“I am not disheartened because of him.” Sooyoung blanched, and Changmin stopped cursing Kyuhyun in his mind. “What do you mean?”
Sooyoung tuned into her lapse of silence again, and Changmin could only but wait patiently for her response. Her response eventually came after a while, but not as how Changmin thought it would. “I am disheartened,” Sooyoung rubbed her temples in distress. “Because of you, Changmin.”
It took him about seven seconds to fully register what Sooyoung had just said, and he lets go her hand in process. “What?” But Sooyoung did not reply. She was instead, looking at him intensely, as if still trying to grasped reality that he was alright, that he was alive and safe, that he was right here with her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you didn’t think you would ever see me again.”
Changmin shifted his feet uncomfortably. He understood Sooyoung’s intention and care for him as his friend, but he couldn’t have her staring at him like this. It was too painful to bear. “Stop looking at me like that, Sooyoung, it’s uncom-“
But then, Sooyoung slapped his cheek hardly, tears now welling. “You don’t get it do you?” She snapped, and Changmin could all but stare at her in shocked. “Until forty-eight hours ago, I didn’t.”
“The day we received information saying you died,” Pain streaked across Sooyoung’s already paled face just as Changmin held his breath. “My world stopped spinning. I was so broken, Changmin, so so broken in that week you did not inform Headquarters that you were still alive.”
Sooyoung paused to calm herself down, her eyes now fixated at the plate of untouched food in front of her. Changmin listened attentively and said nothing to interrupt her.
“Kyuhyun questioned me. He knew that I was sad because you were my best friend and you were dead.” There was a bitter smile on Sooyoung’s face as she forced herself to continue. “But he didn’t know why my tears never stop flowing. He didn’t know why I refused to eat anything, why I was curled up in bed in motionless. And I didn’t know as well, exactly why I was acting that way.”
Changmin’s heart skipped a beat. He felt guilty for putting his best friend through such pain, and he definitely did not know how much he had meant to her. What would have happened to Sooyoung if he never made it? If God decided it was time for him to leave the world?
“I ended things off with him soon after that.” Sooyoung said calmly. “He was getting too paranoid and annoying, and I eventually couldn’t stand his tantrums anymore. I was grieving. I was upset. I needed support to relieve my headache, not to grow them out. How was I to grief when I have someone questioning me about my grieving? How was I to function properly when the one person I thought I loved did not know me as much as I thought he knew me?”
Changmin didn’t even know that he was still holding his breath. He was perspiring, but he didn’t know why. His heart was pounding against his chest, drumming against his ears but he didn’t know why.
“The week I thought you were dead, my heart broke in ways I never thought it would break.” Her eyes met with that of his finally. “That was when I was clear that Kyuhyun’s death would hurt me,”
“But yours, would destroy me.”
“Let me get this straight.” Yunho placed his glass of alcohol on the bar and looked quizzically at his friend. “Sooyoung indirectly confessed that she loves you, and you ran away?”
Exactly thirty-minutes after hearing the confession from his best friend, Changmin had escaped from any possible awkwardness by saying he needed to meet up with Yunho, and that he would be back soon. He went to the nearest place he could find comfort in; the bar, and he wished he hadn’t told a lie, for Yunho walked into the bar a few minutes after and Changmin knew he was left with no choice but to tell him what has happened.
“I did not run away. I just…I told her I needed to get fresh air.”
“I don’t quite see drinking in a bar full with people smoking and chattering away is ‘fresh air’.”
Yunho had a point. But then again, Changmin didn’t come here to get fresh air in the first place. He came here because he needed the alcohol coursing through his veins, to keep him awake and sane. It was a gamble worth taking.
“You don’t understand, Yunho. I’ve…I’ve grown used to it, alright?” Changmin sighed and drank his alcohol down in one gulp. “I’m used to being rejected by her. I’m used to having my feelings unreciprocated. My feelings are already numbed by all the times she told me she only treated me as a friend,” Changmin spat out that word in disgust. “And then suddenly, just out of the blue, she tells me she loves me? I mean, what? Why?”
Yunho stared at the male beside him, understanding his problem but at the same time wishing he would man up to face it instead of succumbing to alcohol. “But you still love her, right?”
Pause. “Yes, of course I do. I have always.” Changmin admitted. “But…aren’t things good the way they are now? We’re best friends, we’re comfortable in the presence of each other and we care deeply for each other. What are the risks of jeopardizing such a relationship if we don’t work out in the future?”
“But if things work out, Changmin, then you would be able to live in the dream you’ve been dreaming of since you were eighteen.”
Yunho took the emptied glass of alcohol from Changmin and placed it firmly on the bar.
“Don’t you want that?”
Changmin nearly trips as he rushed home, only stopping not to catch his breath but to unlock the door to his home. He prayed that she would still be there, still waiting for him, just as how he had been waiting all these while. His eyes searched wildly in his living room, and then the dining room, and then the kitchen, and then the bathroom. He tightened his fists and stared at the closed door leading to his bedroom, knowing that that was the only place left for her to be if she stayed. Changmin dashed across the hallway and swung his bedroom door opened, half expecting the room to be empty.
A sigh of relief escaped his lips when he saw her perched on his bed, flipping through what looks like a photo album. She didn’t even glance up when he entered, and Changmin feared that he might have been too late, that Sooyoung had changed her mind upon seeing the way he had reacted. He calmed himself down, and padded his way across the carpeted floor and towards the brunette. When he was near enough, he pulled her into his embrace tightly, grateful that she had waited, grateful that she had stayed. “I’m sorry I went away like that.”
“It’s okay,” She responded, “You had to meet Yunho, it’s understandable.”
It was a lie, Changmin thought. No way was Sooyoung that dumb to actually believe his excuse and threw aside the alcohol and cigarette smell from his body. They pulled apart, but Changmin’s hands remained on her shoulders. They exchanged a few glances silently before Sooyoung took his hand into hers. “Do they hurt?”
For a moment, Changmin was confused. But then he realized she was talking about the wounds on his arms; the ones which were healing but would leave scars behind. “Not so much anymore.” He replied as he watched how she examined his wounds carefully and ever so tenderly. “Sooyoung?”
“Hmm?” She looked up and met his gaze. Basking in the silence and in her chocolate orbs, Changmin nearly forgot what he wanted to say, but the gentle nudge on his ribs reminded him of why he was here in the first place. “What’s wrong?”
“About earlier, what you said…” Changmin tried to calm his palpitating heart, but to no avail. “Do you mean it?”
“My mind would tell you that I don’t know,” Sooyoung whispered, “But my heart would tell you likewise. I did not know how much I loved you until that day I thought you’ve left me for good.”
Changmin smiled at that response, the butterflies in his stomach finally fluttering away in peace. He gathered her in his arms again, never once imagined that this day would come. “Promise me you will not pull such act again, to disappear for days and letting me think that you were dead.” Sooyoung sighed against his shoulder, her arms around his torso lightly. “It was cruel for me, and if we are what we are going to be after today, it would kill me.”
“I’ll never leave you,” Changmin said without hesitating, “I promise.”
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