goodbye...
i used to be so full of words
but they were all whiny.
they still are.
that's why i've stopped updating everything and 6,000 times a day.
it's all just whining.
that's what this will turn into.
i deleted a few blogs today.
i am still fighting the urge to delete the rest.
there is very little he doesn't see and it's become nearly impossible to say anything knowing that he'll see it.
can i go on like this?
everything hurts these days.
he wants to blame it all on pills and hormones but i don't think that's it.
maybe i'm wrong. i want to be. i want to be fixed. i want to know how i've ended up broken.
always with the broken.
and i keep thinking about how glad i am that they're all gone. that none of them have to see me like this.
i want to blame them for my ending up like this but that's silly and unrealistic.
i can't blame anyone but myself.
i don't blame anyone but myself.
still-it sucks to just be left here.
forgotten but not gone.
with nothing sharp enough to fix this.
and if any of this mattered it'd all be different.
i will make things different.
the ones i can.
maybe everything else will go on as it does now.
will i be able to go on like that?
"occasionally i feel like i'm shouting down a very long tunnel, and i'm never quite positive there's someone at the other end. i can only tell when the light is blocked for brief flutters."
i am in the process of cleaning this out.
i'll probably keep this journal for a while just to keep up with some people-but chances are i'll be checking even less often than i do now and i won't be updating it at all.
i just deleted all of my other ljs. now i have so few blogs i think i can count them on one hand.
crazy.
anyway-i just wanted to let people know.
leave me a note here if you want to talk to me more often-or just email me.
i have a new primary blog.
time to move. in some direction.
but they were all whiny.
they still are.
that's why i've stopped updating everything and 6,000 times a day.
it's all just whining.
that's what this will turn into.
i deleted a few blogs today.
i am still fighting the urge to delete the rest.
there is very little he doesn't see and it's become nearly impossible to say anything knowing that he'll see it.
can i go on like this?
everything hurts these days.
he wants to blame it all on pills and hormones but i don't think that's it.
maybe i'm wrong. i want to be. i want to be fixed. i want to know how i've ended up broken.
always with the broken.
and i keep thinking about how glad i am that they're all gone. that none of them have to see me like this.
i want to blame them for my ending up like this but that's silly and unrealistic.
i can't blame anyone but myself.
i don't blame anyone but myself.
still-it sucks to just be left here.
forgotten but not gone.
with nothing sharp enough to fix this.
and if any of this mattered it'd all be different.
i will make things different.
the ones i can.
maybe everything else will go on as it does now.
will i be able to go on like that?
"occasionally i feel like i'm shouting down a very long tunnel, and i'm never quite positive there's someone at the other end. i can only tell when the light is blocked for brief flutters."
i am in the process of cleaning this out.
i'll probably keep this journal for a while just to keep up with some people-but chances are i'll be checking even less often than i do now and i won't be updating it at all.
i just deleted all of my other ljs. now i have so few blogs i think i can count them on one hand.
crazy.
anyway-i just wanted to let people know.
leave me a note here if you want to talk to me more often-or just email me.
i have a new primary blog.
time to move. in some direction.