(no subject)
Linus is hiding in the closet, again. Virginia came home from work because she forgot something and ran in and scared us both.. It was funny... but poor Linus first ran out of the room and then skidded back in to get into his favorite hiding place (my closet). Poor kitty. Its kinda funny to watch him run on the hardwood floors, though. I pulled him out once to reassure him, but he is back in there.
My weekend needs some excitement. Currently I'm in bed with my laptop. Newspaper and coffee next to me. America's Most Smartest Model on TV. Ahhh. I'm pathetic (but rather comfortable.)
I'm getting my eyes examined later today. Finally forking over the money for a contact lens exam, which always costs me more than most people because i need toric lenses due to astigmatism (spelling?).. I want to splurge for some new eyeglasses. But contacts are desperate. I'm on my last one for my right eye and i'm afraid it is going to disintegrate soon. And i see way better in contacts than eyeglasses. Maybe I should look into corrective laser surgery. But i'm not sure i would qualify due to the astigmatism and previous eye surgery (i had surgery at age 9.. lazy eye maybe?)
Im working really hard to take better care of my body. I gave up tanning a few months ago, which was hard. I finally guilted myself into it because of the skin cancer risk and money. But i do miss the relaxation and darker skin. I hate being so pale, but I challenge myself to view it as self-acceptance and not always working to make myself something I'm not. I also am trying like hell to stop picking at my lips. This is a habit I've had since I was 8 and i probably due it for a million reasons. But it makes my lips ugly and it is unprofessional and self-destructive. So for today, i'm working on it.
Ah one of the girls on smartest model looks like a barbie doll. bones jutting, fake boobs. a reminder that too thin is not pretty. there is no way that skinny ass girl has DD boobs. ew. this show also reminds me why i'm a lesbian and what I like about women. Natural beauty. I like curves. i like the gentle imperfections of individuals. i'm not turned off by how age and experience impacts a woman's body. if anything, it turns me on more. it makes someone more real to have gray hairs or a scar or pudge. It makes me like myself better. That i may not look great naked, but that's ok. i would like to lose weight and am working on it, but my expectations are more realistic to my body. I will never be a size zero. Even if i have an active eating disorder, my body is not meant to be that small. Small for me would be XXX pounds. And i am not giving up any more of my life to self-torture. A woman will love me for me, not for what i should/could be. Not for just my body. I look back at those women i've been with and realize that they were all different bodies/sizes. and the women i lust, it is usually because of their Self, not their body. It is their personality, their laugh, their mind. And the same must be true for me. i don't want to be with a woman who demands a certain image of me. Rant over.
I should scrub myself up and get ready to go. Maybe I'll invite people over tonight for a queer as folk or L Word night. Weeds? I love weeds but i haven't seen season three. maybe i can dowload it. hm i love my new macbook!
My weekend needs some excitement. Currently I'm in bed with my laptop. Newspaper and coffee next to me. America's Most Smartest Model on TV. Ahhh. I'm pathetic (but rather comfortable.)
I'm getting my eyes examined later today. Finally forking over the money for a contact lens exam, which always costs me more than most people because i need toric lenses due to astigmatism (spelling?).. I want to splurge for some new eyeglasses. But contacts are desperate. I'm on my last one for my right eye and i'm afraid it is going to disintegrate soon. And i see way better in contacts than eyeglasses. Maybe I should look into corrective laser surgery. But i'm not sure i would qualify due to the astigmatism and previous eye surgery (i had surgery at age 9.. lazy eye maybe?)
Im working really hard to take better care of my body. I gave up tanning a few months ago, which was hard. I finally guilted myself into it because of the skin cancer risk and money. But i do miss the relaxation and darker skin. I hate being so pale, but I challenge myself to view it as self-acceptance and not always working to make myself something I'm not. I also am trying like hell to stop picking at my lips. This is a habit I've had since I was 8 and i probably due it for a million reasons. But it makes my lips ugly and it is unprofessional and self-destructive. So for today, i'm working on it.
Ah one of the girls on smartest model looks like a barbie doll. bones jutting, fake boobs. a reminder that too thin is not pretty. there is no way that skinny ass girl has DD boobs. ew. this show also reminds me why i'm a lesbian and what I like about women. Natural beauty. I like curves. i like the gentle imperfections of individuals. i'm not turned off by how age and experience impacts a woman's body. if anything, it turns me on more. it makes someone more real to have gray hairs or a scar or pudge. It makes me like myself better. That i may not look great naked, but that's ok. i would like to lose weight and am working on it, but my expectations are more realistic to my body. I will never be a size zero. Even if i have an active eating disorder, my body is not meant to be that small. Small for me would be XXX pounds. And i am not giving up any more of my life to self-torture. A woman will love me for me, not for what i should/could be. Not for just my body. I look back at those women i've been with and realize that they were all different bodies/sizes. and the women i lust, it is usually because of their Self, not their body. It is their personality, their laugh, their mind. And the same must be true for me. i don't want to be with a woman who demands a certain image of me. Rant over.
I should scrub myself up and get ready to go. Maybe I'll invite people over tonight for a queer as folk or L Word night. Weeds? I love weeds but i haven't seen season three. maybe i can dowload it. hm i love my new macbook!