(no subject)
This evening Oonagh, Eilidh and I attempted to go to the cinema.
"SOLD OUT" proclaimed the cinema timetable (I do not know this for sure - Oonagh and Eilidh told me this, but they may have been lying).
"NO PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN HERE!" agreed the Grovener.
"Where shall we go?" wondered us three bewildered children.
Ten minutes later we found ourselves sitting ackwardly around a patterned table in a spanish restaurant (HA - you thought I was going to say pub!) and staring at a menu full of tapas. Despite the fact that all three of us were not particularly hungry, we nevertheless felt an instinctive desire to eat. Bowls of meat and vegetables were ordered, and Oonagh declared that the waiter was "an arrogant man who knew he was good looking, had three sisters called Clara, Lesley and Rachel, one dog called Woofie and a house in the country". How very prejudical of her.
However, the restaurant did make us all feel a bit uncomfortable; namely due to the fact that Eilidh and I could still recall the time - not too long ago - when her and I, in a drunken frenzy after one too many pints in the pub, had burst through the doors of this sophisticated restaurant of nice ladies and gentlemen and demanded to use their toilet. After the terrified waiters had pointed one trembling finger in the direction of the toilets, we then staggered downwards through a spiral staircase, cackling all the way until, finally relieved, we noisily made our way through the restaurant again and out into the street, knocking over people's bags and grinning sleazily at all the poor diners in the process.
So we hoped that they didn't remember us.
Anyway, after our meal we found ourselves somewhat hyped up on all the food we had just consumed, and decided to go for a - as Oonagh put it - "midnight stroll" ie walk around until Oonagh and Eilidh had finished smoking then get the train home to watch a movie or something,
HOWEVER, as we trotted along Argylle street, a very strange thing happened to us. Two smiling men approached us and announced in a foreign accent "LADIES - where ees a good pub around eere?"
My heart jumped - these men were foreign! If there's nothing I love better, then it's a man with a Russian style accent.
After a few minutes conversation, it was revealed that our speakers were Polish. I noted one of their cute smiles.
"Tell me laaadies," they said sweetly. "Would you liiike to come for a dreeeenk with ussss?"
"Oh NO!" we dutifully answered.
Five minutes later, Oonagh, Eilidh and I were sitted at a table in the pub with the two Polish strangers, who kindly bought us a drink.
"If we get spiked," I whispered to Eilidh, "we can call the police!"
"Yes," she agreed desperately, watching Oonagh and the two men up at the bar ordering drinks. This took an extraordinarily long time, on account of the barman's inability to understand their Polish accents.
It was soon evident that the Poles were extremely drunk, and an interesting conversation followed, consisting of them slurring "teeeen pounds! Tweeenty poounds! I looooove the Queen - she is so preeeetty! THEY'RE NOT ENGLISH! I love Capitol! A - b - c - d - e - f -g - a pause for giggles - YOU ARR SO BOREENG!" The last comment was one Pole to the other - what an exasperated character!
"Well, we'd best be off!" said us girls, quickly downing our drinks and standing up. One Pole instantly scuttled off outside, whilst the other stomped over to the bar. "Nice to meet you!"
We scurried outside to find the street empty. "Where did that other Pole go?" we wondered out-loud. We ventured forward into the street and looked round the corner.
"HELLOOOOO!" greeted the Pole cheerily in his hilarious accent, and he carried on peeing into the dustbins.
And I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in all my life.
"SOLD OUT" proclaimed the cinema timetable (I do not know this for sure - Oonagh and Eilidh told me this, but they may have been lying).
"NO PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN HERE!" agreed the Grovener.
"Where shall we go?" wondered us three bewildered children.
Ten minutes later we found ourselves sitting ackwardly around a patterned table in a spanish restaurant (HA - you thought I was going to say pub!) and staring at a menu full of tapas. Despite the fact that all three of us were not particularly hungry, we nevertheless felt an instinctive desire to eat. Bowls of meat and vegetables were ordered, and Oonagh declared that the waiter was "an arrogant man who knew he was good looking, had three sisters called Clara, Lesley and Rachel, one dog called Woofie and a house in the country". How very prejudical of her.
However, the restaurant did make us all feel a bit uncomfortable; namely due to the fact that Eilidh and I could still recall the time - not too long ago - when her and I, in a drunken frenzy after one too many pints in the pub, had burst through the doors of this sophisticated restaurant of nice ladies and gentlemen and demanded to use their toilet. After the terrified waiters had pointed one trembling finger in the direction of the toilets, we then staggered downwards through a spiral staircase, cackling all the way until, finally relieved, we noisily made our way through the restaurant again and out into the street, knocking over people's bags and grinning sleazily at all the poor diners in the process.
So we hoped that they didn't remember us.
Anyway, after our meal we found ourselves somewhat hyped up on all the food we had just consumed, and decided to go for a - as Oonagh put it - "midnight stroll" ie walk around until Oonagh and Eilidh had finished smoking then get the train home to watch a movie or something,
HOWEVER, as we trotted along Argylle street, a very strange thing happened to us. Two smiling men approached us and announced in a foreign accent "LADIES - where ees a good pub around eere?"
My heart jumped - these men were foreign! If there's nothing I love better, then it's a man with a Russian style accent.
After a few minutes conversation, it was revealed that our speakers were Polish. I noted one of their cute smiles.
"Tell me laaadies," they said sweetly. "Would you liiike to come for a dreeeenk with ussss?"
"Oh NO!" we dutifully answered.
Five minutes later, Oonagh, Eilidh and I were sitted at a table in the pub with the two Polish strangers, who kindly bought us a drink.
"If we get spiked," I whispered to Eilidh, "we can call the police!"
"Yes," she agreed desperately, watching Oonagh and the two men up at the bar ordering drinks. This took an extraordinarily long time, on account of the barman's inability to understand their Polish accents.
It was soon evident that the Poles were extremely drunk, and an interesting conversation followed, consisting of them slurring "teeeen pounds! Tweeenty poounds! I looooove the Queen - she is so preeeetty! THEY'RE NOT ENGLISH! I love Capitol! A - b - c - d - e - f -g - a pause for giggles - YOU ARR SO BOREENG!" The last comment was one Pole to the other - what an exasperated character!
"Well, we'd best be off!" said us girls, quickly downing our drinks and standing up. One Pole instantly scuttled off outside, whilst the other stomped over to the bar. "Nice to meet you!"
We scurried outside to find the street empty. "Where did that other Pole go?" we wondered out-loud. We ventured forward into the street and looked round the corner.
"HELLOOOOO!" greeted the Pole cheerily in his hilarious accent, and he carried on peeing into the dustbins.
And I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in all my life.