Everything has its place...
So a lot has been happening lately!! I have been dealing with a lot of emotional stress...I hate this time of year!! Its coming up on the anniversary of my grandmas death...I hate thinking about it and reminding myself that shes gone!! Ive pretty much made myself distant from most people this past week...but the few people who I needed to help me get through this...have made themselves distant from me!! Its made this whole thing even harder to deal with! I really miss her! I cant believe its been almost 4 years already! Ill never forget how I found out or what I did that night!! Jeff and Manny got me completly wasted!! At the time I thought getting drunk would help me get through it...but I have gotten drunk every year and I have never dealt with it! With the exception of the holidays...I dont even allow myself to know that shes gone! I went through her purse today! It has been sitting in my closet for almost 4 years now and I have never even looked in it!! It was creepy...everything had its place, and even though shes not here and shes never gonna go in it again...I put everything back exactly where I found it! Even the candy that she always kept in it!! I dunno its been a long day...and I really need to stop myself from thinking about everything...but I cant help it! I miss her!!