[I'll scream my love as arrows fill the skies]
Very soon I'm going to do an OU picspam, I think. We have a gorgeous campus here, some nifty quirky things laying about, funny college-student things. I've been slowly accumulating pix on my cellphone camera. Now that I walk everywhere (DAMN FORTUNA AND YOUR PROPENSITY FOR BLOWING BICYCLE TIRES FIVE MINUTES BEFORE FIRST CLASS), I have more time to find some fun alternate routes. -__-
So my mother has asked me why I'm not looking for marriage prospects. Well, she was joking. ...Kind of. Not really.
I think my mother has drawn some... interesting conclusions about my dating life. I think she believes that I am a highly confused individual who is terrified of commitment and still pining for a relationship past. And I discovered over the course of this conversation with her that I'm about as good at arguing with my mother as I ever was. Namely, not at all. Urgh. It's been stressing me out for the past few days, actually, because my mother is a force of nature. Her arguments are insanely difficult for me to refute. By the end of fifteen minutes, I was contemplating calling Jonesy and crying "NO! NO! IT'S ALL A LIE! LET'S DATE AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER LATER! OF COURSE THAT'S HOW THE WORLD WORKS! I WILL SPEND FOUR YEARS THINKING OF REASONS NOT TO DATE YOU IF WE DON'T START GOING OUT RIGHT NOW! LET US TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE YEARS WHEN WE ARE YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL!"
Maybe it's not that her arguments are so difficult to refute. Maybe it's that I am still desperate to please her. I will never stop being grateful to her for accepting as unconditionally as she has the one thing I ever did that made her unhappy. Disappointing her is like... like blasphemy. I would make intense sacrifices so that my mother will not worry about who I will become and who I am. I have in the past. I considered revising my dating philosophy so she wouldn't worry; so I could show her a nice boy I liked just fine, and she would know that I was Moving On and Growing Up and Enjoying My Youthful Years. And y'know, I thought, maybe it would work out fine! Maybe Nice Boy and I would end up attached, and we'd have an awesome time together and date for awhile, and I would realize that it was just cowardice the whole time and I should have done this long ago.
But I don't want to date.
I gave her my list of reasons - Unless he/she wants to conduct a relationship in a practice room, they will have to deal with never seeing me. I spend between fifteen and twenty hours of the week just in the practice room, not counting my 16+ credits of class and all the work I do for them. I have an active, thriving social life and I love it. I don't want to interfere with my growing friendships by focusing entirely on one person. I would prefer to settle in first, seeing as I just moved 1,200 miles. And I don't want inevitable relationship drama right now.
"Excuses," she said. "There will always be a reason not to go through with it. You will spend the rest of your life finding a reason not to be with someone if you don't take a risk now."
She's right, honestly. There's always a reason not to do something good for you. (It works like that with dieting, too.) So here's my compromise, Mom: When taking that risk becomes worth it, I will date. When I find someone who makes me happy enough that I am willing to give them the last remaining slivers of my time, when I find someone I like enough that I don't mind the uncertainty of the future, when I am willing to weather drama for one person-- then I will date.
So my mother has asked me why I'm not looking for marriage prospects. Well, she was joking. ...Kind of. Not really.
I think my mother has drawn some... interesting conclusions about my dating life. I think she believes that I am a highly confused individual who is terrified of commitment and still pining for a relationship past. And I discovered over the course of this conversation with her that I'm about as good at arguing with my mother as I ever was. Namely, not at all. Urgh. It's been stressing me out for the past few days, actually, because my mother is a force of nature. Her arguments are insanely difficult for me to refute. By the end of fifteen minutes, I was contemplating calling Jonesy and crying "NO! NO! IT'S ALL A LIE! LET'S DATE AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER LATER! OF COURSE THAT'S HOW THE WORLD WORKS! I WILL SPEND FOUR YEARS THINKING OF REASONS NOT TO DATE YOU IF WE DON'T START GOING OUT RIGHT NOW! LET US TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE YEARS WHEN WE ARE YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL!"
Maybe it's not that her arguments are so difficult to refute. Maybe it's that I am still desperate to please her. I will never stop being grateful to her for accepting as unconditionally as she has the one thing I ever did that made her unhappy. Disappointing her is like... like blasphemy. I would make intense sacrifices so that my mother will not worry about who I will become and who I am. I have in the past. I considered revising my dating philosophy so she wouldn't worry; so I could show her a nice boy I liked just fine, and she would know that I was Moving On and Growing Up and Enjoying My Youthful Years. And y'know, I thought, maybe it would work out fine! Maybe Nice Boy and I would end up attached, and we'd have an awesome time together and date for awhile, and I would realize that it was just cowardice the whole time and I should have done this long ago.
But I don't want to date.
I gave her my list of reasons - Unless he/she wants to conduct a relationship in a practice room, they will have to deal with never seeing me. I spend between fifteen and twenty hours of the week just in the practice room, not counting my 16+ credits of class and all the work I do for them. I have an active, thriving social life and I love it. I don't want to interfere with my growing friendships by focusing entirely on one person. I would prefer to settle in first, seeing as I just moved 1,200 miles. And I don't want inevitable relationship drama right now.
"Excuses," she said. "There will always be a reason not to go through with it. You will spend the rest of your life finding a reason not to be with someone if you don't take a risk now."
She's right, honestly. There's always a reason not to do something good for you. (It works like that with dieting, too.) So here's my compromise, Mom: When taking that risk becomes worth it, I will date. When I find someone who makes me happy enough that I am willing to give them the last remaining slivers of my time, when I find someone I like enough that I don't mind the uncertainty of the future, when I am willing to weather drama for one person-- then I will date.