What if I said what I was thinking? What if that says too much...
So Paul called me on Monday and we met for a few beers before he came over to watch a movie. We talked a bit about Thursday (though at first he said he didn't wanna talk about it, but I wanted to explain to him why I went out with my coursemates) and he said he wasn't mad at me and never really had been - he was just grumpy and wanted to go home so that's why he was such an ass; he totally understood why I went out with them even though I told him no, but he was just drunk and not feeling too well. And on top of that, lol, he ended up having an earache/ear infection so he was in agony all weekend AND left his bank card in the office so he was unable to pay his phone bill...that's why he didn't call or anything. We had a good time Monday, though he fell asleep within the first half hour of the movie, lol - which he picked! - and snored all night so I had a hard time sleeping. :-) Nothing too new there, though. haha It was just so nice to see him cuz I had felt so weird all weekend not seeing him. And I can't see him at all this weekend (I think) cuz he had night shoots last night and tonight and will be in London tomorrow and Saturday. Plus, I need to work on my paper so I shouldn't be doing anything, anyway. Stupid paper! :-) But I'm sure I'll go out next week with him at one point, cuz there's no way I'll be able to stay in just to do the stupid paper (though that should be the most compelling reason to do so).
Then I had a date with Glynn (the guys I met Friday night) on Tuesday (I'm such a playa, lol). He's really nice. Sooo nice, in fact, that it makes me totally uncomfortable. And it makes me feel completely guilty cuz I didn't 100% tell him about Paul (and let's not even talk about how I feel guilty keeping it from Paul himself). I told him that Paul and Kev were guys that Anna and I "go out with" and that I wasn't sure if I could see him right after I turned in my paper next Thursday (I can't go out till then cuz I have so much to do) cuz I would probably be doing something with Paul. And when he called Paul my "other boyfriend" I didn't deny it. But, yeah, I didn't come out and tell him the whole story so I feel bad about it. Plus, it's kinda like how it was with Dimitrios - I'm realizing that I'm just not interested because of how I feel about Paul. I'm gonna have to tell him now, next time I talk to him, and I'm so bad at that. It'd be so nice to have him as a friend, but he probably won't want to be. He was just so nice (and so the anti-Paul, lol) that he was talking about taking me to places outside of Liverpool cuz I haven't travelled much since I've been here. I mean, he said he wanted me to go to a wedding IN SCOTLAND with him for our second date, but didn't want to freak me out by meeting his mom too soon. LOL, I told him that it was a good idea not to go through with the invite then...;-) But, yeah, he's just nice and so willing to do things (and he has the money to do things) that Paul won't/can't do that it'd be nice to be friends. Eh, we'll just have to see.
Haha, and he totally made me realize just how much of a commitment-phobe I am because I was sooooo uncomfortable with him being so nice and clearly wanting something more than just a "whatever" or "friends" thing. I don't know how to explain it, but you just know whether the guy is a "relationship" guy or a "no-commitment" guy. And he's so a "relationship" guy that I was totally uncomfortable every time it became too obvious. I told Kristen all that and that Paul and I are so perfect together right now cuz if he wasn't such a commitment-phobe, too, we'd never have lasted so long. I know I've probably said that before, but Glynn just really made me realize it even more, lol.
I'm so weird...
But in non-guy-news...
Supposedly we have to be out of our flat by Sep 15th - 2 weeks before our dissertation is due, 2 weeks before I was told I'd have to be out, and 2 1/2 weeks before my flight back home. Paul has said that I can stay with him after I move out, but that was when I thought it'd just be a weekend. I doubt he'll want me there for 2 1/2 weeks! This is so crazy - this school has just pissed me off nonstop with its administration issues since I got here, but this is just too much. They're kicking international students out of the accommodations they claimed they'd provide till the end of the program - without offering any help in moving OR finding someplace to live. WTF????
I don't know what I'm going to do and this just pisses me off and stresses me out - like I needed this to deal with while I'm supposed to be doing my dissertation, right? I've gotten absolutely nothing done as it is and now this is going to be on my mind. It's just bullshit. I love it over here, I'm so glad I came and I wish I could stay, but I hate this school. Everything else kicks so much ass, but the school and all their red-tape bullshit is so ridiculous it's putting a black taint over everything. Fucking bureaucratic bullshit!
P.S. I find it so hilarious that I went so long without updating, while all my friends were still using lj, and now that I've started writing in here again no one else ever does. :-)
Then I had a date with Glynn (the guys I met Friday night) on Tuesday (I'm such a playa, lol). He's really nice. Sooo nice, in fact, that it makes me totally uncomfortable. And it makes me feel completely guilty cuz I didn't 100% tell him about Paul (and let's not even talk about how I feel guilty keeping it from Paul himself). I told him that Paul and Kev were guys that Anna and I "go out with" and that I wasn't sure if I could see him right after I turned in my paper next Thursday (I can't go out till then cuz I have so much to do) cuz I would probably be doing something with Paul. And when he called Paul my "other boyfriend" I didn't deny it. But, yeah, I didn't come out and tell him the whole story so I feel bad about it. Plus, it's kinda like how it was with Dimitrios - I'm realizing that I'm just not interested because of how I feel about Paul. I'm gonna have to tell him now, next time I talk to him, and I'm so bad at that. It'd be so nice to have him as a friend, but he probably won't want to be. He was just so nice (and so the anti-Paul, lol) that he was talking about taking me to places outside of Liverpool cuz I haven't travelled much since I've been here. I mean, he said he wanted me to go to a wedding IN SCOTLAND with him for our second date, but didn't want to freak me out by meeting his mom too soon. LOL, I told him that it was a good idea not to go through with the invite then...;-) But, yeah, he's just nice and so willing to do things (and he has the money to do things) that Paul won't/can't do that it'd be nice to be friends. Eh, we'll just have to see.
Haha, and he totally made me realize just how much of a commitment-phobe I am because I was sooooo uncomfortable with him being so nice and clearly wanting something more than just a "whatever" or "friends" thing. I don't know how to explain it, but you just know whether the guy is a "relationship" guy or a "no-commitment" guy. And he's so a "relationship" guy that I was totally uncomfortable every time it became too obvious. I told Kristen all that and that Paul and I are so perfect together right now cuz if he wasn't such a commitment-phobe, too, we'd never have lasted so long. I know I've probably said that before, but Glynn just really made me realize it even more, lol.
I'm so weird...
But in non-guy-news...
Supposedly we have to be out of our flat by Sep 15th - 2 weeks before our dissertation is due, 2 weeks before I was told I'd have to be out, and 2 1/2 weeks before my flight back home. Paul has said that I can stay with him after I move out, but that was when I thought it'd just be a weekend. I doubt he'll want me there for 2 1/2 weeks! This is so crazy - this school has just pissed me off nonstop with its administration issues since I got here, but this is just too much. They're kicking international students out of the accommodations they claimed they'd provide till the end of the program - without offering any help in moving OR finding someplace to live. WTF????
I don't know what I'm going to do and this just pisses me off and stresses me out - like I needed this to deal with while I'm supposed to be doing my dissertation, right? I've gotten absolutely nothing done as it is and now this is going to be on my mind. It's just bullshit. I love it over here, I'm so glad I came and I wish I could stay, but I hate this school. Everything else kicks so much ass, but the school and all their red-tape bullshit is so ridiculous it's putting a black taint over everything. Fucking bureaucratic bullshit!
P.S. I find it so hilarious that I went so long without updating, while all my friends were still using lj, and now that I've started writing in here again no one else ever does. :-)