Cabin sadness

[soolin]

Soolin is sitting in her cabin, drinking herbal tea brewed from the garden's plants. She lies on the bed and tries to concentrate on a booktape, but lets it lie over her belly instead. She sips her drink and sighs, annoyed.

Comments

[roj_blake]

*knocks on the door* Soolin, can I come in?

[soolin]

[She goes to the door and unlocks it.]

Or course you can. I've been expecting you.

[makes a "help yourself"-gesture towards the teapot and cups.]

She sits on the bunk, shoulders hunched, sipping tea that's gone cold.

[roj_blake]

[Blake ignores the tea and sits next to her.] Will you tell me?

[soolin]

[laughs bitterly] Where would you want me to start?

[roj_blake]

Try the beginning.

[soolin]

You really know how to make things abstract, don't you?

I'll begin from today.

Reciprocation. Loneliness. The lack of love, and the love of others.

[She gazes into her cup as if trying to read tea leaves, she's just so damn *tired*... and *really* doesn't want to say anything out loud. She's too fragile for that, and has said too much already.]

[roj_blake]

Now who's being abstract. [pauses] You're not alone...or unloved. You do know that, don't you?

[soolin]

No, Blake. I don't know you well enough. I... [looks at the ceiling, thinks] I love Avon in a... I don't know what sort of sense.

Blake, Avon could *feel* me. My thoughts. He came to comfort me in my cabin, he held me and showed me what love was. It was... comforting, and reassuring.

[roj_blake]

*frowns* Are you saying that the two of you... [He looks at the bed.]

[soolin]

Blake--he held me. He embraced me, held me in his arms. My pain hurt him too much, and he comforted me. He showed me what love was, but we did not... make love. Neither of us wanted to hurt you.

It's... I wonder if it would be possible...

[thinks it's best to shut up right now, but fuck it, she hurts. From the loneliness, from the lack of touch.]

[roj_blake]

I-- that would be Avon's decision and yours. [swallows hard] Not mine.

[soolin]

[She doesn't say anything, but goes to get another cup of tea. She sits beside Blake again.]

Why wouldn't it be yours?

Answer me first, and then I will tell you, in the frankest of terms, of what I was referring to. Remember you may have jumped to conclusions.

[roj_blake]

Why would it be mine? He's a grown man, he can choose who he wants to love.

[soolin]

[Nods, smiles] You *have* misunderstood

[roj_blake]

Soolin, stop it. [He takes her hand.] Please stop hurting yourself. [pauses] Nothing is ruined, except the cup. [looks at her sadly] I'm sorry, Soolin. If Avon chooses to be with you, then that's decision. But I'm sorry. I can't.

[soolin]

[She has started to cry. Blake is picking bits of broken porcelain from her bleeding hand.]

I-I don't want you out of it Blake. I just wanted to share. It's not about me and Avon, it's about you and Avon that I want to... feel