new beginning<3
WOW i completly forgot i had this damm thing...and i honestly have been having some bad days so i thought it was about time to start writing/typing everything again..i just need to get some things out sometimes and i guess this is the only way i can..Well anyway there has been some new changes in my life..good and bad.
im a senior this year.. hell yeah i can not wait to finish school
i still need to get my senior pictures taken..
im really not sure where i want to go to school yet..because i want to go out of state..to new york or even philly or something a big city idk im soo confused on the whole college deal right now..right now i think im just going to apply to alot and which ever i get accepted to ill just pick..
i have a boyfriend now.. LEVI<3 && idk im soo confused because im really happy with him..and im falling for him really bad..like no other and it bothers me really bad because sometimes he acts like he dosnt want to be with me, and that he dosnt care and he just acts dickish to me sometimes and i just dont know what to do. because i like him alot..but im not dealing with his shit..im sorry im not going to fucking do that hell no im going to be starting my life next year and im just not going to deal with it..i have soo much ahead of me and i do not need any drama.and it bothers me alot because he really dosnt know what he wants to do with his life. he is not even going to school and i dont need a freaking drop out..i dont want to be supporting my man all my life...fuck that shit..thats not me at all and i refuse to do that.. so im not sure whats going on..our two months is comming up soon..i really need to talk to him about alot of shit..but he has been up at his brothers up in portage so it is really hard for me to talk to him so i guess when he comes back if he does ill talk to him then or something..
i miss his brother really bad..albert.. : ( he left to go to philly last thursday and it sucks because i grew on him..he was dating alisha till she fucked that all up..but anyway i was with him everyday and i talked to him about alot of shit..just last night i cryed to him on the phone because i was having a really bad day..and idk it sucks because i have like no one to talk to anymore..and for once i actually talked to my mom last night about something that was really buggin me..
Which is ok i found out that one of my best friends did crack again the other day..and it hurt me really bad because she swore on our friendship that she would never do that again..and it hurts me soo bad that she would fucking do that shit..she isnt even going to school. and she is just fucking up her life. i honestly cant wait till her sister gets her ass out because i know she will kick her ass..and i cant wait then she will realise how fucked up she is making her life. and idk im just soo worried that she is going to get really bad into it again and i cant do that. i dont want to be friends with someone on that shit. that means i cant trust her or anything. and honestly i dont even want to be friends with her anymore..after i found that out. i cant even talk to her about it i dont even want to see her im soo hurt right now i know ill freak out..
i miss my family alot..too thats another thing that has been on my mind i dont know what i want to do i want to move back there when i am done with school but i dont want to leave my friends and if me and levi are still together i dont want to leave him..but i hate it here im not happy being here..my family is soo far away and i miss them. soo much. dena is pregnent again and it sucks because im not around to even see her first baby..he dosnt even really know about me..and i know her next one wont really either unless im around and its hard to be around when i live so far away..but i really dont want to live down there because i cant live my life with my gram around..she is too stuck up my ass and i cant do that..i cant have her like that i have soo much freedom up here with my mom i dont want to have to lose that..thats why i want to go to newyork or something to go to college that way i know i can live my life. and do my thing, go to school and everything.
im really not sure what i want to do when i go to college i have no freaking clue..i just dont know..im soo confused and my life is just crazy right now..
im also going through a time where i hate the way i look..i hate it soo bad i am not happy with myself and im just going to have to make a change to that. i dont know what im going to do..but i need to do something because i cant stand to live like this anymore..im going to end up doing something bad to myself if i dont change and make myself happy..soo yeah
idk my life is soo fucked up right now..and i have no clue what to do..but ill deff. being updating because i can get some shit out..
im going to go try and do my homework even thought i didnt go to school today and i really dont think i am tomorrow either.. i have to go to the doctors anyway.butt im outt<3
im a senior this year.. hell yeah i can not wait to finish school
i still need to get my senior pictures taken..
im really not sure where i want to go to school yet..because i want to go out of state..to new york or even philly or something a big city idk im soo confused on the whole college deal right now..right now i think im just going to apply to alot and which ever i get accepted to ill just pick..
i have a boyfriend now.. LEVI<3 && idk im soo confused because im really happy with him..and im falling for him really bad..like no other and it bothers me really bad because sometimes he acts like he dosnt want to be with me, and that he dosnt care and he just acts dickish to me sometimes and i just dont know what to do. because i like him alot..but im not dealing with his shit..im sorry im not going to fucking do that hell no im going to be starting my life next year and im just not going to deal with it..i have soo much ahead of me and i do not need any drama.and it bothers me alot because he really dosnt know what he wants to do with his life. he is not even going to school and i dont need a freaking drop out..i dont want to be supporting my man all my life...fuck that shit..thats not me at all and i refuse to do that.. so im not sure whats going on..our two months is comming up soon..i really need to talk to him about alot of shit..but he has been up at his brothers up in portage so it is really hard for me to talk to him so i guess when he comes back if he does ill talk to him then or something..
i miss his brother really bad..albert.. : ( he left to go to philly last thursday and it sucks because i grew on him..he was dating alisha till she fucked that all up..but anyway i was with him everyday and i talked to him about alot of shit..just last night i cryed to him on the phone because i was having a really bad day..and idk it sucks because i have like no one to talk to anymore..and for once i actually talked to my mom last night about something that was really buggin me..
Which is ok i found out that one of my best friends did crack again the other day..and it hurt me really bad because she swore on our friendship that she would never do that again..and it hurts me soo bad that she would fucking do that shit..she isnt even going to school. and she is just fucking up her life. i honestly cant wait till her sister gets her ass out because i know she will kick her ass..and i cant wait then she will realise how fucked up she is making her life. and idk im just soo worried that she is going to get really bad into it again and i cant do that. i dont want to be friends with someone on that shit. that means i cant trust her or anything. and honestly i dont even want to be friends with her anymore..after i found that out. i cant even talk to her about it i dont even want to see her im soo hurt right now i know ill freak out..
i miss my family alot..too thats another thing that has been on my mind i dont know what i want to do i want to move back there when i am done with school but i dont want to leave my friends and if me and levi are still together i dont want to leave him..but i hate it here im not happy being here..my family is soo far away and i miss them. soo much. dena is pregnent again and it sucks because im not around to even see her first baby..he dosnt even really know about me..and i know her next one wont really either unless im around and its hard to be around when i live so far away..but i really dont want to live down there because i cant live my life with my gram around..she is too stuck up my ass and i cant do that..i cant have her like that i have soo much freedom up here with my mom i dont want to have to lose that..thats why i want to go to newyork or something to go to college that way i know i can live my life. and do my thing, go to school and everything.
im really not sure what i want to do when i go to college i have no freaking clue..i just dont know..im soo confused and my life is just crazy right now..
im also going through a time where i hate the way i look..i hate it soo bad i am not happy with myself and im just going to have to make a change to that. i dont know what im going to do..but i need to do something because i cant stand to live like this anymore..im going to end up doing something bad to myself if i dont change and make myself happy..soo yeah
idk my life is soo fucked up right now..and i have no clue what to do..but ill deff. being updating because i can get some shit out..
im going to go try and do my homework even thought i didnt go to school today and i really dont think i am tomorrow either.. i have to go to the doctors anyway.butt im outt<3