Spring
★ Title: Spring for puppyrexx ♡
★ Pairing: Kyungsoo/Kai, slight!Kyungsoo/Baekhyun
★ Rating: PG-13
★ Length: 3,565w
★ Warnings/Disclaimers: some mentions of sexual activities
★ Author’s notes/Messages for the recipient: i hope this met your expectation although unbetaed and rushed. thank you for the wonderful prompts and i hope you enjoyed this! ♥
★ Summary: Kyungsoo fell.
“Jongin!” a shout was heard through the hallways. The four boys in the living room sighed in unison.
“They’re fighting again, aren’t they?” Sehun asked, face unsurprisingly straighter than his fellow bandmates called Jongin and Kyungsoo.
Baekhyun, who was wrapped in layers of blanket and lying on the floor comfortably, sighed. Next to Baekhyun, Joonmyun, nodded. Chanyeol who previously pretended he was sleeping, suddenly spoke up, “Or fucking.”
And Chanyeol was right. Not long after, they heard a sound that eerily reminded them of dying whales and crash noises, some moans and string of curses before it went completely silent.
The four sighed again.
Kyungsoo woke up to a sore back and empty space next to him. He had a great fight with Jongin yesterday, about some small problems--he didn’t even know why it bothered the younger so much. “Jongin?” he called out, loud enough for the dorm inhabitants outside his room to hear.
No answer.
“Oh, well.” Kyungsoo shrugged and hopped out of the bed. The bed sheets were messy and dirty, soiled with unidentified liquids Kyungsoo wasn't sure want to know exactly what. He put on a shirt, wrapped a sweater to keep him warm and used a clean grey boxer he didn't know whose.
The living room was empty, the bathroom was empty, the kitchen was empty. Everywhere was pretty much empty, except for the other bedrooms excluding his. He didn’t risk to check. But Jongin was nowhere in sight, making him worried sick. Is he still upset?
It was early afternoon. Barely twelve. The dorm was unusually empty because the M members weren’t in Korea. So Kyungsoo just filled in the silence by turning on the television and made himself a hot coffee. He was sure the managers turned the heater off because it was cold, so cold. And he wanted to cuddle.
Instead of watching the shows on television, Kyungsoo watched the snowfall by the window. It was beautiful. So white and pristine and suddenly Kyungsoo didn’t mind the cold anymore. He took a sip of his coffee, appreciating the feeling of the warm, bitter liquid slid down his throat smoothly.
“Yo,” someone said, quickly followed by a yawn. Uninvited, the person sat next to Kyungsoo on the floor, which was no other than Baekhyun. “Good mooooorrrrrnniiiiing,” the elder greeted lazily with an equally lazy smile playing on his lips. Baekhyun leaned by the window frame, not quite focusing on anything.
“Sorry to say, but,” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “It’s almost twelve in the afternoon, Sir.”
Somehow this made Baekhyun sat up straight, looking more awake than he had ever been. “WHAT?”
The raise of tone directly sent jabs of pain to Kyungsoo’s eardrums. “Calm the fuck down, man.”
“I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY DO THIS TO US,” the elder flails. “WE’RE SUPPOSED TO GO OUT TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY LEAVE US WHAT KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS--”
“Wait-- what? How can I not know!?” Kyungsoo frowned, and frowned ever deeper when Baekhyun hissed back a you were too busy fucking with Jongin. “But Jongin isn’t here, either. He must be out with the others too!”
“Maybe he got lucky and woke up earlier.”
Silence consumed them quickly, only to be broken when Baekhyun huffed. “It’s cold. I hope they suffer out there.”
Kyungsoo agreed. “Yeah. Anyway,” he stood up, not tearing his vision off his bandmate, “I’m hungry. You up for a late breakfast?” He extended an arm for the other when Baekhyun nodded.
They settled with spaghetti because no Baekhyun spaghetti is always appropriate shut up. It was already two in the afternoon when they cuddled on the couch, sharing body heat because the air got even unreasonably colder than before. The TV was on, showing a broadcast of some variety show both of them didn’t really follow.
“What did you plan with the others exactly?” Kyungsoo broke the silence.
Seeing that the younger didn't sound mad or upset, Baekhyun shrugged, “Don't know. Joonmyun hyung just said we should go out since today is schedule free.”
Kyungsoo seemed to be thinking for awhile. “But... managers? There should be at least one with us right now,” he pouted. Baekhyun gagged at that, earning himself a smack on the forehead.
He answered halfheartedly while rubbing the sore spot, “There are guards outside. Maybe manager hyungs thought it's safe.”
They were quiet again. Truthfully, both of them liked this kind of calm atmosphere instead of their usual teasing and bickering. Unlike what they showed to the fans, to public, they enjoy being cuddled up like this more than physically punishing each other.
A breeze blew by which instantly brought Kyungsoo to frown. "Pretty sure all the windows are locked," he mumbled.
He was trying to stand up when Baekhyun pulled him back down, murmuring something along the line, "Let it be. Just stay here."
The temporarily peaceful dorm turned into a havoc when a certain Korean gay boy group member namely Byun Baekhyun screamed all the profanities humanity ever known at his unsuspecting other four bandmates and two managers when they got home.
"Jesus, hyung," the youngest, Sehun whined, "what possessed you calm the hell down can't you welcome us home the sweeter way we know you missed us God damn--"
"HOW DARE YOU FUCKERS LEFT KYUNGSOO AND I HOME. DID YOU KNOW WE FUCKING SUFFER FROM ENTERTAINMENT DEPRIVATION ALL THE HOURS YOU GUYS SPENT ON ENJOYING LIFE WOW--" he took a break to breathe before continuing, "I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M VERY LUCKY TO HAVE DISAPPOINTING FRIENDS LIKE YOU. And that will be the end of this heartfelt impromptu speech."
The managers sighed, Joonmyun watched all of that passively, the youngest two were out of sight--probably ran away when Baekhyun cursed the hell out of them wow very respecting--and Chanyeol judged him with crossed arms.
Kyungsoo walked into the room in confusion, directing his attention towards Baekhyun. "What-- why--" he spluttered out when everyone in the room averted their focus on him.
"So," Joonmyun started calmly, "this guy here--" he made a gesture towards Baekhyun, "thinks we left you two home on purpose. Well, since Baekhyun won't give me a chance I'll explain this to you." He cleared his throat. "We didn't bring you two with us because apparently you both were still sleeping and refusing to wake up earlier this morning, and we thought you needed rest. That's all."
Baekhyun huffed childishly. Kyungsoo nodded slowly and finally shrugged, "It's okay. Baek is just upset because you planned it when he was also with you and didn't bring him on the actual occasion."
One of the managers went to kitchen and the other sat down on the floor. The other three immediately sat down with the latter and Joonmyun pat Baekhyun's head, "I get it. But you don't need to curse, you know."
Baekhyun hissed, "I'm still upset don't touch me."
"Would you still be mad if I say I have some Chinese food takeout now, Baekhyun?" They heard the manager in the kitchen asked loudly.
Kyungsoo almost shit himself when he saw hearts and anime sparkles replaced Baekhyun's death glare.
They had early dinner that evening, only about five and they're already full and tired and sleepy. Jongin pulled Kyungsoo immediately to their shared room, murmuring, "Let's nap."
Jongin smelt like he was just out of the shower, and that was true. Kyungsoo just couldn't help but to appreciate the fresh and masculine scent as possessive arms found their way around his small waist.
They were lying on the bed, facing each other with similar lovestruck smiles adorning their faces. Jongin's eyes were hooded, Kyungsoo's were wide open, but the same look of adoration in their eyes made it seem no different.
Jongin broke the silence with a soft murmur, laced with thick emotion, "I really like you, hyung." And somehow he still found himself lying, because no, it was way deeper and heavier than like. He was just still confused and afraid to admit it as love. Before he could let anything stupid slip, he asked the older, "You like me too, right?"
It was an innocent and simple question, really, but there was a lump in Kyungsoo's throat and he didn't trust himself to speak. So he just nodded and card his fingers through Jongin's hair. They stayed like that until Jongin fell asleep.
Kyungsoo stared at the ceiling, countless thoughts swarming in his head until it made him dizzy. Did he really like Jongin?
They napped for a while, only to woke up at nine. Jongin wanted to cuddle, Kyungsoo complied. Both of them were still in daze to realize what happened to be cuddle turned into something more intimate. Their lips met in the darkness, moving languidly and soft until one of them sucked on the other’s lips and the kiss became heated in seconds.
Kyungsoo liked the way Jongin grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled it.
Jongin liked the way Kyungsoo ran his warm fingers under his shirt.
They liked how they touched and fitted each other perfectly. Everyone realized all their secrets and intimate touches were more beyond than what they claimed to be.
They fucked--made love--into the night with a side of sloppy kisses and ragged breaths. Jongin gazed at the man below him through long lashes before he leaned in, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Their lips met for the umpteenth time and it felt like their first time all over again. Everything exploded and they screamed.
They were in love and hopeless.
The next days were spent by practicing and seeing their fans. Sometimes Kyungsoo wondered how he put up with all of these; the reason came in the form of Kim Jongin. Since predebut, it had always been Jongin, and no one else. The others treated him well, too, but something was different in how Jongin would never let Kyungsoo walk alone, how Jongin came up to Kyungsoo’s side no matter what situation, how Jongin had never disappointed Kyungsoo intentionally--there were a lot more things Kyungsoo couldn’t list, and he finally realized something.
He wasn’t the only one falling.
There was always something in the way Jongin moved that took Kyungsoo’s breath almost immediately. The way his body moved so elegantly, fluidly, passionately. The way his muscles flexed under flawless golden skin. The way his body told stories his lips or eyes could never tell.
And then there was also something in the way Kyungsoo sang that made Jongin forget the world. The way his voice was so smooth and rich and sexy. The way his breath hitched at particular notes. The way his eyes shone brighter than the brightest star when he sang.
Both of them had always stayed back late for practices especially on Wednesdays. Jongin liked to dance to Kyungsoo’s voice and Kyungsoo liked to sing while watching Jongin dance.
It was already seven in the evening when they finished. They were exhausted but extremely happy. Jongin tied their fingers together as they lied on the floor. “Hyung, will you stay with me forever? Will you stay with me even after all of this ends?” He asked, voice soft and careful. Kyungsoo’s fingers tightened around his, firm and certain, answering his question wordlessly.
Yes.
“You two are so in love it hurts,” Sehun remarked one snowy afternoon. Twelve young men in a not so spacious living room, spending time together since the last days of winter were approaching. Some of them were playing game and reading, and for a particular couple: making out.
Kyungsoo broke the kiss, making his lover whine, and stuck his tongue at Sehun. The other members were extremely okay with the thing Kyungsoo and Jongin had, and they didn’t really mind their boldness in action anymore except for Sehun who found it traumatizing.
Everyone fully understood that the couple couldn’t be as free in public, especially Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo had always been using a mask nobody could see through except Jongin, so they let the couple spend as much time in private, behind public eyes.
There were, of course, times when they accidentally just let things slipped out, because they couldn’t help it. When one of them was at their worst, the other would always be present to bring them up again. When one of them was too overwhelmed with things, the other would always be there to hold him steady.
They were perfect and in love.
The cold was numbing all morning, unforgiving, as Kyungsoo found Jongin crouched down at the corner of their room. It had been days since the boy refused to talk to any of the members and managers, and even Kyungsoo. At first he took cautious steps towards the younger, and seeing that there was no rejection, he plops down in front of Jongin.
“Hey, baby… did we do something wrong? Won’t you tell me? Can you please at least talk to me?” Kyungsoo didn’t mean to sound hurt but he couldn’t help it when he was always greeted with Jongin’s back facing him at nights, when he was constantly ignored when he only wanted to make the younger feel better, when he kept on telling Jongin how much he loved the latter but always got silence as the reply. He failed himself when he choked out a sob, “Please.”
Jongin shook his head. “No, hyung,” his voice was hoarse as if he’d just cried for hours--it broke Kyungsoo even more. “I… I promise I’ll tell you later. Not now… I need time.”
No matter how Kyungsoo repeated it’s okay he needs time in his head, it still hurt like bitch; it still sent jabs of pain to his heart and he felt really bad. “Okay,” he managed to say, and added, “C-can I hug you, though?”
It took Jongin a full minute before he nodded unsurely. If he was surprised with how Kyungsoo pulled him into an embrace in a heartbeat, he didn’t show it. They pulled away after the older heaved a sigh. Giving Jongin a forced smile, Kyungsoo stood up and walked out of the room.
Everyone was all over him once he was out. He reassured all of them that Jongin only needs time, it’s okay, I trust him. Although not very sure, they slowly went back to their previous activities one by one.
Not long after that, Baekhyun shoved a cup of hot chocolate as they sat by the window again. It became a routine somehow, since their recent promotions ended and they got to rest. Kyungsoo found peace in Baekhyun’s companion.
“I can’t wait for spring, the cold is too much for me already,” Baekhyun mumbled. Kyungsoo got taken aback because he was expecting the older to at least mention Jongin, but he didn’t.
“Uh, yeah.”
“How’s Jongin?”
Kyungsoo almost winced when the two syllables slipped out of Baekhyun’s lips, as if Jongin name was a spell that could hurt Kyungsoo psychically. “I. I’m not sure.” His shoulders visibly deflated as he took a sip from his cup.
A hum was the only reply he got until the older suddenly glanced his way, eyes unreadable and noticeably droopy, “Spill it. It’s okay.”
It was both surprising and horrifying how little time Jongin had actually needed to think. Kyungsoo guessed it would be at least three to five days long for Jongin to go back into talking to him and the others, when in fact in less than two days the boy already managed to calm himself.
“Hey, baby,” Kyungsoo reached up to him, extending his arms wide so he could hug the younger.
“Since when did you call me baby?” There was raw confusion in Jongin’s voice, but an amused smile was present on his lips. Kyungsoo gnawed at his lower lip and shrugged before burying his face into his lover’s chest.
“Hey, Jongin.”
“Hm?”
“I love you.”
“...I love you, too.”
Snow no longer fell by the time the company told them about their comeback plans, but the air was still cold. It bit onto Kyungsoo’s skin as the petite boy jogged into the company building, followed by the other members behind him. There were close to no fans that morning, the weather was unbearably cold.
He practiced until late afternoon, throat and body sore and he was already tired for the comeback that had yet to come. He saw Jongin, but the younger was too busy practicing with their choreographer. Lately, he noticed Jongin acting weird and confusing. One second the dancer would be all up in his face and the another second he would be so far, far away.
Kyungsoo felt that Jongin was hiding something.
“Is something bothering you lately?”
For Kyungsoo, it was just a simple question, no pressure whatsoever, so he didn’t expect Jongin to suddenly cry. They were just sharing body heat, him rubbing Jongin’s neck when he questioned about it and then Jongin broke down. His heart, his head hurt, the pain made him hard to breathe, seeing Jongin like this.
“Hyung-- I. I don’t know what to do,” Jongin sobbed, face buried in his palms, “I can never do anything right--” sob, “They called me-- useless. Whatever I do, it’s never enough. I’m-- I’m so sorry.”
Kyungsoo didn’t understand what Jongin meant, but before he knew it he already stained his own face with tears. Something was burning inside his chest where his heart was supposed to be. So he cried until the burn went away, he cried until Jongin stopped crying, he cried until he couldn’t cry anymore.
They got busier as days came, but Kyungsoo would always slip a chance to sit by the window in the dorm’s living room even though not with Baekhyun. Sometimes the elder was present, but most of the time Kyungsoo just shoo him away.
Kyungsoo wasn’t sure how it happened, but since the night Jongin broke down in front of him, things got worse. At first it was a sharp pain, leaving a wound for him, but as time went by, it became a permanent dull ache.
Everyone noticed this, but they couldn’t do nothing because Jongin deemed that everything was perfect, no need to worry; Kyungsoo gave up trying some time ago.
Kyungsoo couldn’t help but cry in silent at nights, staring at Jongin’s because he wanted to hug the younger so much, because he wanted to kiss him breathless, because he loved the boy so fucking much and he couldn’t help missing him but Jongin would just shake his head or warn him off. He didn’t know what he did wrong or if something happened without him knowing, he wanted to know, but could never know. He had asked Jongin, and the younger only answered, “It’s nothing. Stop worrying so much, please, hyung.”
He only saw Jongin happy on stage; as Kai, as a stranger, as a persona. When the cameras were off, Jongin went dull again. His smiles were forced when Kyungsoo did things that should had been making him happy.
It was the beginning of spring when the air turned slightly warmer and plants bloomed back into life. Birds chirping to each other and fled away. Everything was vibrant and happy but Kyungsoo wasn’t. He was by the window frame again, staring into space as his tea turned cold. He didn’t know when he started crying but he felt a drop landed on the back of his palm. And he smiled; he smiled despite tears streaming down his face. He smiled despite his heart wailing in agony, whining to be fixed.
The members had already told him to stop, just let it go, you don’t need to hold onto things that hurt you, Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo believed them, but his heart didn’t, because the more he tried to let go of the pain, of Jongin, it hurt even more, it reopened his wounds.
Their comeback got pushed back for two months for no particular reason, and Kyungsoo was glad, so glad. He wasn’t ready for the packed schedules, the press, the cameras, the fans. He wasn’t ready for anything.
This time Baekhyun was with him by the window. The older made them tea and Kyungsoo took time to appreciate the taste as he drank it. The tea was good and somehow comforted him. It tasted of spring and smelt of a bit like Baekhyun.
He looked at Baekhyun as he set his cup down. “Thank you, Baek,” he mumbled, eyes sincere as he never took his eyes off Baekhyun. The older was opening the window when Kyungsoo had said that, making him halt his movements momentarily before his lips curved into a small smile.
The wind murmured through the trees until it found its way into ruffling their hair, right at the moment Baekhyun returned his gaze. It made him look really, utterly beautiful, because his eyes were serene and bright and they pierced through Kyungsoo’s soul in a good way.
So Kyungsoo didn’t mind when Baekhyun pressed his lips on his forehead, planted his palms firm on his shoulders and voice stern when he said, “Everything is going to be okay. You are going to be okay.”
That one spring day, Kyungsoo finally let go of Jongin, of his pain, of winter. That one spring day, Baekhyun introduced him to a new beginning.
A new love.
★ Pairing: Kyungsoo/Kai, slight!Kyungsoo/Baekhyun
★ Rating: PG-13
★ Length: 3,565w
★ Warnings/Disclaimers: some mentions of sexual activities
★ Author’s notes/Messages for the recipient: i hope this met your expectation although unbetaed and rushed. thank you for the wonderful prompts and i hope you enjoyed this! ♥
★ Summary: Kyungsoo fell.
“Jongin!” a shout was heard through the hallways. The four boys in the living room sighed in unison.
“They’re fighting again, aren’t they?” Sehun asked, face unsurprisingly straighter than his fellow bandmates called Jongin and Kyungsoo.
Baekhyun, who was wrapped in layers of blanket and lying on the floor comfortably, sighed. Next to Baekhyun, Joonmyun, nodded. Chanyeol who previously pretended he was sleeping, suddenly spoke up, “Or fucking.”
And Chanyeol was right. Not long after, they heard a sound that eerily reminded them of dying whales and crash noises, some moans and string of curses before it went completely silent.
The four sighed again.
Kyungsoo woke up to a sore back and empty space next to him. He had a great fight with Jongin yesterday, about some small problems--he didn’t even know why it bothered the younger so much. “Jongin?” he called out, loud enough for the dorm inhabitants outside his room to hear.
No answer.
“Oh, well.” Kyungsoo shrugged and hopped out of the bed. The bed sheets were messy and dirty, soiled with unidentified liquids Kyungsoo wasn't sure want to know exactly what. He put on a shirt, wrapped a sweater to keep him warm and used a clean grey boxer he didn't know whose.
The living room was empty, the bathroom was empty, the kitchen was empty. Everywhere was pretty much empty, except for the other bedrooms excluding his. He didn’t risk to check. But Jongin was nowhere in sight, making him worried sick. Is he still upset?
It was early afternoon. Barely twelve. The dorm was unusually empty because the M members weren’t in Korea. So Kyungsoo just filled in the silence by turning on the television and made himself a hot coffee. He was sure the managers turned the heater off because it was cold, so cold. And he wanted to cuddle.
Instead of watching the shows on television, Kyungsoo watched the snowfall by the window. It was beautiful. So white and pristine and suddenly Kyungsoo didn’t mind the cold anymore. He took a sip of his coffee, appreciating the feeling of the warm, bitter liquid slid down his throat smoothly.
“Yo,” someone said, quickly followed by a yawn. Uninvited, the person sat next to Kyungsoo on the floor, which was no other than Baekhyun. “Good mooooorrrrrnniiiiing,” the elder greeted lazily with an equally lazy smile playing on his lips. Baekhyun leaned by the window frame, not quite focusing on anything.
“Sorry to say, but,” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “It’s almost twelve in the afternoon, Sir.”
Somehow this made Baekhyun sat up straight, looking more awake than he had ever been. “WHAT?”
The raise of tone directly sent jabs of pain to Kyungsoo’s eardrums. “Calm the fuck down, man.”
“I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY DO THIS TO US,” the elder flails. “WE’RE SUPPOSED TO GO OUT TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY LEAVE US WHAT KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS--”
“Wait-- what? How can I not know!?” Kyungsoo frowned, and frowned ever deeper when Baekhyun hissed back a you were too busy fucking with Jongin. “But Jongin isn’t here, either. He must be out with the others too!”
“Maybe he got lucky and woke up earlier.”
Silence consumed them quickly, only to be broken when Baekhyun huffed. “It’s cold. I hope they suffer out there.”
Kyungsoo agreed. “Yeah. Anyway,” he stood up, not tearing his vision off his bandmate, “I’m hungry. You up for a late breakfast?” He extended an arm for the other when Baekhyun nodded.
They settled with spaghetti because no Baekhyun spaghetti is always appropriate shut up. It was already two in the afternoon when they cuddled on the couch, sharing body heat because the air got even unreasonably colder than before. The TV was on, showing a broadcast of some variety show both of them didn’t really follow.
“What did you plan with the others exactly?” Kyungsoo broke the silence.
Seeing that the younger didn't sound mad or upset, Baekhyun shrugged, “Don't know. Joonmyun hyung just said we should go out since today is schedule free.”
Kyungsoo seemed to be thinking for awhile. “But... managers? There should be at least one with us right now,” he pouted. Baekhyun gagged at that, earning himself a smack on the forehead.
He answered halfheartedly while rubbing the sore spot, “There are guards outside. Maybe manager hyungs thought it's safe.”
They were quiet again. Truthfully, both of them liked this kind of calm atmosphere instead of their usual teasing and bickering. Unlike what they showed to the fans, to public, they enjoy being cuddled up like this more than physically punishing each other.
A breeze blew by which instantly brought Kyungsoo to frown. "Pretty sure all the windows are locked," he mumbled.
He was trying to stand up when Baekhyun pulled him back down, murmuring something along the line, "Let it be. Just stay here."
The temporarily peaceful dorm turned into a havoc when a certain Korean gay boy group member namely Byun Baekhyun screamed all the profanities humanity ever known at his unsuspecting other four bandmates and two managers when they got home.
"Jesus, hyung," the youngest, Sehun whined, "what possessed you calm the hell down can't you welcome us home the sweeter way we know you missed us God damn--"
"HOW DARE YOU FUCKERS LEFT KYUNGSOO AND I HOME. DID YOU KNOW WE FUCKING SUFFER FROM ENTERTAINMENT DEPRIVATION ALL THE HOURS YOU GUYS SPENT ON ENJOYING LIFE WOW--" he took a break to breathe before continuing, "I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M VERY LUCKY TO HAVE DISAPPOINTING FRIENDS LIKE YOU. And that will be the end of this heartfelt impromptu speech."
The managers sighed, Joonmyun watched all of that passively, the youngest two were out of sight--probably ran away when Baekhyun cursed the hell out of them wow very respecting--and Chanyeol judged him with crossed arms.
Kyungsoo walked into the room in confusion, directing his attention towards Baekhyun. "What-- why--" he spluttered out when everyone in the room averted their focus on him.
"So," Joonmyun started calmly, "this guy here--" he made a gesture towards Baekhyun, "thinks we left you two home on purpose. Well, since Baekhyun won't give me a chance I'll explain this to you." He cleared his throat. "We didn't bring you two with us because apparently you both were still sleeping and refusing to wake up earlier this morning, and we thought you needed rest. That's all."
Baekhyun huffed childishly. Kyungsoo nodded slowly and finally shrugged, "It's okay. Baek is just upset because you planned it when he was also with you and didn't bring him on the actual occasion."
One of the managers went to kitchen and the other sat down on the floor. The other three immediately sat down with the latter and Joonmyun pat Baekhyun's head, "I get it. But you don't need to curse, you know."
Baekhyun hissed, "I'm still upset don't touch me."
"Would you still be mad if I say I have some Chinese food takeout now, Baekhyun?" They heard the manager in the kitchen asked loudly.
Kyungsoo almost shit himself when he saw hearts and anime sparkles replaced Baekhyun's death glare.
They had early dinner that evening, only about five and they're already full and tired and sleepy. Jongin pulled Kyungsoo immediately to their shared room, murmuring, "Let's nap."
Jongin smelt like he was just out of the shower, and that was true. Kyungsoo just couldn't help but to appreciate the fresh and masculine scent as possessive arms found their way around his small waist.
They were lying on the bed, facing each other with similar lovestruck smiles adorning their faces. Jongin's eyes were hooded, Kyungsoo's were wide open, but the same look of adoration in their eyes made it seem no different.
Jongin broke the silence with a soft murmur, laced with thick emotion, "I really like you, hyung." And somehow he still found himself lying, because no, it was way deeper and heavier than like. He was just still confused and afraid to admit it as love. Before he could let anything stupid slip, he asked the older, "You like me too, right?"
It was an innocent and simple question, really, but there was a lump in Kyungsoo's throat and he didn't trust himself to speak. So he just nodded and card his fingers through Jongin's hair. They stayed like that until Jongin fell asleep.
Kyungsoo stared at the ceiling, countless thoughts swarming in his head until it made him dizzy. Did he really like Jongin?
They napped for a while, only to woke up at nine. Jongin wanted to cuddle, Kyungsoo complied. Both of them were still in daze to realize what happened to be cuddle turned into something more intimate. Their lips met in the darkness, moving languidly and soft until one of them sucked on the other’s lips and the kiss became heated in seconds.
Kyungsoo liked the way Jongin grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled it.
Jongin liked the way Kyungsoo ran his warm fingers under his shirt.
They liked how they touched and fitted each other perfectly. Everyone realized all their secrets and intimate touches were more beyond than what they claimed to be.
They fucked--made love--into the night with a side of sloppy kisses and ragged breaths. Jongin gazed at the man below him through long lashes before he leaned in, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Their lips met for the umpteenth time and it felt like their first time all over again. Everything exploded and they screamed.
They were in love and hopeless.
The next days were spent by practicing and seeing their fans. Sometimes Kyungsoo wondered how he put up with all of these; the reason came in the form of Kim Jongin. Since predebut, it had always been Jongin, and no one else. The others treated him well, too, but something was different in how Jongin would never let Kyungsoo walk alone, how Jongin came up to Kyungsoo’s side no matter what situation, how Jongin had never disappointed Kyungsoo intentionally--there were a lot more things Kyungsoo couldn’t list, and he finally realized something.
He wasn’t the only one falling.
There was always something in the way Jongin moved that took Kyungsoo’s breath almost immediately. The way his body moved so elegantly, fluidly, passionately. The way his muscles flexed under flawless golden skin. The way his body told stories his lips or eyes could never tell.
And then there was also something in the way Kyungsoo sang that made Jongin forget the world. The way his voice was so smooth and rich and sexy. The way his breath hitched at particular notes. The way his eyes shone brighter than the brightest star when he sang.
Both of them had always stayed back late for practices especially on Wednesdays. Jongin liked to dance to Kyungsoo’s voice and Kyungsoo liked to sing while watching Jongin dance.
It was already seven in the evening when they finished. They were exhausted but extremely happy. Jongin tied their fingers together as they lied on the floor. “Hyung, will you stay with me forever? Will you stay with me even after all of this ends?” He asked, voice soft and careful. Kyungsoo’s fingers tightened around his, firm and certain, answering his question wordlessly.
Yes.
“You two are so in love it hurts,” Sehun remarked one snowy afternoon. Twelve young men in a not so spacious living room, spending time together since the last days of winter were approaching. Some of them were playing game and reading, and for a particular couple: making out.
Kyungsoo broke the kiss, making his lover whine, and stuck his tongue at Sehun. The other members were extremely okay with the thing Kyungsoo and Jongin had, and they didn’t really mind their boldness in action anymore except for Sehun who found it traumatizing.
Everyone fully understood that the couple couldn’t be as free in public, especially Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo had always been using a mask nobody could see through except Jongin, so they let the couple spend as much time in private, behind public eyes.
There were, of course, times when they accidentally just let things slipped out, because they couldn’t help it. When one of them was at their worst, the other would always be present to bring them up again. When one of them was too overwhelmed with things, the other would always be there to hold him steady.
They were perfect and in love.
The cold was numbing all morning, unforgiving, as Kyungsoo found Jongin crouched down at the corner of their room. It had been days since the boy refused to talk to any of the members and managers, and even Kyungsoo. At first he took cautious steps towards the younger, and seeing that there was no rejection, he plops down in front of Jongin.
“Hey, baby… did we do something wrong? Won’t you tell me? Can you please at least talk to me?” Kyungsoo didn’t mean to sound hurt but he couldn’t help it when he was always greeted with Jongin’s back facing him at nights, when he was constantly ignored when he only wanted to make the younger feel better, when he kept on telling Jongin how much he loved the latter but always got silence as the reply. He failed himself when he choked out a sob, “Please.”
Jongin shook his head. “No, hyung,” his voice was hoarse as if he’d just cried for hours--it broke Kyungsoo even more. “I… I promise I’ll tell you later. Not now… I need time.”
No matter how Kyungsoo repeated it’s okay he needs time in his head, it still hurt like bitch; it still sent jabs of pain to his heart and he felt really bad. “Okay,” he managed to say, and added, “C-can I hug you, though?”
It took Jongin a full minute before he nodded unsurely. If he was surprised with how Kyungsoo pulled him into an embrace in a heartbeat, he didn’t show it. They pulled away after the older heaved a sigh. Giving Jongin a forced smile, Kyungsoo stood up and walked out of the room.
Everyone was all over him once he was out. He reassured all of them that Jongin only needs time, it’s okay, I trust him. Although not very sure, they slowly went back to their previous activities one by one.
Not long after that, Baekhyun shoved a cup of hot chocolate as they sat by the window again. It became a routine somehow, since their recent promotions ended and they got to rest. Kyungsoo found peace in Baekhyun’s companion.
“I can’t wait for spring, the cold is too much for me already,” Baekhyun mumbled. Kyungsoo got taken aback because he was expecting the older to at least mention Jongin, but he didn’t.
“Uh, yeah.”
“How’s Jongin?”
Kyungsoo almost winced when the two syllables slipped out of Baekhyun’s lips, as if Jongin name was a spell that could hurt Kyungsoo psychically. “I. I’m not sure.” His shoulders visibly deflated as he took a sip from his cup.
A hum was the only reply he got until the older suddenly glanced his way, eyes unreadable and noticeably droopy, “Spill it. It’s okay.”
It was both surprising and horrifying how little time Jongin had actually needed to think. Kyungsoo guessed it would be at least three to five days long for Jongin to go back into talking to him and the others, when in fact in less than two days the boy already managed to calm himself.
“Hey, baby,” Kyungsoo reached up to him, extending his arms wide so he could hug the younger.
“Since when did you call me baby?” There was raw confusion in Jongin’s voice, but an amused smile was present on his lips. Kyungsoo gnawed at his lower lip and shrugged before burying his face into his lover’s chest.
“Hey, Jongin.”
“Hm?”
“I love you.”
“...I love you, too.”
Snow no longer fell by the time the company told them about their comeback plans, but the air was still cold. It bit onto Kyungsoo’s skin as the petite boy jogged into the company building, followed by the other members behind him. There were close to no fans that morning, the weather was unbearably cold.
He practiced until late afternoon, throat and body sore and he was already tired for the comeback that had yet to come. He saw Jongin, but the younger was too busy practicing with their choreographer. Lately, he noticed Jongin acting weird and confusing. One second the dancer would be all up in his face and the another second he would be so far, far away.
Kyungsoo felt that Jongin was hiding something.
“Is something bothering you lately?”
For Kyungsoo, it was just a simple question, no pressure whatsoever, so he didn’t expect Jongin to suddenly cry. They were just sharing body heat, him rubbing Jongin’s neck when he questioned about it and then Jongin broke down. His heart, his head hurt, the pain made him hard to breathe, seeing Jongin like this.
“Hyung-- I. I don’t know what to do,” Jongin sobbed, face buried in his palms, “I can never do anything right--” sob, “They called me-- useless. Whatever I do, it’s never enough. I’m-- I’m so sorry.”
Kyungsoo didn’t understand what Jongin meant, but before he knew it he already stained his own face with tears. Something was burning inside his chest where his heart was supposed to be. So he cried until the burn went away, he cried until Jongin stopped crying, he cried until he couldn’t cry anymore.
They got busier as days came, but Kyungsoo would always slip a chance to sit by the window in the dorm’s living room even though not with Baekhyun. Sometimes the elder was present, but most of the time Kyungsoo just shoo him away.
Kyungsoo wasn’t sure how it happened, but since the night Jongin broke down in front of him, things got worse. At first it was a sharp pain, leaving a wound for him, but as time went by, it became a permanent dull ache.
Everyone noticed this, but they couldn’t do nothing because Jongin deemed that everything was perfect, no need to worry; Kyungsoo gave up trying some time ago.
Kyungsoo couldn’t help but cry in silent at nights, staring at Jongin’s because he wanted to hug the younger so much, because he wanted to kiss him breathless, because he loved the boy so fucking much and he couldn’t help missing him but Jongin would just shake his head or warn him off. He didn’t know what he did wrong or if something happened without him knowing, he wanted to know, but could never know. He had asked Jongin, and the younger only answered, “It’s nothing. Stop worrying so much, please, hyung.”
He only saw Jongin happy on stage; as Kai, as a stranger, as a persona. When the cameras were off, Jongin went dull again. His smiles were forced when Kyungsoo did things that should had been making him happy.
It was the beginning of spring when the air turned slightly warmer and plants bloomed back into life. Birds chirping to each other and fled away. Everything was vibrant and happy but Kyungsoo wasn’t. He was by the window frame again, staring into space as his tea turned cold. He didn’t know when he started crying but he felt a drop landed on the back of his palm. And he smiled; he smiled despite tears streaming down his face. He smiled despite his heart wailing in agony, whining to be fixed.
The members had already told him to stop, just let it go, you don’t need to hold onto things that hurt you, Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo believed them, but his heart didn’t, because the more he tried to let go of the pain, of Jongin, it hurt even more, it reopened his wounds.
Their comeback got pushed back for two months for no particular reason, and Kyungsoo was glad, so glad. He wasn’t ready for the packed schedules, the press, the cameras, the fans. He wasn’t ready for anything.
This time Baekhyun was with him by the window. The older made them tea and Kyungsoo took time to appreciate the taste as he drank it. The tea was good and somehow comforted him. It tasted of spring and smelt of a bit like Baekhyun.
He looked at Baekhyun as he set his cup down. “Thank you, Baek,” he mumbled, eyes sincere as he never took his eyes off Baekhyun. The older was opening the window when Kyungsoo had said that, making him halt his movements momentarily before his lips curved into a small smile.
The wind murmured through the trees until it found its way into ruffling their hair, right at the moment Baekhyun returned his gaze. It made him look really, utterly beautiful, because his eyes were serene and bright and they pierced through Kyungsoo’s soul in a good way.
So Kyungsoo didn’t mind when Baekhyun pressed his lips on his forehead, planted his palms firm on his shoulders and voice stern when he said, “Everything is going to be okay. You are going to be okay.”
That one spring day, Kyungsoo finally let go of Jongin, of his pain, of winter. That one spring day, Baekhyun introduced him to a new beginning.
A new love.