Jan 24, 2011 23:18
[Sirius wasn't able to turn away until Remus finally climbed back in the window to the dormitory. He was frozen there, wondering what had just happened. It-- did they?-- it couldn't end like this. Not here. Not like this.]
[The next thing he knows, his bike is roaring to life and he's leaving the Academy, riding through town, and then riding on passed, as long and far as the road will take him. He knows he won't be going home tonight. There's nothing there for him except an empty bed and crushed hopes. So he rides, not bothering to pay attention to where he's going, beneath the light of the waning moon. Through the darkest part of the night, he tries not to think, tries not to feel. Tries to pretend that none of this is real.]
[Because it doesn't feel right. Nothing about this feels right. It's surreal, in the way you pray and hope it's just a bad joke, a terrible dream. He'd never imagined it would come to this between them.]
[The sky is already lightening before he turns around and returns to town, going back to the Academy with a lump in his throat and wearing the same clothes as the day before. There's nothing more to be said. He tries to be there, he really does, making it through potions and math before he disappears again, hardly having spoken to anyone.]
[This time when he leaves, he goes back to the flat. Not into their room. Never will he go in there again, not without Remus, because he can't even imagine that he'd be able to sleep or do a single thing in there without being overwhelmed. He thinks vaguely that he should just board off that hallway and find somewhere else to add on a bedroom, but he doesn't want that either, because that's the final admission that this was really happening. That he can't pretend this will ever be the same again.]
[Collapsing onto the sofa, Sirius finally gives into his exhaustion and let's sleep claim him, though he is plagued by fitful dreams for the few hours of late morning-early afternoon he manages to stay asleep.]
james,
sirius,
lost