(no subject)
I noticed one of the baristas at starbucks smile at me. I've made a few attempts at striking up conversations, but my insecurity disallows me to be direct with him. The worst part is that I don't even know if he's gay or not, but I'm about 99.9% certain that he is. It can extremely difficult being gay when men you are attracted to are straight or hiding in the closet. The worse part is I'm still together with Fernando, but I haven been happy for quite some time, and I know he doesn't want to move here. I've made my life here now, and even though it's still depressing and I'm as destitute as ever, things have begun to turn around. I could have stayed in California working for my brother, and make more money doing less, but I felt like I compromised my integrity, and that I made a turn in the wrong direction. The path I have chosen is difficult, but it's now or never. There is no turning back.