God and relationships
Ok, so one very BIG contradiction from my past is that I was openly, almost proudly agnostic (atheist even, after a few whiskeys) but secretly I was a believer. Now as to exactly what I believed I'm still not entirely clear, but there was something.
I have always felt that there was something behind the curtain of the universe, some imperceptible something that was bigger than anyone could actually imagine. Nirvana, heaven, the afterlife... whatever you want to call it, I always had a sense that there was more to life than just this lifetime.
But I never talked about it, ever, to anyone, because I didn't want to believe, or more specifically, I didn't want to be associated with believers because I found so many of them annoying and the way they acted didn't seem to match what they said they believed and from where I sat even what they said didn't appear to make any sense. I was built to understand the way things work, it's in my nature. Whether it was God, my spiritual ancestors or the Celestial Architects who made me this way doesn't matter. What matters is it's the way I am. Things need to make sense to me in order for me to accept them and a lot of what some "religious" people say didn't make sense and the way that they act doesn't make sense, so I had an issue with that.
Recently, I have begun a spiritual journey and this a good thing. What I am discovering about myself is that I always talked to god (he, she, it... get over it please) and that I felt there was a reason to have a relationship with god, even if that meant nothing more than being in touch with my own heart (not the pump in my chest but the spark at the center of my being that makes me who I am). What I am discovering is that my relationship with god is personal and it feels real to me because I am a part of it, I'm participating in it. It's not about drinking koolaid or converting people because that's not my personality. It's not about hatred or anger or judgment either. These are just a few of the things that other people seem to think religion is about, and maybe it is, but that's not what a relationship with god is about, at least not to me (ok, so maybe I'm judging a little, but I'm working on it).
This could be a very VERY large post but I have work to do so I'll close by saying thanks for listening.
I have always felt that there was something behind the curtain of the universe, some imperceptible something that was bigger than anyone could actually imagine. Nirvana, heaven, the afterlife... whatever you want to call it, I always had a sense that there was more to life than just this lifetime.
But I never talked about it, ever, to anyone, because I didn't want to believe, or more specifically, I didn't want to be associated with believers because I found so many of them annoying and the way they acted didn't seem to match what they said they believed and from where I sat even what they said didn't appear to make any sense. I was built to understand the way things work, it's in my nature. Whether it was God, my spiritual ancestors or the Celestial Architects who made me this way doesn't matter. What matters is it's the way I am. Things need to make sense to me in order for me to accept them and a lot of what some "religious" people say didn't make sense and the way that they act doesn't make sense, so I had an issue with that.
Recently, I have begun a spiritual journey and this a good thing. What I am discovering about myself is that I always talked to god (he, she, it... get over it please) and that I felt there was a reason to have a relationship with god, even if that meant nothing more than being in touch with my own heart (not the pump in my chest but the spark at the center of my being that makes me who I am). What I am discovering is that my relationship with god is personal and it feels real to me because I am a part of it, I'm participating in it. It's not about drinking koolaid or converting people because that's not my personality. It's not about hatred or anger or judgment either. These are just a few of the things that other people seem to think religion is about, and maybe it is, but that's not what a relationship with god is about, at least not to me (ok, so maybe I'm judging a little, but I'm working on it).
This could be a very VERY large post but I have work to do so I'll close by saying thanks for listening.