himym picspam: 5x03
I still can’t believe what I frenzy I work myself into every Wednesday when I get to watch HIMYM! What a season it’s been so far, I’m loving it so hard! I really don’t know what all the picspams I’ve been doing are about - but I find myself yearning to make one every episode of everything! Just to capture the awesome so I don’t forget? Or something?
Anyway, I hope SOMEONE out there is enjoying these!
Future!Ted: Kids, your Uncle Barney had been called a lot of names over the years…
Jerk!
Bastard!
Barack Obama Jr.?!
Barney: Mmhmm. And yes, we can.
Future!Ted: But there was one name we never expected to hear him called…
Robin: Boyfriend. Barney Stinson is my boyfriend. I’ve said it like a hundred times, it still sounds weird to say!
Ted: Well, anything sounds weird if you say it a hundred times. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.
Lily: But other than that, things are good?
Ted: Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.
Robin: I don’t know, I think Barney’s been single for too long. Like, the other night, I wake up at 4am…
Barney? Are you awake? Barney? Barney, this is not a one night stand, we’re dating. Come back to bed.
Robin: That’s happened three times.
Ted: Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.
Robin: And it’s not just that, it’s other things…
---
Barney: Hey, what’s wrong?
Robin: It was just one thing after another at work today…I found out my aunt’s in the hospital…I’m just- I’m feeling so overwhelmed…and it’s just-
Barney: Shhhhhhh. What you need to do is talk through this stuff.
Robin: Oh, thanks.
Barney: And then, once you’re off the phone with Lily, I’ll be down in the bar ready to have sex, mmmkay?
---
Ted: Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl.
Robin: Look, I’m not the touchy-feeliest person in the world, but a little more effort would be nice.
Lily: I understand. I guess in a lot of ways, Barney doesn’t stack up. And you’ve had some pretty incredible boyfriends.
Ted: Bowl. Bowl. Bowl! BOWL.
Robin: No, that’s not it. I don’t know. Maybe he just doesn’t have it in him. Maybe this whole thing’s been a big mistake.
Ted: Bowl?
***
Ted: …just be present.
Barney: Yes, totally! Only thing, and this is just me…I like my testicles attached to my body rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin’s purse. Stinson out!
Future!Ted: But then a funny thing happened. Over the next couple of weeks, Barney was thoughtful, considerate, sweet… in short, the perfect boyfriend. Which to Robin meant only one thing.
Robin: He’s cheating on me!
Lily: What?
Robin: Why else would he buy me flowers?! He’s gettin’ some on the side!
Lily: Oh, come on, Robin. Barney’s not the type of guy who’d- Go on.
…
Robin: Barney’s briefcase! He forgot it here this morning!
Lily: And what do you plan on doing with it?
Robin: We! We- you and I! Are gonna open it up and look for evidence! Ted probably has a sledgehammer around somewhere…
Lily: No! Stop, stop! Eye contact! Listen to me, Robin Scherbatsky is many things. Friend, confidante, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman’s sexuality is a moving target… but she is no crazy jealous stalker bitch!
(I love Robin with the ‘you and I’ thing, it was so Barney’s ‘I’ll tell you what Ted and I are going to do’ in ‘Murtaugh’)
***
Robin: Well, let’s just hope they’re not allergic to barrel resin like Lily here!
Lily: Be cool, baby, damn!
Robin: Birthday- July 23rd, Favourite Hockey Team- the Vancouver Canucks, Age: 29, but tells people that she’s 26. Oh my god, these are notes about me! Or some 29 year old version of me!
Marshall: What are you guys doing with Barney’s secret Robin notebook? ...... Let me rephrase that. Did you two ladies lose some weight?
Barney: … Stinson back in! Say, hypothetically, I did want to change who I am to become a better boyfriend to Robin, WHICH I DO NOT… what kind of changes are we talkin about?
…
Ted: Don’t ever cry in front of her.
Barney: Okay.
Ted: And whatever you do, don’t cry in front of her 4 times.
Robin: Hey guys! Watcha talkin about?
Ted and Barney: Fantasy football!
Barney: I’m bored!
Ted: You said you wanted my help!
Barney: Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard?!
Ted: We did that already.
Barney: No, like really big boobs.
…
Barney: Can we have class outside?!
Ted:No! What Robin really wants, deep down, is- Barney?
Barney: What?! I’m tweeting about you. You should be flattered. How do you spell blah, blah, blah? H’s or no?
Ted: Wow, you were just like the worst student in the world, weren’t you?
Barney: They said I had AD-something. Can we have class outside?!!!
Ted: Barney, I’m only gonna say this once, so listen up. I love you, and I love Robin, and I want to make this work. So, if you give me a few weeks of attention, I could give you a lifetime of happiness. Can you do that for me?
Barney: Do you think I should get Sports Illustrated for 70% off the cover price? Can we have class outside?!!!
Ted: Now, notice the vacant eyes and the pale, queasy expression suggesting nausea, what do these mean?
Barney: You guys just had sex? OH!!!!!! Wasn’t me.
Ted: If you ever, EVER, see this face Barney, run. And don’t take a picture of it. She will punch you, and you will cry. For the third time. That night.
*both shiver*
Robin: Did you know that before intercourse, the male and female Emperor Penguins bow to each other? ‘Mr. Penguin’, ‘Mrs. Penguin’! *laughs* Oh God, silly penguins acting all fancy!
Marshall: For shame, sir! For shame! I bet you couldn’t even grow a moustache if you wanted to!
Lily: Neither can you, sweetie.
Marshall: Well he doesn’t know that, baby, god!
Ted: She doesn’t say ‘I love you’ like normal people. Instead, she’ll laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile, and say ‘You’re an idiot’.
Barney: ‘You’re an idiot’?
Ted: Yup. If she tells you you’re an idiot, you are a lucky man. And if she does say ‘I love you’, she’s already broken up with you in her mind.
Barney: I can’t believe I’m taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby. That’s like taking fashion advice from… well, Ted Mosby.
Barney: Can you hear this Professor, or should I turn it up for you?
Future!Ted: It may not have been a thumbs up, kids.
Ted: So you think you’re not learning anything, huh? Okay. Pop quiz! *yanks Barney up by the shirt* When Robin’s PMSing, what kind of chocolate should you get her?
Barney: Trick question, get her butterscotch.
Ted: Correct. Why?
Barney: Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women.
Ted: Correct! What is Robin’s dream job?
Barney: To become the most successful female TV journalist of all time.
Ted: Correct! And if she achieves that, will she truly be happy?
Barney: No! Robin’s deep-seated need for attention can be traced back to her father’s emotional distance and no amount of success will make up for what she truly needs which is six simple words from her dad: “Robin-I’m-proud-of-you-eh!’
Ted: YES!
Robin: Okay, can I just say, that my deepest need in life is not to have my father say ‘I’m proud of you, eh’
Marshall: Then why are you crying right now?
Robin: *sobs* I’m not crying!
Ted: Any questions?
Robin: Yeah, I have one.
Ted: Yes, Robin?
Barney and Ted: *gasp!*
Barney: Hey, he is an expert! He’s a great teacher!
Lily: *coughs* Kiss ass!
Robin: Let me clear something up for you, Ted.
…
Ted: Does lefty like that?
Robin: Ooh… yeah…
Ted: Don’t wanna leave out righty…
Robin: Oh, um, no, the right one’s ticklish, I guess. But the left one, yeah, I’m glad you’re back there. Cause that is just some sweet, sweet lovin’.
Ted: Noted.
Ted: I’ve seen Barney work very hard to get women. I’ve seen him work very hard to get rid of women. I’ve never seen him work this hard to keep one around.
Barney: There’s something that I wanted to say to you. Robin, I’ve been with a lot of women. Blondes. Brunettes. Redheads. Big boobs. Small boobs. Medium boobs. Some boobs that were big, but kind of in a bad way. The point is-- boobs that pointed in opposite direc-the point is: I’m really scared that you’re gonna dump me, and that’s why I did this and I’m sorry.
Robin: *smiles* You’re an idiot.
