Sorry. Atheist. I am all for pagan holidays, but have not too much idea what *anybody* does!
I do know that a certain brand of evangelical listens like this:
You: [Reasoned argument and attempt to compromise or avoid conflict here] They hear: Blah blah KEYWORD blah blah blah blah. They say: Ha! [canned response to KEYWORD here]
Not saying your folks are like this. But this kind of people can't be trusted. Every retreat is a tactical one. Every friendly invite to anything is an ambush. It's like the worst cyncial male exponents of rape culture, except that they're after your soul and not your body.
People like that you set a boundary and then you very firmly walk away each and every time they cross it, otherwise they'll nibble and they'll nibble. Oh, and you don't include them in your regular practical plans.
So, in your situation, I might have tried to avoid the issue by booking my child into some sort of class that "happened" to clash with church: "Sorry mum, he's got his ninjitsu class then".
But failing that, I would be "Please pick him up after church. No, really, after church." And when she arrives early, in time for church, he'd be in his pyjamas watching Clone Wars and I'd stand blocking the doorway and say sweetly, "No, after church. Really."
If we were discussing this over beer, I'd humbly sugges that maybe at the moment, your folks have the initiative. You need to take it back. Organise your family life without them, and force them to earn a placein it.
LOL I wasn't offended, it just cracked me up. It was good, actually, because I was spitting mad and needed a good laugh.
I would take your suggestion, but my sisters have already retreated from my mom, and that has genuinely broken her heart. I'm not willing to take the same tactic and ACTUALLY have her be three for three with her adopted daughters basically abandoning her. -_- I wouldn't, either, but you'd never know that to hear my Stepfather tell it.
I really don't want to see it that way. My mom and I have a good relationship most of the time, it's not like my husband with his dad always having to fight and set boundaries and give ultimatums. What I really want to say to her is that asking to schedule my son's visits around church instead of during it does not equal "I hate you and want you to die." I don't want her to be hurt anymore than I want to be hurt.
I do know that a certain brand of evangelical listens like this:
You: [Reasoned argument and attempt to compromise or avoid conflict here]
They hear: Blah blah KEYWORD blah blah blah blah.
They say: Ha! [canned response to KEYWORD here]
Not saying your folks are like this. But this kind of people can't be trusted. Every retreat is a tactical one. Every friendly invite to anything is an ambush. It's like the worst cyncial male exponents of rape culture, except that they're after your soul and not your body.
People like that you set a boundary and then you very firmly walk away each and every time they cross it, otherwise they'll nibble and they'll nibble. Oh, and you don't include them in your regular practical plans.
So, in your situation, I might have tried to avoid the issue by booking my child into some sort of class that "happened" to clash with church: "Sorry mum, he's got his ninjitsu class then".
But failing that, I would be "Please pick him up after church. No, really, after church." And when she arrives early, in time for church, he'd be in his pyjamas watching Clone Wars and I'd stand blocking the doorway and say sweetly, "No, after church. Really."
If we were discussing this over beer, I'd humbly sugges that maybe at the moment, your folks have the initiative. You need to take it back. Organise your family life without them, and force them to earn a placein it.
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I would take your suggestion, but my sisters have already retreated from my mom, and that has genuinely broken her heart. I'm not willing to take the same tactic and ACTUALLY have her be three for three with her adopted daughters basically abandoning her. -_- I wouldn't, either, but you'd never know that to hear my Stepfather tell it.
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How about setting some restrictive boundaries and sticking to them?
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