You made me a shadowboxer, baby...
... I don't know when you're gonna make your move...
Man, if that wasn't a blast from the past, I don't know what is...
And whenever junk like that happens I'm just so thankful that I chose God's way and not my own... that I stopped fighting and let go, and little by little continue to. And I'm so thankful for where I am now, and who all God has brought into my life, especially Soky and that relationship, and how Godly it is and how it's just how it's supposed to be...
That was like a triple whammy, too, there on how things used to be... And I was hit on. Twice. Hey, guess what... I don't charm so easy any more.
Sometimes when things like that happen, I'm also kind of glad God has led me elsewhere in involvement. I do still feel like I'm church homeless sometimes... but I do have a place to plug in and I should do it more actively. I feel like I'm starting to overcome it, but often, when I'm at my old church -- especially when my old crowd is around -- I feel like I can't grow or shouldn't have grown from who these people knew me to be. But I have grown, and God has grown me immensely and my priorities have shifted and my focus is different and sometimes it's just harder to live that in the presence of old friends.
I'm thankful I didn't so much feel that way tonight. There wasn't some big break out action or anything, but I felt like me now, not like me then. I'm still no good at small talk, but I didn't feel like the insecure 14, 15, 19-year-old girl trying to navigate the waters of relating to men, I didn't feel like the sinner confronted by her partner in crime. I didn't feel like the Sunday-morning Christian hiding behind her Sunday-best. I felt like a child of God, saved by Grace through Jesus Christ the Savior who was born of the virgin womb, died on the cross, and rose again for the forgiveness of sins. Hark, the herald angels sing... God and sinners reconciled! I didn't feel the need to apologize for any of it. I didn't feel the need to shrink. I kept my words short, I didn't feel the need to say anything else. I've forgiven. I didn't need to stick around to see if anything had really changed.
And I guess I've been made wiser for it all... only God knows. I pray I have. I pray He grows me wiser each year.
Man, if that wasn't a blast from the past, I don't know what is...
And whenever junk like that happens I'm just so thankful that I chose God's way and not my own... that I stopped fighting and let go, and little by little continue to. And I'm so thankful for where I am now, and who all God has brought into my life, especially Soky and that relationship, and how Godly it is and how it's just how it's supposed to be...
That was like a triple whammy, too, there on how things used to be... And I was hit on. Twice. Hey, guess what... I don't charm so easy any more.
Sometimes when things like that happen, I'm also kind of glad God has led me elsewhere in involvement. I do still feel like I'm church homeless sometimes... but I do have a place to plug in and I should do it more actively. I feel like I'm starting to overcome it, but often, when I'm at my old church -- especially when my old crowd is around -- I feel like I can't grow or shouldn't have grown from who these people knew me to be. But I have grown, and God has grown me immensely and my priorities have shifted and my focus is different and sometimes it's just harder to live that in the presence of old friends.
I'm thankful I didn't so much feel that way tonight. There wasn't some big break out action or anything, but I felt like me now, not like me then. I'm still no good at small talk, but I didn't feel like the insecure 14, 15, 19-year-old girl trying to navigate the waters of relating to men, I didn't feel like the sinner confronted by her partner in crime. I didn't feel like the Sunday-morning Christian hiding behind her Sunday-best. I felt like a child of God, saved by Grace through Jesus Christ the Savior who was born of the virgin womb, died on the cross, and rose again for the forgiveness of sins. Hark, the herald angels sing... God and sinners reconciled! I didn't feel the need to apologize for any of it. I didn't feel the need to shrink. I kept my words short, I didn't feel the need to say anything else. I've forgiven. I didn't need to stick around to see if anything had really changed.
And I guess I've been made wiser for it all... only God knows. I pray I have. I pray He grows me wiser each year.