(no subject)
just found the myspaces of my best friends from when i was really young, like 7 years old up to when i left sanford at 12. it totally blew my mind. we were friends before we were people and now, after having moved a dozen times in the decade since i last seen them, they are grown. they are really normal party dudes who look pretty popular. one of them is really into surfing. the other one used to loan me his jnco jeans because my family was too poor to afford them and he wanted me to be cool too. it was at a sleepover at his house that i first heard "nevermind"...seriously, way back in the day.
i also found out a few weeks ago that the father of the polish family i lived with for a year in 9th grade is dead. he was maybe 50, at most, and a horrible alcoholic. he was with me when i got arrested for drunk driving at 15. his son, my best friend at the time Ralph, went on to become a heroin addict and just recently got out of jail for grand theft auto and is now in rehab. i hadnt spoken to him in years until then, two weeks ago, when he told me all this. we were inseparable at one point, and after being kicked out of their house we went different paths and he did all that, and strangely enough, i went to college.
ive been having a lot of experiences lately that have changed my perspective about the past. its strange how something at the time could be so traumatic that you doubt you'll live through it, just the fucking worst moment of your life, things that have happened that i havent told anyone because i doubt they would believe me, how that could later be revealed to have been the best possible thing to happen in that situation. i get the strange feeling that if i hadnt went through all those horrible events associated with being an orphan i would be dead, or worst yet, completely normal. i almost feel like im running from something and narrowly escaping some horrible fate. i wonder if i will look at deland in that same way with some perspective.
i also found out a few weeks ago that the father of the polish family i lived with for a year in 9th grade is dead. he was maybe 50, at most, and a horrible alcoholic. he was with me when i got arrested for drunk driving at 15. his son, my best friend at the time Ralph, went on to become a heroin addict and just recently got out of jail for grand theft auto and is now in rehab. i hadnt spoken to him in years until then, two weeks ago, when he told me all this. we were inseparable at one point, and after being kicked out of their house we went different paths and he did all that, and strangely enough, i went to college.
ive been having a lot of experiences lately that have changed my perspective about the past. its strange how something at the time could be so traumatic that you doubt you'll live through it, just the fucking worst moment of your life, things that have happened that i havent told anyone because i doubt they would believe me, how that could later be revealed to have been the best possible thing to happen in that situation. i get the strange feeling that if i hadnt went through all those horrible events associated with being an orphan i would be dead, or worst yet, completely normal. i almost feel like im running from something and narrowly escaping some horrible fate. i wonder if i will look at deland in that same way with some perspective.