I was fine before you walked into my life
Why is it thst life goes on unchanging for years then bam- you're in a whole different world. It really sucks because I despise change and that's all my life is made of now.
I used to try to hard to change my life- moving away, meeting new people, starting over again...Although I have pretty much broken that pattern over the last few years, the urge is still there sometimes.
I've been having a lot of trust issues in my life lately as well. Everything piles up before it all comes out and I Realize that something has been/is bothering me.
So after a few mini breakdowns with people, I need to figure out how to handle this...because at the moment all I'm wanting to do is say fuck everybody.
I'm sick of lies
I'm sick of bullshit
I'm done.
All I hear from people is how fucked up all this is, yet it's still seemingly impossible for me to fathom. Nobody understands anyways.
They say when on drugs/alcohol people are their true selves- will tell the truth and are more in touch with their feelings.
Well I guess that's not always the case.
Some people say things that later on they realize were just not true...
and other people say things that they feel with every little piece of their hearts...
I'm so tired, none of this makes sense
I'm sick of living a lie
but why do I still want to?
Maybe I'm just nuts.
Probably.
I wrote all of this...and it sounds depressing I'm sure...but when I go to post the entry, and am wondering what mood I will use, I'm drawn to using 'content' and 'relaxed'. Because fuck...I am.
Just have some nagging thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind, is all. Confused yet?
I just killed a spider...and now I feel bad.
....PMS?
Probably.
I used to try to hard to change my life- moving away, meeting new people, starting over again...Although I have pretty much broken that pattern over the last few years, the urge is still there sometimes.
I've been having a lot of trust issues in my life lately as well. Everything piles up before it all comes out and I Realize that something has been/is bothering me.
So after a few mini breakdowns with people, I need to figure out how to handle this...because at the moment all I'm wanting to do is say fuck everybody.
I'm sick of lies
I'm sick of bullshit
I'm done.
All I hear from people is how fucked up all this is, yet it's still seemingly impossible for me to fathom. Nobody understands anyways.
They say when on drugs/alcohol people are their true selves- will tell the truth and are more in touch with their feelings.
Well I guess that's not always the case.
Some people say things that later on they realize were just not true...
and other people say things that they feel with every little piece of their hearts...
I'm so tired, none of this makes sense
I'm sick of living a lie
but why do I still want to?
Maybe I'm just nuts.
Probably.
I wrote all of this...and it sounds depressing I'm sure...but when I go to post the entry, and am wondering what mood I will use, I'm drawn to using 'content' and 'relaxed'. Because fuck...I am.
Just have some nagging thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind, is all. Confused yet?
I just killed a spider...and now I feel bad.
....PMS?
Probably.