(no subject)
i looked in the mirror & i have a beard. & it made me think of when i had such big plans, such big dreams. when i wanted to dig to the other side of the world with only a shovel & my backyard. & plant such great big trees that reached farther up than i could see. i've got certificates & awards & trophies all locked up in my closet. you'll never see them & you'll never see the boy whose name is on them all. there was a time when people were proud of me. when they would show me off. when i knew my alphabet in pre-school & could read on my own in kindergarten. when i was on all the lists. when i was in all the hearts. i hated that kid, but at least i wasn't a disappointment. & now i wonder why everything is so empty like this bottle from last night. because it doesn't matter if you haven't drank or smoked in 8 days, or 8 months, or 8 years, once you come back it doesn't mean a thing. & i always come back. to not having any great things to accomplish. & so i'm forced to think about the time when i had everything to accomplish.
& how now i don't even have the desire to shave.
& how now i don't even have the desire to shave.