"I don't wanna make it. I just wanna..."
YES! so.
Life has been a giant ball of hectic lately. Between classes, school, the one acts, menagerie, tom, sleeping, and all the outside work that those things require...yes, i am a very tired holly. i slept most of today. it was nice.
I was reading my old old journal entries from halfpipefailure...and i feel like im a completely different person. It was like a limbo mental state or something. I sounded really determined and well, a little retarded, but still.
And on that note i just want to add that i really dont give a shit if almost (note the almost, don't panic if you truly think this doesnt apply to you) all my high school friends are out of my life. I didn't push them out, they were just shitty friends.
so....fuck ya'all.
I am honesly in a pretty good place in life right now. my grades are good, and if i want to take summer classes again i WILL graduate on time. But i don't know if i'll be able to jump head first right the fuck into school. I want to go to ramapo and get a theatre degree. well, duh.
And yeah, in case anyone was wondering, i'm Laura in the Center players production of the Glass Menagerie. It's really awesome.. i love the show and i love the people involved, i feel like its a pretty meaty thing to sink my teeth into when im still sortof fresh on the acting scene.
I love weaseling my way into things based on raw talent. haha. well, not raw. brookdale acting classes are going well, but ont of my one acts is not.
I don't know what to do about it. I really seriously HATE. HATE HATE how im put up on a pedestal for other students to follow me as a role model in certain situations, when i'm not getting what i want out of the deal whatsoever. I love acting, I love brookdale's program, but i'm getting fucked over when ihave to play the role of director AND actor in this particular situation. It is not my job to carry the whole thing on my back, so why should i? Because I feel guilty, of course! I would love to just be able to go in and work hard on a project with other competant, hard working people and reach the desired goal we aspire to reach.
Is that too much to ask? apparantly.
So tonight I will be at work...and tomorrow night...but Sunday and Monday will be nice, slow days. At least I hope so. At least I dont have shitloads of work to do this week.
Until then...
Holly
Life has been a giant ball of hectic lately. Between classes, school, the one acts, menagerie, tom, sleeping, and all the outside work that those things require...yes, i am a very tired holly. i slept most of today. it was nice.
I was reading my old old journal entries from halfpipefailure...and i feel like im a completely different person. It was like a limbo mental state or something. I sounded really determined and well, a little retarded, but still.
And on that note i just want to add that i really dont give a shit if almost (note the almost, don't panic if you truly think this doesnt apply to you) all my high school friends are out of my life. I didn't push them out, they were just shitty friends.
so....fuck ya'all.
I am honesly in a pretty good place in life right now. my grades are good, and if i want to take summer classes again i WILL graduate on time. But i don't know if i'll be able to jump head first right the fuck into school. I want to go to ramapo and get a theatre degree. well, duh.
And yeah, in case anyone was wondering, i'm Laura in the Center players production of the Glass Menagerie. It's really awesome.. i love the show and i love the people involved, i feel like its a pretty meaty thing to sink my teeth into when im still sortof fresh on the acting scene.
I love weaseling my way into things based on raw talent. haha. well, not raw. brookdale acting classes are going well, but ont of my one acts is not.
I don't know what to do about it. I really seriously HATE. HATE HATE how im put up on a pedestal for other students to follow me as a role model in certain situations, when i'm not getting what i want out of the deal whatsoever. I love acting, I love brookdale's program, but i'm getting fucked over when ihave to play the role of director AND actor in this particular situation. It is not my job to carry the whole thing on my back, so why should i? Because I feel guilty, of course! I would love to just be able to go in and work hard on a project with other competant, hard working people and reach the desired goal we aspire to reach.
Is that too much to ask? apparantly.
So tonight I will be at work...and tomorrow night...but Sunday and Monday will be nice, slow days. At least I hope so. At least I dont have shitloads of work to do this week.
Until then...
Holly