wow, that was depressing
I realized that this month has felt as if the snowcapped peaks have fallen and met the fertile green valleys of my mind- I am glad that it is over and that now I can look forward to the afternoon showers, and the serenity that the ocean has to offer my turbid mind- I am not so mixed up after this relaxing weekend- my parents had the Feltzs in town and therefore were thoroughly amused- red cheeks, bloodshot eyes and all- but they were happy all weekend despite my semi-disapproval
I swam in the ocean today- with the sun beating down and the soft sand sticking to my feet- I truly thought of nothing but the ocean and the sun- I felt like Mersault (from Alber Camus’ The Stranger)- I don’t know if that is a good thing- when I think of a person as being like Mersault, I do not generally think that is the best way to be- but, alas and ironically, I have come to be like him with all his apathy and lack of attention to seemingly important things- HA! Before I left Nashville I saw the character Mersault in my friend and thought it a danger for him to live that way, and, now, here I am living the part more than anyone I have ever known- it will change- either it will, or I shall find myself in prison for some idiotic thing without even realizing that I had committed the crime until months later when I realize that I am tired of looking at the grey, speechless stones in my cell
I do think of things during the day- but they all seem so inconsequential- I start classes tomorrow- where is my schedule? I already bought my books- Spain is interesting- and so on….nothing of real value or substance- only the thought of my failing to be anything extraordinary comes to mind consistently- along with the thought of my not being smart enough to do anything with myself-
So, with that, I am off to read a new translation of Beowulf and then a brief history of Spain
Peace and love my friends
I hope that all your minds are not as placid as mine- for with this peace, should I even call it that, comes doubt, apathy, and almost despondency
I swam in the ocean today- with the sun beating down and the soft sand sticking to my feet- I truly thought of nothing but the ocean and the sun- I felt like Mersault (from Alber Camus’ The Stranger)- I don’t know if that is a good thing- when I think of a person as being like Mersault, I do not generally think that is the best way to be- but, alas and ironically, I have come to be like him with all his apathy and lack of attention to seemingly important things- HA! Before I left Nashville I saw the character Mersault in my friend and thought it a danger for him to live that way, and, now, here I am living the part more than anyone I have ever known- it will change- either it will, or I shall find myself in prison for some idiotic thing without even realizing that I had committed the crime until months later when I realize that I am tired of looking at the grey, speechless stones in my cell
I do think of things during the day- but they all seem so inconsequential- I start classes tomorrow- where is my schedule? I already bought my books- Spain is interesting- and so on….nothing of real value or substance- only the thought of my failing to be anything extraordinary comes to mind consistently- along with the thought of my not being smart enough to do anything with myself-
So, with that, I am off to read a new translation of Beowulf and then a brief history of Spain
Peace and love my friends
I hope that all your minds are not as placid as mine- for with this peace, should I even call it that, comes doubt, apathy, and almost despondency