(no subject)
While everything falls apart and more, I'm constantly struggling to pick up the pieces and I guess, repent? I'm trying to get everything right before my send off. I guess this month is kind of like my Yom Kippur, and I'm seriously having a tough time saying sorry. Today I apologized to my mom, basically for being a dick and being so insensitive over the course of being a teenager. I couldn't stand the guilt any longer, and last night, after watching Prozac Nation, I totally lost it. I gotta say, that movie was a pretty apt description of crazy depressed people, and a lot of it was right on. I started getting embarrassed because even though I was never that crazy, a lot of the ways she acted were ways I had wanted to act but was too much of a puss to actually carry out. It made me feel pretty shameful.
On the other hand, I finally sent in my job application to Second Nature Wilderness program today. It was tough. I've been putting together that application since mid August, and it's kinda shitty and lame that it takes me so long to do something pretty simple that is really good for me. I'm just glad I got it out there. I expected that I'd feel super worried and anxious and regretful about sending it in, because once it's out there, I can't take it back. But surprisingly, I feel relieved. I feel relieved that I actually made a decision that was tough and good for me. I feel kinda proud, but mostly just tired.
This coming Saturday is my last day working at Tavern on the Green. I can't believe it. I've been working there for exactly two years and it's finally over. As much as I hated that job, I have to say it was totally worth it. It paid well and it was super flexible. If I had treated any other job the way I treated my job at Tavern, I'd have been cut a long time ago.
Next Tuesday, I'm going out to Milwaukee to visit Tab Man again. I'm so excited. There's a covers show which were going to and then on actual halloween me, Tab Man, and Matt are dressing up as KISS. Me as Gene, Tab as Paul, and Matt as Ace. I've been spending the past week making all of our costumes. Paul Stanley was easy. Gene's bat cape was a breeze. But, Ace! Damn! That space suit is hard to make out of spandex and batting. Oy vey.
On the other hand, I finally sent in my job application to Second Nature Wilderness program today. It was tough. I've been putting together that application since mid August, and it's kinda shitty and lame that it takes me so long to do something pretty simple that is really good for me. I'm just glad I got it out there. I expected that I'd feel super worried and anxious and regretful about sending it in, because once it's out there, I can't take it back. But surprisingly, I feel relieved. I feel relieved that I actually made a decision that was tough and good for me. I feel kinda proud, but mostly just tired.
This coming Saturday is my last day working at Tavern on the Green. I can't believe it. I've been working there for exactly two years and it's finally over. As much as I hated that job, I have to say it was totally worth it. It paid well and it was super flexible. If I had treated any other job the way I treated my job at Tavern, I'd have been cut a long time ago.
Next Tuesday, I'm going out to Milwaukee to visit Tab Man again. I'm so excited. There's a covers show which were going to and then on actual halloween me, Tab Man, and Matt are dressing up as KISS. Me as Gene, Tab as Paul, and Matt as Ace. I've been spending the past week making all of our costumes. Paul Stanley was easy. Gene's bat cape was a breeze. But, Ace! Damn! That space suit is hard to make out of spandex and batting. Oy vey.