(no subject)
A man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore.
The new guy and the wife are VERY attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the pheromones floating around, is very glad to see the second man there. "This is wonderful! Now we'll be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts." The new man is only too happy to help, and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch, scanning the ocean horizon for any ships. Soon the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper.
The new man yells down: "Hey, no screwing!"
They look at each other and yell back: "We're not screwing!"
A few minutes later, they start to put driftwood into the stone circle.
Again the new man yells down: "Heeey, no screwing!"
Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"
Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of the shack to patch leaks. Once again the new man yells down from high above: "Hey, I said no screwing!!"
They yell back, "And we said we're not screwing!!"
Finally the shift is over and the new man climbs down from the tower and the husband starts to climb up. By the time he gets half-way up, his wife and the new man are already screwing their brains out. Once at the top, the husband turns around and looks down and says to himself:
"Son-of-a-gun! From up here it DOES look like they're screwing."
~~~~
THE LAME JOKE
Hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?
She was strapped for cash.
~~~~
I couldn't figure out what was happening. She had descended deeply into subspace, and her voice had become tiny and difficult to hear over the music we had playing for our scene. I had her well-trained to orgasm on command, and I could easily speak loudly enough, when ordering this, to be heard over the classical piece playing on the stereo. She, however, was unable to summon the strength or the willpower to speak up, so I had stopped our play until I could make out what she was saying.
Every time I asked her what she had said, she would shudder uncontrollably, deep in the throes of another orgasm. I was powerless to help her... or to stop her from possibly causing herself injury. Her barely audible voice kept repeating something that I could not make out.
Once again, she whispered out her plea... and once again I replied...
"Come again?"
~~~~
I knew a girl at work once who was truly concerned about her husband's smoking. She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making love. She had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had both seen on TV called "Cold Turkey".
After about a week I asked her how it was going.
"Well, not too bad", she said, getting up off of a pillow she had on her chair and limping towards the photocopy machine. "I've gotten him down to about a pack a night now."
~~~~
A man and a women are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the women gets out, picks it up, and brings it in to the car.
She says, "Look, it's shivering. It must be cold. What should I do?"
He says, "Put it between your legs."
She says, "What about the smell?"
He says, "Hold its nose."
~~~~
There's this couple doing work and the wife stops to go up and take a shower. Shortly thereafter the guy is looking for the rake and yells to his wife., who looks out the upstairs bathroom window, "Where is the rake?". She can't hear him, so he points to his eye (I), points to his knee (need) and then makes raking motions.
"What?" she yells.
So he goes through the routine again. She nods like she gets it and then points to her eye, then to her left breast, then to her ass and then to her crotch.
Her husband is totally confused so he goes in the house, upstairs and into the bathroom: "What did you say?"
She says "I said `eye left tit behind the bush`."
~~~~
The new guy and the wife are VERY attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the pheromones floating around, is very glad to see the second man there. "This is wonderful! Now we'll be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts." The new man is only too happy to help, and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch, scanning the ocean horizon for any ships. Soon the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper.
The new man yells down: "Hey, no screwing!"
They look at each other and yell back: "We're not screwing!"
A few minutes later, they start to put driftwood into the stone circle.
Again the new man yells down: "Heeey, no screwing!"
Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"
Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of the shack to patch leaks. Once again the new man yells down from high above: "Hey, I said no screwing!!"
They yell back, "And we said we're not screwing!!"
Finally the shift is over and the new man climbs down from the tower and the husband starts to climb up. By the time he gets half-way up, his wife and the new man are already screwing their brains out. Once at the top, the husband turns around and looks down and says to himself:
"Son-of-a-gun! From up here it DOES look like they're screwing."
~~~~
THE LAME JOKE
Hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?
She was strapped for cash.
~~~~
I couldn't figure out what was happening. She had descended deeply into subspace, and her voice had become tiny and difficult to hear over the music we had playing for our scene. I had her well-trained to orgasm on command, and I could easily speak loudly enough, when ordering this, to be heard over the classical piece playing on the stereo. She, however, was unable to summon the strength or the willpower to speak up, so I had stopped our play until I could make out what she was saying.
Every time I asked her what she had said, she would shudder uncontrollably, deep in the throes of another orgasm. I was powerless to help her... or to stop her from possibly causing herself injury. Her barely audible voice kept repeating something that I could not make out.
Once again, she whispered out her plea... and once again I replied...
"Come again?"
~~~~
I knew a girl at work once who was truly concerned about her husband's smoking. She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making love. She had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had both seen on TV called "Cold Turkey".
After about a week I asked her how it was going.
"Well, not too bad", she said, getting up off of a pillow she had on her chair and limping towards the photocopy machine. "I've gotten him down to about a pack a night now."
~~~~
A man and a women are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the women gets out, picks it up, and brings it in to the car.
She says, "Look, it's shivering. It must be cold. What should I do?"
He says, "Put it between your legs."
She says, "What about the smell?"
He says, "Hold its nose."
~~~~
There's this couple doing work and the wife stops to go up and take a shower. Shortly thereafter the guy is looking for the rake and yells to his wife., who looks out the upstairs bathroom window, "Where is the rake?". She can't hear him, so he points to his eye (I), points to his knee (need) and then makes raking motions.
"What?" she yells.
So he goes through the routine again. She nods like she gets it and then points to her eye, then to her left breast, then to her ass and then to her crotch.
Her husband is totally confused so he goes in the house, upstairs and into the bathroom: "What did you say?"
She says "I said `eye left tit behind the bush`."
~~~~