Hmmmm.
I don't remember why I took a vacation from LJ, but I kind of forgot to come back until now. I got busy, and didn't think about posting when I wasn't busy... blah blah blah... got out of the habit. But the good news is I'm alive.
I was thinking today about well about lots of things. geez....
Just now, about a guy i work with who was a good friend until recently, and i don't know why in the world he stopped talking to me. not that he's blatantly rude or anything; he just doesn't respond to my IMs or ask me to go downstairs for a smoke. He's not a romantic interest or anything like that. for one thing he's already married; for another he's sort of agnostic. Not having a wife and loving God are pretty important qualities to me in a man. But he was a good friend--somebody to vent to or just chat with or whatever. he attends the martial arts school i was going to, and we'd talk about kung fu a lot. Over the past 6 weeks or so, i've just had one thing after another come up to prevent me from going to class. My knee would hurt, or i'd be so low on money that i didn't want to use the gas to drive to smyrna, or i'd have to stay at work till 6:30 and not have the energy to go, or something was wrong with my car, or i'd have to mow the lawn or do something around the house or have plans with a friend.... They honestly were not excuses. And this week, i kind of decided to hang it up altogether. I'm about to move and start over at a new school, and i just don't have the money to spend on it. There's no reason to try and earn stripes on my sash, and i can practice kicks and forms at home if i want to... i won't be here long enough to advance to the next belt group. Anyway... i'm wondering if he feels let down because i don't go to kung fu anymore, or something like that?? it's not like that was the only thing we had in common. i haven't done anything wrong. it's just weird. i miss talking with him. it actually kind of hurts. guys don't normally do things like that. i mean if you're not dating them. it's not too surprising when girls turn on each other. so i don't know what to think when a guy just quits being my friend.
i'm in a really strange mood. i feel like i haven't taken my medicine or something. but i did take it this morning. speaking of which i went to see the crazy doc on friday. it was the first time i'd gone since i was a little kid. i've just started questioning what might be going on with me. i know there is anxiety, and there are bouts with depression, and there are happy times too... and since my gyn started me on the wellbutrin, and there was no diagnosis, i decided i would like a diagnosis. once i have one, i'm going to seek a homeopathic treatment. so i'm supposed to be getting off the wellbutrin. he gave me a script for half my dosage, to take for 5 days, to slowly get it out of my system. i'm anxious about how it will affect me. but i need to get off of it in order for him to evaluate me more accurately. it might not be the right drug for me, but it certainly does take the edge off my mood swings and anxiety attacks. and there's nothing circumstantial that would get me down or anxious or anything... so we know it's phisiological. i haven't gotten my RX filled yet. i have to do that this week... tomorrow..... then i have to start taking it...... getting on wellbutrin put me in hell for 2 weeks. i was paranoid and anxious like i've never been before. it was horrible. but my gyn warned me about that and told me it would last about 2 weeks and then even out. and it did. so i'm afraid the same thing will happen when i try to go off it.
in other news my car is falling apart. in the past 2 weeks, i've had an oil change, replaced the battery, busted a CV joint, and been told i need new tires. my friend fixed the CV joint over the weekend, which threw my wheels completely out of alignment; it is at the tire shop now getting aligned.
My parents finally found a reliable contractor for the beach house in savannah. things are moving right along there. i hope to move sometime in july, but that's being very hopeful. which is unlike me....
i made the mistake of watching a few episodes, including the last 2, of Alias. so my latest obsession is with renting (or purchasing used) the first 3 seasons. it's awesome, but you have to watch it from the pilot or nothing makes a bit of sense. except the fight scenes are cool. and i adore victor garber. after i started watching it, i realized he was the guy who played Jesus in the original Godspell. So i had to pull that out and watch it. and it was like, oh my gosh this is the same guy?!?! he's awesome. and i've decided to learn morse code. i mean you just never know when it might come in handy. of course other people have to know it too.... anyway i got through the end of season 1 last night. good stuff--except i don't like vartan. he just seems rather bland. but i would too if i were in a show with victor garber and ron rifkin. his acting disappoints me. but he is kind of cute. kind of. not like victor though.
i am meeting roxy for dinner tonight, so that should be fun. she said she needs to vent. so fun might not be the correct word. but it will be good to catch up. i miss her being around work and all.
now to catch up on friends lists......
I was thinking today about well about lots of things. geez....
Just now, about a guy i work with who was a good friend until recently, and i don't know why in the world he stopped talking to me. not that he's blatantly rude or anything; he just doesn't respond to my IMs or ask me to go downstairs for a smoke. He's not a romantic interest or anything like that. for one thing he's already married; for another he's sort of agnostic. Not having a wife and loving God are pretty important qualities to me in a man. But he was a good friend--somebody to vent to or just chat with or whatever. he attends the martial arts school i was going to, and we'd talk about kung fu a lot. Over the past 6 weeks or so, i've just had one thing after another come up to prevent me from going to class. My knee would hurt, or i'd be so low on money that i didn't want to use the gas to drive to smyrna, or i'd have to stay at work till 6:30 and not have the energy to go, or something was wrong with my car, or i'd have to mow the lawn or do something around the house or have plans with a friend.... They honestly were not excuses. And this week, i kind of decided to hang it up altogether. I'm about to move and start over at a new school, and i just don't have the money to spend on it. There's no reason to try and earn stripes on my sash, and i can practice kicks and forms at home if i want to... i won't be here long enough to advance to the next belt group. Anyway... i'm wondering if he feels let down because i don't go to kung fu anymore, or something like that?? it's not like that was the only thing we had in common. i haven't done anything wrong. it's just weird. i miss talking with him. it actually kind of hurts. guys don't normally do things like that. i mean if you're not dating them. it's not too surprising when girls turn on each other. so i don't know what to think when a guy just quits being my friend.
i'm in a really strange mood. i feel like i haven't taken my medicine or something. but i did take it this morning. speaking of which i went to see the crazy doc on friday. it was the first time i'd gone since i was a little kid. i've just started questioning what might be going on with me. i know there is anxiety, and there are bouts with depression, and there are happy times too... and since my gyn started me on the wellbutrin, and there was no diagnosis, i decided i would like a diagnosis. once i have one, i'm going to seek a homeopathic treatment. so i'm supposed to be getting off the wellbutrin. he gave me a script for half my dosage, to take for 5 days, to slowly get it out of my system. i'm anxious about how it will affect me. but i need to get off of it in order for him to evaluate me more accurately. it might not be the right drug for me, but it certainly does take the edge off my mood swings and anxiety attacks. and there's nothing circumstantial that would get me down or anxious or anything... so we know it's phisiological. i haven't gotten my RX filled yet. i have to do that this week... tomorrow..... then i have to start taking it...... getting on wellbutrin put me in hell for 2 weeks. i was paranoid and anxious like i've never been before. it was horrible. but my gyn warned me about that and told me it would last about 2 weeks and then even out. and it did. so i'm afraid the same thing will happen when i try to go off it.
in other news my car is falling apart. in the past 2 weeks, i've had an oil change, replaced the battery, busted a CV joint, and been told i need new tires. my friend fixed the CV joint over the weekend, which threw my wheels completely out of alignment; it is at the tire shop now getting aligned.
My parents finally found a reliable contractor for the beach house in savannah. things are moving right along there. i hope to move sometime in july, but that's being very hopeful. which is unlike me....
i made the mistake of watching a few episodes, including the last 2, of Alias. so my latest obsession is with renting (or purchasing used) the first 3 seasons. it's awesome, but you have to watch it from the pilot or nothing makes a bit of sense. except the fight scenes are cool. and i adore victor garber. after i started watching it, i realized he was the guy who played Jesus in the original Godspell. So i had to pull that out and watch it. and it was like, oh my gosh this is the same guy?!?! he's awesome. and i've decided to learn morse code. i mean you just never know when it might come in handy. of course other people have to know it too.... anyway i got through the end of season 1 last night. good stuff--except i don't like vartan. he just seems rather bland. but i would too if i were in a show with victor garber and ron rifkin. his acting disappoints me. but he is kind of cute. kind of. not like victor though.
i am meeting roxy for dinner tonight, so that should be fun. she said she needs to vent. so fun might not be the correct word. but it will be good to catch up. i miss her being around work and all.
now to catch up on friends lists......