Triggers...
I'm in the dark.
But it doesn't matter.
My eyes are closed.
My head hurts. Pills were taken. Peace will come.
Sounds of a movie... a passing housemate... Kim Carrey yelling at some girl. Fun times.
I was just lying in someone's arms. And he spoke to me about my life. Where I am going. What I am doing. Why I am doing what it is I do. What I'm looking for... Did I say that already? Again - my eyes are closed....
Let's look at relationships. I don't have one. I think I want one. Whenever I get close to one I don't want it anymore. So do I really want one? What is about them that bothers me? Is it the obligatory attachment that is involved? An attachment that the scared part of me doesn't want to give? Or am I just a loner? Bound and dterermined to make my own way regardless.
We gay men often find comfort in the often discourged "open" relationship. This grans the participants the right to sleep with whomever they please, with limitations set forth on hte onset of the relationship. But as as you do this you start to enter into a binding committement. Why does this frighten me. Why do want to slip out of my body.
Even as I type this my hands and the keyboard they are tapping furiously, seemto be drifting farther and farther away from my center of percetptions. The head, as it would be.
To fly.
To escape.
To be, without binds.
How does this ever happen in this life? can you ever be happy living a life where you're channelled in some way as determined by those around you? what exactly am i talking about?
I think it's time to open my eyes and click the "submit" key.
I long to forget all which I remember.
I long to remember all that has been placed out of my reach.
For such an extremist, can there be any middle ground?
The Capricorn grinds to a halt.
But it doesn't matter.
My eyes are closed.
My head hurts. Pills were taken. Peace will come.
Sounds of a movie... a passing housemate... Kim Carrey yelling at some girl. Fun times.
I was just lying in someone's arms. And he spoke to me about my life. Where I am going. What I am doing. Why I am doing what it is I do. What I'm looking for... Did I say that already? Again - my eyes are closed....
Let's look at relationships. I don't have one. I think I want one. Whenever I get close to one I don't want it anymore. So do I really want one? What is about them that bothers me? Is it the obligatory attachment that is involved? An attachment that the scared part of me doesn't want to give? Or am I just a loner? Bound and dterermined to make my own way regardless.
We gay men often find comfort in the often discourged "open" relationship. This grans the participants the right to sleep with whomever they please, with limitations set forth on hte onset of the relationship. But as as you do this you start to enter into a binding committement. Why does this frighten me. Why do want to slip out of my body.
Even as I type this my hands and the keyboard they are tapping furiously, seemto be drifting farther and farther away from my center of percetptions. The head, as it would be.
To fly.
To escape.
To be, without binds.
How does this ever happen in this life? can you ever be happy living a life where you're channelled in some way as determined by those around you? what exactly am i talking about?
I think it's time to open my eyes and click the "submit" key.
I long to forget all which I remember.
I long to remember all that has been placed out of my reach.
For such an extremist, can there be any middle ground?
The Capricorn grinds to a halt.