My Monologue
There are some things in this life that we REALLY don't want to do, but we inevitably have to do. On the flip side of the coin, there are the things that you long to do with all of your being, but no matter what, you can’t. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my life.
Today is the day I have to learn to say goodbye. I have to say goodbye to the love of my life. I can’t keep holding on to something that he obviously doesn’t want to happen. It was a pipe dream anyway. I mean, what’s the point in loving someone if they want someone else? Exactly. There is no point. If I end up alone, at least I’ll know that I made him happy by leaving him alone to discover the love of HIS life. I loved him with every ounce of my being, but if he thinks that there is someone out there that could love him more than I can, then so be it. So…goodbye love.
I also have to say goodbye to my mom. I can’t live in denial anymore. I won’t see her again anytime soon…maybe even ever. She’s not coming back and I pretty much have a one way ticket straight to hell, so I probably won’t see her even after I die. Part of me still expects her to be here when I get home from school. But you know what? After a year, I really should start coming to terms with it. But hey, life goes on.
And I need to say goodbye to my childhood. I’m not a child anymore. Gone are the days of worry free afternoons and playing Oregon Trail with our bicycles. Gone the days of not having to worry about money, college, and trying to fit in to society. We come up on the time in our lives where fitting in is not just recommended…it’s required. Our lives now are so wrapped up in trying to find out who we are going to be for the rest of our lives. Our youth will soon be just a faded memory…like a yellowing picture in a box. Forgotten until we stumble upon it when we have our own kids and they remind us of how we were when we were kids too.
And frankly, I don’t want to do any of that. I want to freely love the love of my life and have him love me back just as passionately. I want to keep thinking that I will see my mom again and actually see her. And I want to recapture my childhood. Be young and carefree even if it is just for a little while.
But this is the time where we have to do the things we don’t want to. And in my case, the time where I have to detach myself from others…and more importantly, from myself.
Today is the day I have to learn to say goodbye. I have to say goodbye to the love of my life. I can’t keep holding on to something that he obviously doesn’t want to happen. It was a pipe dream anyway. I mean, what’s the point in loving someone if they want someone else? Exactly. There is no point. If I end up alone, at least I’ll know that I made him happy by leaving him alone to discover the love of HIS life. I loved him with every ounce of my being, but if he thinks that there is someone out there that could love him more than I can, then so be it. So…goodbye love.
I also have to say goodbye to my mom. I can’t live in denial anymore. I won’t see her again anytime soon…maybe even ever. She’s not coming back and I pretty much have a one way ticket straight to hell, so I probably won’t see her even after I die. Part of me still expects her to be here when I get home from school. But you know what? After a year, I really should start coming to terms with it. But hey, life goes on.
And I need to say goodbye to my childhood. I’m not a child anymore. Gone are the days of worry free afternoons and playing Oregon Trail with our bicycles. Gone the days of not having to worry about money, college, and trying to fit in to society. We come up on the time in our lives where fitting in is not just recommended…it’s required. Our lives now are so wrapped up in trying to find out who we are going to be for the rest of our lives. Our youth will soon be just a faded memory…like a yellowing picture in a box. Forgotten until we stumble upon it when we have our own kids and they remind us of how we were when we were kids too.
And frankly, I don’t want to do any of that. I want to freely love the love of my life and have him love me back just as passionately. I want to keep thinking that I will see my mom again and actually see her. And I want to recapture my childhood. Be young and carefree even if it is just for a little while.
But this is the time where we have to do the things we don’t want to. And in my case, the time where I have to detach myself from others…and more importantly, from myself.