the wintery blahs on a summery day
reduce your expectations
it's the best way to happiness
so i hear
well after two very productive days of music stuff - doing a half hour at a new cool coffee house venue in santa monica and then playing with some new friends last night I feel accomplished and like I'm doing all I can for myself right now - I did get myself to the studio today but only lasted 90 minutes or so - then when I took a break from the piano the immense sadness hit me and i just lost all my steam. My sense of grief, of separateness and isolation from people continues to be very intense - could it be the waning moon?
Despite my numerous attempts to connect with people and be of service to the songwriting community, and much apparent success, I feel so immensely disappointed in people everywhere in my life - they don't get me, they don't support me, they avoid me or ignore me or withdraw from me . . . . bla bla bla. It's not just my family dying on me or their coldness or my weird worklife or fragmented lovelife or my outsidery feelings with everyone - though it would be nice to be around people more like me - damn i know they're out there somewhere! - I hurt so much I had to come home and lick my wounds the natural way - by burying them with some of what I like to call FDA (food and drug administration - get it?). (Hey, I'm allowed one addictive reference a year, okay?) And of course, McDonald's food is specially designed to appease the masses into mass moo-sleep - perfect!
So why does nature want to be so damn sunny and summery today? I just ain't feelin' it. :(