[fic] The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 35 {1/3}
The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 35
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13
Summary: To end the war that has desecrated the lives of the people between two kingdoms, an alliance in the form of an arranged marriage has been made between the two royal families. however, when the princess runs away to avoid being married, the unwilling look-a-like pauper, Kamenashi Kazuya, somehow finds himself brought in to play the part of the princess and deceive Prince Jin. But Kazuya never expected to fall in love...
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*waves* so hey, I wrote Chapter 35. And I'm going to say this at the end too, but as you may have noticed, I've gotten an lj name change. You can still type in xx-lovelain-xx, and it'll lead you here, but ^^;; yeah, just thought I'd explain that.
What else? Um...to be honest, I think I was supposed to say something, but i forgot XDD oh well~ I'll remember it eventually.
This chapter...is slightly angsty, but...idk, it covers a lot about war and stuff and death and loss, so that's why ^^;;; But yeah, just prepare yourselves or something :D
I don't think I have anything left to say....so...enjoy? =P
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The cars travelled along the paved road; an early morning fog had settled over the landscape, making Kazuya squint as he tried to see through the condensed air. An arm suddenly wrapped around his waist, pulling him back to the seat as a loud yawn escaped the man next to him. Kazuya fell back against Jin’s side and looked up curiously at the sleepily yawning man.
“It’s supposed to be like that until late morning,” Jin said, yawning again and putting his head on Kazuya’s shoulder, “It’s…” he yawned once more, “Pointless to try to see the scenery.”
Across the long stretch car, Ryo let out a scoffing noise, “You just want Kazuya’s attention on you instead of on the passing scenery.” He said with a smirk.
Jin bristled and shot a glare at Ryo, “At least I’m not lying across him!” he shot back, indicating how Ryo was stretched out on the seat, legs draped across Yamapi, while Yamapi was unaware. The younger man was asleep, bent so that he was still sort of sitting, but had stretched his upper body over the rest of the seat and his head was lying on the seat next to the door. Ryo had taken advantage of the sleeping younger man and had propped his legs across Yamapi’s lap, leaning back so that he was leaning against the other side of the car.
Ryo simply stretched and move his legs even further down the seat, “Why shouldn’t I? It’s comfortable,” he said with a lazy smirk, “And you’re just mad that Kazuya’s not asleep for you to do this to.”
Jin glared and snapped, “Am not! Not everyone likes to cling like you do and torture the person they like!”
Ryo rolled his eyes, “You still haven’t caught onto the fact that it’s platonic, Jin?” he asked.
Jin opened his mouth to say something, but then he got a nudge into his side. Startled and curious, he looked down at Kazuya, who was shaking his head.
Finally, Jin settled with a shrug and muttered, “I wonder what Yamashita’s going to do to you when he wakes up.” He added as a comeback.
Ryo glanced at Yamapi for a moment, and then shrugged unconcerned.
On the other side of the seat that Jin and Kazuya were on, Uchi rolled his eyes at his best friend, “Well, considering Ryo’s just positioned himself in a way that Yamapi can’t get up since Ryo’s legs are on him, well, I’d say Ryo’s pretty safe.”
Ryo smirked in return.
“And by the way, since we’re all awake,” Uchi grabbed a magazine from the floor and threw it at Ryo’s head, “That’s for you two taking up that whole side and making the rest of us squeeze into uncomfortable sleeping positions on this side.”
Ryo grinned and moved a bit closer to Yamapi, making room on the side he had been leaning against, “If you’re willing to be a pillow, I can make room for you.”
Uchi considered it for a moment and then got up with a shrug and sat in the space next to his best friend, letting Ryo lean against him instead, “Don’t think I don’t know that this is just another way for you to be comfortable and be even closer to the subject of your torture.”
Ryo flashed him a grin, “Who, me?” he asked innocently.
Jin let out a scoffing noise, “Please. You’re the one everyone would doubt the most in this car.”
Ryo raised an eyebrow, “I’d say something to that, but that didn’t upset me enough.” He said with a smirk.
Jin glared suspiciously at Ryo, “What? You never pass up a chance to -” his eyes widened suddenly, “What did you do?!”
Ryo grabbed the magazine that Uchi had thrown at him and flipped through it nonchalantly, “I may have had a very nice conversation with Kazuya before you woke up; it may have involved embarrassing stories. It also may have involved in the lowering of your manliness in the eyes of the one you like.”
Jin growled and made a swiping motion at Ryo, who merely tilted his head, unconcerned.
Kazuya, who had been watching this exchange, merely laughed, “I’m so glad you and Pi don’t get along; that way you can’t share stories about me.” He said; if he was hoping to quell Jin’s panic and anger, it had the opposite effect, for Jin was now wide-eyed and staring between Ryo and Kazuya, mind racing as he thought about what stories Ryo had told Kazuya.
Ryo smirked.
Then, he leaned forward, “You wouldn’t happen to be willing to divulge a few about Tomohisa would you?” he asked in a lowered tone, nearly in a whisper, as he shot a furtive look at the sleeping Yamapi.
Kazuya opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, a shoe went flying into the side of Ryo’s head. Everyone turned toward Yamapi, who had opened his eyes sleepily and with a cranky look on his face, “Don’t even think about it.” He said with a glare at Ryo.
“I thought you were asleep!” Ryo said incredulously.
“Your evil intentions woke me up,” Yamapi replied crankily.
Kazuya smothered a laugh; it was almost unbelievable, but there was no denying the fact that Yamapi woke up just as Ryo wanted to know about embarrassing childhood stories.
“Good night’s rest?” Kazuya asked before Yamapi decided to hit Ryo out of principle.
Yamapi yawned, trying to sit up and then failing due to the legs spread across his chest, “I was. I was having the most wonderful dream that involved me waking up alone, without any unwanted limbs on me. Then I woke up.” He said, glaring pointedly at Ryo.
The older man smiled unabashedly, and made no move to change position.
There was a long pause.
“You’re not moving are you?” Yamapi asked with a suffering tone.
“Nope,” Ryo answered with a boyish grin, “This is comfortable.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“I will.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, you - ow!”
Yamapi had a triumphantly smug look as Ryo rubbed his forehead, the result of Yamapi’s other shoe being flung at the older man.
* * *
“You know,” Jin said, leaning his head on Kazuya’s shoulder again when the younger man started to stare out the window again, “I think Ryo even riles up your best friend more than he does me now.”
Kazuya let out a quiet laugh, “Well, they are pretty obvious aren’t they?” he asked.
“If you didn’t tell me otherwise, I’d have thought they were an actual couple somehow.” Jin said with a slight shrug, “What’s so interesting out there anyways?”
Kazuya turned for a moment, “Nothing, really…but I’m just thinking.” He said, flashing a grin.
Jin tilted his head curiously, “About what?”
“About the next town we’re going to,” Kazuya replied, “About everything they’ve got planned for there.”
“Oh,” Jin’s expression was solemn, “Oh yeah. That.” He let the conversation trail into silence for a few moments; then, as his arms slipped around Kazuya from behind, he broke it.
“So, what stories did Ryo tell you about me?” he asked with a curious and suspicious tone.
Kazuya turned away from the scenery and laughed, “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal,” he said an amused grin on his lips.
“Because they’re embarrassing!” Jin protested, “Seriously, what did he tell you?”
Kazuya shook his head, hiding a smile, “Not telling.”
“What?” Jin exclaimed, and then pouted, “C’mon, why not?”
“Because I said I wouldn’t tell you until he got to break it to you.”
“Break it to me?” Jin asked loudly in a panicked tone, “Break it to me?! That means it has to be the most embarrassing ones too! Kazuya~” he wailed, turning red and burying his head in his hands, “Which one was it?!”
Kazuya merely smiled in amusement.
“C’mon, tell me,” Jin whined, “I won’t tell Ryo that you told me.” He offered.
Kazuya had a wry look on his face, “You do know that he’s right there and can hear you right?” he asked pointedly.
Jin whipped around and sure enough, Ryo was lying there, fixing him with a victorious smirk. He glared, “Fine, tell Kazuya that he can tell me what you told him!” he growled out.
“Nope,” Ryo answered, before reaching over and poking Yamapi in the waist and garnering a lot of irritated insults from the younger man, which Ryo gleefully countered, ignoring Jin completely. Jin glared, and then turned back to Kazuya who was looking outside again.
“C’mon~” Jin wheedled, “I deserve to know, don’t I? As the subject of humiliation…and you love me, don’t you?” he asked hopefully.
Kazuya looked pensive, and then turned to give Jin a kiss, pulling the older man down to him by the collar of his shirt, “Well, yes,” he said in a soft voice, but then he smiled, “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to break my word. Besides, it’s not hurting you by not knowing.”
“Yes it is!” Jin protested, but he found that he couldn’t think of a way it was really hurting him and he crossed his arms and sulked.
Unbeknownst to him, as he was doing this, Ryo mouthed something to Kazuya and the younger man smiled, as he poked Jin in the side, and leaned over to whisper in Jin’s ear, “Well, it may have been something involving a time when you were nine and you wanted to fly -”
Jin’s eyes widened in horror, looking at Kazuya and then at Ryo, who merely smirked.
“ - and it might have involved you building artificial wings and when you couldn’t get off the ground, you decided that clothes were simply hindering you, because birds didn’t wear clothes...”
Jin clamped his hand over his ears and began to hum, but he could still hear Kazuya’s voice.
“And there might have been the sight of a nine-year-old prince in the courtyard completely naked and flapping fake wings to try to fly - for the entire palace to see.”
Jin responded to this by burying his completely red face into Kazuya’s shoulder, “I was wrong,” he muttered, “It hurt me by knowing instead of not knowing.”
Kazuya’s laugh sounded his ears and he felt an arm circle around his shoulders comfortingly.
“I’m going to kill Ryo,” Jin muttered into Kazuya’s shoulder, loud enough so that only Kazuya could hear.
“You do that,” Kazuya said, clearly amused.
“But first, I’m going to hide and not show my face until we get to where we’re going, and then I’ll hide out in my room for a few hours.”
Kazuya’s laugh and the tightening of Kazuya’s arm around his shoulders in amusement was his only answer.
* * *
Jin’s solemn promise to not show his face didn’t last long. Soon, Kazuya was fast asleep and the younger man kept shifting positions from leaning against the side of the car, head against the window, to leaning against Jin, head nestled on Jin’s shoulder. The rest of the car had followed suit, most of them so bored out of their minds from the lack of anything to do that they had settled for taking naps.
Jin had been one of those, until he had been woken up by a foot kicking him in the knee. Letting out a soft yelp that made Kazuya grumble in his sleep, he glared at the perpetrator, mouthing swear words quietly.
Yamapi looked unconcerned at the glare being sent at him, as he finally finished getting out from under Ryo. Moving the older man’s legs so that they were bent into an upside down ‘v’ shape on the seat Yamapi had been on, the younger man shifted to the window seat so that he was well out of range of Ryo’s legs.
“Your best friend is a menace,” Yamapi glared darkly at Ryo’s sleeping form.
“I know,” Jin joined Yamapi in glaring for a moment, and then shifted his glare back to Yamapi, “And you kicked me!”
“Well, I’m willing to risk a bruise on your sheltered prince-y leg if it means I get your clingy best friend off of me.” Yamapi retorted.
Jin scowled, “I’m not sheltered!”
“Of course not,” Yamapi rolled his eyes, “Just incredibly ignorant.”
“What?! I’m not!”
Yamapi sighed and gave Jin a derisive look that clearly said what he thought of Jin’s protests, “If you weren’t, then you’re incredibly oblivious to everything around you. Or just really dumb and can’t figure it out.”
Jin scowled, “You’re one to talk about being oblivious!” he snarled out, “Considering what happens every time you’re around Ryo!”
Yamapi rolled his eyes, “He’s just being annoying; it doesn’t mean anything.”
Jin made a disbelieving noise.
“The only reason I’m actually talking to you now is because it’s obvious to me that you don’t even realize what going to this next town means to everyone else.”
“I know what it means!” Jin protested, “We’re holding a memorial for all the people who died during the war.”
“And why is that?” Yamapi asked with an impatient tone.
“Because that’s where some of the worst battles and the most casualties happened.” Jin answered promptly, ignoring that little voice in the back of his head that told him he only knew that because Ueda had told him.
Yamapi looked like he was using up all his patience just by talking with Jin, “First of all, that entire area was turned into a constant war zone during the years that the war was at its worst. They didn’t even bother rebuilding, and it essentially became a dead city because those that survived in there, either left, or was killed in later battles. The city itself became a battleground.”
Jin frowned, “So you think I should be more solemn or something?”
Yamapi took a deep, exasperated, breath, “Put the pieces together. Everyone else has. You’re the only one asking Kazuya questions like ‘what’s so interesting out there anyways?’” the younger man mocked Jin’s voice from earlier, “You’re the one who hasn’t realized why he’s so out of it today.”
Jin blinked, “This has something to do with Kazuya?”
Yamapi crossed his arms, “Nobody else is going to talk about this with you; I’m doing it because I don’t care if you get upset because I insulted you - and because I know Kazuya best. So, think about it. Why would Kazuya be affected by going to that town and the event?”
Jin just stared blankly; he honestly didn’t know - and that irritated him, “I haven’t known him for years like you have alright?!” he snapped, “How should I know?”
“He’s told you this before. It’s best you know this now, before you say something stupid and insensitive to him by mistake.”
At Jin’s blank look, Yamapi sighed, and raised three fingers, “Kazuya has three brothers. The first one, Youjiro, injured his leg many years ago, and couldn’t serve in the war. The third one, Yuya, is younger than Kazuya so, at the time, wouldn’t have been old enough to serve. The second one, Koji…”
Jin’s eyes widened suddenly, remembering something from a conversation with Kazuya after that accident with the horse; Koji -
“Koji died in the war.” Jin whispered, “You mean…?”
“This will be the very first time Kazuya will visit the place where Koji died.” Yamapi finally said in a solemn tone of voice, “Koji, in many ways, was Kazuya’s role model growing up - even after he died. He was the brother that Kazuya loved the most, and yearned to be like. I thought you should be prepared - as the prince, you’ll be with Kazuya the most during these events. Be prepared to help him deal with going to that town.” Yamapi said finally.
Jin clamped his mouth shut, his eyes troubled now, “But…”
“It’s about time you understood how much damage the war did,” Yamapi said, his eyes boring into Jin almost frighteningly, “Until you do, you will never be able to help Kazuya when a flashback hits, or when he remembers someone he lost. Until you do understand how much damage the war did, you will never be able to truly understand what a risk Kazuya is taking by staying with you, and you will never truly understand Kazuya.”
“I -”
“Don’t you think Kazuya hides his scars well?” Yamapi interrupted the indignant response Jin had, “He’s lived in the middle of a war, as nothing more than a common orphan on the street; he should be jumpier, he should trust you less, he should be wary of anyone who he hasn’t known for years. Don’t you think he puts aside and hides his scars too well?”
Jin didn’t have anything to say to that; he could only stare at Yamapi for a few moments, watching as the younger man, with intense eyes that drilled into him, looked away and picked up a book and began to read.
His eyes drifted over to Kazuya, who was sleeping oblivious to the conversation about him. He kept staring at Kazuya, unwilling to tear his eyes away.
It was true though; he couldn’t deny Yamapi’s words. He didn’t know the pain of struggling to survive, he didn’t know the pain of losing everyone he knew and loved; he didn’t know the pain of losing a brother. He had always been protected by his father, whether it was pleasant or not; he had always been sheltered. Jin hadn’t even thought too much about how serious the upcoming event was, because to him, he didn’t know the people who died; it was tragic, but his heart didn’t split open in pain for them.
But…
Maybe it should have. Because it would have if I really understood loss and if I really understood how horrible the war was.
And if I really understood that…I wouldn’t have needed Yamashita to tell me about Kazuya. I would have just known; I wouldn’t have needed to ask.
A sinking feeling started in his heart.
I’m the only one who doesn’t understand.
* * *
“Your highness!” was the first thing they heard when the travellers, all tired and cranky from the long car trip, walked into the hotel. They were in a city only half an hour away from the city that the event would take place in; rebuilding efforts had started months ago, but lodging still wasn’t available in that city for so many people. This town had been slightly less damaged and thus, rebuilding efforts had finished already.
Kazuya looked up at the hotel employee who was running toward him. Jin looked on curiously, but his attention was soon drawn away by someone offering to take his bags for him.
“Yes?” Kazuya asked.
“Someone left a letter here last week, for your arrival,” the employee said looking hesitant as he handed the letter over, “I told him that I wouldn’t give it to you if you didn’t know him, but he assured me that you would accept this letter.”
Kazuya looked curious, “Did he leave a name? Did you see who he was?” he asked.
“It was a hot day,” the man explained regretfully, “So he was wearing sunglasses and a hat, so I didn’t get a good look at his face; he seemed to resemble you a little though.” He added, “A distant relation?” he wondered.
Kazuya froze, and then in what he hoped was a controlled voice, he spoke, “No, but I think I know who you’re talking about. What was the name…he…left?” he asked, hoping the man didn’t catch the way he hesitated on the ‘he’.
The concierge looked at the letter in his hands and a post-it he had stuck onto it, “Kamenashi,” he replied promptly, “Kamenashi Kazuya.”
So he was right. Still, Kazuya found his movements stiff as he nodded and tried to smile, “Yes, I know him.” He said.
Know? You are him, a voice in his mind said sardonically.
He took the letter from the man and smiled as brightly as he could, “Thank you. I appreciate you holding onto this for me.”
The man bowed and smiled politely and went back to the front desk.
Kazuya stared at the letter in his hands for a moment; it was written in the same handwriting that he had seen on that letter Kazumi had left when she had run away.
So I’m pretending to be her, and she’s using my name?
Well, he supposed she couldn’t really use her own name to send a letter - especially not to herself. And not if she didn’t want to be found.
“What is that, Kazu-chan?” Yamapi asked, showing up and looking curious.
Kazuya gave a shaky smile, “Someone who was here a week ago, who resembled me, apparently.” He added as he cast a pointed look at everyone around them, “Does the name Kamenashi Kazuya sound familiar?” he asked.
Yamapi blinked in confusion for a moment, and then his eyes widened, “Yes…” he said slowly, “It does.” He looked around furtively and hooked his arm through Kazuya’s, “I think we should go read this in your room. I’m curious to hear what he has to say after so long.”
Kazuya let himself get led away, eyes still fixated on the neat writing on the envelope.
What reason did Kazumi have in writing to him?
* * *
Jin stared as Kazuya and Yamapi walked off in a hurry; they passed Tackey on the way and the Captain’s brow furrowed for a moment in confusion, before all three of them were rushing out of the main foyer. He wondered what was going on - did something happen?
“Jin,” Tatsuya said from beside him, breaking him out of his thoughts. Jin gave a start, and turned to his friend, “Huh?”
Tatsuya threw a key at Jin, “Your father told me to give you this.” He said, “Your room key.”
Jin let out a curse as he failed to catch the key, “Thanks,” he muttered as he picked it up. By the time he looked around again, Kazuya was gone from sight and he frowned just a little. Had something happened?
This will be the very first time Kazuya will visit the place where Koji died, Yamapi’s words from earlier echoed hauntingly in his head.
Did it have something to do with his brother?
“What’re you thinking so deeply about?” Tatsuya asked in concern after a moment, “Seriously, Jin, you’re totally out of it today.” He added.
Jin frowned as he picked up the key that he had dropped again, “Nothing’s the matter.” He snapped.
Tatsuya raised a disbelieving eyebrow, “Right, and that’s why you’re so clumsy and distracted today.”
Jin scowled; he hated how his friends knew him so well. He could never say that nothing was wrong, and have them accept it as the truth when something was wrong.
“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to talk about it,” Jin snapped.
Tatsuya shrugged, “I’m not forcing you to talk about it; just stay away from certain people you like while you’re in this mood or you might insult and hurt someone you don’t mean to.”
Jin glared, “I won’t do anything like that!” he said defensive. After a moment, he sighed and let out a deep breath, “Fine. Whatever. Maybe I would, but…am I the only one who didn’t realize it?” he blurted out angrily - anger at Yamapi for telling him so brutally, and anger at himself for not realizing what everyone else already knew.
He watched Tatsuya warily; the older man didn’t even react, meaning that he had also figured it out.
“Let’s go somewhere quieter to talk,” was all Tatsuya said, looking around the hallway they were in. There was no one here, but just in case…
It was when they were in Jin’s room that Jin spoke again, “You already knew too, didn’t you?” he accused angrily right away.
“If you’re talking about connecting the event and this town to Kazuya’s distractedness lately, then yes,” Tatsuya said with a shrug, “You seemed to be happy thinking that there was nothing bothering him, so I decided to let someone else tell you.”
“I’d rather hear it from you than Yamashita!” Jin retorted, scowling and crossing his arms.
“Would you?” Tatsuya smiled wryly, “Or would you have told me I was overreacting, and told me that I don’t know Kazuya half as well as you and dismissed anything I had to say?”
Jin blinked at that, and then he opened his mouth but no sound came out. He closed it quickly.
“That’s what I thought.” The shorter man said with a roll of his eyes, “Jin, you’re a really stubborn person. The only person you would listened to about this was Yamashita. Because you know already how close those two are; if Ryo, or I, or even Uchi had tried to tell you something was wrong, you’d just tell us we were overreacting, or say that we’re imagining things.”
Jin scowled, looking away but not denying the point, “You could have at least tried to warn me!” he tried.
Tatsuya crossed his arms, “How?”
Jin opened his mouth and then, finding no answer, he settled for a glare and sat on his bed, crossing his arms and looking down, “I’m the only one who didn’t know, and I’m the one who should have noticed something, considering who he is to me.” He looked up with an angry, hurt, and confused expression, “Why didn’t I notice?”
Tatsuya leaned against the wall, “Because unlike me, you’re not too observant. And unlike Nishikido and Uchi, you’ve never gone through the same sort of loss - either temporary or permanent. You know what Nishikido and Uchi went through - they thought they would lose each other, and the feeling of loss, although temporary, was completely real. The fear was real, the grief was real.”
Jin scowled, looking away, but knowing that what Tatsuya was saying was true - he may have practically been in a prison of his father’s control most of his life, but that was still better than losing someone important to him. That prison had kept himself, his brother, and his friends safe for most of the war.
“Because you never suffered a loss like that, you don’t connect war to that loss. Because you personally weren’t that affected by death in the war, you never made the connection when the mention of this town made Kazuya distracted like that.”
“But -” Jin glared at nothing in particular, “How am I supposed to help him then? I’m with him the most, but I couldn’t even figure it out! I - he couldn’t even tell me something was bothering him!” he blurted out - the real reason he was so aggravated from his conversation from Yamapi. The realization that he was the only one who didn’t know was made worse by the fact that Kazuya had had so many chances to tell him, but didn’t.
Tatsuya shrugged, “I don’t know why exactly he didn’t tell you, but to me, if I were him, I probably wouldn’t either.” At Jin’s furious expression, he continued, “It’s a difficult thing to talk about Jin, especially to someone you know. How long did it take Uchi and Nishikido to talk about what happened to them? Years.” He added, letting Jin know that he wasn’t supposed to answer that, “This isn’t something easy, Jin.”
“I know that!” Jin protested, “I just…I feel so stupid, asking him stupid questions for the whole trip here; I…I wanted to help.”
“Maybe,” Tatsuya said thoughtfully, “You were helping by not knowing, by asking those stupid questions.” He said with a shrug, “Well, I’m going to find Junno. If I were you, I’d find Kazuya to make sure he’s doing alright. Be understanding; swallow your pride and all that.” He said with a wave as he left the room.
Jin stared at the door for a moment, before flopping on his stomach on the bed; what did Tatsuya know anyways?
A lot more than you did, a nagging little voice that was oddly reminiscent of his friend’s voice sounded in his mind.
Shut up, he responded, punching a pillow.
Just because your pride’s a bit injured from not knowing, you won’t go see if he’s doing okay? There it was again.
Jin wanted to tell it to shut up, but not even in his mind could he work up a response to that.
* * *
The envelope had held a smaller envelope, where the real letter was hidden inside; Kazuya knew that Yamapi was slightly impressed that Kazumi had thought of taking precautions like this. The letter was addressed to Kazuya, but Kazuya felt a little awkward, getting a letter from someone he had never actually met when the one person who should probably hear from Kazumi was Tsubasa.
“What does it say?” Yamapi asked cautiously.
Kazuya let out a tight smile, and handed it over to his best friend to read. Tackey had seemed to decide that it was best not to inform Tsubasa about Kazumi’s letter until after the event tomorrow, as the king had enough on his mind without worrying about something he couldn’t control.
Kamenashi Kazuya,
You should have already guessed who I am, to send you a letter using this name. We’ve never met, but from the people in your hometown who mistook me as you, and from the pictures I see on the news reports, you have an uncanny resemblance to me. I suppose that’s what makes me feel as though I can write this letter to you, and you will read and listen to what I have to say instead of discarding it because you think I’m some sort of irresponsible brat for running away.
Maybe I am.
But just because we look alike doesn’t mean we are alike; I’m enjoying this freedom I took for myself, and in order to enjoy this a bit longer, I need you to do something for me. If you’re sick and tired of living my life, then you don’t have to do it; but if you want to convince people a little longer, then please do this favour for me…
Yamapi frowned, “What favour?”
Kazuya handed him another few pages that had been in the larger envelope.
Yamapi took them curiously and started to read; then, his brows furrowed, “Is this what I think it is?”
“Yeah,” Kazuya nodded, with an unreadable expression. He stared at the papers Yamapi had just handed back to him.
* * *
Night had already set by the time Jin found Kazuya. The younger man had found a little space right outside their hotel with benches both facing away and toward the hotel; there wasn’t much to see, but that was the point. It gave a clear image of just what the war had done to the land, with what would normally be other structures, or perhaps scenery, gone, and in its place was destroyed land that was just starting to show signs of life again.
Kazuya was sitting on a bench, and his eyes were staring at the space in the center of the little square in front of him, where a seedling tree had been planted and was growing slowly.
“Hey,” Jin greeted as he sat down next to Kazuya.
Kazuya gave a jolt of surprise, apparently having been so deep in thought that he hadn’t noticed Jin. He let out a small smile, “Hey,” he returned, “You went missing today.” He noted.
Jin looked surprised that Kazuya had noticed his absence; he would have thought, with what was coming up…
“I was…around,” Jin said with a nonchalant shrug, or at least he tried to pass it off as one, “And...I was thinking about tomorrow…”
Kazuya suddenly stiffened a little, and if Jin hadn’t known to watch for it, he wouldn’t have noticed it. The younger man was particularly good at hiding things like that.
He said the next words carefully, “And…what it means for you…”
This time, Kazuya looked at him in confusion for a moment, and then his eyes began to widen, shock seeping into them, “…who told you?” he breathed out, looking panicked as he grasped at Jin’s hands, “Someone told you.”
Jin winced as the grip on his hands began almost painfully tight, “Calm down,” he tried to say, “Kazuya, calm down.”
Kazuya didn’t let go of his hands though, but he was breathing quickly and erratically.
Jin moved his hands out of Kazuya’s grasp and put them on the younger man’s shoulders, “Calm down.” He repeated, a bit more sternly this time.
Kazuya was shaking his head, looking at Jin almost desperately.
Jin pulled the younger man to him, startling out of his panic for a moment; he closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Kazuya, “Calm down; I don’t know why you’re panicked about me finding out, but calm down.”
It took another few moments before that happened, and even when he did, Kazuya didn’t pull away. He returned the embrace Jin had enveloped him in, “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Jin murmured, “I just wish you had told me earlier.”
Kazuya stiffened in Jin’s arms.
“I mean, I felt pretty stupid when I found out - you were worrying about something as big as this, and I was asking you such stupid questions.”
Kazuya shook his head, “I didn’t mean to -”
“I know, but that’s how I felt when I first found out. And then Tatsuya had to talk some sense into me,” Jin said with a frown, “And I realized my pride, no matter how wounded it was, wasn’t more important than being there for you. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me, especially when it’s obviously something that is going to make tomorrow hard for you, but I just want you to know, that tomorrow, you can count on me, if anything happens.”
Kazuya looked surprised, “You…don’t want me to explain myself?” he asked in an unsure voice.
Jin stared at the younger man for a moment, “Yeah I do.” He said, but then he added, “But you don’t have to.”
Jin had spent the entire evening trying to put himself in Kazuya’s shoes, trying to imagine what it would feel like to lose a brother. Closing his eyes and lying on his bed for what seemed like forever, he had tried to imagine himself at a young age, and he had lost Reio. His brother, although they argued a lot, was someone he depended on a lot, and it must have been even worse for Kazuya, because Koji had been the older one. The protector. To lose someone like that, it must have hurt, and it must have left a bigger wound on Kazuya’s heart than anything Jin could imagine.
He was trying very hard to understand where Kazuya was coming from, and although he knew he would never be able to truly understand, because he had never lost someone close to him like that, he was trying, and he knew that pushing the subject when it was obviously still painful for the younger man wasn’t the way to go. Like Tatsuya had said to Jin, wounds like that were the hardest to talk about. Kazuya would talk to Jin when he was ready.
A smile was spreading across Kazuya’s lips, “Thank you,” he said in a sincerely grateful voice, “Thank you.”
Jin just returned the smile, “I’ll be there for you tomorrow; I know I don’t understand at all, but hopefully, I can at least help a little.”
“You will,” Kazuya said, grasping his hand again, “You did. Today. You don’t know how much it helped; you…were constantly giving me something other than…tomorrow…to think about.” He said reassuringly, “Tomorrow…I’ll make it through tomorrow somehow, and…you being there will help.” He admitted softly.
Jin broke into a relieved grin, “Good.”
“Speaking of tomorrow,” Kazuya said, standing up and dragging Jin up with him, “I got something interesting today; I want your opinion on it.”
Jin blinked in confusion, but followed Kazuya.
You being there will help, Kazuya words echoed like a pleasant song through his ears.
He smiled as he was dragged through the halls of the hotel; that was really all he had wanted to hear.
* * *
Part 2
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13
Summary: To end the war that has desecrated the lives of the people between two kingdoms, an alliance in the form of an arranged marriage has been made between the two royal families. however, when the princess runs away to avoid being married, the unwilling look-a-like pauper, Kamenashi Kazuya, somehow finds himself brought in to play the part of the princess and deceive Prince Jin. But Kazuya never expected to fall in love...
--
*waves* so hey, I wrote Chapter 35. And I'm going to say this at the end too, but as you may have noticed, I've gotten an lj name change. You can still type in xx-lovelain-xx, and it'll lead you here, but ^^;; yeah, just thought I'd explain that.
What else? Um...to be honest, I think I was supposed to say something, but i forgot XDD oh well~ I'll remember it eventually.
This chapter...is slightly angsty, but...idk, it covers a lot about war and stuff and death and loss, so that's why ^^;;; But yeah, just prepare yourselves or something :D
I don't think I have anything left to say....so...enjoy? =P
--
The cars travelled along the paved road; an early morning fog had settled over the landscape, making Kazuya squint as he tried to see through the condensed air. An arm suddenly wrapped around his waist, pulling him back to the seat as a loud yawn escaped the man next to him. Kazuya fell back against Jin’s side and looked up curiously at the sleepily yawning man.
“It’s supposed to be like that until late morning,” Jin said, yawning again and putting his head on Kazuya’s shoulder, “It’s…” he yawned once more, “Pointless to try to see the scenery.”
Across the long stretch car, Ryo let out a scoffing noise, “You just want Kazuya’s attention on you instead of on the passing scenery.” He said with a smirk.
Jin bristled and shot a glare at Ryo, “At least I’m not lying across him!” he shot back, indicating how Ryo was stretched out on the seat, legs draped across Yamapi, while Yamapi was unaware. The younger man was asleep, bent so that he was still sort of sitting, but had stretched his upper body over the rest of the seat and his head was lying on the seat next to the door. Ryo had taken advantage of the sleeping younger man and had propped his legs across Yamapi’s lap, leaning back so that he was leaning against the other side of the car.
Ryo simply stretched and move his legs even further down the seat, “Why shouldn’t I? It’s comfortable,” he said with a lazy smirk, “And you’re just mad that Kazuya’s not asleep for you to do this to.”
Jin glared and snapped, “Am not! Not everyone likes to cling like you do and torture the person they like!”
Ryo rolled his eyes, “You still haven’t caught onto the fact that it’s platonic, Jin?” he asked.
Jin opened his mouth to say something, but then he got a nudge into his side. Startled and curious, he looked down at Kazuya, who was shaking his head.
Finally, Jin settled with a shrug and muttered, “I wonder what Yamashita’s going to do to you when he wakes up.” He added as a comeback.
Ryo glanced at Yamapi for a moment, and then shrugged unconcerned.
On the other side of the seat that Jin and Kazuya were on, Uchi rolled his eyes at his best friend, “Well, considering Ryo’s just positioned himself in a way that Yamapi can’t get up since Ryo’s legs are on him, well, I’d say Ryo’s pretty safe.”
Ryo smirked in return.
“And by the way, since we’re all awake,” Uchi grabbed a magazine from the floor and threw it at Ryo’s head, “That’s for you two taking up that whole side and making the rest of us squeeze into uncomfortable sleeping positions on this side.”
Ryo grinned and moved a bit closer to Yamapi, making room on the side he had been leaning against, “If you’re willing to be a pillow, I can make room for you.”
Uchi considered it for a moment and then got up with a shrug and sat in the space next to his best friend, letting Ryo lean against him instead, “Don’t think I don’t know that this is just another way for you to be comfortable and be even closer to the subject of your torture.”
Ryo flashed him a grin, “Who, me?” he asked innocently.
Jin let out a scoffing noise, “Please. You’re the one everyone would doubt the most in this car.”
Ryo raised an eyebrow, “I’d say something to that, but that didn’t upset me enough.” He said with a smirk.
Jin glared suspiciously at Ryo, “What? You never pass up a chance to -” his eyes widened suddenly, “What did you do?!”
Ryo grabbed the magazine that Uchi had thrown at him and flipped through it nonchalantly, “I may have had a very nice conversation with Kazuya before you woke up; it may have involved embarrassing stories. It also may have involved in the lowering of your manliness in the eyes of the one you like.”
Jin growled and made a swiping motion at Ryo, who merely tilted his head, unconcerned.
Kazuya, who had been watching this exchange, merely laughed, “I’m so glad you and Pi don’t get along; that way you can’t share stories about me.” He said; if he was hoping to quell Jin’s panic and anger, it had the opposite effect, for Jin was now wide-eyed and staring between Ryo and Kazuya, mind racing as he thought about what stories Ryo had told Kazuya.
Ryo smirked.
Then, he leaned forward, “You wouldn’t happen to be willing to divulge a few about Tomohisa would you?” he asked in a lowered tone, nearly in a whisper, as he shot a furtive look at the sleeping Yamapi.
Kazuya opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, a shoe went flying into the side of Ryo’s head. Everyone turned toward Yamapi, who had opened his eyes sleepily and with a cranky look on his face, “Don’t even think about it.” He said with a glare at Ryo.
“I thought you were asleep!” Ryo said incredulously.
“Your evil intentions woke me up,” Yamapi replied crankily.
Kazuya smothered a laugh; it was almost unbelievable, but there was no denying the fact that Yamapi woke up just as Ryo wanted to know about embarrassing childhood stories.
“Good night’s rest?” Kazuya asked before Yamapi decided to hit Ryo out of principle.
Yamapi yawned, trying to sit up and then failing due to the legs spread across his chest, “I was. I was having the most wonderful dream that involved me waking up alone, without any unwanted limbs on me. Then I woke up.” He said, glaring pointedly at Ryo.
The older man smiled unabashedly, and made no move to change position.
There was a long pause.
“You’re not moving are you?” Yamapi asked with a suffering tone.
“Nope,” Ryo answered with a boyish grin, “This is comfortable.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“I will.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, you - ow!”
Yamapi had a triumphantly smug look as Ryo rubbed his forehead, the result of Yamapi’s other shoe being flung at the older man.
* * *
“You know,” Jin said, leaning his head on Kazuya’s shoulder again when the younger man started to stare out the window again, “I think Ryo even riles up your best friend more than he does me now.”
Kazuya let out a quiet laugh, “Well, they are pretty obvious aren’t they?” he asked.
“If you didn’t tell me otherwise, I’d have thought they were an actual couple somehow.” Jin said with a slight shrug, “What’s so interesting out there anyways?”
Kazuya turned for a moment, “Nothing, really…but I’m just thinking.” He said, flashing a grin.
Jin tilted his head curiously, “About what?”
“About the next town we’re going to,” Kazuya replied, “About everything they’ve got planned for there.”
“Oh,” Jin’s expression was solemn, “Oh yeah. That.” He let the conversation trail into silence for a few moments; then, as his arms slipped around Kazuya from behind, he broke it.
“So, what stories did Ryo tell you about me?” he asked with a curious and suspicious tone.
Kazuya turned away from the scenery and laughed, “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal,” he said an amused grin on his lips.
“Because they’re embarrassing!” Jin protested, “Seriously, what did he tell you?”
Kazuya shook his head, hiding a smile, “Not telling.”
“What?” Jin exclaimed, and then pouted, “C’mon, why not?”
“Because I said I wouldn’t tell you until he got to break it to you.”
“Break it to me?” Jin asked loudly in a panicked tone, “Break it to me?! That means it has to be the most embarrassing ones too! Kazuya~” he wailed, turning red and burying his head in his hands, “Which one was it?!”
Kazuya merely smiled in amusement.
“C’mon, tell me,” Jin whined, “I won’t tell Ryo that you told me.” He offered.
Kazuya had a wry look on his face, “You do know that he’s right there and can hear you right?” he asked pointedly.
Jin whipped around and sure enough, Ryo was lying there, fixing him with a victorious smirk. He glared, “Fine, tell Kazuya that he can tell me what you told him!” he growled out.
“Nope,” Ryo answered, before reaching over and poking Yamapi in the waist and garnering a lot of irritated insults from the younger man, which Ryo gleefully countered, ignoring Jin completely. Jin glared, and then turned back to Kazuya who was looking outside again.
“C’mon~” Jin wheedled, “I deserve to know, don’t I? As the subject of humiliation…and you love me, don’t you?” he asked hopefully.
Kazuya looked pensive, and then turned to give Jin a kiss, pulling the older man down to him by the collar of his shirt, “Well, yes,” he said in a soft voice, but then he smiled, “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to break my word. Besides, it’s not hurting you by not knowing.”
“Yes it is!” Jin protested, but he found that he couldn’t think of a way it was really hurting him and he crossed his arms and sulked.
Unbeknownst to him, as he was doing this, Ryo mouthed something to Kazuya and the younger man smiled, as he poked Jin in the side, and leaned over to whisper in Jin’s ear, “Well, it may have been something involving a time when you were nine and you wanted to fly -”
Jin’s eyes widened in horror, looking at Kazuya and then at Ryo, who merely smirked.
“ - and it might have involved you building artificial wings and when you couldn’t get off the ground, you decided that clothes were simply hindering you, because birds didn’t wear clothes...”
Jin clamped his hand over his ears and began to hum, but he could still hear Kazuya’s voice.
“And there might have been the sight of a nine-year-old prince in the courtyard completely naked and flapping fake wings to try to fly - for the entire palace to see.”
Jin responded to this by burying his completely red face into Kazuya’s shoulder, “I was wrong,” he muttered, “It hurt me by knowing instead of not knowing.”
Kazuya’s laugh sounded his ears and he felt an arm circle around his shoulders comfortingly.
“I’m going to kill Ryo,” Jin muttered into Kazuya’s shoulder, loud enough so that only Kazuya could hear.
“You do that,” Kazuya said, clearly amused.
“But first, I’m going to hide and not show my face until we get to where we’re going, and then I’ll hide out in my room for a few hours.”
Kazuya’s laugh and the tightening of Kazuya’s arm around his shoulders in amusement was his only answer.
* * *
Jin’s solemn promise to not show his face didn’t last long. Soon, Kazuya was fast asleep and the younger man kept shifting positions from leaning against the side of the car, head against the window, to leaning against Jin, head nestled on Jin’s shoulder. The rest of the car had followed suit, most of them so bored out of their minds from the lack of anything to do that they had settled for taking naps.
Jin had been one of those, until he had been woken up by a foot kicking him in the knee. Letting out a soft yelp that made Kazuya grumble in his sleep, he glared at the perpetrator, mouthing swear words quietly.
Yamapi looked unconcerned at the glare being sent at him, as he finally finished getting out from under Ryo. Moving the older man’s legs so that they were bent into an upside down ‘v’ shape on the seat Yamapi had been on, the younger man shifted to the window seat so that he was well out of range of Ryo’s legs.
“Your best friend is a menace,” Yamapi glared darkly at Ryo’s sleeping form.
“I know,” Jin joined Yamapi in glaring for a moment, and then shifted his glare back to Yamapi, “And you kicked me!”
“Well, I’m willing to risk a bruise on your sheltered prince-y leg if it means I get your clingy best friend off of me.” Yamapi retorted.
Jin scowled, “I’m not sheltered!”
“Of course not,” Yamapi rolled his eyes, “Just incredibly ignorant.”
“What?! I’m not!”
Yamapi sighed and gave Jin a derisive look that clearly said what he thought of Jin’s protests, “If you weren’t, then you’re incredibly oblivious to everything around you. Or just really dumb and can’t figure it out.”
Jin scowled, “You’re one to talk about being oblivious!” he snarled out, “Considering what happens every time you’re around Ryo!”
Yamapi rolled his eyes, “He’s just being annoying; it doesn’t mean anything.”
Jin made a disbelieving noise.
“The only reason I’m actually talking to you now is because it’s obvious to me that you don’t even realize what going to this next town means to everyone else.”
“I know what it means!” Jin protested, “We’re holding a memorial for all the people who died during the war.”
“And why is that?” Yamapi asked with an impatient tone.
“Because that’s where some of the worst battles and the most casualties happened.” Jin answered promptly, ignoring that little voice in the back of his head that told him he only knew that because Ueda had told him.
Yamapi looked like he was using up all his patience just by talking with Jin, “First of all, that entire area was turned into a constant war zone during the years that the war was at its worst. They didn’t even bother rebuilding, and it essentially became a dead city because those that survived in there, either left, or was killed in later battles. The city itself became a battleground.”
Jin frowned, “So you think I should be more solemn or something?”
Yamapi took a deep, exasperated, breath, “Put the pieces together. Everyone else has. You’re the only one asking Kazuya questions like ‘what’s so interesting out there anyways?’” the younger man mocked Jin’s voice from earlier, “You’re the one who hasn’t realized why he’s so out of it today.”
Jin blinked, “This has something to do with Kazuya?”
Yamapi crossed his arms, “Nobody else is going to talk about this with you; I’m doing it because I don’t care if you get upset because I insulted you - and because I know Kazuya best. So, think about it. Why would Kazuya be affected by going to that town and the event?”
Jin just stared blankly; he honestly didn’t know - and that irritated him, “I haven’t known him for years like you have alright?!” he snapped, “How should I know?”
“He’s told you this before. It’s best you know this now, before you say something stupid and insensitive to him by mistake.”
At Jin’s blank look, Yamapi sighed, and raised three fingers, “Kazuya has three brothers. The first one, Youjiro, injured his leg many years ago, and couldn’t serve in the war. The third one, Yuya, is younger than Kazuya so, at the time, wouldn’t have been old enough to serve. The second one, Koji…”
Jin’s eyes widened suddenly, remembering something from a conversation with Kazuya after that accident with the horse; Koji -
“Koji died in the war.” Jin whispered, “You mean…?”
“This will be the very first time Kazuya will visit the place where Koji died.” Yamapi finally said in a solemn tone of voice, “Koji, in many ways, was Kazuya’s role model growing up - even after he died. He was the brother that Kazuya loved the most, and yearned to be like. I thought you should be prepared - as the prince, you’ll be with Kazuya the most during these events. Be prepared to help him deal with going to that town.” Yamapi said finally.
Jin clamped his mouth shut, his eyes troubled now, “But…”
“It’s about time you understood how much damage the war did,” Yamapi said, his eyes boring into Jin almost frighteningly, “Until you do, you will never be able to help Kazuya when a flashback hits, or when he remembers someone he lost. Until you do understand how much damage the war did, you will never be able to truly understand what a risk Kazuya is taking by staying with you, and you will never truly understand Kazuya.”
“I -”
“Don’t you think Kazuya hides his scars well?” Yamapi interrupted the indignant response Jin had, “He’s lived in the middle of a war, as nothing more than a common orphan on the street; he should be jumpier, he should trust you less, he should be wary of anyone who he hasn’t known for years. Don’t you think he puts aside and hides his scars too well?”
Jin didn’t have anything to say to that; he could only stare at Yamapi for a few moments, watching as the younger man, with intense eyes that drilled into him, looked away and picked up a book and began to read.
His eyes drifted over to Kazuya, who was sleeping oblivious to the conversation about him. He kept staring at Kazuya, unwilling to tear his eyes away.
It was true though; he couldn’t deny Yamapi’s words. He didn’t know the pain of struggling to survive, he didn’t know the pain of losing everyone he knew and loved; he didn’t know the pain of losing a brother. He had always been protected by his father, whether it was pleasant or not; he had always been sheltered. Jin hadn’t even thought too much about how serious the upcoming event was, because to him, he didn’t know the people who died; it was tragic, but his heart didn’t split open in pain for them.
But…
Maybe it should have. Because it would have if I really understood loss and if I really understood how horrible the war was.
And if I really understood that…I wouldn’t have needed Yamashita to tell me about Kazuya. I would have just known; I wouldn’t have needed to ask.
A sinking feeling started in his heart.
I’m the only one who doesn’t understand.
* * *
“Your highness!” was the first thing they heard when the travellers, all tired and cranky from the long car trip, walked into the hotel. They were in a city only half an hour away from the city that the event would take place in; rebuilding efforts had started months ago, but lodging still wasn’t available in that city for so many people. This town had been slightly less damaged and thus, rebuilding efforts had finished already.
Kazuya looked up at the hotel employee who was running toward him. Jin looked on curiously, but his attention was soon drawn away by someone offering to take his bags for him.
“Yes?” Kazuya asked.
“Someone left a letter here last week, for your arrival,” the employee said looking hesitant as he handed the letter over, “I told him that I wouldn’t give it to you if you didn’t know him, but he assured me that you would accept this letter.”
Kazuya looked curious, “Did he leave a name? Did you see who he was?” he asked.
“It was a hot day,” the man explained regretfully, “So he was wearing sunglasses and a hat, so I didn’t get a good look at his face; he seemed to resemble you a little though.” He added, “A distant relation?” he wondered.
Kazuya froze, and then in what he hoped was a controlled voice, he spoke, “No, but I think I know who you’re talking about. What was the name…he…left?” he asked, hoping the man didn’t catch the way he hesitated on the ‘he’.
The concierge looked at the letter in his hands and a post-it he had stuck onto it, “Kamenashi,” he replied promptly, “Kamenashi Kazuya.”
So he was right. Still, Kazuya found his movements stiff as he nodded and tried to smile, “Yes, I know him.” He said.
Know? You are him, a voice in his mind said sardonically.
He took the letter from the man and smiled as brightly as he could, “Thank you. I appreciate you holding onto this for me.”
The man bowed and smiled politely and went back to the front desk.
Kazuya stared at the letter in his hands for a moment; it was written in the same handwriting that he had seen on that letter Kazumi had left when she had run away.
So I’m pretending to be her, and she’s using my name?
Well, he supposed she couldn’t really use her own name to send a letter - especially not to herself. And not if she didn’t want to be found.
“What is that, Kazu-chan?” Yamapi asked, showing up and looking curious.
Kazuya gave a shaky smile, “Someone who was here a week ago, who resembled me, apparently.” He added as he cast a pointed look at everyone around them, “Does the name Kamenashi Kazuya sound familiar?” he asked.
Yamapi blinked in confusion for a moment, and then his eyes widened, “Yes…” he said slowly, “It does.” He looked around furtively and hooked his arm through Kazuya’s, “I think we should go read this in your room. I’m curious to hear what he has to say after so long.”
Kazuya let himself get led away, eyes still fixated on the neat writing on the envelope.
What reason did Kazumi have in writing to him?
* * *
Jin stared as Kazuya and Yamapi walked off in a hurry; they passed Tackey on the way and the Captain’s brow furrowed for a moment in confusion, before all three of them were rushing out of the main foyer. He wondered what was going on - did something happen?
“Jin,” Tatsuya said from beside him, breaking him out of his thoughts. Jin gave a start, and turned to his friend, “Huh?”
Tatsuya threw a key at Jin, “Your father told me to give you this.” He said, “Your room key.”
Jin let out a curse as he failed to catch the key, “Thanks,” he muttered as he picked it up. By the time he looked around again, Kazuya was gone from sight and he frowned just a little. Had something happened?
This will be the very first time Kazuya will visit the place where Koji died, Yamapi’s words from earlier echoed hauntingly in his head.
Did it have something to do with his brother?
“What’re you thinking so deeply about?” Tatsuya asked in concern after a moment, “Seriously, Jin, you’re totally out of it today.” He added.
Jin frowned as he picked up the key that he had dropped again, “Nothing’s the matter.” He snapped.
Tatsuya raised a disbelieving eyebrow, “Right, and that’s why you’re so clumsy and distracted today.”
Jin scowled; he hated how his friends knew him so well. He could never say that nothing was wrong, and have them accept it as the truth when something was wrong.
“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to talk about it,” Jin snapped.
Tatsuya shrugged, “I’m not forcing you to talk about it; just stay away from certain people you like while you’re in this mood or you might insult and hurt someone you don’t mean to.”
Jin glared, “I won’t do anything like that!” he said defensive. After a moment, he sighed and let out a deep breath, “Fine. Whatever. Maybe I would, but…am I the only one who didn’t realize it?” he blurted out angrily - anger at Yamapi for telling him so brutally, and anger at himself for not realizing what everyone else already knew.
He watched Tatsuya warily; the older man didn’t even react, meaning that he had also figured it out.
“Let’s go somewhere quieter to talk,” was all Tatsuya said, looking around the hallway they were in. There was no one here, but just in case…
It was when they were in Jin’s room that Jin spoke again, “You already knew too, didn’t you?” he accused angrily right away.
“If you’re talking about connecting the event and this town to Kazuya’s distractedness lately, then yes,” Tatsuya said with a shrug, “You seemed to be happy thinking that there was nothing bothering him, so I decided to let someone else tell you.”
“I’d rather hear it from you than Yamashita!” Jin retorted, scowling and crossing his arms.
“Would you?” Tatsuya smiled wryly, “Or would you have told me I was overreacting, and told me that I don’t know Kazuya half as well as you and dismissed anything I had to say?”
Jin blinked at that, and then he opened his mouth but no sound came out. He closed it quickly.
“That’s what I thought.” The shorter man said with a roll of his eyes, “Jin, you’re a really stubborn person. The only person you would listened to about this was Yamashita. Because you know already how close those two are; if Ryo, or I, or even Uchi had tried to tell you something was wrong, you’d just tell us we were overreacting, or say that we’re imagining things.”
Jin scowled, looking away but not denying the point, “You could have at least tried to warn me!” he tried.
Tatsuya crossed his arms, “How?”
Jin opened his mouth and then, finding no answer, he settled for a glare and sat on his bed, crossing his arms and looking down, “I’m the only one who didn’t know, and I’m the one who should have noticed something, considering who he is to me.” He looked up with an angry, hurt, and confused expression, “Why didn’t I notice?”
Tatsuya leaned against the wall, “Because unlike me, you’re not too observant. And unlike Nishikido and Uchi, you’ve never gone through the same sort of loss - either temporary or permanent. You know what Nishikido and Uchi went through - they thought they would lose each other, and the feeling of loss, although temporary, was completely real. The fear was real, the grief was real.”
Jin scowled, looking away, but knowing that what Tatsuya was saying was true - he may have practically been in a prison of his father’s control most of his life, but that was still better than losing someone important to him. That prison had kept himself, his brother, and his friends safe for most of the war.
“Because you never suffered a loss like that, you don’t connect war to that loss. Because you personally weren’t that affected by death in the war, you never made the connection when the mention of this town made Kazuya distracted like that.”
“But -” Jin glared at nothing in particular, “How am I supposed to help him then? I’m with him the most, but I couldn’t even figure it out! I - he couldn’t even tell me something was bothering him!” he blurted out - the real reason he was so aggravated from his conversation from Yamapi. The realization that he was the only one who didn’t know was made worse by the fact that Kazuya had had so many chances to tell him, but didn’t.
Tatsuya shrugged, “I don’t know why exactly he didn’t tell you, but to me, if I were him, I probably wouldn’t either.” At Jin’s furious expression, he continued, “It’s a difficult thing to talk about Jin, especially to someone you know. How long did it take Uchi and Nishikido to talk about what happened to them? Years.” He added, letting Jin know that he wasn’t supposed to answer that, “This isn’t something easy, Jin.”
“I know that!” Jin protested, “I just…I feel so stupid, asking him stupid questions for the whole trip here; I…I wanted to help.”
“Maybe,” Tatsuya said thoughtfully, “You were helping by not knowing, by asking those stupid questions.” He said with a shrug, “Well, I’m going to find Junno. If I were you, I’d find Kazuya to make sure he’s doing alright. Be understanding; swallow your pride and all that.” He said with a wave as he left the room.
Jin stared at the door for a moment, before flopping on his stomach on the bed; what did Tatsuya know anyways?
A lot more than you did, a nagging little voice that was oddly reminiscent of his friend’s voice sounded in his mind.
Shut up, he responded, punching a pillow.
Just because your pride’s a bit injured from not knowing, you won’t go see if he’s doing okay? There it was again.
Jin wanted to tell it to shut up, but not even in his mind could he work up a response to that.
* * *
The envelope had held a smaller envelope, where the real letter was hidden inside; Kazuya knew that Yamapi was slightly impressed that Kazumi had thought of taking precautions like this. The letter was addressed to Kazuya, but Kazuya felt a little awkward, getting a letter from someone he had never actually met when the one person who should probably hear from Kazumi was Tsubasa.
“What does it say?” Yamapi asked cautiously.
Kazuya let out a tight smile, and handed it over to his best friend to read. Tackey had seemed to decide that it was best not to inform Tsubasa about Kazumi’s letter until after the event tomorrow, as the king had enough on his mind without worrying about something he couldn’t control.
Kamenashi Kazuya,
You should have already guessed who I am, to send you a letter using this name. We’ve never met, but from the people in your hometown who mistook me as you, and from the pictures I see on the news reports, you have an uncanny resemblance to me. I suppose that’s what makes me feel as though I can write this letter to you, and you will read and listen to what I have to say instead of discarding it because you think I’m some sort of irresponsible brat for running away.
Maybe I am.
But just because we look alike doesn’t mean we are alike; I’m enjoying this freedom I took for myself, and in order to enjoy this a bit longer, I need you to do something for me. If you’re sick and tired of living my life, then you don’t have to do it; but if you want to convince people a little longer, then please do this favour for me…
Yamapi frowned, “What favour?”
Kazuya handed him another few pages that had been in the larger envelope.
Yamapi took them curiously and started to read; then, his brows furrowed, “Is this what I think it is?”
“Yeah,” Kazuya nodded, with an unreadable expression. He stared at the papers Yamapi had just handed back to him.
* * *
Night had already set by the time Jin found Kazuya. The younger man had found a little space right outside their hotel with benches both facing away and toward the hotel; there wasn’t much to see, but that was the point. It gave a clear image of just what the war had done to the land, with what would normally be other structures, or perhaps scenery, gone, and in its place was destroyed land that was just starting to show signs of life again.
Kazuya was sitting on a bench, and his eyes were staring at the space in the center of the little square in front of him, where a seedling tree had been planted and was growing slowly.
“Hey,” Jin greeted as he sat down next to Kazuya.
Kazuya gave a jolt of surprise, apparently having been so deep in thought that he hadn’t noticed Jin. He let out a small smile, “Hey,” he returned, “You went missing today.” He noted.
Jin looked surprised that Kazuya had noticed his absence; he would have thought, with what was coming up…
“I was…around,” Jin said with a nonchalant shrug, or at least he tried to pass it off as one, “And...I was thinking about tomorrow…”
Kazuya suddenly stiffened a little, and if Jin hadn’t known to watch for it, he wouldn’t have noticed it. The younger man was particularly good at hiding things like that.
He said the next words carefully, “And…what it means for you…”
This time, Kazuya looked at him in confusion for a moment, and then his eyes began to widen, shock seeping into them, “…who told you?” he breathed out, looking panicked as he grasped at Jin’s hands, “Someone told you.”
Jin winced as the grip on his hands began almost painfully tight, “Calm down,” he tried to say, “Kazuya, calm down.”
Kazuya didn’t let go of his hands though, but he was breathing quickly and erratically.
Jin moved his hands out of Kazuya’s grasp and put them on the younger man’s shoulders, “Calm down.” He repeated, a bit more sternly this time.
Kazuya was shaking his head, looking at Jin almost desperately.
Jin pulled the younger man to him, startling out of his panic for a moment; he closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Kazuya, “Calm down; I don’t know why you’re panicked about me finding out, but calm down.”
It took another few moments before that happened, and even when he did, Kazuya didn’t pull away. He returned the embrace Jin had enveloped him in, “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Jin murmured, “I just wish you had told me earlier.”
Kazuya stiffened in Jin’s arms.
“I mean, I felt pretty stupid when I found out - you were worrying about something as big as this, and I was asking you such stupid questions.”
Kazuya shook his head, “I didn’t mean to -”
“I know, but that’s how I felt when I first found out. And then Tatsuya had to talk some sense into me,” Jin said with a frown, “And I realized my pride, no matter how wounded it was, wasn’t more important than being there for you. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me, especially when it’s obviously something that is going to make tomorrow hard for you, but I just want you to know, that tomorrow, you can count on me, if anything happens.”
Kazuya looked surprised, “You…don’t want me to explain myself?” he asked in an unsure voice.
Jin stared at the younger man for a moment, “Yeah I do.” He said, but then he added, “But you don’t have to.”
Jin had spent the entire evening trying to put himself in Kazuya’s shoes, trying to imagine what it would feel like to lose a brother. Closing his eyes and lying on his bed for what seemed like forever, he had tried to imagine himself at a young age, and he had lost Reio. His brother, although they argued a lot, was someone he depended on a lot, and it must have been even worse for Kazuya, because Koji had been the older one. The protector. To lose someone like that, it must have hurt, and it must have left a bigger wound on Kazuya’s heart than anything Jin could imagine.
He was trying very hard to understand where Kazuya was coming from, and although he knew he would never be able to truly understand, because he had never lost someone close to him like that, he was trying, and he knew that pushing the subject when it was obviously still painful for the younger man wasn’t the way to go. Like Tatsuya had said to Jin, wounds like that were the hardest to talk about. Kazuya would talk to Jin when he was ready.
A smile was spreading across Kazuya’s lips, “Thank you,” he said in a sincerely grateful voice, “Thank you.”
Jin just returned the smile, “I’ll be there for you tomorrow; I know I don’t understand at all, but hopefully, I can at least help a little.”
“You will,” Kazuya said, grasping his hand again, “You did. Today. You don’t know how much it helped; you…were constantly giving me something other than…tomorrow…to think about.” He said reassuringly, “Tomorrow…I’ll make it through tomorrow somehow, and…you being there will help.” He admitted softly.
Jin broke into a relieved grin, “Good.”
“Speaking of tomorrow,” Kazuya said, standing up and dragging Jin up with him, “I got something interesting today; I want your opinion on it.”
Jin blinked in confusion, but followed Kazuya.
You being there will help, Kazuya words echoed like a pleasant song through his ears.
He smiled as he was dragged through the halls of the hotel; that was really all he had wanted to hear.
* * *
Part 2