The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 33 {part 2}
The Pauper Prince[ss] - Chapter 33 {part 2}
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13
Summary: To end the war that has desecrated the lives of the people between two kingdoms, an alliance in the form of an arranged marriage has been made between the two royal families. however, when the princess runs away to avoid being married, the unwilling look-a-like pauper, Kamenashi Kazuya, somehow finds himself brought in to play the part of the princess and decieve Prince Jin. But Kazuya never expected to fall in love...
part 1 |
Uchi let out a laugh as he watched Ryo take a step toward Yamapi, a smirk on his face, and Yamapi immediately took off. Ryo flashed a grin at Uchi as he walked lazily in the direction Yamapi had gone. Ryo had been taking enjoyment in this for nearly the entire night. He didn’t even have to be clingy; Yamapi was just running at the sight of Ryo in order to escape before he could get a clingy Ryo on him.
He looked around and grinned; it had been a surprisingly fun night. The townspeople were talking to various noblemen, and although the class difference was still notable, it was obvious that everyone was having fun.
From a distance, he could see Tsubasa and Tackey talking near one of the food stands. Their gazes flickered to a spot not too far from them a lot, and Uchi followed their gazes to find Jin and Kazuya.
The prince and the man-pretending-to-be-a-princess were definitely the center of attention tonight. Of course they would be; as the prince and ‘princess’, they were the focus of this entire tour of the two countries, and were what all the townspeople wanted to see. The fact that tonight, they could actually talk to the two royals was another plus.
Kazuya was standing close to Jin, but only those close to the two - and knew about the reality of the two’s relationship at the moment - could tell that his movements were a bit hesitant. Of course, the younger man could never know when being close would make Jin move away or something, so it was understandable.
Uchi surveyed them with a sigh; it had all seemed so simple when Notti had shown up at his door, asking him to help with all the drama going on.
They would get Ryo to see sense, and then Ryo would get Jin to see sense, and then Jin would forgive Kazuya and everyone would be happy.
But things weren’t so simple; things hadn’t gone according to plan.
Jin had always been pretty forgiving when he had gotten angry at others when he was younger, so nobody had really expected him to be like this still. He said he didn’t want Kazuya to go away, and yet, he still wasn’t really taking Kazuya back; he tried, by being around Kazuya, but the moment he seemed like he was beginning to forgive Kazuya, he would backtrack and it was like he hadn’t even considered it.
It was both confusing and frustrating, and probably hurtful in Kazuya’s case.
What would he feel like if someone he loved kept giving him hope and then taking it away the next moment?
Probably sad, and really hurt…almost like I was being used, but at the same not, not, so I couldn’t get angry…and just…
Uchi shook his head, a sigh on his lips.
He blinked when he saw Notti looking up at him, holding out some sort of food he had bought at one of the stands, “Here,” the younger man chirped.
Uchi blinked, “Thanks,” he took it with a smile.
“I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry; Pi and your best friend is watching over all this. They’re not just playing around,” Notti said with a knowing nod.
Uchi blinked; he knew Ryo was doing more than just torturing Yamapi, but he hadn’t known anyone was aware of it, “I guess…”
“There’s nothing we can really do,” Notti continued, “They’re both stubborn.”
Uchi let a smile form on his lips, “Well, that is true,” he agreed, “Alright, let’s go play some games or something.” He suggested, pointing across the town square, “We’ll leave the best friends to deal with it.”
He chanced a look back in the direction where he had last seen Jin and Kazuya, and blinked; they were gone. He saw Yamapi gesturing to Ryo though, and he had a feeling that the two were following Jin and Kazuya. They were probably the only two who could do that and not get hit later for doing so.
He paused; he knew that the Kazuya and Jin were taking this chance when everyone was celebrating and having fun, to sneak off. They had stayed and talked long enough to enough people that they could leave for a bit without garnering a lot of attention. Uchi knew they needed to talk, but had avoided it; he also knew it wasn’t going to be a talk Jin looked forward to. He may not be Jin’s best friend but even he saw Jin’s tendency to avoid the subject of his feelings.
He only hoped this turned out well…
--
Kazuya smiled as another person came up to him to introduce himself. He really couldn’t see why Kazumi had run away - these people, he could see it in their eyes, they had so much hope thanks to the princess. It was something no commoner could generate; this was all hope that the marriage would turn out well and peace would continue. He was really enjoying seeing that, though it did leave a pang inside him when he realized in the end, it still rested on Kazumi’s shoulders, even though she didn’t want it, but Kazuya who did, would have to leave it behind one day.
He stood close to Jin, but not too close that he would make Jin uncomfortable. Jin was unpredictable about stuff like this, but Kazuya thought he had figured out a good balance that wouldn’t make Jin move away. No matter how discreet the older man tried to be, Kazuya saw it.
He had been seeing it all night, starting from the moment he had been left alone with Jin; he would seem to forgive Kazuya, giving Kazuya a gesture that indicated they had taken a leap forward, but then it would be a leap back as he took the gesture away.
Kazuya would be lying if he said that it didn’t hurt. It did, it really did, but…
He didn’t want to cause troubles in their already tentative relationship just because he was a bit hurt. He didn’t want to lose what they had managed to rebuild, no matter how little it was.
He understood, but…
…in the future, it won’t be a cherished memory, but a bitter one. For both of you…
…but he couldn’t get Tsubasa’s words out of his head. They were so…he could still remember the sad tone the king used, and he knew that the king wasn’t one to give him bad advice, and even encouraged this relationship although Kazuya still had no idea why, and he was one of the only authority figures in Kazuya’s life. As much as Kazuya loved and respected Yamapi, his best friend wasn’t exactly impartial, so Tsubasa’s words, which were along the same lines of Yamapi’s, had a great impact - even more so than Yamapi’s, since Yamapi wasn’t exactly concerned for the prince.
The last thing he wanted was to look back on this and regret these moments, and he was beginning to believe it was possible for that to happen, for each feeling of hurt that pricked at his heart whenever Jin seemed to change his mind about him.
“Jin…” he said quietly, tugging on the older man’s sleeve. The taller man looked down at him, and Kazuya could see the dread in his eyes, the reluctance; he knew that Jin knew what he wanted to say. It was something they needed to do.
The surrounding people, thinking that it was a moment of romance for the two, smiled and looked away, talking to their friends.
“What is it?” Jin asked, and Kazuya almost hesitated when he felt Jin’s fingers along the side of his face, almost caressingly. Then, like all those times before, Jin seemed to realize what he was doing and quickly drew them away.
Kazuya bit his lip, “Let’s go somewhere quiet to talk…everyone seems to be done fawning over the prince and princess,” he said hesitantly. And it was true; everyone had gotten their chances to talk to them and seemed to be satisfied, playing games and eating, although a few glances were cast their way from time to time. They could excuse themselves without being rude now.
Jin hesitated, but at the look of determination in Kazuya’s eyes, he sighed and agreed, “Alright…” he said.
Kazuya led the way away from the crowd, until they got to an empty, narrow street and climbed the stairs that led to the top. There was a small area at the top; it was the place that Jin had taken refuge in with Ryo one day when both of them had just found out the truth and both had been angry; it had a perfect vantage point for seeing the town square, and Jin remembered watching Kazuya and Yamashita argue that day.
“So talk…” he said quietly as he leaned against a tree planted there.
* * *
“Are you sure you know your way?” Yamapi hissed.
“I know the way,” Ryo retorted in a quiet tone as he they took a separate path from the one Kazuya and Jin had taken, “I remember this part of town. I found this not-very-obvious entrance here last time, alright?”
“Well, excuse me for not really believing your sense of direction. I remember going the way Kazuya went just now.”
“Just trust me, will you?” Ryo snapped.
“No,” Yamapi pouted childishly, “If you get us lost, I’m going to hurt you.”
“I won’t get us lost!” Ryo sighed, “You’re really difficult when you’re all concerned about Kazuya.”
Yamapi glared, “What is that supposed to mean? I’m not difficult!”
“You are!” Ryo returned, “You’ve snapped and threatened me ten times already and we only left the festival five minutes ago.”
Yamapi glared, and Ryo merely smirked as if saying ‘see?’.
“What does it matter to you?” Yamapi finally returned.
Ryo paused, “It doesn’t, but it’s irritating.” He finally said, raising an eyebrow, “Can’t you worry a bit less about Kazuya? He’s a big boy; I’m sure he can talk to Jin without bursting into tears in the five minutes that you’re not watching him. You’re like a mother hen or something.”
Yamapi bristled in anger, “What?! I am -”
Ryo raised an eyebrow and then clamped a hand over Yamapi’s mouth, “Shh, I can hear voices, so that means unless you want to be found out, keep quiet.”
Yamapi glared at Ryo but fell silent, following the older man up a flight of stairs.
--
Kazuya hesitated a little, but he took a deep breath as he stood in front of Jin, watching as the older man try to pretend he wasn’t dreading this conversation.
“I know you haven’t forgiven me…” he started, “And I was going to give you time, but…” he bit his lip, “Recently, you’ve acted like…the closer you get to me, the more you change your mind. Do you not want me here after all?”
Jin froze, his eyes going wide.
“Every time you do something that involves showing me any sort of affection, you just take it away again, like you regret it. Do you not want me here anymore? Because…I can…I suppose you can still send me away…” Kazuya said slowly, but his voice was breaking a little, just like his heart was, at the words he was saying.
Jin shook his head wildly, “No!” he moved forward, gripping Kazuya’s arms with his hands, “No, that’s not it!”
Kazuya stiffened at the touch, “Are you going to take them away now?” he asked softly, just as Jin really was about to lift his hands away. Jin looked down, and Kazuya felt another piece of his heart crack.
“See, you keep doing this. I don’t know what is it you want, but…I thought we were finally getting somewhere. I don’t know what’s going on with you at all; I could understand it if it was like at first, and it was awkward and you were still hurting from what I did but…” Kazuya shook his head, “I don’t understand you.”
He ran a hand through his hair, and then looked up at Jin. Those brown eyes, filled with hurt and confusion, seemed to be taunting Jin, and he couldn’t move.
“It’s -”
“What is it? I…It hurts, alright?” Kazuya said softly, “I know I don’t have any right to tell you that I’m hurting, but I am. It hurts so much; what are you even trying to do? Why…why can’t I ever get a straight answer from you? Why do I get my hopes up, thinking we’ve finally gotten past everything, and then you just…take it away? Are you trying to show me something like how you felt when you found out about me? Because it’s working; it hurts, alright? I understand; it hurts!”
“No, that’s not what I’m trying to do!” Jin said quickly, “That’s not - I would never do something like that! I - how can you even think that?”
“Because it’s the only explanation I can come up with! I tried not to question it; I tried to think you just needed more time, but…if you do, you wouldn’t give me that hope in the first place! Especially not in such a way and…” Kazuya gripped the sleeve of his kimono, “It’s…tell me exactly what you’re trying to do then. What you mean. I don’t have any other explanation, no matter how many I try to come up with for you!”
“I…I didn’t know you were hurting,” Jin said pleadingly, “That’s not what I was trying to do. I don’t want you to go away; I really don’t. I…it’s not that simple,” he whispered, pressing himself against the trunk of the tree, “It’s…”
He reached forward, and Kazuya flinched and avoided his hand.
“Don’t. If you’re just going to do the same thing, don’t. I’d rather not get your affection than get it and then have you change your mind; it’s like you’re trying to use me when it’s convenient!”
“I’m not!” Jin shouted indignantly, “I wouldn’t do something like that! You know that! You know I -”
“I know that!” Kazuya shouted back, “But how else am I supposed to feel?! I’m being patient, because I really do feel something for you, because I really do love you, but when you know how I feel and you still give me hope and then take it away, then how else am I supposed to feel like?!” He cursed the tears that were leaking at the corners of his eyes, “It’s not fair, you’re not being fair. You can’t keep doing that; it’s not fair. I stayed because I wanted more time with you, because I love you, and I know in the end, it’ll hurt to leave, but right now, it feels like nothing will hurt more than this does!” he finally managed to force out, forcing down a sob that contained all the hurt and confusion that had been building up in him all these weeks.
There were a few long moments of silence before Jin spoke over the sounds of Kazuya trying to suppress the hurt and tears.
“It’s because…it’s because of that,” Jin said softly, with trepidation, “It’s because of that.” He took a deep breath to continue, “How can I start anything with you, when you’ll definitely be leaving me in the future?” his hands dug into the trunk of the tree as he thought about the pain of finding out the truth about Kazuya and the pain that would surely be a thousand times worse when he left, “How can I get into a relationship like that with you when I know it’ll hurt in the end?”
Kazuya looked up at Jin, no longer hiding the tears welling up. Jin’s eyes weren’t exactly dry either.
“You’re scared,” Kazuya said slowly.
“Of course I am!” Jin said, a near-snap in his voice, “Of course I am! What the hell am I supposed to do; it hurt so much when I found out about you! When I found out you had lied to me! What do you think the pain will be like when you leave? Do you honestly think I won’t be in pain?! It’ll hurt so much and there will be nothing I can do; when that time comes, I can’t let you stay like I did this time! It’ll hurt! I’m so close to forgiving you, I know I am, and I’m scared! What if…what if I give you too much of my heart! I’m scared of the hurt that will come with that! You’ll leave, and it’ll hurt - I know it will, and I haven’t even completely forgiven you yet! What will it be like if I actually love you? You have to leave whether I want you to or not!”
Kazuya tentatively reached forward, arms going around Jin. Jin shifted, trying to avoid him, but he tried not to let that affect him, “Life always hurts, Jin…but…it’s the happiness that balances that hurt…”
“You may be able to find happiness after you leave, but I’ll be getting married - to a girl who I hate! You may be free to do that, but I won’t! You can say that, because you have chance after chance after you leave! I won’t! I’ll be trapped, and it’ll hurt and I’m so scared! I don’t want that pain again…” he clutched at his heart, “Do you know how much it hurt when I found out?” he whispered finally.
Kazuya flinched, but still didn’t draw away. He felt tears fall from his eyes and he knew from the sounds that Jin was crying as well, “…you talk about your hurt, but…do you think it’ll be that easy, for me to get over you after I leave?” Kazuya whispered, pain evident in his voice, “I…I don’t think it’ll be something I can ever do. I don’t think there’s anyone that can replace you like you think I’m going to do once I leave…but…despite that…” he let out a sob as Jin pushed him away, hearing but refusing to believe his words, “I…I think you’re worth the pain…and loneliness…I think you’re worth it all…” he said softly, voice breaking with every word.
It was clear that Jin was too caught in his pain and fears to believe what Kazuya was saying.
Kazuya looked down, hiding his face with his hand as he straightened himself, “I guess…nothing I say will make you believe me. I just wanted you to know…we’ll go through the same pain when that day comes…I’m prepared for that, because I think you’re worth it…” he said as he began to slowly walk away, wiping at his tears. He didn’t know what else he could say; he didn’t know how to take away Jin’s fears; all he could hope was that Jin could believe him.
* * *
It was not really surprising to Kazuya that the moment he was half-way down the stairs, he looked up and found Yamapi looking back at him. He tried to smile, but it ended in a choked cry instead.
Yamapi extended his arms, holding them out and Kazuya stumbled into them, letting the older man comfort him, like he had always done.
“Pi…”
“I know,” Yamapi mumbled. They said nothing for a long while, and Yamapi waited for Kazuya to calm down enough, “Listen, Kazu-chan, I’m going to send you back to the inn, alright? I’m going to tell the king and Tackey that you don’t think you can return to the event.”
Kazuya nodded numbly, as his best friend’s arms tightened around him once more before they slowly let go.
“Take care of him,” Yamapi warning was stern, and Kazuya had to blink away the blur in his eyes to see Ryo nodding.
“Ryo?”
“Hey,” Ryo said with a smile, but it was strained, “I thought I told you no more crying over idiots.” He said with a sigh, “Why does no one ever listen to me?”
Kazuya ducked his head.
“And no making him cry again, or I’ll beat you up.” Yamapi warned. Ryo rolled his eyes, and waved at him as he led Kazuya back toward the inn. Kazuya was in too much of an upset condition to really care who was taking him, or where Ryo was taking him.
“Now, I’m going to list for you all the times Jin has publicly embarrassed himself, so listen up and pay attention, so that your best friend won’t kill me later.” Ryo started, his voice fading as he led Kazuya further away.
Despite his own words though, Yamapi knew he could trust the older man to watch over Kazuya until he could get there - and chances were, the contingent of concerned friends would have grown by the time Yamapi got back.
Yamapi paused as soon as he couldn’t hear Ryo talking anymore; he looked between the stairs that led to where the prince currently was, and the town square where the festival was still taking place.
He sighed; as much as he wanted to take his anger out on Jin at the moment, he knew he should inform Tackey and Tsubasa where Kazuya was, probably send Kusano off to accompany Ryo in watching Kazuya, and also give himself time to cool off. Yamapi also had a feeling that talking to Jin at this moment would be pointless as the prince was still most likely a quivering mess of emotions from his conversation with Kazuya.
“Stupid asshole,” Yamapi muttered to himself as he stalked toward the town square, “He has the stupidest ability in the world - the ability to make Kazuya cry like it’s easy to do that.”
He found Tackey and Tsubasa quickly enough. His emotions must have shown on his face, because Tsubasa immediately asked, “What’s wrong?” followed by Tackey’s, “You look angry.”
Yamapi gave a half-hearted shrug, “Kazu-chan finally talked to the prince,” he said as a way of explanation, “I’m here to tell you that he’s in no condition to return here tonight, so I figured making the excuse that he’s all tired out from the event will probably be the best thing to do.”
Tsubasa was worried, he could tell, “Is he alright?”
“I…they needed to have that conversation; you’re right about that. They needed to get that out, but…I don’t think any of us, even Kazuya, realized how much both of them were holding back from each other; I’m going to talk to the prince after I find Kusano or any of my other friends, to get them to watch over Kazuya.”
“Tomohisa…”
“Don’t worry; I won’t do anything drastic,” Yamapi assured quietly, “He knows I’m…well, you know,” his eyes shifted to the crowd around them; he was sure no one was close enough to listen in, but it was better not to say it aloud anyways.
“Unfortunately, we have to stay for a little bit still…” Tackey commented, sighing, “We’ll go check up on him later.” He snuck a glance at Tsubasa, who was looking very worried.
Yamapi nodded, and it was obvious to the two older men that he was barely holding back his anger; they only hoped he calmed down much more before he went to talk to the prince.
Yamapi counted to ten, multiple times, as he went in search for his friends. He found Tegoshi and Massu first; fortunately, Massu was predictable and was by the food stands, and where Massu was, Tegoshi wasn’t usually very far away.
“Pi,” the two echoed in surprise when they saw him - and his posture, which was screaming ‘angry and irritated’.
“I need you two to do something for me,” Yamapi said seriously. The other two blinked and quickly adopted serious expressions as well, listening intently.
* * *
Half an hour was what it took for Yamapi to return to that spot up high overlooking the town - well, from what he had glimpsed of it from the spot he and Ryo had been lurking in, it overlooked the town. The prince was still there, but Yamapi didn’t expect anything less. He doubted the prince would go back to the inn, or anywhere where just anyone could see him and the fact that he had been crying, so quickly.
“Akanishi,” he stated as he stopped in front of Jin, who looked up with a weary sigh.
“I should have known you’d show up eventually,” Jin retorted, “Go away.”
“If you knew I’d show up, then you know that I know what happened just now,” Yamapi responded.
“If you’re here to punch me,” Jin stood up, extending his arms out, “Go ahead. Punch me. I’m not really in the mood to fight back or whatever.”
Yamapi glared at Jin, “You’re pretty pathetic right now,” he stated coldly, “What, made Kazuya cry and now that you’ve hurt the one person who forgives you no matter what you do, no fight left?”
Jin laughed bitterly, “You know everything. I told him everything. I can’t do this after all - even if it hurts him, it’s the truth.”
“And what about Kazuya?!” Yamapi couldn’t help it; he reached out and fisted the prince’s front, “So you’re scared, so you’ve been hurt recently; what makes you think Kazuya’s hurting less than you are?!”
Jin was silent; no matter how much he tried to explain it, he knew no one would understand. He had never felt hurt like that before; he didn’t want to feel it again, especially knowing that it was inevitable. It was definitely going to happen because Kazuya was going to leave eventually, and Jin would be stuck here, in this cage built by his rank in life, with a person he hated, with reminders of everything. He didn’t want to risk feeling that pain.
“I heard everything you said to him,” Yamapi hissed, “You’re pretty cowardly and selfish aren’t you? I don’t know what the hell Kazuya sees in you, but he’s obviously a more understanding person than I am, because the entire time, I just wanted to hit you.”
“So hit me,” Jin retorted, “Hit me, and then go away. I’m not in the mood for this!”
“Unfortunately, I can’t do that. For some reason, Kazuya has fallen in love with you, and your ability to understand him and think about something other than yourself is directly linked to his happiness,” Yamapi said coldly, “Or else I’d be more than happy to do that.”
Jin scoffed, “Thinking about myself? It’s not like anyone else is thinking about me! You all want me to forgive him, and get back together with him, but when he leaves, who’s thinking about what will happen to me when that happens? Oh, he gets to leave, he gets to be free of all this, but I’ll be marrying a girl I hate! I’ll be hurting, with no way out and nobody to comfort me, while he, at least he’ll be free - he can move on, he can get over me, and,” he laughed, “I’ll be nothing but a pleasant memory. No matter my feelings for him, that’s the way it’ll be! If I let myself admit my feelings for him, forgive him and end up falling deeper, the pain that will eventually come will be a thousand times worse than when I found out he lied to me!”
Yamapi stared at Jin, before pushing Jin so that he slammed against the tree. He stared coldly at Jin, “You’re so pathetic. I don’t even know where to start. Do you know what he does to himself just to get you to smile at him even once each day?”
Jin was silent, and for all appearances, didn’t seem to be listening but Yamapi continued anyways.
“Every morning, I wake up, and he’s already gone. He’s dressed and has been practicing all his lessons from the previous day for hours! He tries his hardest to be perfect at them, because he doesn’t want to give up on you, or be found out and sent away! Every day, it’s for you! So that you can see how hard he’s trying, so that you’ll smile at him when he does something right! Everything he does lately, it’s for your forgiveness and to prove that his feelings for you were and are still real!”
Jin was still silent.
“When Kazuya was six, he had a stuffed toy,” Yamapi said slowly, “He was completely in love with the thing; it was the only toy he had. One day, during a raid, it got lost when we were running away. He looked, and looked, and looked for it afterwards, no matter how many times I told him I could try to find him another one, to steal one of course, since we didn’t exactly have money. He never found it, and no matter what I tried to get to cheer him up, even one that looked even better and newer than that one, he was never attached to those the same way he was attached to that one, beaten-up toy.”
“What the hell is the point of that?” Jin snapped.
“The point,” Yamapi glared “Is that that’s the way Kazuya’s always been. He gets strangely attached and always gives his heart totally to something, but he can never get over losing that something just as easily as he gets attached. He fell for you pretty easily, even if he couldn’t admit it at the time, and no matter how far into the future, no matter what happens, he won’t replace you so easily. That’s partly what you’re afraid of isn’t it? That you’ll fall deeper, give him your heart, and in the end, he gets over you so quickly that it’s like you gave your everything and he gave only a little bit?”
Jin flinched, signalling that Yamapi was at least a bit on target.
“I’m not going to stand here all night trying to convince you. I want to remind you that I know Kazuya best; I know everything about him, and honestly, I’m not going to benefit from lying to you right now. You can either believe me, or you can just throw away something that important and precious - the fact that someone you like, loves you back. I think it’s stupid the way you doubt him. Pain is part of life; loss is part of life, but people have to live on and think of the happy times.”
Jin dug his fingers into the bark of the tree he was leaning again. He knew Yamapi’s words were right; he knew that everything he was doing was because he was scared; it was something he was regretting. Even before Yamapi showed up, he had gotten the sinking feeling that he had just done something stupid. He knew…he knew he was just being a coward right now, trying to avoid inevitable pain. He also knew that the feelings he had for Kazuya grew stronger every time he saw the younger man, and it was the strength of those feelings that made him so scared. And he was scared of giving too much, and ending up being hurt by Kazuya again.
Yamapi let out a sigh of frustration, “Well, I’m done talking to you. Listen, don’t listen; it’s your mistake to make. I have to go comfort a certain distraught best friend of mine.”
He turned to leave.
“Does…”
Yamapi paused, turning around.
“His feelings…you said you know everything about him right? Does he…he said earlier, he loved me; is that…true?”
Yamapi didn’t turn around but he scoffed out an, “I don’t know why, but he does. Looking at how stubborn he’s being when it comes to you proves it doesn’t it? Even when you hated him, he never really gave up. Kazuya holds onto the things he loves to the very end; he loves you,” under his breath he muttered, “Though I wish I knew why.”
He stopped one more time to say one more thing, “I suppose, what you have to think about…is whether or not you like him enough to risk even the worst pain; he’s already risking that, as he told you…”
Jin flinched, remembering Kazuya’s words.
I think you’re worth it all…
“Now, it’s just whether you truly feel strongly enough for him. But if you don’t, stop playing around with his feelings like that; if you don’t think he’s worth the pain, then it’s your loss because I won’t let anyone take advantage of Kazuya like that. Is he worth it to you?”
He left Jin alone, knowing that there was nothing more he could say and hoped that the prince wasn’t as much of an idiot as Yamapi thought he was.
* * *
Kazuya couldn’t really sleep. His eyes stared at the ceiling as he lay on the mattress; next to him. Yamapi had somehow managed to move a second mattress in here and on the floor, intent on not leaving Kazuya alone tonight. He was sleeping; Kazuya could hear the sounds of Yamapi moving in his sleep, but while he was used to the sounds and would normally be able to sleep if Yamapi was in the room, like when they were both children, he couldn’t tonight.
Of course, the fact that the town seemed to be celebrating still didn’t make matters any better. He could still hear the music playing faintly from the town square.
Kazuya knew the reason he couldn’t sleep; he was still thinking about Jin, no matter how much Yamapi had tried to distract him. Ryo had tried too, but his attempts at getting Kazuya to lighten Kazuya’s mood just hadn’t worked very well tonight. None of his friends had managed to distract him.
Everything hurt so much; he knew Yamapi had probably talked to Jin, but right now, he couldn’t bring himself to hope for anything. With what Jin had said, it seemed futile to hope for anything good.
A sudden knock at the door made him jump, and Yamapi shifted in his sleep. Kazuya remembered that Yamapi had told him that Tackey and Tsubasa would be dropping by later, so he quickly went to answer the door.
To his shock, it wasn’t the king or the captain.
Jin stood there, staring at Kazuya with his eyes red from crying, just like Kazuya’s were, his hair completely messed up as though he had been running, and looking at Kazuya with tiredness and regret.
“Jin…?” he asked quietly, both from not wanting to wake anyone up, and from the fact that he hadn’t really expected to see the prince.
Kazuya was briefly aware that just like the last time he had seen Jin in this room, he was wearing something that wasn’t Kazumi’s, and it felt like he was standing in front of Jin as his true self - the him that didn’t have to pretend to be a princess. And he felt strangely exposed because of that.
He shifted, “What’re you doing here?” he asked, still quietly, still in shock.
“I’m sorry,” the prince answered, putting his hand on the frame of the door.
Kazuya felt a flash of dread.
“I’m sorry,” Jin said again and he used the frame of the door to keep himself steady as he leaned in and Kazuya’s eyes widened when he felt familiar lips on his own - lips he thought he would never feel again. The older man moved his hand off the door frame, putting his hands on Kazuya’s shoulders, and holding them tight as he kissed Kazuya again, a deeper kiss this time.
Kazuya could feel all the emotions Jin was pouring into this one moment; the regret, the desperation, the fear, and yet, the hope, the resolve, and the intense feelings and a clear message…
“I’m sorry for everything…” Jin whispered, “But…I thought for a long time; what you said, what everyone else has said; I want this, I…”
I want to be with you.
Kazuya pulled Jin closer.
“Finally…” was the whisper that lingered between them.
It took a long time, but Jin had finally realized what Kazuya had known all along. It was worth it, this small moment in time when they could try to be happy together; no matter the pain that awaited them, no matter what lay in the future, it was all worth it right now.
--- END CHAPTER ---
*hides* look, they're back together and no one's angsting anymore! despite the huge amount of angst in this chapter! but *cough* I should probably explain why Jin acts that way, like all scared. Unlike Kame, Jin, as the prince, lived a very very sheltered life. He was the heir to the throne so he was very sheltered and protected, so he has no idea how to deal with a lot of stuff, which has been evident throughout the entire fic; he's actually gotten a mature than he was at the very beginning ^^;;; so he's like, still growing up XD That's my explanation for him =P But look, he's not being an idiot anymore~~ and they kissed so....*hides* don't kill me for the angst and for not updating in over two months.
Oh, and also, they needed to have that talk; they really did. Otherwise, those things they held back would have hung over their heads and that's detrimental to their relationship ^^;;;
Anyways, that's all I have to say about this chapter~
Hope you all enjoyed it <3 and i'll see you next chapter whenever that is, because for some reason, i seem to be extremely busy this semester >____< loads of extracurricular stuff + schoolwork. And my reading week/spring break is in two weeks, but GAH, i don't even have time then because that's when i offered my services as a volunteer but yeah, basically...be patient because RL seems to be really busy lately =P (plus, i still owe one-shots to people -____-;;;)
p.s. isa, ilu~~ <3 thanks for putting up with me...again XDDD
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG-13
Summary: To end the war that has desecrated the lives of the people between two kingdoms, an alliance in the form of an arranged marriage has been made between the two royal families. however, when the princess runs away to avoid being married, the unwilling look-a-like pauper, Kamenashi Kazuya, somehow finds himself brought in to play the part of the princess and decieve Prince Jin. But Kazuya never expected to fall in love...
part 1 |
Uchi let out a laugh as he watched Ryo take a step toward Yamapi, a smirk on his face, and Yamapi immediately took off. Ryo flashed a grin at Uchi as he walked lazily in the direction Yamapi had gone. Ryo had been taking enjoyment in this for nearly the entire night. He didn’t even have to be clingy; Yamapi was just running at the sight of Ryo in order to escape before he could get a clingy Ryo on him.
He looked around and grinned; it had been a surprisingly fun night. The townspeople were talking to various noblemen, and although the class difference was still notable, it was obvious that everyone was having fun.
From a distance, he could see Tsubasa and Tackey talking near one of the food stands. Their gazes flickered to a spot not too far from them a lot, and Uchi followed their gazes to find Jin and Kazuya.
The prince and the man-pretending-to-be-a-princess were definitely the center of attention tonight. Of course they would be; as the prince and ‘princess’, they were the focus of this entire tour of the two countries, and were what all the townspeople wanted to see. The fact that tonight, they could actually talk to the two royals was another plus.
Kazuya was standing close to Jin, but only those close to the two - and knew about the reality of the two’s relationship at the moment - could tell that his movements were a bit hesitant. Of course, the younger man could never know when being close would make Jin move away or something, so it was understandable.
Uchi surveyed them with a sigh; it had all seemed so simple when Notti had shown up at his door, asking him to help with all the drama going on.
They would get Ryo to see sense, and then Ryo would get Jin to see sense, and then Jin would forgive Kazuya and everyone would be happy.
But things weren’t so simple; things hadn’t gone according to plan.
Jin had always been pretty forgiving when he had gotten angry at others when he was younger, so nobody had really expected him to be like this still. He said he didn’t want Kazuya to go away, and yet, he still wasn’t really taking Kazuya back; he tried, by being around Kazuya, but the moment he seemed like he was beginning to forgive Kazuya, he would backtrack and it was like he hadn’t even considered it.
It was both confusing and frustrating, and probably hurtful in Kazuya’s case.
What would he feel like if someone he loved kept giving him hope and then taking it away the next moment?
Probably sad, and really hurt…almost like I was being used, but at the same not, not, so I couldn’t get angry…and just…
Uchi shook his head, a sigh on his lips.
He blinked when he saw Notti looking up at him, holding out some sort of food he had bought at one of the stands, “Here,” the younger man chirped.
Uchi blinked, “Thanks,” he took it with a smile.
“I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry; Pi and your best friend is watching over all this. They’re not just playing around,” Notti said with a knowing nod.
Uchi blinked; he knew Ryo was doing more than just torturing Yamapi, but he hadn’t known anyone was aware of it, “I guess…”
“There’s nothing we can really do,” Notti continued, “They’re both stubborn.”
Uchi let a smile form on his lips, “Well, that is true,” he agreed, “Alright, let’s go play some games or something.” He suggested, pointing across the town square, “We’ll leave the best friends to deal with it.”
He chanced a look back in the direction where he had last seen Jin and Kazuya, and blinked; they were gone. He saw Yamapi gesturing to Ryo though, and he had a feeling that the two were following Jin and Kazuya. They were probably the only two who could do that and not get hit later for doing so.
He paused; he knew that the Kazuya and Jin were taking this chance when everyone was celebrating and having fun, to sneak off. They had stayed and talked long enough to enough people that they could leave for a bit without garnering a lot of attention. Uchi knew they needed to talk, but had avoided it; he also knew it wasn’t going to be a talk Jin looked forward to. He may not be Jin’s best friend but even he saw Jin’s tendency to avoid the subject of his feelings.
He only hoped this turned out well…
--
Kazuya smiled as another person came up to him to introduce himself. He really couldn’t see why Kazumi had run away - these people, he could see it in their eyes, they had so much hope thanks to the princess. It was something no commoner could generate; this was all hope that the marriage would turn out well and peace would continue. He was really enjoying seeing that, though it did leave a pang inside him when he realized in the end, it still rested on Kazumi’s shoulders, even though she didn’t want it, but Kazuya who did, would have to leave it behind one day.
He stood close to Jin, but not too close that he would make Jin uncomfortable. Jin was unpredictable about stuff like this, but Kazuya thought he had figured out a good balance that wouldn’t make Jin move away. No matter how discreet the older man tried to be, Kazuya saw it.
He had been seeing it all night, starting from the moment he had been left alone with Jin; he would seem to forgive Kazuya, giving Kazuya a gesture that indicated they had taken a leap forward, but then it would be a leap back as he took the gesture away.
Kazuya would be lying if he said that it didn’t hurt. It did, it really did, but…
He didn’t want to cause troubles in their already tentative relationship just because he was a bit hurt. He didn’t want to lose what they had managed to rebuild, no matter how little it was.
He understood, but…
…in the future, it won’t be a cherished memory, but a bitter one. For both of you…
…but he couldn’t get Tsubasa’s words out of his head. They were so…he could still remember the sad tone the king used, and he knew that the king wasn’t one to give him bad advice, and even encouraged this relationship although Kazuya still had no idea why, and he was one of the only authority figures in Kazuya’s life. As much as Kazuya loved and respected Yamapi, his best friend wasn’t exactly impartial, so Tsubasa’s words, which were along the same lines of Yamapi’s, had a great impact - even more so than Yamapi’s, since Yamapi wasn’t exactly concerned for the prince.
The last thing he wanted was to look back on this and regret these moments, and he was beginning to believe it was possible for that to happen, for each feeling of hurt that pricked at his heart whenever Jin seemed to change his mind about him.
“Jin…” he said quietly, tugging on the older man’s sleeve. The taller man looked down at him, and Kazuya could see the dread in his eyes, the reluctance; he knew that Jin knew what he wanted to say. It was something they needed to do.
The surrounding people, thinking that it was a moment of romance for the two, smiled and looked away, talking to their friends.
“What is it?” Jin asked, and Kazuya almost hesitated when he felt Jin’s fingers along the side of his face, almost caressingly. Then, like all those times before, Jin seemed to realize what he was doing and quickly drew them away.
Kazuya bit his lip, “Let’s go somewhere quiet to talk…everyone seems to be done fawning over the prince and princess,” he said hesitantly. And it was true; everyone had gotten their chances to talk to them and seemed to be satisfied, playing games and eating, although a few glances were cast their way from time to time. They could excuse themselves without being rude now.
Jin hesitated, but at the look of determination in Kazuya’s eyes, he sighed and agreed, “Alright…” he said.
Kazuya led the way away from the crowd, until they got to an empty, narrow street and climbed the stairs that led to the top. There was a small area at the top; it was the place that Jin had taken refuge in with Ryo one day when both of them had just found out the truth and both had been angry; it had a perfect vantage point for seeing the town square, and Jin remembered watching Kazuya and Yamashita argue that day.
“So talk…” he said quietly as he leaned against a tree planted there.
* * *
“Are you sure you know your way?” Yamapi hissed.
“I know the way,” Ryo retorted in a quiet tone as he they took a separate path from the one Kazuya and Jin had taken, “I remember this part of town. I found this not-very-obvious entrance here last time, alright?”
“Well, excuse me for not really believing your sense of direction. I remember going the way Kazuya went just now.”
“Just trust me, will you?” Ryo snapped.
“No,” Yamapi pouted childishly, “If you get us lost, I’m going to hurt you.”
“I won’t get us lost!” Ryo sighed, “You’re really difficult when you’re all concerned about Kazuya.”
Yamapi glared, “What is that supposed to mean? I’m not difficult!”
“You are!” Ryo returned, “You’ve snapped and threatened me ten times already and we only left the festival five minutes ago.”
Yamapi glared, and Ryo merely smirked as if saying ‘see?’.
“What does it matter to you?” Yamapi finally returned.
Ryo paused, “It doesn’t, but it’s irritating.” He finally said, raising an eyebrow, “Can’t you worry a bit less about Kazuya? He’s a big boy; I’m sure he can talk to Jin without bursting into tears in the five minutes that you’re not watching him. You’re like a mother hen or something.”
Yamapi bristled in anger, “What?! I am -”
Ryo raised an eyebrow and then clamped a hand over Yamapi’s mouth, “Shh, I can hear voices, so that means unless you want to be found out, keep quiet.”
Yamapi glared at Ryo but fell silent, following the older man up a flight of stairs.
--
Kazuya hesitated a little, but he took a deep breath as he stood in front of Jin, watching as the older man try to pretend he wasn’t dreading this conversation.
“I know you haven’t forgiven me…” he started, “And I was going to give you time, but…” he bit his lip, “Recently, you’ve acted like…the closer you get to me, the more you change your mind. Do you not want me here after all?”
Jin froze, his eyes going wide.
“Every time you do something that involves showing me any sort of affection, you just take it away again, like you regret it. Do you not want me here anymore? Because…I can…I suppose you can still send me away…” Kazuya said slowly, but his voice was breaking a little, just like his heart was, at the words he was saying.
Jin shook his head wildly, “No!” he moved forward, gripping Kazuya’s arms with his hands, “No, that’s not it!”
Kazuya stiffened at the touch, “Are you going to take them away now?” he asked softly, just as Jin really was about to lift his hands away. Jin looked down, and Kazuya felt another piece of his heart crack.
“See, you keep doing this. I don’t know what is it you want, but…I thought we were finally getting somewhere. I don’t know what’s going on with you at all; I could understand it if it was like at first, and it was awkward and you were still hurting from what I did but…” Kazuya shook his head, “I don’t understand you.”
He ran a hand through his hair, and then looked up at Jin. Those brown eyes, filled with hurt and confusion, seemed to be taunting Jin, and he couldn’t move.
“It’s -”
“What is it? I…It hurts, alright?” Kazuya said softly, “I know I don’t have any right to tell you that I’m hurting, but I am. It hurts so much; what are you even trying to do? Why…why can’t I ever get a straight answer from you? Why do I get my hopes up, thinking we’ve finally gotten past everything, and then you just…take it away? Are you trying to show me something like how you felt when you found out about me? Because it’s working; it hurts, alright? I understand; it hurts!”
“No, that’s not what I’m trying to do!” Jin said quickly, “That’s not - I would never do something like that! I - how can you even think that?”
“Because it’s the only explanation I can come up with! I tried not to question it; I tried to think you just needed more time, but…if you do, you wouldn’t give me that hope in the first place! Especially not in such a way and…” Kazuya gripped the sleeve of his kimono, “It’s…tell me exactly what you’re trying to do then. What you mean. I don’t have any other explanation, no matter how many I try to come up with for you!”
“I…I didn’t know you were hurting,” Jin said pleadingly, “That’s not what I was trying to do. I don’t want you to go away; I really don’t. I…it’s not that simple,” he whispered, pressing himself against the trunk of the tree, “It’s…”
He reached forward, and Kazuya flinched and avoided his hand.
“Don’t. If you’re just going to do the same thing, don’t. I’d rather not get your affection than get it and then have you change your mind; it’s like you’re trying to use me when it’s convenient!”
“I’m not!” Jin shouted indignantly, “I wouldn’t do something like that! You know that! You know I -”
“I know that!” Kazuya shouted back, “But how else am I supposed to feel?! I’m being patient, because I really do feel something for you, because I really do love you, but when you know how I feel and you still give me hope and then take it away, then how else am I supposed to feel like?!” He cursed the tears that were leaking at the corners of his eyes, “It’s not fair, you’re not being fair. You can’t keep doing that; it’s not fair. I stayed because I wanted more time with you, because I love you, and I know in the end, it’ll hurt to leave, but right now, it feels like nothing will hurt more than this does!” he finally managed to force out, forcing down a sob that contained all the hurt and confusion that had been building up in him all these weeks.
There were a few long moments of silence before Jin spoke over the sounds of Kazuya trying to suppress the hurt and tears.
“It’s because…it’s because of that,” Jin said softly, with trepidation, “It’s because of that.” He took a deep breath to continue, “How can I start anything with you, when you’ll definitely be leaving me in the future?” his hands dug into the trunk of the tree as he thought about the pain of finding out the truth about Kazuya and the pain that would surely be a thousand times worse when he left, “How can I get into a relationship like that with you when I know it’ll hurt in the end?”
Kazuya looked up at Jin, no longer hiding the tears welling up. Jin’s eyes weren’t exactly dry either.
“You’re scared,” Kazuya said slowly.
“Of course I am!” Jin said, a near-snap in his voice, “Of course I am! What the hell am I supposed to do; it hurt so much when I found out about you! When I found out you had lied to me! What do you think the pain will be like when you leave? Do you honestly think I won’t be in pain?! It’ll hurt so much and there will be nothing I can do; when that time comes, I can’t let you stay like I did this time! It’ll hurt! I’m so close to forgiving you, I know I am, and I’m scared! What if…what if I give you too much of my heart! I’m scared of the hurt that will come with that! You’ll leave, and it’ll hurt - I know it will, and I haven’t even completely forgiven you yet! What will it be like if I actually love you? You have to leave whether I want you to or not!”
Kazuya tentatively reached forward, arms going around Jin. Jin shifted, trying to avoid him, but he tried not to let that affect him, “Life always hurts, Jin…but…it’s the happiness that balances that hurt…”
“You may be able to find happiness after you leave, but I’ll be getting married - to a girl who I hate! You may be free to do that, but I won’t! You can say that, because you have chance after chance after you leave! I won’t! I’ll be trapped, and it’ll hurt and I’m so scared! I don’t want that pain again…” he clutched at his heart, “Do you know how much it hurt when I found out?” he whispered finally.
Kazuya flinched, but still didn’t draw away. He felt tears fall from his eyes and he knew from the sounds that Jin was crying as well, “…you talk about your hurt, but…do you think it’ll be that easy, for me to get over you after I leave?” Kazuya whispered, pain evident in his voice, “I…I don’t think it’ll be something I can ever do. I don’t think there’s anyone that can replace you like you think I’m going to do once I leave…but…despite that…” he let out a sob as Jin pushed him away, hearing but refusing to believe his words, “I…I think you’re worth the pain…and loneliness…I think you’re worth it all…” he said softly, voice breaking with every word.
It was clear that Jin was too caught in his pain and fears to believe what Kazuya was saying.
Kazuya looked down, hiding his face with his hand as he straightened himself, “I guess…nothing I say will make you believe me. I just wanted you to know…we’ll go through the same pain when that day comes…I’m prepared for that, because I think you’re worth it…” he said as he began to slowly walk away, wiping at his tears. He didn’t know what else he could say; he didn’t know how to take away Jin’s fears; all he could hope was that Jin could believe him.
* * *
It was not really surprising to Kazuya that the moment he was half-way down the stairs, he looked up and found Yamapi looking back at him. He tried to smile, but it ended in a choked cry instead.
Yamapi extended his arms, holding them out and Kazuya stumbled into them, letting the older man comfort him, like he had always done.
“Pi…”
“I know,” Yamapi mumbled. They said nothing for a long while, and Yamapi waited for Kazuya to calm down enough, “Listen, Kazu-chan, I’m going to send you back to the inn, alright? I’m going to tell the king and Tackey that you don’t think you can return to the event.”
Kazuya nodded numbly, as his best friend’s arms tightened around him once more before they slowly let go.
“Take care of him,” Yamapi warning was stern, and Kazuya had to blink away the blur in his eyes to see Ryo nodding.
“Ryo?”
“Hey,” Ryo said with a smile, but it was strained, “I thought I told you no more crying over idiots.” He said with a sigh, “Why does no one ever listen to me?”
Kazuya ducked his head.
“And no making him cry again, or I’ll beat you up.” Yamapi warned. Ryo rolled his eyes, and waved at him as he led Kazuya back toward the inn. Kazuya was in too much of an upset condition to really care who was taking him, or where Ryo was taking him.
“Now, I’m going to list for you all the times Jin has publicly embarrassed himself, so listen up and pay attention, so that your best friend won’t kill me later.” Ryo started, his voice fading as he led Kazuya further away.
Despite his own words though, Yamapi knew he could trust the older man to watch over Kazuya until he could get there - and chances were, the contingent of concerned friends would have grown by the time Yamapi got back.
Yamapi paused as soon as he couldn’t hear Ryo talking anymore; he looked between the stairs that led to where the prince currently was, and the town square where the festival was still taking place.
He sighed; as much as he wanted to take his anger out on Jin at the moment, he knew he should inform Tackey and Tsubasa where Kazuya was, probably send Kusano off to accompany Ryo in watching Kazuya, and also give himself time to cool off. Yamapi also had a feeling that talking to Jin at this moment would be pointless as the prince was still most likely a quivering mess of emotions from his conversation with Kazuya.
“Stupid asshole,” Yamapi muttered to himself as he stalked toward the town square, “He has the stupidest ability in the world - the ability to make Kazuya cry like it’s easy to do that.”
He found Tackey and Tsubasa quickly enough. His emotions must have shown on his face, because Tsubasa immediately asked, “What’s wrong?” followed by Tackey’s, “You look angry.”
Yamapi gave a half-hearted shrug, “Kazu-chan finally talked to the prince,” he said as a way of explanation, “I’m here to tell you that he’s in no condition to return here tonight, so I figured making the excuse that he’s all tired out from the event will probably be the best thing to do.”
Tsubasa was worried, he could tell, “Is he alright?”
“I…they needed to have that conversation; you’re right about that. They needed to get that out, but…I don’t think any of us, even Kazuya, realized how much both of them were holding back from each other; I’m going to talk to the prince after I find Kusano or any of my other friends, to get them to watch over Kazuya.”
“Tomohisa…”
“Don’t worry; I won’t do anything drastic,” Yamapi assured quietly, “He knows I’m…well, you know,” his eyes shifted to the crowd around them; he was sure no one was close enough to listen in, but it was better not to say it aloud anyways.
“Unfortunately, we have to stay for a little bit still…” Tackey commented, sighing, “We’ll go check up on him later.” He snuck a glance at Tsubasa, who was looking very worried.
Yamapi nodded, and it was obvious to the two older men that he was barely holding back his anger; they only hoped he calmed down much more before he went to talk to the prince.
Yamapi counted to ten, multiple times, as he went in search for his friends. He found Tegoshi and Massu first; fortunately, Massu was predictable and was by the food stands, and where Massu was, Tegoshi wasn’t usually very far away.
“Pi,” the two echoed in surprise when they saw him - and his posture, which was screaming ‘angry and irritated’.
“I need you two to do something for me,” Yamapi said seriously. The other two blinked and quickly adopted serious expressions as well, listening intently.
* * *
Half an hour was what it took for Yamapi to return to that spot up high overlooking the town - well, from what he had glimpsed of it from the spot he and Ryo had been lurking in, it overlooked the town. The prince was still there, but Yamapi didn’t expect anything less. He doubted the prince would go back to the inn, or anywhere where just anyone could see him and the fact that he had been crying, so quickly.
“Akanishi,” he stated as he stopped in front of Jin, who looked up with a weary sigh.
“I should have known you’d show up eventually,” Jin retorted, “Go away.”
“If you knew I’d show up, then you know that I know what happened just now,” Yamapi responded.
“If you’re here to punch me,” Jin stood up, extending his arms out, “Go ahead. Punch me. I’m not really in the mood to fight back or whatever.”
Yamapi glared at Jin, “You’re pretty pathetic right now,” he stated coldly, “What, made Kazuya cry and now that you’ve hurt the one person who forgives you no matter what you do, no fight left?”
Jin laughed bitterly, “You know everything. I told him everything. I can’t do this after all - even if it hurts him, it’s the truth.”
“And what about Kazuya?!” Yamapi couldn’t help it; he reached out and fisted the prince’s front, “So you’re scared, so you’ve been hurt recently; what makes you think Kazuya’s hurting less than you are?!”
Jin was silent; no matter how much he tried to explain it, he knew no one would understand. He had never felt hurt like that before; he didn’t want to feel it again, especially knowing that it was inevitable. It was definitely going to happen because Kazuya was going to leave eventually, and Jin would be stuck here, in this cage built by his rank in life, with a person he hated, with reminders of everything. He didn’t want to risk feeling that pain.
“I heard everything you said to him,” Yamapi hissed, “You’re pretty cowardly and selfish aren’t you? I don’t know what the hell Kazuya sees in you, but he’s obviously a more understanding person than I am, because the entire time, I just wanted to hit you.”
“So hit me,” Jin retorted, “Hit me, and then go away. I’m not in the mood for this!”
“Unfortunately, I can’t do that. For some reason, Kazuya has fallen in love with you, and your ability to understand him and think about something other than yourself is directly linked to his happiness,” Yamapi said coldly, “Or else I’d be more than happy to do that.”
Jin scoffed, “Thinking about myself? It’s not like anyone else is thinking about me! You all want me to forgive him, and get back together with him, but when he leaves, who’s thinking about what will happen to me when that happens? Oh, he gets to leave, he gets to be free of all this, but I’ll be marrying a girl I hate! I’ll be hurting, with no way out and nobody to comfort me, while he, at least he’ll be free - he can move on, he can get over me, and,” he laughed, “I’ll be nothing but a pleasant memory. No matter my feelings for him, that’s the way it’ll be! If I let myself admit my feelings for him, forgive him and end up falling deeper, the pain that will eventually come will be a thousand times worse than when I found out he lied to me!”
Yamapi stared at Jin, before pushing Jin so that he slammed against the tree. He stared coldly at Jin, “You’re so pathetic. I don’t even know where to start. Do you know what he does to himself just to get you to smile at him even once each day?”
Jin was silent, and for all appearances, didn’t seem to be listening but Yamapi continued anyways.
“Every morning, I wake up, and he’s already gone. He’s dressed and has been practicing all his lessons from the previous day for hours! He tries his hardest to be perfect at them, because he doesn’t want to give up on you, or be found out and sent away! Every day, it’s for you! So that you can see how hard he’s trying, so that you’ll smile at him when he does something right! Everything he does lately, it’s for your forgiveness and to prove that his feelings for you were and are still real!”
Jin was still silent.
“When Kazuya was six, he had a stuffed toy,” Yamapi said slowly, “He was completely in love with the thing; it was the only toy he had. One day, during a raid, it got lost when we were running away. He looked, and looked, and looked for it afterwards, no matter how many times I told him I could try to find him another one, to steal one of course, since we didn’t exactly have money. He never found it, and no matter what I tried to get to cheer him up, even one that looked even better and newer than that one, he was never attached to those the same way he was attached to that one, beaten-up toy.”
“What the hell is the point of that?” Jin snapped.
“The point,” Yamapi glared “Is that that’s the way Kazuya’s always been. He gets strangely attached and always gives his heart totally to something, but he can never get over losing that something just as easily as he gets attached. He fell for you pretty easily, even if he couldn’t admit it at the time, and no matter how far into the future, no matter what happens, he won’t replace you so easily. That’s partly what you’re afraid of isn’t it? That you’ll fall deeper, give him your heart, and in the end, he gets over you so quickly that it’s like you gave your everything and he gave only a little bit?”
Jin flinched, signalling that Yamapi was at least a bit on target.
“I’m not going to stand here all night trying to convince you. I want to remind you that I know Kazuya best; I know everything about him, and honestly, I’m not going to benefit from lying to you right now. You can either believe me, or you can just throw away something that important and precious - the fact that someone you like, loves you back. I think it’s stupid the way you doubt him. Pain is part of life; loss is part of life, but people have to live on and think of the happy times.”
Jin dug his fingers into the bark of the tree he was leaning again. He knew Yamapi’s words were right; he knew that everything he was doing was because he was scared; it was something he was regretting. Even before Yamapi showed up, he had gotten the sinking feeling that he had just done something stupid. He knew…he knew he was just being a coward right now, trying to avoid inevitable pain. He also knew that the feelings he had for Kazuya grew stronger every time he saw the younger man, and it was the strength of those feelings that made him so scared. And he was scared of giving too much, and ending up being hurt by Kazuya again.
Yamapi let out a sigh of frustration, “Well, I’m done talking to you. Listen, don’t listen; it’s your mistake to make. I have to go comfort a certain distraught best friend of mine.”
He turned to leave.
“Does…”
Yamapi paused, turning around.
“His feelings…you said you know everything about him right? Does he…he said earlier, he loved me; is that…true?”
Yamapi didn’t turn around but he scoffed out an, “I don’t know why, but he does. Looking at how stubborn he’s being when it comes to you proves it doesn’t it? Even when you hated him, he never really gave up. Kazuya holds onto the things he loves to the very end; he loves you,” under his breath he muttered, “Though I wish I knew why.”
He stopped one more time to say one more thing, “I suppose, what you have to think about…is whether or not you like him enough to risk even the worst pain; he’s already risking that, as he told you…”
Jin flinched, remembering Kazuya’s words.
I think you’re worth it all…
“Now, it’s just whether you truly feel strongly enough for him. But if you don’t, stop playing around with his feelings like that; if you don’t think he’s worth the pain, then it’s your loss because I won’t let anyone take advantage of Kazuya like that. Is he worth it to you?”
He left Jin alone, knowing that there was nothing more he could say and hoped that the prince wasn’t as much of an idiot as Yamapi thought he was.
* * *
Kazuya couldn’t really sleep. His eyes stared at the ceiling as he lay on the mattress; next to him. Yamapi had somehow managed to move a second mattress in here and on the floor, intent on not leaving Kazuya alone tonight. He was sleeping; Kazuya could hear the sounds of Yamapi moving in his sleep, but while he was used to the sounds and would normally be able to sleep if Yamapi was in the room, like when they were both children, he couldn’t tonight.
Of course, the fact that the town seemed to be celebrating still didn’t make matters any better. He could still hear the music playing faintly from the town square.
Kazuya knew the reason he couldn’t sleep; he was still thinking about Jin, no matter how much Yamapi had tried to distract him. Ryo had tried too, but his attempts at getting Kazuya to lighten Kazuya’s mood just hadn’t worked very well tonight. None of his friends had managed to distract him.
Everything hurt so much; he knew Yamapi had probably talked to Jin, but right now, he couldn’t bring himself to hope for anything. With what Jin had said, it seemed futile to hope for anything good.
A sudden knock at the door made him jump, and Yamapi shifted in his sleep. Kazuya remembered that Yamapi had told him that Tackey and Tsubasa would be dropping by later, so he quickly went to answer the door.
To his shock, it wasn’t the king or the captain.
Jin stood there, staring at Kazuya with his eyes red from crying, just like Kazuya’s were, his hair completely messed up as though he had been running, and looking at Kazuya with tiredness and regret.
“Jin…?” he asked quietly, both from not wanting to wake anyone up, and from the fact that he hadn’t really expected to see the prince.
Kazuya was briefly aware that just like the last time he had seen Jin in this room, he was wearing something that wasn’t Kazumi’s, and it felt like he was standing in front of Jin as his true self - the him that didn’t have to pretend to be a princess. And he felt strangely exposed because of that.
He shifted, “What’re you doing here?” he asked, still quietly, still in shock.
“I’m sorry,” the prince answered, putting his hand on the frame of the door.
Kazuya felt a flash of dread.
“I’m sorry,” Jin said again and he used the frame of the door to keep himself steady as he leaned in and Kazuya’s eyes widened when he felt familiar lips on his own - lips he thought he would never feel again. The older man moved his hand off the door frame, putting his hands on Kazuya’s shoulders, and holding them tight as he kissed Kazuya again, a deeper kiss this time.
Kazuya could feel all the emotions Jin was pouring into this one moment; the regret, the desperation, the fear, and yet, the hope, the resolve, and the intense feelings and a clear message…
“I’m sorry for everything…” Jin whispered, “But…I thought for a long time; what you said, what everyone else has said; I want this, I…”
I want to be with you.
Kazuya pulled Jin closer.
“Finally…” was the whisper that lingered between them.
It took a long time, but Jin had finally realized what Kazuya had known all along. It was worth it, this small moment in time when they could try to be happy together; no matter the pain that awaited them, no matter what lay in the future, it was all worth it right now.
--- END CHAPTER ---
*hides* look, they're back together and no one's angsting anymore! despite the huge amount of angst in this chapter! but *cough* I should probably explain why Jin acts that way, like all scared. Unlike Kame, Jin, as the prince, lived a very very sheltered life. He was the heir to the throne so he was very sheltered and protected, so he has no idea how to deal with a lot of stuff, which has been evident throughout the entire fic; he's actually gotten a mature than he was at the very beginning ^^;;; so he's like, still growing up XD That's my explanation for him =P But look, he's not being an idiot anymore~~ and they kissed so....*hides* don't kill me for the angst and for not updating in over two months.
Oh, and also, they needed to have that talk; they really did. Otherwise, those things they held back would have hung over their heads and that's detrimental to their relationship ^^;;;
Anyways, that's all I have to say about this chapter~
Hope you all enjoyed it <3 and i'll see you next chapter whenever that is, because for some reason, i seem to be extremely busy this semester >____< loads of extracurricular stuff + schoolwork. And my reading week/spring break is in two weeks, but GAH, i don't even have time then because that's when i offered my services as a volunteer but yeah, basically...be patient because RL seems to be really busy lately =P (plus, i still owe one-shots to people -____-;;;)
p.s. isa, ilu~~ <3 thanks for putting up with me...again XDDD