[fic] Castles in the Sky -- Stage I {2/5}
Title: Castles in the Sky -- Stage I {2/5}
Pairing: ryokame
Rating: PG-13/PG-15
Summary: lord!kame x servant/butler!ryo. They could never be allowed to be with each other, but, for some reason, they just couldn't stop.
1 |
---- 2 ----
The household was all abuzz with activity and chatter. Ryo had an annoyed expression as he made his way through the gossiping workers, trying to get to the kitchen to get Kazuya’s lunch. Once he got it, he made his way back to the library where Kazuya was once again, working on something. Setting the tray in front of Kazuya, he merely raised an eyebrow at the younger man, who looked up with a small pout.
“But Ryo-chan -”
“You need to eat,” Ryo said resolutely, “I don’t want you to starve to death.”
Then he blinked, realizing that he had actually said his thoughts aloud. He opened his mouth to correct himself, but Kazuya just laughed. Ryo stood there, staring; of course, he knew Kazuya would never be like his father or anyone else in this household. He would never disapprove of Ryo acting informally with him, but…
“I don’t think I’ll starve, but alright,” Kazuya agreed, taking a bite of his lunch, “What’s going on out there?” he asked idly, pointing with his free hand in the direction of the hallway.
Ryo resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the door, “Everyone is preparing for tonight.”
“Ah…” Kazuya said, but didn’t say anything else for a few long moments, “About that…”
“Yes, Kazuya-sama?”
“Can you accompany me tonight?”
Ryo stared at Kazuya, “I thought your father said -”
“Father won’t even notice me,” Kazuya said with a careless wave of his hand, turning a hopeful expression on him, “Besides, I don’t want to go without you.”
“But -”
“I’ll just tell him I’ve been too busy with the work he’s given me to find a ‘proper’ companion like he asked me to,” Kazuya said with a hint of distaste at the mention of that.
Ryo opened his mouth to protest, but Kazuya simply smiled serenely up at him, “Don’t you want to come with me?” he asked.
Ryo opened his mouth again, but he found that he couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t deny that the thought of Kazuya going anywhere without him there to help him had been agonizing him, and he knew how Kazuya got when it came to events like this, especially events with his father there, so he knew he had to be there. He was just going to try to threaten his way onto the serving staff tonight.
He nodded numbly, generating a bright grin from Kazuya, “Good.”
--
Kazuya turned to flash a brilliant smile at Ryo as the older man helped him into his clothes for the night’s event. Calloused fingers danced across the smooth skin of Kazuya’s shoulders briefly - very briefly. Ryo paused for a moment, a feeling rushing through him that he both liked and disliked, but he quickly ignored it as he moved to look at Kazuya, “All done Kazuya-sama.”
Kazuya raised an eyebrow, “And what about you?”
“I’m -” Ryo’s eyes flickered nervously over to the set of clothes Kazuya had picked out for some reason, “I can’t wear -”
“Oh yes you can,” Kazuya pouted at him, “I’ll order you if I have to. Don’t make me do it.” He warned.
Ryo blanched, looking between Kazuya and the much too nice clothes the younger man wanted him to wear. He didn’t know what the big deal was; this wouldn’t be the first time Kazuya had had Ryo accompany him to an event, and Ryo had never needed something this nice - although Kazuya had definitely tried. Ryo had a feeling that it was just Kazuya’s way to try to break the barrier between them; that if Ryo had one instance when he at least looked equal, he would become equal. At least, that was the best reason Ryo could come up with.
Kazuya raised his eyebrow again, “Well?” he asked sweetly. Ryo hesitated.
“I’ll take full blame,” Kazuya said to him and Ryo tried not to look appalled, “I’ll take full blame for whatever happens; nobody will lay a hand or anything punishment-like on you.”
Ryo was silent, still hesitating.
“I’ll force you if I have to,” Kazuya said with a smirk.
Ryo’s eyebrows shot up, and he couldn’t help the wry look that crossed his face all too naturally, “And how are you going to do that?”
He took a step backward as Kazuya got a determined glint in his eyes.
* * *
The event had been pushed to the back of their minds. Ryo couldn’t help the laughter that escaped him freely as they became a tangled mess of limbs on the floor.
“I’ve missed this.” Kazuya’s words startled him out of his laughter.
Ryo looked over at the younger man, lying on the floor next to him, and he suddenly realized with a jolt of horror what he had just done. He had completely forgotten his place in this world again, and acted like he and Kazuya were equals and he had -
“I have too…” the words tumbled out of his own mouth before he had realized it. Back when they were younger, it was easy to get into a scuffle like this with the younger man - playing like there was no one watching them, because they were young enough to get away with it at the time.
Kazuya was looking over at him, his clothes messed up from when they had startled play wrestling in laughter - for a few brief moments, they had been able to forget the consequences of acting like they were closer than master and servant, acting like Ryo could do whatever he wanted, acting like Kazuya could too.
Ryo wondered how they could have done that - forget something that weighed over them so heavily. It had been a while since he had been able to say what he really wanted to the way he really wanted to; Ryo was always weighed down by the fear of punishment impressed upon him when he was younger, and Kazuya was weighed down with the same fear for Ryo’s safety and continued presence in his life. They knew they could never act like friends like they had been able to when they were much younger.
Growing up meant losing so much.
“I wished really hard you know,” Kazuya said after a long silence, “I once spent a whole night staring out my window, wishing on all the stars I could find that you would be my friend again.”
Ryo felt a bit of his heart chip away at that.
“I was so confused; why were you suddenly acting so polite toward me when you used to call me an idiot freely when I did something stupid? Or when you used to tease me all the time?” Kazuya let out a peal of wry laughter, and Ryo couldn’t help but stare at Kazuya, hair messed up, clothes messed up but still - still Ryo’s Kazuya.
Ryo’s Kazuya. The thought made him freeze for a moment; he shouldn’t be like this, acting like Kazuya was his, but…
It was true wasn’t it? He had always been the one there when Kazuya needed someone, he had always - always - wished that there was no invisible barrier between them…
“When I ran away that time, I knew you’d come find me. That’s why I ran away…” Kazuya said with a sad smile as he reached a hand over and Ryo froze when the younger man’s fingers found their way onto Ryo’s lips, “I wish…”
Ryo was frozen; he couldn’t move.
“I’m sorry Ryo-chan; I would never try to put you at risk,” Kazuya said sadly, fingers still on Ryo’s lips, “But I can’t help but be selfish when it comes to you.”
And Ryo tried hard not to think about how he couldn’t either. Growing up here as a servant, he had had to share many things, but…Kazuya was something he had never been willing to share. Anybody who tried to help him with his tasks got snapped at, or tripped to mess up; Ryo was selfish as well…
He sat up suddenly, “Fine, I’ll wear those clothes,” he said, trying to distract both of them from the dangerous path this conversation was attempting to take, “I’ll fix yours too.” He added.
Kazuya merely lifted himself up, looking up at him for a few moments. He nodded and let Ryo’s hands travel over his shoulders and the rest of his body, straightening the clothes.
“Your father will yell at us for being late,” he said idly. Kazuya merely nodded, but Ryo noticed the sad smile on Kazuya’s lips. He forced himself not to think about it though.
Thinking about it meant thinking about the conversation, about how easy it had been for Kazuya to make him lose the fear for a few brief moments, and how…
How he too couldn’t stop being selfish when it came to Kazuya.
* * *
As Ryo predicted, they got yelled at when they were late to the event. It had been an unpleasant experience that more than reminded Ryo of his place - and what he stood to lose should Lord Kamenashi find his presence unacceptable. Now, it was five days later, and the two of them were sitting outside in one of the gardens, Kazuya reading silently and Ryo accompanying him. A rustle of cloth made both of them look up and Ryo immediately stood up and bowed to Lady Kamenashi who had been the reason for the event five nights ago.
Kazuya’s mother often lived away from the main household, in the countryside, where it was more peaceful and less taxing on her health. Her return to the main household had been the talk of the servants, and a good reason for Lord Kamenashi to hold a party sort of event to welcome her back to the main household.
There was also the fact that Lady Kamenashi had given birth to Kazuya’s younger brother about two years ago and this was the first time the main household would see said child. It was no wonder Lady Kamenashi’s arrival had brought along much excitement among those working here.
Lady Kamenashi smiled primly at her son, “Your father wants to see you, Kazuya,” she told him. Then, she smiled at and urged something out from behind her, revealing a small, unsteadily standing child clinging to the back of her dress. Kazuya smiled at the child, but Ryo knew that this was probably a very awkward moment for Kazuya.
Here was a child, his brother, around two years old, and this would be only the second time that Kazuya had actually seen him - the first being five nights ago.
Kazuya patted the child on the head a bit awkwardly and stood up, “I’ll go see him now,” he said with a slight bow of his head to his mother, “Let's go Ryo-chan.”
Ryo straightened with another bow to Lady Kamenashi and quickly followed. It didn’t escape his notice that Kazuya felt uncomfortable with the other two members of his family whom were as good as strangers to him. It didn’t help that the one member of his family who wasn’t a stranger was his father whom he disliked and feared.
“I wonder what Father wants...” Kazuya mused.
“Kazuya-sama...” Ryo wanted to say something, but he quickly bit his tongue.
Kazuya shot him a reassuring smile, “I know, Ryo-chan.”
Ryo stared after Kazuya as he walked behind him. Sometimes, and especially after that night five days ago, thoughts would go through his mind, thoughts that he didn’t want to think about.
You’re too understanding...you shouldn’t have to -
Ryo tried to erase the thought right away, but over and over again, it came back, just like all the others, haunting him and like a chisel on rock, slowly breaking him down.
* * *
Two weeks later, Ryo was sitting in a carriage with Kazuya. No conversation was taking place, but they didn’t really need one. Kazuya was sitting, leaning against Ryo’s side with his legs propped up against the side of the carriage, a book held out in front of him. Ryo would glance over from time to time as Kazuya pointed something out in the book, needing to lean his head in to see, and for a few seconds, when he would go back to his original position, he would realize that Kazuya was looking at him with a soft smile and he would freeze before trying to gather himself again and pretend that it didn’t affect him at all.
It was like every single glance from Kazuya lately made him remember that night, and how close he had allowed himself to get.
And that was as close as he was going to let himself get, ever, he had told himself many times since then. He couldn’t cross that invisible line, ever. It was too dangerous, for both of them. It wasn’t...It wasn’t allowed.
“Are you okay about this?” Kazuya suddenly asked.
Ryo started, and looked down at where Kazuya was still leaning against his side. The younger man had tilted his head up to look at Ryo, “Are you okay about this?” he repeated.
Ryo frowned, “Kazuya-sama?” he asked hesitantly, wondering what Kazuya was talking about.
“...going there,” Kazuya clarified after a pause, “Going back there.”
He waved his hand to the front of the carriage to indicate that he was talking about their destination.
Ryo realized what Kazuya was talking about and he tried to smile reassuringly, “I’ll be fine, Kazuya-sama, you shouldn’t worry about me.”
“But I do,” Kazuya insisted with a frown, “And you can’t fool me Ryo-chan; I know you don’t really want to go. You could have stayed at home, you know.”
“I go wherever you go,” Ryo said resolutely, but he froze when Kazuya twisted around to look up at him, one hand on the seat of the carriage and the other reaching up to settle on Ryo’s cheek. Kazuya looked up into Ryo’s eyes, and then he smiled softly as he stroked Ryo’s cheek, “Just stay with me the whole time, Ryo-chan,” he said with a reassuring smile, “I won’t let anything happen. Not to you.”
Ryo’s breath hitched and he wondered how like always, Kazuya knew what was bothering him and what to say to get a reaction out of him. He stared back into Kazuya’s eyes and he nodded numbly, “I’ll always stay with you,” he said absently, barely realizing what he was saying. He got a bright smile out of Kazuya in return.
Satisfied, Kazuya returned to his position of sitting against Ryo’s side, but this time, a hand took hostage of one of Ryo’s.
Ryo basked in the silent message Kazuya was trying to send him as he looked outside at the scenery the carriage was passing by in a blur.
Back to that town.
Back to that place where he had first met Kazuya.
Back to that place of life before Kazuya.
And it was the last place in the world he wanted to be.
* * *
It hadn’t changed much. Over fifteen years and still, Ryo could pinpoint the places he knew from when he had last been here at six years old. Sure, most of the people were different, the children he had once played with from time to time had grown up just like he had, and the adults had aged, but there was still the same feeling in the air. There was an overwhelming sense of activity and a bit of desperation.
It definitely hadn’t changed much.
Ryo followed Kazuya as the younger man led the way onto the estate of the family Kazuya was to do business with. He could tell the younger man was nervous; this would be the first time that he had done anything like doing business with the family’s business associates. He was normally left in charge of the town they resided over, and he was often brought along to watch his father do business with various families, but he had never done it alone.
Alone, because Ryo could hardly help Kazuya with something like this. He wasn’t trained for this, and if these contacts were anything like Lord Kamenashi himself, they would look down on a servant even speaking out of turn much less helping Kazuya with a business deal.
It did help, of course, that just like Kazuya, the person they were to deal with was the son and heir of the family, so both of them were on equal footing for this.
If he thought back far enough, he remembered playing with the son of this family quite a few times before he had gone to Kazuya’s family. He was one of the few who Ryo had played with. If Ryo remembered right, his name was -
“Welcome,” a servant bowed as they approached the front doors, “Hiroki-sama will be out very shortly. I’ll take you to the sitting room for now.”
Kazuya nodded, and looked at Ryo. With a subtle, nearly invisible movement, his hand found its way onto Ryo’s sleeve, tugging on it as they walked together.
It wasn’t until after drinks were served and the servant left the room with a low bow that Kazuya finally spoke. He held his cup out to Ryo, “Here, Ryo-chan.”
Ryo stared at the cup and then glanced up at Kazuya’s face. He began to shake his head; there was a reason he hadn’t been offered anything. It was because he was a servant as well and wasn’t supposed -
“Ryo-chan,” Kazuya said more firmly with a pout, “Drink, Ryo-chan.”
Ryo hesitantly took it, glancing warily at the door as if waiting for it to burst open. If word got back to Lord Kamenashi about this...
He quickly took a sip before handing it back to Kazuya, who smiled at him, “You remember him don’t you?” he asked softly. It somehow didn’t fit with the smile on Kazuya’s face; the voice was too full of concern to match the smile.
Ryo blinked and he nodded, “My former family and his family used to get together a lot,” he said absently. He tried not to let it show to Kazuya how it felt being back in this house, back in something that reminded him of his former life.
“Ryo-chan...do you think it’s selfish?” Kazuya asked suddenly, very softly.
Ryo could only look confused.
“That I know how hard it is for you right now, but other than being worried about you, all I can feel is that I’m happy it happened?” Kazuya asked quietly, looking at Ryo with a hint of guilt, “Am I selfish for not feeling guilty about what happened?”
“No,” Ryo said firmly, “No. What happened...wasn’t your fault; you gave me a chance at life, Kazuya-sama; without you, who knows where I’d be right now. And...I’d never regret meeting you, Kazuya-sama.”
The look of worry on Kazuya’s face cleared and Ryo felt his heart grow lighter, and almost like it could sprout wings and fly away. He always was happiest when Kazuya was happy.
“I’m sorry to keep you waiting,” Uchi Hiroki stepped into the room with a light bow. He looked between the two of them and then hesitated for a moment before regaining his composure, “I’m Uchi Hiroki; it’s nice to see you again after all these years Kamenashi-san.” He addressed Kazuya.
His eyes flickered over to Ryo for a few seconds though.
Kazuya smiled at Uchi, “You can call me Kazuya,” he returned. Ryo thought that Lord Kamenashi would have a heart attack if he heard how informal his son was being.
Uchi burst into a smile, “If you would call me Hiroki in return,” he agreed. Then, with another surreptitious glance at Ryo, he hesitated while asking, “I had heard that an old childhood friend of mine had entered your household as your attendant, Kamena - Kazuya,” he quickly corrected himself at Kazuya’s look. He let his question trail off.
“Yes,” Kazuya said after a moment, “This is Nishikido Ryo.”
He sounded hesitant, and Ryo wondered why for a few moments.
Uchi’s eyes widened, “Really?” he turned his full gaze onto Ryo, “I haven’t seen you since...” he trailed off awkwardly, and Ryo suddenly knew why Kazuya was so hesitant.
Ryo had to bite his lip to try to resist the urge to say something. He glanced at Kazuya’s concerned eyes before he just nodded to Uchi with an, “I remember.”
The younger man seemed to regret encroaching upon this subject already, and Ryo could see why. He was actually thankful that Uchi let the matter drop, quickly and effectively guiding the conversation to other things. As he remained there, next to Kazuya, Ryo was unable to help thinking about the sentence his old childhood playmate couldn’t bring himself to finish.
It wasn’t until he was back with Kazuya in the carriage, with promises from Kazuya to meet Uchi the next day, as they headed back to the house the Kamenashi family owned in town, that he finally managed to get it out; it was only to Kazuya that he seemed able to get the feelings and words he had been trying to hold back out.
“I wanted to say...” Ryo admitted with a hint of bitterness in his voice. Kazuya’s hand immediately found his and Ryo tried to smile at Kazuya’s attempt to comfort him silently.
“To his words, ‘I haven’t seen you since...’” Ryo repeated, “I wanted to say...’since my parents abandoned me, you mean’?” he broke off with soft, bitter-sounding laughter, “I wanted to say that...I haven’t been back here since my parents abandoned me...”
It hurt, remembering it hurt; he remembered the betrayal he had felt. He hadn’t understood, not really. He had been too young. He hadn’t been able to understand why his parents were leaving him, why he didn’t have anything anymore, but he still remembered the loneliness, the hurt, wondering what he had done that was so bad and...
It hurt much more than he thought he would even after all these years.
But...
He wasn’t too caught up in his own pain to realize that Kazuya was wrapping his arms around his shoulders, embracing Ryo to him tightly, protectively, comfortingly...
Caressingly.
* * *
That night, Ryo dreamt. He dreamt of a time that he both cherished and hated; he dreamt of a world that he had once loved and been a part of, but now was so out of his reach that he nearly hated it; and he dreamt of a life before Kazuya was the center of his world.
--
Ryo’s laughter ran out through the street as he lay on his stomach, playing with his toys with a friend. He would probably get yelled at later for playing in the middle of the public street and getting his clothes dirty but right now, he didn’t care as he marched the toy warriors across the dusty street.
It wasn’t long before he got bored and looking at an abandoned ball lying across the street, his eyes lit up, “Let’s play with that,” he suggested to Hiroki, who nodded eagerly. Nobody really had any objections to the two children playing with the ball, even though it wasn’t theirs. The Uchi family was a family of rich merchants, as was the Nishikido family; nobody would really complain about the children of two of the families that kept this town from descending into poverty.
They had kicked the ball around for a while, before suddenly, a carriage pelted its way through the streets at a near hazardous way. Ryo kicked the ball up high, and then ran out of the way to avoid the carriage, shooting glares at the man who stepped out, “Are you insane?!” he asked indignantly, “You could have run us over!”
The man who stared down at him was intimidating and scary-looking enough to make him shrink back. He looked at Hiroki, who tugged on his sleeve and whispered, “I’ve seen that man before. He does business with my father. He’s some lord…” he whispered, “Lord Kamenashi or something…”
Ryo glanced back at the man, recognition sinking into his mind. His family did business with Lord Kamenashi as well; he scoffed. He didn’t know what the big deal was, but his father was always talking about business with this guy.
He watched as Lord Kamenashi swept onto the path that led onto Ryo’s family’s house and Ryo, grumbling in annoyance, looked around for the ball.
He spotted it, and then paused.
There was a younger boy standing there, dressed in expensive and fine clothing; he looked to be about the same age as Hiroki, so about two years younger than Ryo. He was holding the slightly dusty ball in his hands and looking at it like it was something he’d never seen before.
“Hey!” Ryo called, “Pass it over!”
The boy just continued to look at the ball in confusion, and Ryo grew irritated, “Are you stupid or something?! Kick it! Throw it! Whatever!”
The boy looked at Ryo hesitantly but then threw it. It was a weak throw, as though he had never done something like that before. A smirk crossed Ryo’s face as he ran over to get the ball that had barely gone halfway toward him, “That was weak,” he retorted as he stared the boy in the face, “Do it again.” He ordered impetuously.
The boy took the ball from Ryo and under Ryo’s gaze, threw it again.
“Better.” Ryo praised. That got a smile to make its way slowly across the boy’s face.
Ryo was briefly aware that Uchi was watching in amusement as he coached the boy through what was obviously his first time playing with a ball.
“Much better,” Ryo smirked victoriously. By now, the younger boy had a wide smile on his face. He was actually sort of cute in an awkward, shy sort of way.
“I’m Ryo,” he introduced himself, “Nishikido Ryo.”
The boy stared at him for a long while, “Kazuya,” he started, “Kam -”
What Kazuya had to say was cut off by a loud noise, and the younger boy jumped like something had attacked him. Ryo stared at him in confusion, before turning to see what the noise had been. He froze and blinked in confusion.
Lord Kamenashi was making his way to his carriage, slamming the gates of Ryo’s place shut behind him. A servant trailed behind him and was carrying a bunch of document and cases. Then the gates slammed open and Ryo’s parents came out; his father looked panicked and desperate.
“Kamenashi-san! Kamenashi-sama!” Ryo’s father shouted loudly, grabbing at Lord Kamenashi’s clothes to keep him from leaving, “Please! Don’t do this!”
“You’ve incurred a debt that you can’t repay; your gamble backfired, Nishikido. You should have known better than to try to double-cross me! Now you've attained a debt that you cannot repay; it is only because of our business contract that I bothered to pay off that collector. I honor my obligations. That business contract between us is annulled and you can’t possibly pay me back,” Lord Kamenashi sneered, “Everything you own will be seized by the end of the week. That won’t even begin to pay off your debt to me, however. You should be grateful I’m giving you the chance to work for me instead of kicking you out onto the street with no home, no money and nothing!”
“No! You can’t - I…” his father’s eyes were wild, crazy almost, and Ryo unwillingly took a step back as his father’s eyes landed on him, “I’ll give you my son!” he blurted out.
Lord Kamenashi followed Ryo’s father’s gaze, “Your son?” he sneered, “What use do I have for him?”
“He can do work!” Ryo’s mother put in, “He’s just on the small side! He can work, as a servant, or as a laborer; you can have him to do whatever you want! The work he’ll do for the rest of his life under your rule will cover our debt right?”
Lord Kamenashi glared at them, “I have no use for a scrawny, tiny brat like him. What work could he possibly do for me - he can’t lift a sickle; he can’t work in the fields or do any heavy work.”
“Well, we can’t keep him if we need to work off our debt,” Ryo’s father tried, “He’d just be another mouth to feed and it’ll cost more of that money we owe you.”
Ryo was staring, horrified at the scene in front of him.
“I,” Lord Kamenashi ground out, “Have no use for a brat. Even if I did take him, it won’t clear you completely of your debt!”
“But we would be in a better situation, right? And we could keep some of our possessions?”
“Yes, but I have no use for a stupid brat like him! No doubt he’ll be just as dishonest and untrustworthy as his parents!”
Ryo couldn’t move, staring at the scene. His parents weren’t serious right? Why were they saying these things?
“Besides, you would sacrifice your own son for monetary wealth? And just to avoid doing work?” Lord Kamenashi sounded disgusted.
His parents both stared at Ryo for a long time, and after what seemed an eternity of praying for Ryo later, Ryo’s father said a, “Yes.”
It felt like a thousand arrows had shot through his heart. He was shaking, and he couldn’t stop; this wasn’t happening right? His parents loved him; they weren’t supposed to sell him away to some lord…
“If you don’t take him, he’ll have nowhere else to go.”
He was distinctly aware of the boy he had just met moving away from him, and that the people on the streets were pulling their children away from the scene, shielding them, but the adults were still listening.
“Father…” the small voice spoke up suddenly. Everyone turned to look at the small child and Ryo stared in shock between Kazuya, the boy he had just been playing with, and Lord Kamenashi.
“What is it?” Lord Kamenashi snapped.
Kazuya said something so soft that only Lord Kamenashi could hear him, and the man’s face grew stormy for a moment. Ryo actually thought he would lash out at the younger child, but then he adopted a musing expression on his face.
“Very well.” He said shortly, “You, boy.” He pointed at Nishikido, “You’re coming with me. From this day on, you’ll be my son’s attendant.” He sneered at Ryo, “There will be no backtalk from you; you have no station in life anymore but that of a servant. This, you can thank to your dear parents,” he sneered at Ryo’s parents as well.
Ryo stared in shock at the man, and then at Kazuya, who was pulling on his sleeve, a sad look on the younger boy’s face, “I’m sorry,” Kazuya whispered so that only Ryo could hear, “I’m sorry; I’m so sorry. It’s the only way. I’m sorry, believe me, please believe me, I’m sorry.”
Tears had welled up in Kazuya’s eyes, in sympathy of the same tears of pain, hurt and betrayal that had welled up in Ryo’s.
He believed it. These tears were real. This nightmare was real.
--
It was to a hand shaking him that he woke up, tears welling up in his eyes. He looked up into the concerned eyes of Kazuya, and he quickly wiped at his tears.
“What are you doing, Kazuya-sama?” he asked quietly.
“You’re crying in your sleep,” Kazuya said sadly, and like that time all those years ago, it was like Ryo’s pain had suddenly become Kazuya’s pain as well, “We don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
“I’m fine,” Ryo insisted as he looked at Kazuya, “Kazuya-sama?”
Kazuya tilted his head, indicating for Ryo to go ahead and say what he wanted.
“Why did you convince your father to take me in?” he asked. He had asked many times before, but Kazuya had always just told him that it had felt like the right thing to do.
Kazuya had a truly pained look in his eyes, “I couldn’t bear to see you living on the street,” he admitted, “Ryo-chan, did you know?”
“Know?”
Kazuya had put his forehead against Ryo’s cheek, “You were the first person to treat me like another human being and not a possession.”
Ryo remembered the hesitant, jumpy and awkward child he had met that day, and he knew it was true. Lord Kamenashi had never truly seen Kazuya as anything other than a way to carry on his family name. And from what he had seen when he had arrived, the servants all treated Kazuya as the ‘master’s son’, like he was some priceless possession that they had to maintain the health and hygiene of every day, but other than that, could be ignored like he truly was an object.
“I’m sorry, Ryo-chan,” Kazuya whispered, “Believe me, I didn’t think there was any other way.”
Ryo couldn’t control his hand; it reached up to behind Kazuya, tracing across the smooth naked skin of his back and shoulders, before tangling in Kazuya’s hair, as he pressed the younger man’s head harder against his cheek, “Thank you,” he said quietly, “Thank you Kazuya…”
In this moment, where it seemed like they had created their own world, he felt as though that invisible barrier had suddenly broken down.
Just for this one moment.
* * *
Whispers followed Ryo and Kazuya as they made their way into town to get some food before Uchi was supposed to show up at the Kamenashi house in town. Slightly curious, and a few hostile, glares followed the obvious noble and his companion as they quickly tried to buy what they needed.
Ryo should have known this was coming; after all, this town relied a lot on the rich merchants, like Uchi’s family and what used to be Ryo’s family, as well as a few others, but some would always be resentful of the nobles for being able to travel so freely from town to town almost like they didn’t have a care in the world, while the townsfolk were stuck in town, some in poverty and some just unable to leave.
It was after they had eaten - and after Kazuya had purchased two sets of the same meal and forced Ryo to eat one of them, ignoring Ryo’s protests that he was fine - that they returned to the house and five minutes later, Uchi arrived at the house.
This time, Ryo was more prepared for the furtive looks Uchi would send him from time to time. Of course the younger man was curious; he had been there for what happened between Ryo and his parents, and he probably wondered how much his childhood friend had changed.
Ryo admitted that he had changed a lot - at least outwardly. When he had still been living here, he was known for speaking his mind and teasing his friends and others and calling them names, even if he didn’t mean it; a sharp tongue. But when he entered the Kamenashi household, he could only do that with Kazuya, because Kazuya knew he didn’t mean it, and Kazuya even seemed to like it. However, soon, he could only do that with servants the same rank or lower than him, until he just hid that side of him completely. He had soon grown afraid of the lashings he would get for speaking like that to someone of higher rank, like Kazuya. Kazuya always protested; he had always screamed and cried when Ryo was taken away and then burst into tears when Ryo was brought back, but the younger man had soon realized why Ryo was beginning to force himself to act polite, why Ryo had stopped teasing him and acting like a friend to him. Ryo also thought that they had wanted to instil fear and respect for ‘his betters’ in him because unlike the other servants, he had not come from a poor family, but one of moderate wealth and rank.
“I see you’ve been out in town,” Uchi remarked to them as he was poured a drink, “You’re all anyone talked about on my way here.”
Kazuya smiled, but it was a bit strained, “I know why; it’s because I’m a Kamenashi.” He stated bluntly.
“And also because of Ryo,” Uchi hesitated as though unsure if he should continue talking about Ryo, “Everyone knew what happened to Ryo, and they know you’re Lord Kamenashi’s heir, so…they guessed correctly who you are,” he said to Ryo, “Who your attendant is,” Uchi corrected quickly, sending a furtive look at Kazuya, as if unsure how he would respond to him speaking to Ryo rather than Kazuya.
Ryo nodded; of course. These people obviously had nothing better to do than to gawk at someone else’s troubles, didn’t they?
“You can speak to him, you know,” Kazuya said with an understanding smile, “I don’t mind at all.”
“Oh,” Uchi was surprised, “I had heard of your father’s policy regarding servants…so…”
“I’m not my father,” Kazuya said forcefully, and then smiled, “Go ahead. I’m not going to break off the business between our families just because you want to talk to Ryo-chan.”
Uchi grinned brightly at that, and the awkward, nearly tense, restrained atmosphere that had settled over them broke. The message in that was clear; they weren’t their fathers. They could act like however they wanted without the stigmas of their ranks of a merchant and a noble hanging over them.
“You…you still call yourself a Nishikido right?” Uchi asked Ryo quietly, “Why…I mean…”
Ryo shifted uncomfortably, before jutting his chin out and stating, “It’s a reminder of who I was, who I am, and who I don’t want to turn out to be like.”
Silence met his words, and for a moment, Ryo thought he had said too much, and that he had once again stupidly crossed the boundaries placed, but then there was a reassuring touch on his elbow and he looked down to see Kazuya smiling at him, comfortingly.
Uchi looked at him and a small smile broke out, “I understand…I suppose I would hate them too if my parents had done that to me…I should warn you though; although they moved away, they still come back to town from time to time. They cleared their debt with Lord Kamenashi with you…but…for some reason, they still come back; if you don’t want to see them, I’d try to stay inside as much as possible.”
Ryo took reassurance in that nobody was going to tell on him, or punish him for speaking like equals to Kazuya or Uchi, “I’m not afraid of them,” he said with a determined air. Uchi smiled at him, and he felt Kazuya’s hand on his arm again; there was no admonishment to his touches, nor was he trying to offer comfort; he just seemed to want to touch Ryo.
Later, when Uchi left, with a very curious warning of, “Be careful; I’ve heard some things around town…”, Ryo was startled from getting Kazuya ready for bed by Kazuya suddenly twisting around, yukata half off and putting his hands on Ryo’s arms, “If you do see them…I’m not afraid you’ll see them either. I hope they see you, see you…and realize what a wonderful thing they foolishly gave up for their own selfish and greedy desires,” Kazuya said softly, but his voice was firm, “Whatever happens when you see them, you’ll always be the best to me, Ryo-chan. No matter what they say, you’re better than them. You’ll always be better than them.”
Ryo didn’t know what to say, but he quickly looked away so that Kazuya couldn’t see the sheen to his eyes. In the end, he didn’t say anything but with a ducked head, continued to get Kazuya ready for bed, but he could tell Kazuya understood; he understood the words Ryo couldn’t bring himself to say aloud, and understood Ryo’s tendencies to hide behind strong words and distracting actions. He always had, after all.
* * *
---- next: part 3 ----
Pairing: ryokame
Rating: PG-13/PG-15
Summary: lord!kame x servant/butler!ryo. They could never be allowed to be with each other, but, for some reason, they just couldn't stop.
1 |
---- 2 ----
The household was all abuzz with activity and chatter. Ryo had an annoyed expression as he made his way through the gossiping workers, trying to get to the kitchen to get Kazuya’s lunch. Once he got it, he made his way back to the library where Kazuya was once again, working on something. Setting the tray in front of Kazuya, he merely raised an eyebrow at the younger man, who looked up with a small pout.
“But Ryo-chan -”
“You need to eat,” Ryo said resolutely, “I don’t want you to starve to death.”
Then he blinked, realizing that he had actually said his thoughts aloud. He opened his mouth to correct himself, but Kazuya just laughed. Ryo stood there, staring; of course, he knew Kazuya would never be like his father or anyone else in this household. He would never disapprove of Ryo acting informally with him, but…
“I don’t think I’ll starve, but alright,” Kazuya agreed, taking a bite of his lunch, “What’s going on out there?” he asked idly, pointing with his free hand in the direction of the hallway.
Ryo resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the door, “Everyone is preparing for tonight.”
“Ah…” Kazuya said, but didn’t say anything else for a few long moments, “About that…”
“Yes, Kazuya-sama?”
“Can you accompany me tonight?”
Ryo stared at Kazuya, “I thought your father said -”
“Father won’t even notice me,” Kazuya said with a careless wave of his hand, turning a hopeful expression on him, “Besides, I don’t want to go without you.”
“But -”
“I’ll just tell him I’ve been too busy with the work he’s given me to find a ‘proper’ companion like he asked me to,” Kazuya said with a hint of distaste at the mention of that.
Ryo opened his mouth to protest, but Kazuya simply smiled serenely up at him, “Don’t you want to come with me?” he asked.
Ryo opened his mouth again, but he found that he couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t deny that the thought of Kazuya going anywhere without him there to help him had been agonizing him, and he knew how Kazuya got when it came to events like this, especially events with his father there, so he knew he had to be there. He was just going to try to threaten his way onto the serving staff tonight.
He nodded numbly, generating a bright grin from Kazuya, “Good.”
--
Kazuya turned to flash a brilliant smile at Ryo as the older man helped him into his clothes for the night’s event. Calloused fingers danced across the smooth skin of Kazuya’s shoulders briefly - very briefly. Ryo paused for a moment, a feeling rushing through him that he both liked and disliked, but he quickly ignored it as he moved to look at Kazuya, “All done Kazuya-sama.”
Kazuya raised an eyebrow, “And what about you?”
“I’m -” Ryo’s eyes flickered nervously over to the set of clothes Kazuya had picked out for some reason, “I can’t wear -”
“Oh yes you can,” Kazuya pouted at him, “I’ll order you if I have to. Don’t make me do it.” He warned.
Ryo blanched, looking between Kazuya and the much too nice clothes the younger man wanted him to wear. He didn’t know what the big deal was; this wouldn’t be the first time Kazuya had had Ryo accompany him to an event, and Ryo had never needed something this nice - although Kazuya had definitely tried. Ryo had a feeling that it was just Kazuya’s way to try to break the barrier between them; that if Ryo had one instance when he at least looked equal, he would become equal. At least, that was the best reason Ryo could come up with.
Kazuya raised his eyebrow again, “Well?” he asked sweetly. Ryo hesitated.
“I’ll take full blame,” Kazuya said to him and Ryo tried not to look appalled, “I’ll take full blame for whatever happens; nobody will lay a hand or anything punishment-like on you.”
Ryo was silent, still hesitating.
“I’ll force you if I have to,” Kazuya said with a smirk.
Ryo’s eyebrows shot up, and he couldn’t help the wry look that crossed his face all too naturally, “And how are you going to do that?”
He took a step backward as Kazuya got a determined glint in his eyes.
* * *
The event had been pushed to the back of their minds. Ryo couldn’t help the laughter that escaped him freely as they became a tangled mess of limbs on the floor.
“I’ve missed this.” Kazuya’s words startled him out of his laughter.
Ryo looked over at the younger man, lying on the floor next to him, and he suddenly realized with a jolt of horror what he had just done. He had completely forgotten his place in this world again, and acted like he and Kazuya were equals and he had -
“I have too…” the words tumbled out of his own mouth before he had realized it. Back when they were younger, it was easy to get into a scuffle like this with the younger man - playing like there was no one watching them, because they were young enough to get away with it at the time.
Kazuya was looking over at him, his clothes messed up from when they had startled play wrestling in laughter - for a few brief moments, they had been able to forget the consequences of acting like they were closer than master and servant, acting like Ryo could do whatever he wanted, acting like Kazuya could too.
Ryo wondered how they could have done that - forget something that weighed over them so heavily. It had been a while since he had been able to say what he really wanted to the way he really wanted to; Ryo was always weighed down by the fear of punishment impressed upon him when he was younger, and Kazuya was weighed down with the same fear for Ryo’s safety and continued presence in his life. They knew they could never act like friends like they had been able to when they were much younger.
Growing up meant losing so much.
“I wished really hard you know,” Kazuya said after a long silence, “I once spent a whole night staring out my window, wishing on all the stars I could find that you would be my friend again.”
Ryo felt a bit of his heart chip away at that.
“I was so confused; why were you suddenly acting so polite toward me when you used to call me an idiot freely when I did something stupid? Or when you used to tease me all the time?” Kazuya let out a peal of wry laughter, and Ryo couldn’t help but stare at Kazuya, hair messed up, clothes messed up but still - still Ryo’s Kazuya.
Ryo’s Kazuya. The thought made him freeze for a moment; he shouldn’t be like this, acting like Kazuya was his, but…
It was true wasn’t it? He had always been the one there when Kazuya needed someone, he had always - always - wished that there was no invisible barrier between them…
“When I ran away that time, I knew you’d come find me. That’s why I ran away…” Kazuya said with a sad smile as he reached a hand over and Ryo froze when the younger man’s fingers found their way onto Ryo’s lips, “I wish…”
Ryo was frozen; he couldn’t move.
“I’m sorry Ryo-chan; I would never try to put you at risk,” Kazuya said sadly, fingers still on Ryo’s lips, “But I can’t help but be selfish when it comes to you.”
And Ryo tried hard not to think about how he couldn’t either. Growing up here as a servant, he had had to share many things, but…Kazuya was something he had never been willing to share. Anybody who tried to help him with his tasks got snapped at, or tripped to mess up; Ryo was selfish as well…
He sat up suddenly, “Fine, I’ll wear those clothes,” he said, trying to distract both of them from the dangerous path this conversation was attempting to take, “I’ll fix yours too.” He added.
Kazuya merely lifted himself up, looking up at him for a few moments. He nodded and let Ryo’s hands travel over his shoulders and the rest of his body, straightening the clothes.
“Your father will yell at us for being late,” he said idly. Kazuya merely nodded, but Ryo noticed the sad smile on Kazuya’s lips. He forced himself not to think about it though.
Thinking about it meant thinking about the conversation, about how easy it had been for Kazuya to make him lose the fear for a few brief moments, and how…
How he too couldn’t stop being selfish when it came to Kazuya.
* * *
As Ryo predicted, they got yelled at when they were late to the event. It had been an unpleasant experience that more than reminded Ryo of his place - and what he stood to lose should Lord Kamenashi find his presence unacceptable. Now, it was five days later, and the two of them were sitting outside in one of the gardens, Kazuya reading silently and Ryo accompanying him. A rustle of cloth made both of them look up and Ryo immediately stood up and bowed to Lady Kamenashi who had been the reason for the event five nights ago.
Kazuya’s mother often lived away from the main household, in the countryside, where it was more peaceful and less taxing on her health. Her return to the main household had been the talk of the servants, and a good reason for Lord Kamenashi to hold a party sort of event to welcome her back to the main household.
There was also the fact that Lady Kamenashi had given birth to Kazuya’s younger brother about two years ago and this was the first time the main household would see said child. It was no wonder Lady Kamenashi’s arrival had brought along much excitement among those working here.
Lady Kamenashi smiled primly at her son, “Your father wants to see you, Kazuya,” she told him. Then, she smiled at and urged something out from behind her, revealing a small, unsteadily standing child clinging to the back of her dress. Kazuya smiled at the child, but Ryo knew that this was probably a very awkward moment for Kazuya.
Here was a child, his brother, around two years old, and this would be only the second time that Kazuya had actually seen him - the first being five nights ago.
Kazuya patted the child on the head a bit awkwardly and stood up, “I’ll go see him now,” he said with a slight bow of his head to his mother, “Let's go Ryo-chan.”
Ryo straightened with another bow to Lady Kamenashi and quickly followed. It didn’t escape his notice that Kazuya felt uncomfortable with the other two members of his family whom were as good as strangers to him. It didn’t help that the one member of his family who wasn’t a stranger was his father whom he disliked and feared.
“I wonder what Father wants...” Kazuya mused.
“Kazuya-sama...” Ryo wanted to say something, but he quickly bit his tongue.
Kazuya shot him a reassuring smile, “I know, Ryo-chan.”
Ryo stared after Kazuya as he walked behind him. Sometimes, and especially after that night five days ago, thoughts would go through his mind, thoughts that he didn’t want to think about.
You’re too understanding...you shouldn’t have to -
Ryo tried to erase the thought right away, but over and over again, it came back, just like all the others, haunting him and like a chisel on rock, slowly breaking him down.
* * *
Two weeks later, Ryo was sitting in a carriage with Kazuya. No conversation was taking place, but they didn’t really need one. Kazuya was sitting, leaning against Ryo’s side with his legs propped up against the side of the carriage, a book held out in front of him. Ryo would glance over from time to time as Kazuya pointed something out in the book, needing to lean his head in to see, and for a few seconds, when he would go back to his original position, he would realize that Kazuya was looking at him with a soft smile and he would freeze before trying to gather himself again and pretend that it didn’t affect him at all.
It was like every single glance from Kazuya lately made him remember that night, and how close he had allowed himself to get.
And that was as close as he was going to let himself get, ever, he had told himself many times since then. He couldn’t cross that invisible line, ever. It was too dangerous, for both of them. It wasn’t...It wasn’t allowed.
“Are you okay about this?” Kazuya suddenly asked.
Ryo started, and looked down at where Kazuya was still leaning against his side. The younger man had tilted his head up to look at Ryo, “Are you okay about this?” he repeated.
Ryo frowned, “Kazuya-sama?” he asked hesitantly, wondering what Kazuya was talking about.
“...going there,” Kazuya clarified after a pause, “Going back there.”
He waved his hand to the front of the carriage to indicate that he was talking about their destination.
Ryo realized what Kazuya was talking about and he tried to smile reassuringly, “I’ll be fine, Kazuya-sama, you shouldn’t worry about me.”
“But I do,” Kazuya insisted with a frown, “And you can’t fool me Ryo-chan; I know you don’t really want to go. You could have stayed at home, you know.”
“I go wherever you go,” Ryo said resolutely, but he froze when Kazuya twisted around to look up at him, one hand on the seat of the carriage and the other reaching up to settle on Ryo’s cheek. Kazuya looked up into Ryo’s eyes, and then he smiled softly as he stroked Ryo’s cheek, “Just stay with me the whole time, Ryo-chan,” he said with a reassuring smile, “I won’t let anything happen. Not to you.”
Ryo’s breath hitched and he wondered how like always, Kazuya knew what was bothering him and what to say to get a reaction out of him. He stared back into Kazuya’s eyes and he nodded numbly, “I’ll always stay with you,” he said absently, barely realizing what he was saying. He got a bright smile out of Kazuya in return.
Satisfied, Kazuya returned to his position of sitting against Ryo’s side, but this time, a hand took hostage of one of Ryo’s.
Ryo basked in the silent message Kazuya was trying to send him as he looked outside at the scenery the carriage was passing by in a blur.
Back to that town.
Back to that place where he had first met Kazuya.
Back to that place of life before Kazuya.
And it was the last place in the world he wanted to be.
* * *
It hadn’t changed much. Over fifteen years and still, Ryo could pinpoint the places he knew from when he had last been here at six years old. Sure, most of the people were different, the children he had once played with from time to time had grown up just like he had, and the adults had aged, but there was still the same feeling in the air. There was an overwhelming sense of activity and a bit of desperation.
It definitely hadn’t changed much.
Ryo followed Kazuya as the younger man led the way onto the estate of the family Kazuya was to do business with. He could tell the younger man was nervous; this would be the first time that he had done anything like doing business with the family’s business associates. He was normally left in charge of the town they resided over, and he was often brought along to watch his father do business with various families, but he had never done it alone.
Alone, because Ryo could hardly help Kazuya with something like this. He wasn’t trained for this, and if these contacts were anything like Lord Kamenashi himself, they would look down on a servant even speaking out of turn much less helping Kazuya with a business deal.
It did help, of course, that just like Kazuya, the person they were to deal with was the son and heir of the family, so both of them were on equal footing for this.
If he thought back far enough, he remembered playing with the son of this family quite a few times before he had gone to Kazuya’s family. He was one of the few who Ryo had played with. If Ryo remembered right, his name was -
“Welcome,” a servant bowed as they approached the front doors, “Hiroki-sama will be out very shortly. I’ll take you to the sitting room for now.”
Kazuya nodded, and looked at Ryo. With a subtle, nearly invisible movement, his hand found its way onto Ryo’s sleeve, tugging on it as they walked together.
It wasn’t until after drinks were served and the servant left the room with a low bow that Kazuya finally spoke. He held his cup out to Ryo, “Here, Ryo-chan.”
Ryo stared at the cup and then glanced up at Kazuya’s face. He began to shake his head; there was a reason he hadn’t been offered anything. It was because he was a servant as well and wasn’t supposed -
“Ryo-chan,” Kazuya said more firmly with a pout, “Drink, Ryo-chan.”
Ryo hesitantly took it, glancing warily at the door as if waiting for it to burst open. If word got back to Lord Kamenashi about this...
He quickly took a sip before handing it back to Kazuya, who smiled at him, “You remember him don’t you?” he asked softly. It somehow didn’t fit with the smile on Kazuya’s face; the voice was too full of concern to match the smile.
Ryo blinked and he nodded, “My former family and his family used to get together a lot,” he said absently. He tried not to let it show to Kazuya how it felt being back in this house, back in something that reminded him of his former life.
“Ryo-chan...do you think it’s selfish?” Kazuya asked suddenly, very softly.
Ryo could only look confused.
“That I know how hard it is for you right now, but other than being worried about you, all I can feel is that I’m happy it happened?” Kazuya asked quietly, looking at Ryo with a hint of guilt, “Am I selfish for not feeling guilty about what happened?”
“No,” Ryo said firmly, “No. What happened...wasn’t your fault; you gave me a chance at life, Kazuya-sama; without you, who knows where I’d be right now. And...I’d never regret meeting you, Kazuya-sama.”
The look of worry on Kazuya’s face cleared and Ryo felt his heart grow lighter, and almost like it could sprout wings and fly away. He always was happiest when Kazuya was happy.
“I’m sorry to keep you waiting,” Uchi Hiroki stepped into the room with a light bow. He looked between the two of them and then hesitated for a moment before regaining his composure, “I’m Uchi Hiroki; it’s nice to see you again after all these years Kamenashi-san.” He addressed Kazuya.
His eyes flickered over to Ryo for a few seconds though.
Kazuya smiled at Uchi, “You can call me Kazuya,” he returned. Ryo thought that Lord Kamenashi would have a heart attack if he heard how informal his son was being.
Uchi burst into a smile, “If you would call me Hiroki in return,” he agreed. Then, with another surreptitious glance at Ryo, he hesitated while asking, “I had heard that an old childhood friend of mine had entered your household as your attendant, Kamena - Kazuya,” he quickly corrected himself at Kazuya’s look. He let his question trail off.
“Yes,” Kazuya said after a moment, “This is Nishikido Ryo.”
He sounded hesitant, and Ryo wondered why for a few moments.
Uchi’s eyes widened, “Really?” he turned his full gaze onto Ryo, “I haven’t seen you since...” he trailed off awkwardly, and Ryo suddenly knew why Kazuya was so hesitant.
Ryo had to bite his lip to try to resist the urge to say something. He glanced at Kazuya’s concerned eyes before he just nodded to Uchi with an, “I remember.”
The younger man seemed to regret encroaching upon this subject already, and Ryo could see why. He was actually thankful that Uchi let the matter drop, quickly and effectively guiding the conversation to other things. As he remained there, next to Kazuya, Ryo was unable to help thinking about the sentence his old childhood playmate couldn’t bring himself to finish.
It wasn’t until he was back with Kazuya in the carriage, with promises from Kazuya to meet Uchi the next day, as they headed back to the house the Kamenashi family owned in town, that he finally managed to get it out; it was only to Kazuya that he seemed able to get the feelings and words he had been trying to hold back out.
“I wanted to say...” Ryo admitted with a hint of bitterness in his voice. Kazuya’s hand immediately found his and Ryo tried to smile at Kazuya’s attempt to comfort him silently.
“To his words, ‘I haven’t seen you since...’” Ryo repeated, “I wanted to say...’since my parents abandoned me, you mean’?” he broke off with soft, bitter-sounding laughter, “I wanted to say that...I haven’t been back here since my parents abandoned me...”
It hurt, remembering it hurt; he remembered the betrayal he had felt. He hadn’t understood, not really. He had been too young. He hadn’t been able to understand why his parents were leaving him, why he didn’t have anything anymore, but he still remembered the loneliness, the hurt, wondering what he had done that was so bad and...
It hurt much more than he thought he would even after all these years.
But...
He wasn’t too caught up in his own pain to realize that Kazuya was wrapping his arms around his shoulders, embracing Ryo to him tightly, protectively, comfortingly...
Caressingly.
* * *
That night, Ryo dreamt. He dreamt of a time that he both cherished and hated; he dreamt of a world that he had once loved and been a part of, but now was so out of his reach that he nearly hated it; and he dreamt of a life before Kazuya was the center of his world.
--
Ryo’s laughter ran out through the street as he lay on his stomach, playing with his toys with a friend. He would probably get yelled at later for playing in the middle of the public street and getting his clothes dirty but right now, he didn’t care as he marched the toy warriors across the dusty street.
It wasn’t long before he got bored and looking at an abandoned ball lying across the street, his eyes lit up, “Let’s play with that,” he suggested to Hiroki, who nodded eagerly. Nobody really had any objections to the two children playing with the ball, even though it wasn’t theirs. The Uchi family was a family of rich merchants, as was the Nishikido family; nobody would really complain about the children of two of the families that kept this town from descending into poverty.
They had kicked the ball around for a while, before suddenly, a carriage pelted its way through the streets at a near hazardous way. Ryo kicked the ball up high, and then ran out of the way to avoid the carriage, shooting glares at the man who stepped out, “Are you insane?!” he asked indignantly, “You could have run us over!”
The man who stared down at him was intimidating and scary-looking enough to make him shrink back. He looked at Hiroki, who tugged on his sleeve and whispered, “I’ve seen that man before. He does business with my father. He’s some lord…” he whispered, “Lord Kamenashi or something…”
Ryo glanced back at the man, recognition sinking into his mind. His family did business with Lord Kamenashi as well; he scoffed. He didn’t know what the big deal was, but his father was always talking about business with this guy.
He watched as Lord Kamenashi swept onto the path that led onto Ryo’s family’s house and Ryo, grumbling in annoyance, looked around for the ball.
He spotted it, and then paused.
There was a younger boy standing there, dressed in expensive and fine clothing; he looked to be about the same age as Hiroki, so about two years younger than Ryo. He was holding the slightly dusty ball in his hands and looking at it like it was something he’d never seen before.
“Hey!” Ryo called, “Pass it over!”
The boy just continued to look at the ball in confusion, and Ryo grew irritated, “Are you stupid or something?! Kick it! Throw it! Whatever!”
The boy looked at Ryo hesitantly but then threw it. It was a weak throw, as though he had never done something like that before. A smirk crossed Ryo’s face as he ran over to get the ball that had barely gone halfway toward him, “That was weak,” he retorted as he stared the boy in the face, “Do it again.” He ordered impetuously.
The boy took the ball from Ryo and under Ryo’s gaze, threw it again.
“Better.” Ryo praised. That got a smile to make its way slowly across the boy’s face.
Ryo was briefly aware that Uchi was watching in amusement as he coached the boy through what was obviously his first time playing with a ball.
“Much better,” Ryo smirked victoriously. By now, the younger boy had a wide smile on his face. He was actually sort of cute in an awkward, shy sort of way.
“I’m Ryo,” he introduced himself, “Nishikido Ryo.”
The boy stared at him for a long while, “Kazuya,” he started, “Kam -”
What Kazuya had to say was cut off by a loud noise, and the younger boy jumped like something had attacked him. Ryo stared at him in confusion, before turning to see what the noise had been. He froze and blinked in confusion.
Lord Kamenashi was making his way to his carriage, slamming the gates of Ryo’s place shut behind him. A servant trailed behind him and was carrying a bunch of document and cases. Then the gates slammed open and Ryo’s parents came out; his father looked panicked and desperate.
“Kamenashi-san! Kamenashi-sama!” Ryo’s father shouted loudly, grabbing at Lord Kamenashi’s clothes to keep him from leaving, “Please! Don’t do this!”
“You’ve incurred a debt that you can’t repay; your gamble backfired, Nishikido. You should have known better than to try to double-cross me! Now you've attained a debt that you cannot repay; it is only because of our business contract that I bothered to pay off that collector. I honor my obligations. That business contract between us is annulled and you can’t possibly pay me back,” Lord Kamenashi sneered, “Everything you own will be seized by the end of the week. That won’t even begin to pay off your debt to me, however. You should be grateful I’m giving you the chance to work for me instead of kicking you out onto the street with no home, no money and nothing!”
“No! You can’t - I…” his father’s eyes were wild, crazy almost, and Ryo unwillingly took a step back as his father’s eyes landed on him, “I’ll give you my son!” he blurted out.
Lord Kamenashi followed Ryo’s father’s gaze, “Your son?” he sneered, “What use do I have for him?”
“He can do work!” Ryo’s mother put in, “He’s just on the small side! He can work, as a servant, or as a laborer; you can have him to do whatever you want! The work he’ll do for the rest of his life under your rule will cover our debt right?”
Lord Kamenashi glared at them, “I have no use for a scrawny, tiny brat like him. What work could he possibly do for me - he can’t lift a sickle; he can’t work in the fields or do any heavy work.”
“Well, we can’t keep him if we need to work off our debt,” Ryo’s father tried, “He’d just be another mouth to feed and it’ll cost more of that money we owe you.”
Ryo was staring, horrified at the scene in front of him.
“I,” Lord Kamenashi ground out, “Have no use for a brat. Even if I did take him, it won’t clear you completely of your debt!”
“But we would be in a better situation, right? And we could keep some of our possessions?”
“Yes, but I have no use for a stupid brat like him! No doubt he’ll be just as dishonest and untrustworthy as his parents!”
Ryo couldn’t move, staring at the scene. His parents weren’t serious right? Why were they saying these things?
“Besides, you would sacrifice your own son for monetary wealth? And just to avoid doing work?” Lord Kamenashi sounded disgusted.
His parents both stared at Ryo for a long time, and after what seemed an eternity of praying for Ryo later, Ryo’s father said a, “Yes.”
It felt like a thousand arrows had shot through his heart. He was shaking, and he couldn’t stop; this wasn’t happening right? His parents loved him; they weren’t supposed to sell him away to some lord…
“If you don’t take him, he’ll have nowhere else to go.”
He was distinctly aware of the boy he had just met moving away from him, and that the people on the streets were pulling their children away from the scene, shielding them, but the adults were still listening.
“Father…” the small voice spoke up suddenly. Everyone turned to look at the small child and Ryo stared in shock between Kazuya, the boy he had just been playing with, and Lord Kamenashi.
“What is it?” Lord Kamenashi snapped.
Kazuya said something so soft that only Lord Kamenashi could hear him, and the man’s face grew stormy for a moment. Ryo actually thought he would lash out at the younger child, but then he adopted a musing expression on his face.
“Very well.” He said shortly, “You, boy.” He pointed at Nishikido, “You’re coming with me. From this day on, you’ll be my son’s attendant.” He sneered at Ryo, “There will be no backtalk from you; you have no station in life anymore but that of a servant. This, you can thank to your dear parents,” he sneered at Ryo’s parents as well.
Ryo stared in shock at the man, and then at Kazuya, who was pulling on his sleeve, a sad look on the younger boy’s face, “I’m sorry,” Kazuya whispered so that only Ryo could hear, “I’m sorry; I’m so sorry. It’s the only way. I’m sorry, believe me, please believe me, I’m sorry.”
Tears had welled up in Kazuya’s eyes, in sympathy of the same tears of pain, hurt and betrayal that had welled up in Ryo’s.
He believed it. These tears were real. This nightmare was real.
--
It was to a hand shaking him that he woke up, tears welling up in his eyes. He looked up into the concerned eyes of Kazuya, and he quickly wiped at his tears.
“What are you doing, Kazuya-sama?” he asked quietly.
“You’re crying in your sleep,” Kazuya said sadly, and like that time all those years ago, it was like Ryo’s pain had suddenly become Kazuya’s pain as well, “We don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
“I’m fine,” Ryo insisted as he looked at Kazuya, “Kazuya-sama?”
Kazuya tilted his head, indicating for Ryo to go ahead and say what he wanted.
“Why did you convince your father to take me in?” he asked. He had asked many times before, but Kazuya had always just told him that it had felt like the right thing to do.
Kazuya had a truly pained look in his eyes, “I couldn’t bear to see you living on the street,” he admitted, “Ryo-chan, did you know?”
“Know?”
Kazuya had put his forehead against Ryo’s cheek, “You were the first person to treat me like another human being and not a possession.”
Ryo remembered the hesitant, jumpy and awkward child he had met that day, and he knew it was true. Lord Kamenashi had never truly seen Kazuya as anything other than a way to carry on his family name. And from what he had seen when he had arrived, the servants all treated Kazuya as the ‘master’s son’, like he was some priceless possession that they had to maintain the health and hygiene of every day, but other than that, could be ignored like he truly was an object.
“I’m sorry, Ryo-chan,” Kazuya whispered, “Believe me, I didn’t think there was any other way.”
Ryo couldn’t control his hand; it reached up to behind Kazuya, tracing across the smooth naked skin of his back and shoulders, before tangling in Kazuya’s hair, as he pressed the younger man’s head harder against his cheek, “Thank you,” he said quietly, “Thank you Kazuya…”
In this moment, where it seemed like they had created their own world, he felt as though that invisible barrier had suddenly broken down.
Just for this one moment.
* * *
Whispers followed Ryo and Kazuya as they made their way into town to get some food before Uchi was supposed to show up at the Kamenashi house in town. Slightly curious, and a few hostile, glares followed the obvious noble and his companion as they quickly tried to buy what they needed.
Ryo should have known this was coming; after all, this town relied a lot on the rich merchants, like Uchi’s family and what used to be Ryo’s family, as well as a few others, but some would always be resentful of the nobles for being able to travel so freely from town to town almost like they didn’t have a care in the world, while the townsfolk were stuck in town, some in poverty and some just unable to leave.
It was after they had eaten - and after Kazuya had purchased two sets of the same meal and forced Ryo to eat one of them, ignoring Ryo’s protests that he was fine - that they returned to the house and five minutes later, Uchi arrived at the house.
This time, Ryo was more prepared for the furtive looks Uchi would send him from time to time. Of course the younger man was curious; he had been there for what happened between Ryo and his parents, and he probably wondered how much his childhood friend had changed.
Ryo admitted that he had changed a lot - at least outwardly. When he had still been living here, he was known for speaking his mind and teasing his friends and others and calling them names, even if he didn’t mean it; a sharp tongue. But when he entered the Kamenashi household, he could only do that with Kazuya, because Kazuya knew he didn’t mean it, and Kazuya even seemed to like it. However, soon, he could only do that with servants the same rank or lower than him, until he just hid that side of him completely. He had soon grown afraid of the lashings he would get for speaking like that to someone of higher rank, like Kazuya. Kazuya always protested; he had always screamed and cried when Ryo was taken away and then burst into tears when Ryo was brought back, but the younger man had soon realized why Ryo was beginning to force himself to act polite, why Ryo had stopped teasing him and acting like a friend to him. Ryo also thought that they had wanted to instil fear and respect for ‘his betters’ in him because unlike the other servants, he had not come from a poor family, but one of moderate wealth and rank.
“I see you’ve been out in town,” Uchi remarked to them as he was poured a drink, “You’re all anyone talked about on my way here.”
Kazuya smiled, but it was a bit strained, “I know why; it’s because I’m a Kamenashi.” He stated bluntly.
“And also because of Ryo,” Uchi hesitated as though unsure if he should continue talking about Ryo, “Everyone knew what happened to Ryo, and they know you’re Lord Kamenashi’s heir, so…they guessed correctly who you are,” he said to Ryo, “Who your attendant is,” Uchi corrected quickly, sending a furtive look at Kazuya, as if unsure how he would respond to him speaking to Ryo rather than Kazuya.
Ryo nodded; of course. These people obviously had nothing better to do than to gawk at someone else’s troubles, didn’t they?
“You can speak to him, you know,” Kazuya said with an understanding smile, “I don’t mind at all.”
“Oh,” Uchi was surprised, “I had heard of your father’s policy regarding servants…so…”
“I’m not my father,” Kazuya said forcefully, and then smiled, “Go ahead. I’m not going to break off the business between our families just because you want to talk to Ryo-chan.”
Uchi grinned brightly at that, and the awkward, nearly tense, restrained atmosphere that had settled over them broke. The message in that was clear; they weren’t their fathers. They could act like however they wanted without the stigmas of their ranks of a merchant and a noble hanging over them.
“You…you still call yourself a Nishikido right?” Uchi asked Ryo quietly, “Why…I mean…”
Ryo shifted uncomfortably, before jutting his chin out and stating, “It’s a reminder of who I was, who I am, and who I don’t want to turn out to be like.”
Silence met his words, and for a moment, Ryo thought he had said too much, and that he had once again stupidly crossed the boundaries placed, but then there was a reassuring touch on his elbow and he looked down to see Kazuya smiling at him, comfortingly.
Uchi looked at him and a small smile broke out, “I understand…I suppose I would hate them too if my parents had done that to me…I should warn you though; although they moved away, they still come back to town from time to time. They cleared their debt with Lord Kamenashi with you…but…for some reason, they still come back; if you don’t want to see them, I’d try to stay inside as much as possible.”
Ryo took reassurance in that nobody was going to tell on him, or punish him for speaking like equals to Kazuya or Uchi, “I’m not afraid of them,” he said with a determined air. Uchi smiled at him, and he felt Kazuya’s hand on his arm again; there was no admonishment to his touches, nor was he trying to offer comfort; he just seemed to want to touch Ryo.
Later, when Uchi left, with a very curious warning of, “Be careful; I’ve heard some things around town…”, Ryo was startled from getting Kazuya ready for bed by Kazuya suddenly twisting around, yukata half off and putting his hands on Ryo’s arms, “If you do see them…I’m not afraid you’ll see them either. I hope they see you, see you…and realize what a wonderful thing they foolishly gave up for their own selfish and greedy desires,” Kazuya said softly, but his voice was firm, “Whatever happens when you see them, you’ll always be the best to me, Ryo-chan. No matter what they say, you’re better than them. You’ll always be better than them.”
Ryo didn’t know what to say, but he quickly looked away so that Kazuya couldn’t see the sheen to his eyes. In the end, he didn’t say anything but with a ducked head, continued to get Kazuya ready for bed, but he could tell Kazuya understood; he understood the words Ryo couldn’t bring himself to say aloud, and understood Ryo’s tendencies to hide behind strong words and distracting actions. He always had, after all.
* * *
---- next: part 3 ----