[one-shot] Forever Yours, Forever Mine - part 2
[one-shot] Forever Yours, Forever Mine - part 2
Pairing: akame
rating: pg-13/pg-15
Summary: Rocker!Jin x model!Kame. Jin and Kame have a secret relationship with each other, but when their relationship gets threatened, their secret may have to be revealed. But is Jin willing to do it - or is he willing to risk Kame to keep the secret?
[ Part 1 ]
Part 2:
It had been happening for almost two weeks.
Jin frowned as he played with the microphone stand, rehearsing with the rest of the band at the location for their next show. Just to test and everything such as the sound, they were dressed as they were about to start a show, with Jin wearing frayed black pants and a gray and black tight t-shirt over that. The light made the silver metallic decorations on Jin’s shirt and pants seem to shine even brighter, and a long coat that reached his knees finished the outfit he was wear during the show.
Not even the warm lights shining down uncomfortably on the layers of clothes he wore could distract him from what was bothering him.
Jin sighed as he looked over at the clock; it was nearly three in the afternoon. Kame was probably at work, doing…
Jin actually had no idea what Kame was doing. For nearly two weeks, Kame had been acting weird; he always got back at least fifteen minutes late, and he was always distracted. Whenever Jin tried to ask what was wrong, Kame pretended that nothing was wrong - which was how Jin knew that something was wrong. If it was serious enough that Kame tried to hide it form him, then there was something very wrong.
Jin wished that Kame would just tell him - he kept trying to figure out what was wrong, keeping an eye out while he was with Kame. If it was anyone other than Jin, Kame would have easily fooled him into thinking that nothing was the matter. However, it was Jin, and Jin spent more time alone with Kame than anyone did, so he knew all the signs.
“Oi, Akanishi!”
Black eyeliner drawn under his eyes, Jin blinked just a little when he saw the drummer waving a hand in his face.
“What?” he asked.
“You’re spacing out” the other man retorted, rolling his eyes, “I thought I’d wake you up”
“I don’t need you to wake me up; if you want someone to wake me up, at least get me someone without two eyebrow piercings!” Jin retorted, hitting the band member away, “Get your scary face away from me!”
He got hit on the head for that remark.
“Well, why don’t you try keeping yourself awake by reading something, oh, almighty vocalist?” the drummer drawled, throwing a few magazines at Jin. The taller man yelped as he tried to catch them, only to have two hit him in the face. He glared at his laughing band member, “You’ll pay for that”
“Oh, what are you going to do?” the other taunted, “Sing me to death?”
“I hate you” Jin pouted.
The drummer smirked as he walked over to the guitarist. Said guitarist muttered under his breath, “Why are we the only rock band with a pansy, pouting, child as our lead singer?” he moaned in complaint, “Why?”
Jin scowled and turned his back on them, “Why am I the only lead singer with band mates that constantly tease me?” he shot back.
“Because you pout when we do”
“I hate you” Jin repeated, looking down at the magazines that had been thrown at him in an attempt to ignore the rest of his band, whom were all laughing at him.
He scowled when he saw that they were all tabloid magazines and he turned around, “Why the hell are you giving me magazines that only report rumours?!” he threw one at the drummer.
The drummer threw it back after looking at the cover, “Because I thought you’d be interested in this one” he said with a smirk.
Jin glared, because looking down at the magazine that had already been very much abused by the two men throwing it back and forth. He picked it up and with a sigh, looked at the front page.
“….after all, you’re a fan boy of that model, Kamenashi aren’t you? Saw the picture of the billboard on your phone” the drummer grinned.
The keyboard player grinned, “Is that why we see you reading those chick magazines all the time? Not that I blame you - he has a nice body -”
“Don’t talk about him that way! And I am not a fan boy! He’s -” Jin cut himself off, preventing himself from saying anymore about his relationship with Kame. He glared down at the magazine, “He’s…what the hell?!”
The drummer laughed, “Protective fan boy aren’t you, Jin? Don’t worry, Jin, I’m sure Kamenashi will still pose on billboards even if he’s not single anymore”
Jin was staring at the page.
“What the hell?!” Jin hissed as he stood up, grabbing the magazine as he did. He then ran off, ignoring the calls of his band mates from behind.
* * *
For the past week or so, Kame had not been able to sleep peacefully. Every time he closed his eyes, horrible thoughts of what he knew was coming would haunt his thoughts and he would never be able to go back to sleep. The darkness that covered his room only served to make it even worse. Sometimes, the voices from his dreams would carry on into reality and all he could do was turn on some music and hope that the Jin’s voice pouring out of the earphones at a near deafening volume would be enough to block out the things he heard in his mind that night.
So that was why at four o’clock in the afternoon, after getting off work early, Kame was lying in his bed, still fully dressed, asleep. The sheets were strewn all over the bed, but mostly covering Kame’s body as Kame clutched the warm covers closer to his chest. For the first time in days, possibly weeks, Kame looked…peaceful, in his sleep. The low volume music pouring out of the earphones had lulled him to sleep with his lover’s voice.
However, this moment of tranquility for Kame did not last long when Jin stormed into the room, stood over Kame’s sleeping body and harshly yanked the earphones out of the younger man’s ears. Kame sat up with a cry at the stinging sensation as his ears protested the rough removal of the earphones.
“J?” Kame rubbed his eyes, “What - don’t you have practice?” he murmured sleepily as he blinked up at the older man. It took a few seconds for the sleep to leave his mind and for him to realize what that expression on Jin’s face meant. Jin was seething.
Kame drew back, staring up at Jin with wide eyes, “J?”
“This!” Jin spat and it was dramatically different from only weeks ago when Jin had stormed into his apartment to overreact at Kame’s billboard ad. This time, there was nothing but anger and hurt in Jin’s voice, and Kame winced at that anger being directed at him.
Kame looked down at the magazine with the blurry pictures on the front page and the huge writing written across the top and he felt his blood run cold. He took the magazine from Jin’s hand and stared at it. His hands were shaking as he held it a small distance away from his face, unable to take his eyes off the words. Dread filled him, as he raised his eyes to look at Jin. As he stood there, staring up into Jin’s furious and almost pleading gaze, Kame could only wish that this was not happening.
“J -” he started.
“What the hell is this?” Jin snarled out, a hurt expression crossing his face when he took the magazine from Kame again and read the headlines out, “Kamenashi Kazuya, super model, dating fellow model -“ he cut himself off with a low growl, “Apparently, according to this article, the agency hasn’t even tried to deny this?! Kazuya!...it says here that you haven’t said anything to support or deny this…”
Kame looked down at his hands and he wished they would stop shaking. That way, he could at least trust his voice and his ability to speak right now.
“Kamenashi!”
The use of his family name made him flinch and Kame opened his mouth to speak before the words failed him. He stared down at his hands. Breathing was getting more and more difficult, and he wanted to escape back into the world where it was only his dreams and Jin’s singing. He didn’t want to face this - not now.
But it was happening, and he had to face it.
Kame’s fingernails dug into his palm as he spoke, “It’s…something decided by the agency” Kame said finally, looking down at the ground and anywhere but into Jin’s eyes.
“The agency?” Jin frowned disbelievingly.
“Do you know what the public sees me as J?” Kame asked quietly.
Jin nodded. He knew very well - Kame was a perfect man: charming, good-looking, hardworking, and he never had a stain on his record.
“They told me…it was rare, for a male model like me to go practically my whole career without dating someone - or even the tabloids thinking I dated someone” Kame started, “People question things. They’ll question why they never hear of me dating, and…the agency told me…if they start to realize that -” he shook his head and repeated the words told to him over the past few weeks, “The public expect idols, celebrities, to show something as simple as love. It makes us seem more like…everyone else. If they think I can’t feel love, they’ll think that I’m just some emotionless empty shell who can’t show compassion. They’ll think that I’m so perfect, I’m inhuman. If they think that, my career in this world won’t last long. And the agency is not going to keep investing in someone who will lose so easily”
“But this -” Jin breathed, “You can’t possibly; these are just rumours right?” he asked pleadingly, “Just a publicity stunt? You’re not really going to -”
Kame looked away.
“Kazuya!” Jin drew in his breath sharply, “You can’t - what are you doing? How can you think about - Kazuya!”
Kame looked down, “I’m sorry” he whispered and he meant it, from the bottom of his heart. If he could, he would have told the agency what was really going on. If he could, Jin would be the first one he was reported by the tabloids to be dating. If he could -
But he couldn’t.
Because Jin…would never let their relationship go public. The older man was still concerned with having people poke at and possibly deteriorate their relationship. He was concerned with what people would say to the rocker, bad boy, Akanishi Jin, date someone who was supposed to be the opposite of what he was. He was concerned with his image.
"But..." Jin's fists were clenched and Kame could only watch as the skin Jin's nails dug into turned a startling white and he looked up with a hint of fear at the rage and hurt Jin was feeling, "But...you're mine" he said as he suddenly grabbed hold of Kame’s shoulders, squeezing them tightly, painfully.
Kame stared straight into Jin’s eyes, accepting the pain, knowing Jin was hurting much more right now, “I am” he said softly, so softly that Jin had to strain to hear him. A hope rose in Jin’s chest, which was crushed brutally by Kame’s next words.
“But…you would never admit that I am yours…” Kame whispered to Jin, placing his head atop Jin’s shoulder as the older man kept holding onto him so tightly that it was painful. A cry threatened to escape his lips at the words he just spoke and how true they were - even before all this happened, it always, always, felt like Jin was ashamed of him. Kame could easily forget about it in the moments when Jin wrapped his arms around him and kissed him, but it was always there - a nagging voice in the back of his head that told him that Jin just didn’t want people to know about him; that Jin was ashamed. That voice always made Kame want to cry.
““I am! I’m admitting it now! I’ve told you, you’re mine, I love you, I love you” Jin whispered as he sunk onto Kazuya’s bed, “Why are you doing this? Why are you letting them destroy us?” he whispered.
There was silence.
“I love you Kazuya” Jin said, his voice cutting through the tense silence and he looked up with pleading eyes. He wanted Kame to understand - he had to, he just had to.
Kame’s heart, which had already broken many times in the past weeks, was breaking again as he saw Jin looking like that. The playful, lead singer of a rock band, who always put up a tough appearance in public, looked so broken. Kame wanted nothing more than to say he was lying, that this wasn’t happening.
But it was, and there was nothing Kame could do to stop it from spiralling out of his control.
“J” Kame kneeled down in front of Jin, softly touching Jin’s arm. Jin started as he stared at Kame - Kame, who looked so vulnerable as he spoke.
“We can’t do this forever…this secrecy -“ he sighed, “I can’t do this forever”
Those words left Jin frozen.
“Kazuya!” Jin called, eyes widening as Kame headed for the door.
“This relationship…isn’t being destroyed by them, J” Kame finally said, “This relationship is being destroyed by the fact that it’s a secret; maybe it’s not affecting you, but it’s eating at me from the inside - the fact that you want to hide me. Am I really that shameful?”
Jin could only stare as he watched Kame with his hand on the doorknob of his bedroom door.
“…I love you, J…but…” he paused, “…this is probably goodbye” he said sadly as he turned the doorknob.
“Kazuya! Wait!” Jin called, scrambling to the door, “What can I do to change your mind? Kazuya - don’t do this!”
“J, there is only one thing you could possibly do. And you would never do it - right now, and maybe no matter how far into the future, you would never go out and hold my hand, kiss me, or even tell me you love me in front of someone on the street. I doubt you’d even stand next to me if we were out together, would you?”
Seeing Jin’s hesitant expression, Kame laughed mirthlessly, “That’s what I thought. You can stay in the apartment as long as you like - I’ll go stay with Yamapi for a while. Goodbye Jin”
It was only after Kame left that Jin realized what Kame had called him, but it didn’t make him any happier. In fact, he felt like breaking down, crying and calling out for Kame.
But all he could do was sink to the ground, letting his boot adorned feet fall onto the floorboards with a loud crash and he slammed his fist onto the floor.
* * *
Jin’s voice reverberated through the large practice room; the drummer’s hands were moving quickly as he easily kept up with the fast tempo of the song they had just started to practice and the guitarist’s fingers were nearly a blur as he played out chord after chord. The sound of the keys of the keyboard being pressed so that the notes were loud, clear and concise blended in with the rest of the sounds in the room.
Jin stared straight ahead, barely moving as he usually did when he started singing. The long black jacket that he would wear as part of his outfit later was stifling and hot under the spotlights they had turned on, but he didn’t even noticed. He just stared straight ahead, right into the blinding lights.
In his mind, he kept seeing Kame; he kept seeing Kame’s back as he left, Kame’s disappointed and crushed expression when Jin had hesitated - Jin wanted to scream.
That one moment, possibly the most important moment that he shouldn’t have done that, and he did - he could still hear Kame’s bitter laugh that had followed.
In the days that followed, he had heard nothing from Kame; he had been hoping for a text, or something that said that Kame was just joking, Kame wasn’t really leaving him…
But there was nothing.
Instead, tabloid after tabloid started covering the rumoured relationship, and it was all Jin could do not to scream when he saw it - Kame, on the front page with someone else. Kame, maybe kissing this woman instead of him; Kame, no longer with him, no longer waiting for Jin with something to eat, or one of his smiles.
“That’s it!” the keyboard player suddenly slammed his hand down, causing them to cover their ears as the notes combined echoed through the room, “That’s fucking it!” he hissed.
“Hey -” the guitarist started, trying to stop him.
It was no use and Jin stared as the microphone was wrenched out of his hand.
“You, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you” a finger was pointed accusingly at Jin, “But stop acting like an asshole and fix whatever it is! Stop singing like a half-assed drunk who can’t even concentrate on what’s in front of him! Get the fucking timing and lyrics right - this is the fifteenth time we’ve practiced today and each and every time, you get worse and worse with the freaking timing! How do you even expect to do the show in two days at this fucking point? We’ll be fucking thrown off stage!”
Jin glared and shrugged off the hand that the guitarist had put comfortingly on his shoulder, “What, you think you could do better?! I’m doing my best”
“Obviously your best involves sounding like an untrained school girl!”
“Take that back!” Jin hissed, “Like you would know; you can’t even sing! What the fuck do you expect me to do?”
“I expect you to get over whatever the hell is getting you depressed because everyone else is working their best and here you are, barely trying!”
“I am trying!”
“Obviously not enough - if you were trying hard enough, there wouldn’t be an issue at all! Get your fucking act together Akanishi!”
“Don’t tell me what to do!” Jin snarled, storming off.
“that’s right - run away! Just like you always do when the going gets tough! When are you going to stop running and face the freaking music?!”
Jin ignored him as he stomped down the hall and slammed the door to their meeting room shut, locking it behind him. His eyes narrowed and furious, and he let out a roar of rage and frustration.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, reflexively beginning a text to Kame when -
He dropped the phone.
No matter how many texts he sent Kame, he knew he would not get one back - not if he wanted to continue the relationship like it had been before.
He did want the relationship back the way it was - Kame as his, and only his; Kame was constantly occupying his mind, never giving him a moment’s peace and it was all he could do to even get through the day without snapping at everyone around him, knowing he would not see Kame at the end of the day, even if he went to Kame’s apartment.
He wanted Kame back, he just -
I miss Kazuya more than anything…
Whenever he saw an article in the tabloids about Kame and that model, even if they were rumours, he knew the relationship might come true soon, admitted by Kame himself. It hurt, to know that he would never be able to admit that he loved Kame, to tell the world that Kame was his -
In short, Jin was feeling exactly what Kame had all these months.
He finally understood.
I wonder…what it would take for him to forgive me…Jin thought, closing his eyes as he put his head on the table. Kame’s voice kept echoing through his head and Kame’s eyes kept appearing in his mind - sad, hurt eyes from Jin’s action. Because…Jin had hurt Kame more than anything.
“Am I really that shameful?”
Jin shot up, the words in his mind making a pain shoot through his heart and he stood there, staring at nothing for a while. His fist clenched and unclenched before he ran out of the room, back to the practice room. When he got there, the keyboard player looked at him coolly with a raised eyebrow.
“I need something!” Jin said with a pleading tone, “Please”
He needed to do this - this had to be the only way. He would get Kame to forgive him; he would have Kame in his arms again, and his, if he had anything to say about it.
Taking away the hurt look in Kame’s eyes was easy to do, but it was the hardest decision Jin had ever had to make.
* * *
The spotlights shone down on the stage, making those four standing and performing on the stage shine red. A black jacket swirled and spiraled around a tall body as Jin grabbed the microphone and bent forward a little to sing into it, the guitar suddenly getting louder and faster as Jin held the note as long as he could, before starting on the next line of words. Black eyeliner once again traced the letter J on Jin’s cheek, hair falling just a little over Jin’s eyes as he stood back up.
Amongst all the screaming girls and cheering male fans for their favourite band, he stood there, feeling out of place in his clothes that were not black and shiny. There was also a lack of sharp and pointy objects on his wrists and around his neck, but he still stood there, not moving to dodge the bodies that bumped into him, staring at the figure on the stage. In his hand, he clutched the stub of the ticket he had used to get in there - the ticket that had been left in Yamapi’s mailbox two days ago with a note.
One last show, please? I want to sing for you again. Just one more time.
Kame stared at Jin, wondering what Jin wanted to accomplish with this - did he want to have one final time where they would never see each other again after this? Did he think that Kame seeing Jin’s concert would change his mind about their relationship? If there was one thing Kame would never do, he would never cheat on anyone - even if he held no feelings for the girl the agency wanted him to date, he would not cheat on someone.
Jin’s performance was top notch as always, his voice hitting the right notes, his appearance just a bit dark, but that was what pleased these fans. He watched as Jin flicked a strand of hair out of his eyes and for a moment, he looked through the crowd as if looking for someone, and Kame felt his breath hitch even though he didn’t want it to.
Are you looking for me?
Time passed quickly and before long, Kame had spent three hours watching Jin at his best - watching Jin move on the stage and Jin, shooting smiles, and intense looks at the crowd. The black kohl that lined his eyes, something that Kame had seen many times close up, made the way Jin's eyes were glancing through the crowd constantly much more obvious. Kame sighed as he began to move - the concert was almost over.
The end of the song that was playing signalled the time for the band to talk briefly to the audience.
He didn’t need to stay for this - he had already watched the show. He had watched Jin perform one last time. Just like Jin had asked.
“I’ve been doing something stupid for the last four months” Jin’s voice echoed through the room. Kame paused. What was going on? Jin never talked first - he had just spent three hours doing nothing but using his voice. He was always last to speak.
“For four months, I’ve done something stupid by denying someone I care about something they want. It wasn’t material, it wasn’t big or expensive…but it was important to him. I was stupid…and I made him feel like he was something I was ashamed of. For that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, because he would never be someone I’m ashamed of. It may be too late, but he’s in the audience today. Kazuya, please accept my apology, and please…I’ll do the thing you want…just please, forgive me”
There was silence at his words, before whispers started through the audience.
From his spot not too far from the stage, Kame stared up at Jin, who was staring back at him intently. Kame’s eyes were wide and he almost felt like crying - stupid Jin, doing something like this. It was just so -
“Please forgive me?” Jin whispered into the microphone before he passed the microphone to the guitarist. Yet, he didn’t move far from his spot and continued to stare at Kame. Kame just kept staring at Jin, hands shaking. Then he slowly turned as though it was the most difficult thing in the world to do, and walked toward the nearest exit. Jin’s eyes followed him and he looked back for a moment. Jin then rushed off backstage and not bothering to shed any of the many layers of clothing he wore, raced through the back halls to get to the front entrance before Kame.
“Kazuya!” Jin called as he saw Kame standing with his back against the door, looking at him. He was -
He wasn’t trying to leave?
Jin blinked in confusion.
“…you idiot” Kame said aloud, “What if I didn’t forgive you?”
Jin stared, and then he shrugged, “Try again?”
Kame laughed quietly.
“I’m sorry Kazuya” Jin said, walking closer, “I’m sorry. I really am - I thought…I don’t know what, but after you left, I realized…how much it hurt; seeing you in those magazines, wanting to say that you’re mine but not being able to. Was that how you felt?”
“…something like that”
“I’m sorry!” Jin said again, bowing his head, “I’m sorry! Please, please, give us another chance. No more secrets this time; just…us”
Kame closed his eyes and Jin didn’t lifted his head. Finally, Kame grabbed hold of Jin’s hands and without warning, pushed Jin so that his back was flat against a nearby wall. Kame looked at Jin, looking for any sign of hesitancy as he leaned in to kiss Jin.
When he found none, he smiled and he kissed the older man.
* * *
Kame was leaning against the wall, arms wrapped around Jin as he pulled the older man even closed to him as their lips met. Jin groaned as he felt Kame’s hands travel up his chest, fingers dancing as Kame’s hands worked themselves up. Finally, those hands were tangled in his hair. Jin’s hands were pushing against the wall on either side of Kame, pushing Kame as far back against the wall as he could go.
A tongue flitted across Kame’s lower lip and the younger man felt his knees give out for a moment. Jin hand quickly went to the small of Kame’s back, touching the bare skin. The hand travelled up under the shirt to caress Kame’s smooth skin; the younger man let out a soft sound that was muffled by Jin’s lips.
“Oi, Akanishi! Stop making out!”
Jin cursed as he lifted his head away from Kame’s and turned to glare at his band members, as well as Yamapi who had ‘escorted’ Kame here. Yamapi was glaring at Jin, while the band members were snickering behind their hands.
“Just because you finally stopped trying to obsessively hide your relationship, does not mean that I am going to forgive you for hurting Kame-chan!” Yamapi put his hands on his hips, “Stop making out with Kame-chan when you should be practicing for your concert”
“Keep at it, and the tabloids will get another lovely picture - and this time, they’ll have proof you are dating!” the guitarist grinned.
“Not that they didn’t last time - you two went to dinner and they were all over you!” the drummer added, “It was almost funny - the article that came out talked only about how your relationship was so good. I think someone at the newspaper office is a fan. They have to be - there hasn’t been a slanderous article out yet!”
Kame smiled, “As long as my agency is happy and doesn’t care, I don’t care what they write”
Jin grinned as he wrapped his arms around Kame, “I’ll see you later?” he asked.
“Of course” Kame said, leaning up to kiss Jin quickly.
With a wave, Jin left with his band mates to practice and Kame left with Yamapi. It was only moments later that Kame remembered something he forgot and quickly ran to the band’s meeting room. He found them all there and he grinned, “J~ I forgot something!” he announced as he went to fetch the hat he had left on the table.
Jin groaned when he saw the look in the others’ eyes when Kame left.
“J~~” they teased, drawing the syllable out and making kissy noises at him, “Aww, J~~”
They quickly shut up when Kame opened the door again, “I forgot” he said happily as he went to Jin and kissed him again.
“See you at home, Jin” he said with a dazzling smile.
Jin quickly stood up and followed Kame out the door, ignoring the band’s snickering. He wrapped an arm around Kame’s waist, “I’ll walk you back” he said.
Kame laughed softly, “Okay” he agreed with a bright smile.
Jin’s arm tightened around Kame’s waist as he held the younger man closer to him.
I won' t waste this second chance....
--- END ---
So that's the end, although I believe I'm going to post another two things related to this soon: one consists of crack drabbles that popped up with chuukibito while we talked about this, and another is a prequel to this, or how they met kind of thing? i dunno; if anyone likes that idea, i'll write it =P
But for other updates...it's PP next ^^
Pairing: akame
rating: pg-13/pg-15
Summary: Rocker!Jin x model!Kame. Jin and Kame have a secret relationship with each other, but when their relationship gets threatened, their secret may have to be revealed. But is Jin willing to do it - or is he willing to risk Kame to keep the secret?
[ Part 1 ]
Part 2:
It had been happening for almost two weeks.
Jin frowned as he played with the microphone stand, rehearsing with the rest of the band at the location for their next show. Just to test and everything such as the sound, they were dressed as they were about to start a show, with Jin wearing frayed black pants and a gray and black tight t-shirt over that. The light made the silver metallic decorations on Jin’s shirt and pants seem to shine even brighter, and a long coat that reached his knees finished the outfit he was wear during the show.
Not even the warm lights shining down uncomfortably on the layers of clothes he wore could distract him from what was bothering him.
Jin sighed as he looked over at the clock; it was nearly three in the afternoon. Kame was probably at work, doing…
Jin actually had no idea what Kame was doing. For nearly two weeks, Kame had been acting weird; he always got back at least fifteen minutes late, and he was always distracted. Whenever Jin tried to ask what was wrong, Kame pretended that nothing was wrong - which was how Jin knew that something was wrong. If it was serious enough that Kame tried to hide it form him, then there was something very wrong.
Jin wished that Kame would just tell him - he kept trying to figure out what was wrong, keeping an eye out while he was with Kame. If it was anyone other than Jin, Kame would have easily fooled him into thinking that nothing was the matter. However, it was Jin, and Jin spent more time alone with Kame than anyone did, so he knew all the signs.
“Oi, Akanishi!”
Black eyeliner drawn under his eyes, Jin blinked just a little when he saw the drummer waving a hand in his face.
“What?” he asked.
“You’re spacing out” the other man retorted, rolling his eyes, “I thought I’d wake you up”
“I don’t need you to wake me up; if you want someone to wake me up, at least get me someone without two eyebrow piercings!” Jin retorted, hitting the band member away, “Get your scary face away from me!”
He got hit on the head for that remark.
“Well, why don’t you try keeping yourself awake by reading something, oh, almighty vocalist?” the drummer drawled, throwing a few magazines at Jin. The taller man yelped as he tried to catch them, only to have two hit him in the face. He glared at his laughing band member, “You’ll pay for that”
“Oh, what are you going to do?” the other taunted, “Sing me to death?”
“I hate you” Jin pouted.
The drummer smirked as he walked over to the guitarist. Said guitarist muttered under his breath, “Why are we the only rock band with a pansy, pouting, child as our lead singer?” he moaned in complaint, “Why?”
Jin scowled and turned his back on them, “Why am I the only lead singer with band mates that constantly tease me?” he shot back.
“Because you pout when we do”
“I hate you” Jin repeated, looking down at the magazines that had been thrown at him in an attempt to ignore the rest of his band, whom were all laughing at him.
He scowled when he saw that they were all tabloid magazines and he turned around, “Why the hell are you giving me magazines that only report rumours?!” he threw one at the drummer.
The drummer threw it back after looking at the cover, “Because I thought you’d be interested in this one” he said with a smirk.
Jin glared, because looking down at the magazine that had already been very much abused by the two men throwing it back and forth. He picked it up and with a sigh, looked at the front page.
“….after all, you’re a fan boy of that model, Kamenashi aren’t you? Saw the picture of the billboard on your phone” the drummer grinned.
The keyboard player grinned, “Is that why we see you reading those chick magazines all the time? Not that I blame you - he has a nice body -”
“Don’t talk about him that way! And I am not a fan boy! He’s -” Jin cut himself off, preventing himself from saying anymore about his relationship with Kame. He glared down at the magazine, “He’s…what the hell?!”
The drummer laughed, “Protective fan boy aren’t you, Jin? Don’t worry, Jin, I’m sure Kamenashi will still pose on billboards even if he’s not single anymore”
Jin was staring at the page.
“What the hell?!” Jin hissed as he stood up, grabbing the magazine as he did. He then ran off, ignoring the calls of his band mates from behind.
* * *
For the past week or so, Kame had not been able to sleep peacefully. Every time he closed his eyes, horrible thoughts of what he knew was coming would haunt his thoughts and he would never be able to go back to sleep. The darkness that covered his room only served to make it even worse. Sometimes, the voices from his dreams would carry on into reality and all he could do was turn on some music and hope that the Jin’s voice pouring out of the earphones at a near deafening volume would be enough to block out the things he heard in his mind that night.
So that was why at four o’clock in the afternoon, after getting off work early, Kame was lying in his bed, still fully dressed, asleep. The sheets were strewn all over the bed, but mostly covering Kame’s body as Kame clutched the warm covers closer to his chest. For the first time in days, possibly weeks, Kame looked…peaceful, in his sleep. The low volume music pouring out of the earphones had lulled him to sleep with his lover’s voice.
However, this moment of tranquility for Kame did not last long when Jin stormed into the room, stood over Kame’s sleeping body and harshly yanked the earphones out of the younger man’s ears. Kame sat up with a cry at the stinging sensation as his ears protested the rough removal of the earphones.
“J?” Kame rubbed his eyes, “What - don’t you have practice?” he murmured sleepily as he blinked up at the older man. It took a few seconds for the sleep to leave his mind and for him to realize what that expression on Jin’s face meant. Jin was seething.
Kame drew back, staring up at Jin with wide eyes, “J?”
“This!” Jin spat and it was dramatically different from only weeks ago when Jin had stormed into his apartment to overreact at Kame’s billboard ad. This time, there was nothing but anger and hurt in Jin’s voice, and Kame winced at that anger being directed at him.
Kame looked down at the magazine with the blurry pictures on the front page and the huge writing written across the top and he felt his blood run cold. He took the magazine from Jin’s hand and stared at it. His hands were shaking as he held it a small distance away from his face, unable to take his eyes off the words. Dread filled him, as he raised his eyes to look at Jin. As he stood there, staring up into Jin’s furious and almost pleading gaze, Kame could only wish that this was not happening.
“J -” he started.
“What the hell is this?” Jin snarled out, a hurt expression crossing his face when he took the magazine from Kame again and read the headlines out, “Kamenashi Kazuya, super model, dating fellow model -“ he cut himself off with a low growl, “Apparently, according to this article, the agency hasn’t even tried to deny this?! Kazuya!...it says here that you haven’t said anything to support or deny this…”
Kame looked down at his hands and he wished they would stop shaking. That way, he could at least trust his voice and his ability to speak right now.
“Kamenashi!”
The use of his family name made him flinch and Kame opened his mouth to speak before the words failed him. He stared down at his hands. Breathing was getting more and more difficult, and he wanted to escape back into the world where it was only his dreams and Jin’s singing. He didn’t want to face this - not now.
But it was happening, and he had to face it.
Kame’s fingernails dug into his palm as he spoke, “It’s…something decided by the agency” Kame said finally, looking down at the ground and anywhere but into Jin’s eyes.
“The agency?” Jin frowned disbelievingly.
“Do you know what the public sees me as J?” Kame asked quietly.
Jin nodded. He knew very well - Kame was a perfect man: charming, good-looking, hardworking, and he never had a stain on his record.
“They told me…it was rare, for a male model like me to go practically my whole career without dating someone - or even the tabloids thinking I dated someone” Kame started, “People question things. They’ll question why they never hear of me dating, and…the agency told me…if they start to realize that -” he shook his head and repeated the words told to him over the past few weeks, “The public expect idols, celebrities, to show something as simple as love. It makes us seem more like…everyone else. If they think I can’t feel love, they’ll think that I’m just some emotionless empty shell who can’t show compassion. They’ll think that I’m so perfect, I’m inhuman. If they think that, my career in this world won’t last long. And the agency is not going to keep investing in someone who will lose so easily”
“But this -” Jin breathed, “You can’t possibly; these are just rumours right?” he asked pleadingly, “Just a publicity stunt? You’re not really going to -”
Kame looked away.
“Kazuya!” Jin drew in his breath sharply, “You can’t - what are you doing? How can you think about - Kazuya!”
Kame looked down, “I’m sorry” he whispered and he meant it, from the bottom of his heart. If he could, he would have told the agency what was really going on. If he could, Jin would be the first one he was reported by the tabloids to be dating. If he could -
But he couldn’t.
Because Jin…would never let their relationship go public. The older man was still concerned with having people poke at and possibly deteriorate their relationship. He was concerned with what people would say to the rocker, bad boy, Akanishi Jin, date someone who was supposed to be the opposite of what he was. He was concerned with his image.
"But..." Jin's fists were clenched and Kame could only watch as the skin Jin's nails dug into turned a startling white and he looked up with a hint of fear at the rage and hurt Jin was feeling, "But...you're mine" he said as he suddenly grabbed hold of Kame’s shoulders, squeezing them tightly, painfully.
Kame stared straight into Jin’s eyes, accepting the pain, knowing Jin was hurting much more right now, “I am” he said softly, so softly that Jin had to strain to hear him. A hope rose in Jin’s chest, which was crushed brutally by Kame’s next words.
“But…you would never admit that I am yours…” Kame whispered to Jin, placing his head atop Jin’s shoulder as the older man kept holding onto him so tightly that it was painful. A cry threatened to escape his lips at the words he just spoke and how true they were - even before all this happened, it always, always, felt like Jin was ashamed of him. Kame could easily forget about it in the moments when Jin wrapped his arms around him and kissed him, but it was always there - a nagging voice in the back of his head that told him that Jin just didn’t want people to know about him; that Jin was ashamed. That voice always made Kame want to cry.
““I am! I’m admitting it now! I’ve told you, you’re mine, I love you, I love you” Jin whispered as he sunk onto Kazuya’s bed, “Why are you doing this? Why are you letting them destroy us?” he whispered.
There was silence.
“I love you Kazuya” Jin said, his voice cutting through the tense silence and he looked up with pleading eyes. He wanted Kame to understand - he had to, he just had to.
Kame’s heart, which had already broken many times in the past weeks, was breaking again as he saw Jin looking like that. The playful, lead singer of a rock band, who always put up a tough appearance in public, looked so broken. Kame wanted nothing more than to say he was lying, that this wasn’t happening.
But it was, and there was nothing Kame could do to stop it from spiralling out of his control.
“J” Kame kneeled down in front of Jin, softly touching Jin’s arm. Jin started as he stared at Kame - Kame, who looked so vulnerable as he spoke.
“We can’t do this forever…this secrecy -“ he sighed, “I can’t do this forever”
Those words left Jin frozen.
“Kazuya!” Jin called, eyes widening as Kame headed for the door.
“This relationship…isn’t being destroyed by them, J” Kame finally said, “This relationship is being destroyed by the fact that it’s a secret; maybe it’s not affecting you, but it’s eating at me from the inside - the fact that you want to hide me. Am I really that shameful?”
Jin could only stare as he watched Kame with his hand on the doorknob of his bedroom door.
“…I love you, J…but…” he paused, “…this is probably goodbye” he said sadly as he turned the doorknob.
“Kazuya! Wait!” Jin called, scrambling to the door, “What can I do to change your mind? Kazuya - don’t do this!”
“J, there is only one thing you could possibly do. And you would never do it - right now, and maybe no matter how far into the future, you would never go out and hold my hand, kiss me, or even tell me you love me in front of someone on the street. I doubt you’d even stand next to me if we were out together, would you?”
Seeing Jin’s hesitant expression, Kame laughed mirthlessly, “That’s what I thought. You can stay in the apartment as long as you like - I’ll go stay with Yamapi for a while. Goodbye Jin”
It was only after Kame left that Jin realized what Kame had called him, but it didn’t make him any happier. In fact, he felt like breaking down, crying and calling out for Kame.
But all he could do was sink to the ground, letting his boot adorned feet fall onto the floorboards with a loud crash and he slammed his fist onto the floor.
* * *
Jin’s voice reverberated through the large practice room; the drummer’s hands were moving quickly as he easily kept up with the fast tempo of the song they had just started to practice and the guitarist’s fingers were nearly a blur as he played out chord after chord. The sound of the keys of the keyboard being pressed so that the notes were loud, clear and concise blended in with the rest of the sounds in the room.
Jin stared straight ahead, barely moving as he usually did when he started singing. The long black jacket that he would wear as part of his outfit later was stifling and hot under the spotlights they had turned on, but he didn’t even noticed. He just stared straight ahead, right into the blinding lights.
In his mind, he kept seeing Kame; he kept seeing Kame’s back as he left, Kame’s disappointed and crushed expression when Jin had hesitated - Jin wanted to scream.
That one moment, possibly the most important moment that he shouldn’t have done that, and he did - he could still hear Kame’s bitter laugh that had followed.
In the days that followed, he had heard nothing from Kame; he had been hoping for a text, or something that said that Kame was just joking, Kame wasn’t really leaving him…
But there was nothing.
Instead, tabloid after tabloid started covering the rumoured relationship, and it was all Jin could do not to scream when he saw it - Kame, on the front page with someone else. Kame, maybe kissing this woman instead of him; Kame, no longer with him, no longer waiting for Jin with something to eat, or one of his smiles.
“That’s it!” the keyboard player suddenly slammed his hand down, causing them to cover their ears as the notes combined echoed through the room, “That’s fucking it!” he hissed.
“Hey -” the guitarist started, trying to stop him.
It was no use and Jin stared as the microphone was wrenched out of his hand.
“You, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you” a finger was pointed accusingly at Jin, “But stop acting like an asshole and fix whatever it is! Stop singing like a half-assed drunk who can’t even concentrate on what’s in front of him! Get the fucking timing and lyrics right - this is the fifteenth time we’ve practiced today and each and every time, you get worse and worse with the freaking timing! How do you even expect to do the show in two days at this fucking point? We’ll be fucking thrown off stage!”
Jin glared and shrugged off the hand that the guitarist had put comfortingly on his shoulder, “What, you think you could do better?! I’m doing my best”
“Obviously your best involves sounding like an untrained school girl!”
“Take that back!” Jin hissed, “Like you would know; you can’t even sing! What the fuck do you expect me to do?”
“I expect you to get over whatever the hell is getting you depressed because everyone else is working their best and here you are, barely trying!”
“I am trying!”
“Obviously not enough - if you were trying hard enough, there wouldn’t be an issue at all! Get your fucking act together Akanishi!”
“Don’t tell me what to do!” Jin snarled, storming off.
“that’s right - run away! Just like you always do when the going gets tough! When are you going to stop running and face the freaking music?!”
Jin ignored him as he stomped down the hall and slammed the door to their meeting room shut, locking it behind him. His eyes narrowed and furious, and he let out a roar of rage and frustration.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, reflexively beginning a text to Kame when -
He dropped the phone.
No matter how many texts he sent Kame, he knew he would not get one back - not if he wanted to continue the relationship like it had been before.
He did want the relationship back the way it was - Kame as his, and only his; Kame was constantly occupying his mind, never giving him a moment’s peace and it was all he could do to even get through the day without snapping at everyone around him, knowing he would not see Kame at the end of the day, even if he went to Kame’s apartment.
He wanted Kame back, he just -
I miss Kazuya more than anything…
Whenever he saw an article in the tabloids about Kame and that model, even if they were rumours, he knew the relationship might come true soon, admitted by Kame himself. It hurt, to know that he would never be able to admit that he loved Kame, to tell the world that Kame was his -
In short, Jin was feeling exactly what Kame had all these months.
He finally understood.
I wonder…what it would take for him to forgive me…Jin thought, closing his eyes as he put his head on the table. Kame’s voice kept echoing through his head and Kame’s eyes kept appearing in his mind - sad, hurt eyes from Jin’s action. Because…Jin had hurt Kame more than anything.
“Am I really that shameful?”
Jin shot up, the words in his mind making a pain shoot through his heart and he stood there, staring at nothing for a while. His fist clenched and unclenched before he ran out of the room, back to the practice room. When he got there, the keyboard player looked at him coolly with a raised eyebrow.
“I need something!” Jin said with a pleading tone, “Please”
He needed to do this - this had to be the only way. He would get Kame to forgive him; he would have Kame in his arms again, and his, if he had anything to say about it.
Taking away the hurt look in Kame’s eyes was easy to do, but it was the hardest decision Jin had ever had to make.
* * *
The spotlights shone down on the stage, making those four standing and performing on the stage shine red. A black jacket swirled and spiraled around a tall body as Jin grabbed the microphone and bent forward a little to sing into it, the guitar suddenly getting louder and faster as Jin held the note as long as he could, before starting on the next line of words. Black eyeliner once again traced the letter J on Jin’s cheek, hair falling just a little over Jin’s eyes as he stood back up.
Amongst all the screaming girls and cheering male fans for their favourite band, he stood there, feeling out of place in his clothes that were not black and shiny. There was also a lack of sharp and pointy objects on his wrists and around his neck, but he still stood there, not moving to dodge the bodies that bumped into him, staring at the figure on the stage. In his hand, he clutched the stub of the ticket he had used to get in there - the ticket that had been left in Yamapi’s mailbox two days ago with a note.
One last show, please? I want to sing for you again. Just one more time.
Kame stared at Jin, wondering what Jin wanted to accomplish with this - did he want to have one final time where they would never see each other again after this? Did he think that Kame seeing Jin’s concert would change his mind about their relationship? If there was one thing Kame would never do, he would never cheat on anyone - even if he held no feelings for the girl the agency wanted him to date, he would not cheat on someone.
Jin’s performance was top notch as always, his voice hitting the right notes, his appearance just a bit dark, but that was what pleased these fans. He watched as Jin flicked a strand of hair out of his eyes and for a moment, he looked through the crowd as if looking for someone, and Kame felt his breath hitch even though he didn’t want it to.
Are you looking for me?
Time passed quickly and before long, Kame had spent three hours watching Jin at his best - watching Jin move on the stage and Jin, shooting smiles, and intense looks at the crowd. The black kohl that lined his eyes, something that Kame had seen many times close up, made the way Jin's eyes were glancing through the crowd constantly much more obvious. Kame sighed as he began to move - the concert was almost over.
The end of the song that was playing signalled the time for the band to talk briefly to the audience.
He didn’t need to stay for this - he had already watched the show. He had watched Jin perform one last time. Just like Jin had asked.
“I’ve been doing something stupid for the last four months” Jin’s voice echoed through the room. Kame paused. What was going on? Jin never talked first - he had just spent three hours doing nothing but using his voice. He was always last to speak.
“For four months, I’ve done something stupid by denying someone I care about something they want. It wasn’t material, it wasn’t big or expensive…but it was important to him. I was stupid…and I made him feel like he was something I was ashamed of. For that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, because he would never be someone I’m ashamed of. It may be too late, but he’s in the audience today. Kazuya, please accept my apology, and please…I’ll do the thing you want…just please, forgive me”
There was silence at his words, before whispers started through the audience.
From his spot not too far from the stage, Kame stared up at Jin, who was staring back at him intently. Kame’s eyes were wide and he almost felt like crying - stupid Jin, doing something like this. It was just so -
“Please forgive me?” Jin whispered into the microphone before he passed the microphone to the guitarist. Yet, he didn’t move far from his spot and continued to stare at Kame. Kame just kept staring at Jin, hands shaking. Then he slowly turned as though it was the most difficult thing in the world to do, and walked toward the nearest exit. Jin’s eyes followed him and he looked back for a moment. Jin then rushed off backstage and not bothering to shed any of the many layers of clothing he wore, raced through the back halls to get to the front entrance before Kame.
“Kazuya!” Jin called as he saw Kame standing with his back against the door, looking at him. He was -
He wasn’t trying to leave?
Jin blinked in confusion.
“…you idiot” Kame said aloud, “What if I didn’t forgive you?”
Jin stared, and then he shrugged, “Try again?”
Kame laughed quietly.
“I’m sorry Kazuya” Jin said, walking closer, “I’m sorry. I really am - I thought…I don’t know what, but after you left, I realized…how much it hurt; seeing you in those magazines, wanting to say that you’re mine but not being able to. Was that how you felt?”
“…something like that”
“I’m sorry!” Jin said again, bowing his head, “I’m sorry! Please, please, give us another chance. No more secrets this time; just…us”
Kame closed his eyes and Jin didn’t lifted his head. Finally, Kame grabbed hold of Jin’s hands and without warning, pushed Jin so that his back was flat against a nearby wall. Kame looked at Jin, looking for any sign of hesitancy as he leaned in to kiss Jin.
When he found none, he smiled and he kissed the older man.
* * *
Kame was leaning against the wall, arms wrapped around Jin as he pulled the older man even closed to him as their lips met. Jin groaned as he felt Kame’s hands travel up his chest, fingers dancing as Kame’s hands worked themselves up. Finally, those hands were tangled in his hair. Jin’s hands were pushing against the wall on either side of Kame, pushing Kame as far back against the wall as he could go.
A tongue flitted across Kame’s lower lip and the younger man felt his knees give out for a moment. Jin hand quickly went to the small of Kame’s back, touching the bare skin. The hand travelled up under the shirt to caress Kame’s smooth skin; the younger man let out a soft sound that was muffled by Jin’s lips.
“Oi, Akanishi! Stop making out!”
Jin cursed as he lifted his head away from Kame’s and turned to glare at his band members, as well as Yamapi who had ‘escorted’ Kame here. Yamapi was glaring at Jin, while the band members were snickering behind their hands.
“Just because you finally stopped trying to obsessively hide your relationship, does not mean that I am going to forgive you for hurting Kame-chan!” Yamapi put his hands on his hips, “Stop making out with Kame-chan when you should be practicing for your concert”
“Keep at it, and the tabloids will get another lovely picture - and this time, they’ll have proof you are dating!” the guitarist grinned.
“Not that they didn’t last time - you two went to dinner and they were all over you!” the drummer added, “It was almost funny - the article that came out talked only about how your relationship was so good. I think someone at the newspaper office is a fan. They have to be - there hasn’t been a slanderous article out yet!”
Kame smiled, “As long as my agency is happy and doesn’t care, I don’t care what they write”
Jin grinned as he wrapped his arms around Kame, “I’ll see you later?” he asked.
“Of course” Kame said, leaning up to kiss Jin quickly.
With a wave, Jin left with his band mates to practice and Kame left with Yamapi. It was only moments later that Kame remembered something he forgot and quickly ran to the band’s meeting room. He found them all there and he grinned, “J~ I forgot something!” he announced as he went to fetch the hat he had left on the table.
Jin groaned when he saw the look in the others’ eyes when Kame left.
“J~~” they teased, drawing the syllable out and making kissy noises at him, “Aww, J~~”
They quickly shut up when Kame opened the door again, “I forgot” he said happily as he went to Jin and kissed him again.
“See you at home, Jin” he said with a dazzling smile.
Jin quickly stood up and followed Kame out the door, ignoring the band’s snickering. He wrapped an arm around Kame’s waist, “I’ll walk you back” he said.
Kame laughed softly, “Okay” he agreed with a bright smile.
Jin’s arm tightened around Kame’s waist as he held the younger man closer to him.
I won' t waste this second chance....
--- END ---
So that's the end, although I believe I'm going to post another two things related to this soon: one consists of crack drabbles that popped up with chuukibito while we talked about this, and another is a prequel to this, or how they met kind of thing? i dunno; if anyone likes that idea, i'll write it =P
But for other updates...it's PP next ^^