Turning Back (4/?)
Title: Turning Back (4/?)
Author:
songforevela
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Characters/Pairings: Edward/Bella, other Cullens
Short summary: Post-Eclipse. Edward's attempt to turn Bella does not go as planned, and Edward is forever changed.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns them. And me, apparently, since I can't get her characters out of my head.
A/N: I just have to thank all of my amazing commenters for their insightful words. You are the fuel that keeps these fingers typing!
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"Bella." His weak, distant voice sounds as if it is searching, and the ache in it feels deep and heavy.
"Edward, I'm here," I say again. "Love, I'm here. I'm right here." I squeeze his hand harder and brush a few unruly strands of hair from his forehead.
As quickly as he came back to me, he slips away, his face going slack as the unconsciousness pulls him under. Pain shoots through the area around my heart, the area that was once occupied by a giant, gaping hole in Edward's absence. I hate him slipping away from me.
"Carlisle," I try to call quietly, "He woke up, for a second...Is that...Is he ok?"
Carlisle and Esme are there immediately. Carlisle gently reaches for the hand clutched in mine and takes Edward's pulse, then slips the stethoscope from around his neck and checks his breathing.
"He's holding steady, Bella. But I'd like to take some blood soon to check his organ functions. That will give me some more information."
Esme moves to stand behind me, her gentle hands smoothing my hair. I try to let her calm me, but I need to speak the next words. They are burning my throat. "He's going to be OK, right? I mean, has Alice seen...." I can't finish my question. I don't want to know all of the future, not yet.
"Yes, he's going to be alright. He's going to recover."
I nod, not wanting to hear more. To know that he is going to come back to me is enough, no matter what comes after Edward's recovery.
I lose track of time as I sit on the edge of the bed, holding Edward's hand in my lap. Carlisle comes and goes as the hours pass, taking blood, checking Edward's pulse, his temperature, hovering around Edward's bed as doctors do. Edward's siblings check in periodically too, although we say little to each other. I feel inexplicably nervous around them, like some distance has been wedged between us. How do they feel about Edward's change? Do they feel I have taken their brother away from them? My head spins with questions.
Exhaustion overtakes me as a grey morning light leaks around the curtains, and I decide to try and sleep. As much as I want to curl up around Edward, I worry it will disturb him, so Esme helps me set up a makeshift cot near the bed. She also brings up a bowl of soup, and I am forced to eat it.
Late afternoon sun wakes me after several hours, and I quietly stand, stretching stiff and still tired limbs. A steady beam of light pours in through a crack in the curtains, illuminating Carlisle as he sits, watchful, in a chair next to the bed. Alice sits on the floor, her pensive form curled inward as she leans her back against the bed, knees pulled to her chest.
"How is he?" I ask, as I move to sit beside Edward on the bed, taking his hand again. Alice steadily meets my eyes and smiles weakly. Something is bothering her.
"He's doing well. His heart rate is slowing more towards normal, and I stopped the IV fluids about an hour ago. I think he should wake up soon," Carlisle replies.
"He will wake up soon," Alice adds, opening her eyes from one of her visions. A look of relief flashes across her features.
I feel the questions start to well up from where I buried them. Now that I have slept some, my head feels a little clearer. I'm not ready to ask all of my questions, but I do finally feel ready to hear about Edward's transformation. If Edward is going to wake up soon, I want to know what he has been through.
"What happened?" I try to keep my words just above a whisper. I know they both could hear me.
"Well, Edward's stronger than I gave him credit for, I'll give you that." Emmett's jovial voice startles me. I turn quickly to see the remaining four Cullens standing at the foot of the bed; of course I didn't hear them come in. Esme pulls up a chair next to Carlisle, and Jasper lowers himself to the floor next to Alice. Emmet remains standing with Rosalie at the end of the bed. Her eyes focus on Edward's face.
I look back to Carlisle to start the explanation.
"Well, as you probably remember, Bella, Edward seemed to lose control after he...bit you."
"Yes, I remember him throwing the couch through the window." I look towards the broken window and can still hear the crash of the shattered glass. I look down at the hand in mine. "Was it my...blood? Was he trying to not bite me again?"
"No...I don't think it was as simple as that." Carlisle squints in thoughtful concentration, finding the right words for the explanation. "It was as if the vampire within him had taken complete control of his body. It was a similar reaction as when we hunt, but even more exaggerated. He was pure instinct. I think he could feel the loss of control coming on, which is why he wanted you out of the room as quickly as possible. "
"It wouldn't have been safe for you," Alice quietly adds.
I look to Alice to continue; it seems as if she needs to say more.
"I saw it all a split second before it happened," she murmurs. "We were downstairs, and I could see that everything was proceeding normally, Bella. I saw you becoming a vampire, joining our family, and then, all of a sudden, everything was different." Her voice becomes more agitated, getting louder. "The vision was so powerful I could literally feel Edward lose control. He was going to hurt you, he was going to hurt everybody that came up against him. It was like his newborn strength and instinct had returned in an instant."
"Like I said, stronger than we gave him credit for," Emmett adds, "But Jasper, Carlisle, Alice, Rosalie and I were able to hold him down. We spent the next 24 hours literally holding him down." Emmett lets out a soft chuckle. "Boy, when he wakes up, he's gonna owe me one."
My mind is reeling. It is so hard to reconcile the image of an uncontrollable Edward, an Edward strong enough to almost best four members of his family, with the unconscious form now in front of me. He has been through a lot in the past two and a half days.
Carlisle continues with the story. "We waited for Edward to calm. He was lucid, more himself, for short periods of time. He seemed most present when we would talk to him, trying to keep him with us. As that first night and day wore on, he was able to regain control more frequently."
"Was he...did he know what was happening to him?" I ask.
"I...don't know, Bella." Carlisle looks down at his hands folded in his lap. "I...he was certainly not himself during his more frenzied periods, but when he became more quiet, more still, that's when we seemed to sense his return to us. But he didn't really respond to our questions, no." Carlisle remains looking down, his normally rigid posture slightly slumped. "He was very...lost."
I swallow a lump in my throat. "That must have been so hard for you. And him." I look around at his family. There is a heaviness in their expressions, such sadness. I don't know what to say, and a silence settles over our discussion.
"And I certainly wasn't helping much." Alice's biting tone breaks the stillness. She turns to me, and her look is stricken. "I couldn't see it, Bella, I couldn't see Edward's future after that first moment. It disappeared, just like futures do when they include the werewolves." Alice is obviously frustrated. "I hate that my power can fail us just when we need it most..."
I instantly want to comfort her, but Jasper is there first. "Alice, don't put that burden on yourself. " He places a hand on her knee, and her tension visibly evaporates. Jasper then turns towards me. "Edward was immune to my powers too, Bella. I couldn't calm him. I couldn't even read him. It was...unnerving."
This is new. There have been a few times in the past where Alice's visions malfunctioned or ceased altogether--either the future included the werewolves or other vampires knew of her power and could manipulate it--but never have Jasper's powers been derailed.
"I don't understand..."
"Again, we only have theories, Bella," Carlisle clarifies. "Perhaps the resistance to vampirism you transferred to Edward temporarily affected his susceptibility to vampire powers. Edward's body was fighting his vampirism so strongly, causing Alice and Jasper's power to short circuit, if you will. It certainly seems to work that way with the werewolves. They have an innate abhorrence of vampires, and this gives them resistance to Alice's power."
"But...Alice, you just said that Edward would wake up soon. You can see his future now?"
"Yes, as soon as he became fully human, I was able to see his future. Some of it at least." She looks at me pointedly, questioning whether I want her to continue.
"No, that's enough." My abrasive tone startles even me. I turn apologetically to Alice. "I'm sorry, it's just...I'm not ready yet. To hear..."
She nods in understanding.
I take a deep, steadying breath, concentrating on the beautiful form asleep next to me. This is a lot to absorb, but I need to absorb it for Edward's sake. I need to understand what he has been through, what I have caused him to go through, possibly for nothing if a human future is not what he wants. I push forward.
"So, Edward's loss of control lasted about a day? What happened during the second day?"
No one answers. The Cullens, even Carlisle, seem to shift uncomfortably, unwilling to meet my gaze.
"Edward was in pain, Bella."
This is a voice I haven't heard yet. Rosalie. Her stare staggers me, and I look away. She is upset, no beyond upset. Confused, angry, fascinated and harboring a burning desire just below the surface. I suddenly know what she wants; what her baffling expression means. She wishes she was in Edward's place.
"Pain?" I murmur. I stare into Edward's face, wanting desperately to block all sound, willing the silence of a few moments ago to return. The tension in the air makes my heart pound.
"Yes, pain. Pain that eclipses every other feeling, erases all reason." Her tone is dark, but she seems to be steeling herself against the darkness, as if preparing to face it. "Pain that makes you crazy. But Edward recovered and...so will we..." She speaks with such finality.
"Cut the dramatics, Rose!" Alice's anger erupts suddenly. "They're completely unnecessary."
"Alice..." Carlisle's voice is a warning, and he shoots a pointed glance at Jasper.
"What! She's jumping to conclusions!" Alice turns back to Rosalie, glaring. "What do you mean we? There's no we, there's just you, and you're pretending that Bella has no say in this whatsoever. That you can just bite her, and poof, you're human. It doesn't work that way."
Rosalie glares back. "Of course I'm not going to bite Bella this second, how dare you suggest that. But you can't deny what this means for our family, what this means to me. This is what I've wanted, what I've craved for nearly a century, and I'm not letting it go."
"Do you ever think about anyone other than yourself? Maybe this isn't what everyone wants!" Alice's near-shout deflates her in an instant, knocking the wind and the fight out of her. After stealing a quick glance at me, one I can't read, she turns inward again, pressing herself against Jasper's side.
And it suddenly hits me. Alice must be talking about Edward. She has seen Edward's decision and knows he will not want this. He will not want to be human. I close my eyes and concentrate on breathing.
"Bella, look."
Esme's soft, anxious voice at my shoulder brings me back. The last rays of the setting sun splay across the golden comforter, surrounding the bed in a vibrant, orange light. In the middle of this warm glow, a figure stirs, beginning to stretch limbs, his face pulled into an expression of concentration. An eye cracks open, quickly shutting again, squinting against the sun.
Someone, Emmett moves to draw the curtains closed, dulling the light.
"Edward? You can open your eyes now. We're here." Esme says, love radiating from her voice. I grip Edward's hand and press it to my heart, suddenly nervous.
Edward's eyes slowly open, and he scans the room, taking in all of his family before finding my face. I gasp at the new, brilliant green of his irises--different, but burning with the same intensity as the eyes I know. He is still my Edward.
He takes a shaky breath and reaches for me with the hand not clutched tightly in mine, running his hand up my arm, to my shoulder to cup my face as I lean over him.
"Bella?"
"I'm here. I love you." I press my lips to his palm, feeling the wetness of my tears against his skin.
His trembling hand moves to the bandage on my neck, to the wound that has completely slipped my mind.
"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" His voice is so quiet, I can barely breathe for fear of not hearing him.
"I'm fine," I whisper, caressing his face with my free hand. Of course he is concerned for me first before giving his own condition a passing thought. His eyes burn into mine, questioning my answer, willing me to tell him the truth.
"Edward, how do you feel?" Carlisle's question breaks Edward's gaze, and he slowly turns to his father.
"Weak." His own answer confuses him. "A little dizzy..."
Edward turns back to me and tries to pull me closer.
"You're too far away," he murmurs.
Edward may have lost his vampire strength, but none is needed to pull me into him. I fall easily and slide underneath the comforter so that there is no barrier between us. I'm not conscious of the rest of our family as they leave the room, but I suddenly know that Edward and I are alone. As he pulls me on top of him, I feel his arms tighten around me, not as tight as in the past, but sure and strong and safe. I'm crying and he is kissing my face, my neck, my lips. Deep, languid kisses that leave me dizzy and breathless, whispering my name endlessly as his lips press against my body. His hands caress me everywhere, and their warmth melts every spot they touch. He is everywhere. He is everything.
The room is enveloped in near-darkness when we finally still, most of the light coming from the weak bedside lamp. I lift my head just slightly from his chest, just enough to see his face but not enough to put any space between our bodies welded together. His green eyes are wet, and tear tracks leak from the corners of them, down across his temples, to the pillow beneath his head.
"I missed you," he whispers. "I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."
"I missed you, too." He traces my spine with his fingertips, rubbing slow circles along the skin of my lower back.
"Edward, do you remember..." I stumble. "Do you remember what happened?"
Confusion passes across his features as his hands still. His eyes are questioning, innocent as they bore into mine. But then a memory surfaces, and his eyes widen in alarm.
He struggles to sit up, frantic.
"Edward, it's OK." I try to hold back a sob, but it's useless.
He pushes himself up to sitting, with me straddling him and grips my face in his hands.
"Bella, I bit you." His face contorts in pain.
"Yes, of course you did," I try to console, "That's what we planned. My transformation..."
"But something went wrong..." Edward recalls this revelation as if pulling it forth from the long distant past, the words slow at first and then gaining speed. "I wanted....I wanted to hurt you. I couldn't control...anything. My family was with me, but I only remember flashes of them. I couldn't get to them, I couldn't answer their questions. And then there was...pain, a lot of pain, like my transformation..." His eyes squeeze shut, and he trails off.
I nod mutely.
His eyes find me again, and they are afraid. "Bella, I don't remember anything after that...I...where have I been? What's happened to me?"
I reach my fingertips to his questioning lips, then cup his face before settling my palm against his heart. I stare into Edward's face. "You don't know?"
He shakes his head, eyes pleading for answers. I remove my hand from his heart and use it to press his hand against the miraculous beating in his chest.
"Feel," I say.
It takes him a few moments to realize what I'm asking. Of course he is confused; why would he expect to find a beating heart in his chest? In the moment that he finally feels his heartbeat, his face softens, and the tension in his body releases its heavy load. He reaches for me, kissing me softly.
"Oh my God," Edward murmurs against my lips, breathless.
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Continue.... Chapter 5
Author:
songforevela
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Characters/Pairings: Edward/Bella, other Cullens
Short summary: Post-Eclipse. Edward's attempt to turn Bella does not go as planned, and Edward is forever changed.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns them. And me, apparently, since I can't get her characters out of my head.
A/N: I just have to thank all of my amazing commenters for their insightful words. You are the fuel that keeps these fingers typing!
_________________________________________
"Bella." His weak, distant voice sounds as if it is searching, and the ache in it feels deep and heavy.
"Edward, I'm here," I say again. "Love, I'm here. I'm right here." I squeeze his hand harder and brush a few unruly strands of hair from his forehead.
As quickly as he came back to me, he slips away, his face going slack as the unconsciousness pulls him under. Pain shoots through the area around my heart, the area that was once occupied by a giant, gaping hole in Edward's absence. I hate him slipping away from me.
"Carlisle," I try to call quietly, "He woke up, for a second...Is that...Is he ok?"
Carlisle and Esme are there immediately. Carlisle gently reaches for the hand clutched in mine and takes Edward's pulse, then slips the stethoscope from around his neck and checks his breathing.
"He's holding steady, Bella. But I'd like to take some blood soon to check his organ functions. That will give me some more information."
Esme moves to stand behind me, her gentle hands smoothing my hair. I try to let her calm me, but I need to speak the next words. They are burning my throat. "He's going to be OK, right? I mean, has Alice seen...." I can't finish my question. I don't want to know all of the future, not yet.
"Yes, he's going to be alright. He's going to recover."
I nod, not wanting to hear more. To know that he is going to come back to me is enough, no matter what comes after Edward's recovery.
I lose track of time as I sit on the edge of the bed, holding Edward's hand in my lap. Carlisle comes and goes as the hours pass, taking blood, checking Edward's pulse, his temperature, hovering around Edward's bed as doctors do. Edward's siblings check in periodically too, although we say little to each other. I feel inexplicably nervous around them, like some distance has been wedged between us. How do they feel about Edward's change? Do they feel I have taken their brother away from them? My head spins with questions.
Exhaustion overtakes me as a grey morning light leaks around the curtains, and I decide to try and sleep. As much as I want to curl up around Edward, I worry it will disturb him, so Esme helps me set up a makeshift cot near the bed. She also brings up a bowl of soup, and I am forced to eat it.
Late afternoon sun wakes me after several hours, and I quietly stand, stretching stiff and still tired limbs. A steady beam of light pours in through a crack in the curtains, illuminating Carlisle as he sits, watchful, in a chair next to the bed. Alice sits on the floor, her pensive form curled inward as she leans her back against the bed, knees pulled to her chest.
"How is he?" I ask, as I move to sit beside Edward on the bed, taking his hand again. Alice steadily meets my eyes and smiles weakly. Something is bothering her.
"He's doing well. His heart rate is slowing more towards normal, and I stopped the IV fluids about an hour ago. I think he should wake up soon," Carlisle replies.
"He will wake up soon," Alice adds, opening her eyes from one of her visions. A look of relief flashes across her features.
I feel the questions start to well up from where I buried them. Now that I have slept some, my head feels a little clearer. I'm not ready to ask all of my questions, but I do finally feel ready to hear about Edward's transformation. If Edward is going to wake up soon, I want to know what he has been through.
"What happened?" I try to keep my words just above a whisper. I know they both could hear me.
"Well, Edward's stronger than I gave him credit for, I'll give you that." Emmett's jovial voice startles me. I turn quickly to see the remaining four Cullens standing at the foot of the bed; of course I didn't hear them come in. Esme pulls up a chair next to Carlisle, and Jasper lowers himself to the floor next to Alice. Emmet remains standing with Rosalie at the end of the bed. Her eyes focus on Edward's face.
I look back to Carlisle to start the explanation.
"Well, as you probably remember, Bella, Edward seemed to lose control after he...bit you."
"Yes, I remember him throwing the couch through the window." I look towards the broken window and can still hear the crash of the shattered glass. I look down at the hand in mine. "Was it my...blood? Was he trying to not bite me again?"
"No...I don't think it was as simple as that." Carlisle squints in thoughtful concentration, finding the right words for the explanation. "It was as if the vampire within him had taken complete control of his body. It was a similar reaction as when we hunt, but even more exaggerated. He was pure instinct. I think he could feel the loss of control coming on, which is why he wanted you out of the room as quickly as possible. "
"It wouldn't have been safe for you," Alice quietly adds.
I look to Alice to continue; it seems as if she needs to say more.
"I saw it all a split second before it happened," she murmurs. "We were downstairs, and I could see that everything was proceeding normally, Bella. I saw you becoming a vampire, joining our family, and then, all of a sudden, everything was different." Her voice becomes more agitated, getting louder. "The vision was so powerful I could literally feel Edward lose control. He was going to hurt you, he was going to hurt everybody that came up against him. It was like his newborn strength and instinct had returned in an instant."
"Like I said, stronger than we gave him credit for," Emmett adds, "But Jasper, Carlisle, Alice, Rosalie and I were able to hold him down. We spent the next 24 hours literally holding him down." Emmett lets out a soft chuckle. "Boy, when he wakes up, he's gonna owe me one."
My mind is reeling. It is so hard to reconcile the image of an uncontrollable Edward, an Edward strong enough to almost best four members of his family, with the unconscious form now in front of me. He has been through a lot in the past two and a half days.
Carlisle continues with the story. "We waited for Edward to calm. He was lucid, more himself, for short periods of time. He seemed most present when we would talk to him, trying to keep him with us. As that first night and day wore on, he was able to regain control more frequently."
"Was he...did he know what was happening to him?" I ask.
"I...don't know, Bella." Carlisle looks down at his hands folded in his lap. "I...he was certainly not himself during his more frenzied periods, but when he became more quiet, more still, that's when we seemed to sense his return to us. But he didn't really respond to our questions, no." Carlisle remains looking down, his normally rigid posture slightly slumped. "He was very...lost."
I swallow a lump in my throat. "That must have been so hard for you. And him." I look around at his family. There is a heaviness in their expressions, such sadness. I don't know what to say, and a silence settles over our discussion.
"And I certainly wasn't helping much." Alice's biting tone breaks the stillness. She turns to me, and her look is stricken. "I couldn't see it, Bella, I couldn't see Edward's future after that first moment. It disappeared, just like futures do when they include the werewolves." Alice is obviously frustrated. "I hate that my power can fail us just when we need it most..."
I instantly want to comfort her, but Jasper is there first. "Alice, don't put that burden on yourself. " He places a hand on her knee, and her tension visibly evaporates. Jasper then turns towards me. "Edward was immune to my powers too, Bella. I couldn't calm him. I couldn't even read him. It was...unnerving."
This is new. There have been a few times in the past where Alice's visions malfunctioned or ceased altogether--either the future included the werewolves or other vampires knew of her power and could manipulate it--but never have Jasper's powers been derailed.
"I don't understand..."
"Again, we only have theories, Bella," Carlisle clarifies. "Perhaps the resistance to vampirism you transferred to Edward temporarily affected his susceptibility to vampire powers. Edward's body was fighting his vampirism so strongly, causing Alice and Jasper's power to short circuit, if you will. It certainly seems to work that way with the werewolves. They have an innate abhorrence of vampires, and this gives them resistance to Alice's power."
"But...Alice, you just said that Edward would wake up soon. You can see his future now?"
"Yes, as soon as he became fully human, I was able to see his future. Some of it at least." She looks at me pointedly, questioning whether I want her to continue.
"No, that's enough." My abrasive tone startles even me. I turn apologetically to Alice. "I'm sorry, it's just...I'm not ready yet. To hear..."
She nods in understanding.
I take a deep, steadying breath, concentrating on the beautiful form asleep next to me. This is a lot to absorb, but I need to absorb it for Edward's sake. I need to understand what he has been through, what I have caused him to go through, possibly for nothing if a human future is not what he wants. I push forward.
"So, Edward's loss of control lasted about a day? What happened during the second day?"
No one answers. The Cullens, even Carlisle, seem to shift uncomfortably, unwilling to meet my gaze.
"Edward was in pain, Bella."
This is a voice I haven't heard yet. Rosalie. Her stare staggers me, and I look away. She is upset, no beyond upset. Confused, angry, fascinated and harboring a burning desire just below the surface. I suddenly know what she wants; what her baffling expression means. She wishes she was in Edward's place.
"Pain?" I murmur. I stare into Edward's face, wanting desperately to block all sound, willing the silence of a few moments ago to return. The tension in the air makes my heart pound.
"Yes, pain. Pain that eclipses every other feeling, erases all reason." Her tone is dark, but she seems to be steeling herself against the darkness, as if preparing to face it. "Pain that makes you crazy. But Edward recovered and...so will we..." She speaks with such finality.
"Cut the dramatics, Rose!" Alice's anger erupts suddenly. "They're completely unnecessary."
"Alice..." Carlisle's voice is a warning, and he shoots a pointed glance at Jasper.
"What! She's jumping to conclusions!" Alice turns back to Rosalie, glaring. "What do you mean we? There's no we, there's just you, and you're pretending that Bella has no say in this whatsoever. That you can just bite her, and poof, you're human. It doesn't work that way."
Rosalie glares back. "Of course I'm not going to bite Bella this second, how dare you suggest that. But you can't deny what this means for our family, what this means to me. This is what I've wanted, what I've craved for nearly a century, and I'm not letting it go."
"Do you ever think about anyone other than yourself? Maybe this isn't what everyone wants!" Alice's near-shout deflates her in an instant, knocking the wind and the fight out of her. After stealing a quick glance at me, one I can't read, she turns inward again, pressing herself against Jasper's side.
And it suddenly hits me. Alice must be talking about Edward. She has seen Edward's decision and knows he will not want this. He will not want to be human. I close my eyes and concentrate on breathing.
"Bella, look."
Esme's soft, anxious voice at my shoulder brings me back. The last rays of the setting sun splay across the golden comforter, surrounding the bed in a vibrant, orange light. In the middle of this warm glow, a figure stirs, beginning to stretch limbs, his face pulled into an expression of concentration. An eye cracks open, quickly shutting again, squinting against the sun.
Someone, Emmett moves to draw the curtains closed, dulling the light.
"Edward? You can open your eyes now. We're here." Esme says, love radiating from her voice. I grip Edward's hand and press it to my heart, suddenly nervous.
Edward's eyes slowly open, and he scans the room, taking in all of his family before finding my face. I gasp at the new, brilliant green of his irises--different, but burning with the same intensity as the eyes I know. He is still my Edward.
He takes a shaky breath and reaches for me with the hand not clutched tightly in mine, running his hand up my arm, to my shoulder to cup my face as I lean over him.
"Bella?"
"I'm here. I love you." I press my lips to his palm, feeling the wetness of my tears against his skin.
His trembling hand moves to the bandage on my neck, to the wound that has completely slipped my mind.
"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" His voice is so quiet, I can barely breathe for fear of not hearing him.
"I'm fine," I whisper, caressing his face with my free hand. Of course he is concerned for me first before giving his own condition a passing thought. His eyes burn into mine, questioning my answer, willing me to tell him the truth.
"Edward, how do you feel?" Carlisle's question breaks Edward's gaze, and he slowly turns to his father.
"Weak." His own answer confuses him. "A little dizzy..."
Edward turns back to me and tries to pull me closer.
"You're too far away," he murmurs.
Edward may have lost his vampire strength, but none is needed to pull me into him. I fall easily and slide underneath the comforter so that there is no barrier between us. I'm not conscious of the rest of our family as they leave the room, but I suddenly know that Edward and I are alone. As he pulls me on top of him, I feel his arms tighten around me, not as tight as in the past, but sure and strong and safe. I'm crying and he is kissing my face, my neck, my lips. Deep, languid kisses that leave me dizzy and breathless, whispering my name endlessly as his lips press against my body. His hands caress me everywhere, and their warmth melts every spot they touch. He is everywhere. He is everything.
The room is enveloped in near-darkness when we finally still, most of the light coming from the weak bedside lamp. I lift my head just slightly from his chest, just enough to see his face but not enough to put any space between our bodies welded together. His green eyes are wet, and tear tracks leak from the corners of them, down across his temples, to the pillow beneath his head.
"I missed you," he whispers. "I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."
"I missed you, too." He traces my spine with his fingertips, rubbing slow circles along the skin of my lower back.
"Edward, do you remember..." I stumble. "Do you remember what happened?"
Confusion passes across his features as his hands still. His eyes are questioning, innocent as they bore into mine. But then a memory surfaces, and his eyes widen in alarm.
He struggles to sit up, frantic.
"Edward, it's OK." I try to hold back a sob, but it's useless.
He pushes himself up to sitting, with me straddling him and grips my face in his hands.
"Bella, I bit you." His face contorts in pain.
"Yes, of course you did," I try to console, "That's what we planned. My transformation..."
"But something went wrong..." Edward recalls this revelation as if pulling it forth from the long distant past, the words slow at first and then gaining speed. "I wanted....I wanted to hurt you. I couldn't control...anything. My family was with me, but I only remember flashes of them. I couldn't get to them, I couldn't answer their questions. And then there was...pain, a lot of pain, like my transformation..." His eyes squeeze shut, and he trails off.
I nod mutely.
His eyes find me again, and they are afraid. "Bella, I don't remember anything after that...I...where have I been? What's happened to me?"
I reach my fingertips to his questioning lips, then cup his face before settling my palm against his heart. I stare into Edward's face. "You don't know?"
He shakes his head, eyes pleading for answers. I remove my hand from his heart and use it to press his hand against the miraculous beating in his chest.
"Feel," I say.
It takes him a few moments to realize what I'm asking. Of course he is confused; why would he expect to find a beating heart in his chest? In the moment that he finally feels his heartbeat, his face softens, and the tension in his body releases its heavy load. He reaches for me, kissing me softly.
"Oh my God," Edward murmurs against my lips, breathless.
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Continue.... Chapter 5