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Ok guys, I am not dealing well with it right now. Nope, not at all. I find myself in another stage of sleepless nights. I wonder why life has to be so damn unfair? Why did she have to go now? I was not ready for this. I was not ready to face these fears and emotions. I hear people say all day long that they are thinking of me. Emma calls to check on me, but I am usually out somewhere or trying to catch some sleep while I am actually sleepy. I am not sure how to deal with this. It is so freaking hard to make anyone understand or even remotely feel what I am feeling. I got the bill for the funeral in the mail today as well as the billing statement from the old attorney. Not good at all! I think I am going to have to take a second job at this point. WHY, WHY WHY??? Why couldn't some blissful fairy wave the wand of life and make mine a bit easier? Why couldn't that damn fairy have sent someone to be with me to help me through this. WHY? I am begining to see that my life is pretty much going to be just the life of a single dad. I doubt I will ever date again (hell, what is a date anyway? I cannot remember the last date I had!) Besides, who wants to get to know an old, washed up, worn out, gay dad who is fighting his PSYCHO mother-in-law for custody of his kids? GOD BLESS AMERICA why in the gay hell did this have to happen to me now? I wish like hell I could have seen the signs letting me know this was coming. I would have been more prepared.