So, as some of you may know, I am a big fan of Matt Bomer (actor, plays the ex-conman on White Collar). I think he is positively delicious; I'd probably rate him the most attractive man I've ever seen
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No, I hear you on that -- I think that whether or not you consciously fantasize about *actually* getting together with an actor or the character they play, there's something in the subconscious mind that likes the *potential*, even though the possibility is utterly remote, and you may be utterly uninterested in pursuing romantic/sexual relationships (at all, or outside your current relationship, since I'm using the meta-"you" as opposed to you-specifically.)
So, it's a letdown to find out that it's basically not possible for that person to be attracted to you (and I've seen people have the same reaction when actors/musicians they enjoy get married, although I think that may be less of a letdown than finding out that their sexual orientation is incompatible with yours, because not all relationships last forever, but sexual orientation tends to be fairly fixed, at least for men.)
Which is another discussion, but for the purposes of this one, let's just take it as a given that men tend to be less fluid in their sexual orientation than women, and if a man says that he's gay, he's very likely gay and that isn't going to change. Some people are closeted, or they're bi-but-monogamous, but monogamous bisexuals usually -- in my experience -- identify as bi, rather than gay, if they're with a same-gender partner. They may publicly identify as straight if they're with a "hetero" partner, but that's being closeted/bisexual erasure.
There have been some interesting studies involving facial structures of gay men vs. heterosexual men, and the relative handsomeness and attractiveness to women thereof . . . it's one of those things that works in the macro sense but not necessarily in the micro sense (obviously, there are gay/straight/bi men with all kinds of facial structures and attractiveness levels, but there are some patterns in the numbers that are intriguing.)
Understood that it's not rational and you don't think it's a loss to womankind (I've *joked* about that on occasion, but I know that there are people who take it more seriously/personally, which is a shame), but I do know exactly what you mean, and I've had the same "Awww, damn!" pang, even though I'm certainly not interested in pursuing (almost) any of these people in real life.
Yeah, I'm apparently one of Those Women, the ones who find themselves attracted to gay guys over and over. Happens in real life as well as with movie stars, heh. My closest friend when I worked at Disney was a guy who told me that if he wasn't gay or if I had the right equipment, he'd have been just as interested in me as I was in him. (Interestingly, that guy was not pretty in the way Maher or Bomer is; it was his personality I found interesting.)
I've made the loss to womankind joke, but it really is a joke to me, too. And usually, what I mean is that it was a loss to ME! *snort*
I can't say I'd want to pursue either of them in real life. I'm wired to be very much monogamous, and I've met the guy who fits with me, so that kinda takes everyone else off the table, no matter how pretty they might be. Absent some kind of catastrophe that (heaven forbid) breaks us up or worse, he'll be my last romantic and sexual partner, y'know?
(I know what you mean -- I'm not monogamous, but I'm polyfidelitous, and I'm very happy in my current relationships and really can't envision ever having the emotional or physical desire/inclination/time/energy to ever start a relationship with anyone else . . . and I'm TOTALLY okay with that. Although I wouldn't argue with having some more spoons to spend on my Dearly Beloveds!)
I'm really glad that you *have* met the person who you feel that way about -- you and your fiance always sound really well-suited when you talk about him, and it's awesome that you guys have each other :)
So, it's a letdown to find out that it's basically not possible for that person to be attracted to you (and I've seen people have the same reaction when actors/musicians they enjoy get married, although I think that may be less of a letdown than finding out that their sexual orientation is incompatible with yours, because not all relationships last forever, but sexual orientation tends to be fairly fixed, at least for men.)
Which is another discussion, but for the purposes of this one, let's just take it as a given that men tend to be less fluid in their sexual orientation than women, and if a man says that he's gay, he's very likely gay and that isn't going to change. Some people are closeted, or they're bi-but-monogamous, but monogamous bisexuals usually -- in my experience -- identify as bi, rather than gay, if they're with a same-gender partner. They may publicly identify as straight if they're with a "hetero" partner, but that's being closeted/bisexual erasure.
There have been some interesting studies involving facial structures of gay men vs. heterosexual men, and the relative handsomeness and attractiveness to women thereof . . . it's one of those things that works in the macro sense but not necessarily in the micro sense (obviously, there are gay/straight/bi men with all kinds of facial structures and attractiveness levels, but there are some patterns in the numbers that are intriguing.)
Understood that it's not rational and you don't think it's a loss to womankind (I've *joked* about that on occasion, but I know that there are people who take it more seriously/personally, which is a shame), but I do know exactly what you mean, and I've had the same "Awww, damn!" pang, even though I'm certainly not interested in pursuing (almost) any of these people in real life.
Sorry to hear that the movie was "meh"!!
*squish*
-- A <3
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I've made the loss to womankind joke, but it really is a joke to me, too. And usually, what I mean is that it was a loss to ME! *snort*
I can't say I'd want to pursue either of them in real life. I'm wired to be very much monogamous, and I've met the guy who fits with me, so that kinda takes everyone else off the table, no matter how pretty they might be. Absent some kind of catastrophe that (heaven forbid) breaks us up or worse, he'll be my last romantic and sexual partner, y'know?
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(I know what you mean -- I'm not monogamous, but I'm polyfidelitous, and I'm very happy in my current relationships and really can't envision ever having the emotional or physical desire/inclination/time/energy to ever start a relationship with anyone else . . . and I'm TOTALLY okay with that. Although I wouldn't argue with having some more spoons to spend on my Dearly Beloveds!)
I'm really glad that you *have* met the person who you feel that way about -- you and your fiance always sound really well-suited when you talk about him, and it's awesome that you guys have each other :)
*hugs!*
<3!
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