demons
it has nothing to do with emotion, because that has been successfully eradicated.
its just, and this is going to sound bad, i would rather have gone on with the assumption that he was dead rather than seeing him sitting all fine as rain in applebees.
and i only say dead because he fell off the face of the earth, hasn't really talked to his old friends that i can make out (though they might not have told me even if he did), and for all anyone knew he fell ill and was dead somewhere.
i in no way want him to be dead. in fact, i was hoping that he was off somewhere living a somewhat decent life. not a happy one, because i am not nice enough for that, but not horrible either.
it was just way easier assuming that i would never see him again, because in all reality there is no need, reason, or want but there he was, the second we entered the door because friendlys was closed.
and i didn't leave, because that would have handed him an undeserved victory.
i just can't but feel sick to my stomach though because its like my personal demon, or the personification of my demon was just there. I thought that it was gone, dead to me, i have been working on it and really to be honest i thought he was dead. i honestly thought he was dead.
now i know that ghost stories do exsist. atleast i got this out of the way before i went there with my family for my birthday.
i'll be okay in the morning, and even in five minutes. in reality, i am being a little overdramatic. but it is really fucked up when you see someone you thought was dead just sitting there. i don't know if he saw me, but i would assume so. atleast he didn't look like he was bad off.
i think im going to go to bed now because im tired. hanging with britt and kel was fun though, so the entire experience wasn't a complete downer.
its just, and this is going to sound bad, i would rather have gone on with the assumption that he was dead rather than seeing him sitting all fine as rain in applebees.
and i only say dead because he fell off the face of the earth, hasn't really talked to his old friends that i can make out (though they might not have told me even if he did), and for all anyone knew he fell ill and was dead somewhere.
i in no way want him to be dead. in fact, i was hoping that he was off somewhere living a somewhat decent life. not a happy one, because i am not nice enough for that, but not horrible either.
it was just way easier assuming that i would never see him again, because in all reality there is no need, reason, or want but there he was, the second we entered the door because friendlys was closed.
and i didn't leave, because that would have handed him an undeserved victory.
i just can't but feel sick to my stomach though because its like my personal demon, or the personification of my demon was just there. I thought that it was gone, dead to me, i have been working on it and really to be honest i thought he was dead. i honestly thought he was dead.
now i know that ghost stories do exsist. atleast i got this out of the way before i went there with my family for my birthday.
i'll be okay in the morning, and even in five minutes. in reality, i am being a little overdramatic. but it is really fucked up when you see someone you thought was dead just sitting there. i don't know if he saw me, but i would assume so. atleast he didn't look like he was bad off.
i think im going to go to bed now because im tired. hanging with britt and kel was fun though, so the entire experience wasn't a complete downer.