On Vox: flash back- high school
So back in high school I used to date this kid named Justin.
He was younger than me (only a year), and he didn't go to my high school.
We dated for almost a year, and then broke it off and haven't spoken since. It wasn't a bad break-up per say that caused us not to talk again, it was just the way it happened.
So last night he facebook friends me. That idea creeps me out and continues to creep me out. It just seems all to random that he would friend me after this long. After the whole Adam fiasco I just can't trust people randomly reappearing in my life.
Not that I wouldn't talk to Justin or anything. I left him the requisite message of "hey! we need to hang out/catch up" because that is what you do, even if you have no intention of following through or think that the other person will not follow through. He responds that all he does is work and would love to catch up. Which creeps me out even more because in all honesty I have this bad habit of reconnecting with exes in unintentional ways.
So in my creeped-outness I take the chance to do what I have been wanting to do for a while now. I've actually been looking for him on facebook. Not to friend him or talk to him mind you but just because I would like to see how he is and what he has been up to. Last time we talked he was going to automotive school after he graduated and whatnot. I just wanted to see if he's done it. So I start with the pictures because the rest of his page is pretty blank, per usual. I come across photos of him and this girl wearing a wedding dress. A few pictures in I realize that he got married.
My ex got married. The one who made me make him break up with me got married, couldnt commit while in his semilast year of high school, but last summer got married. It's not that I still like him, because I was over that a long time ago, and its not that I'm not happy for him, because I would never want anything but for him to be happy: its just creepy and I don't understand why he had to friend me.
I just feel, in the pit of my stomach, that this is an omen of things (or people) to come. That me reconnecting with Justin (even if it is only artificially on facebook) is preparing me for the big one and having that feeling is what really is bugging me out because if I'm right- I don't think I'm ready for it yet. Close, but with that I have to be 100%.
Originally posted on freetobewitty.vox.com