(no subject)
AHHHHHHHH!!! gotta go to work on 3 hours sleep. couldnt sleep last night if my life depended on it. for some reason...some days...i will get overwhelmed with this horrible fear. of ghosts, the dark, being alone, the unknown. well, last night i actually knew what i was afraid of. i was laying there in bed...in the basement...in the complete darkeness crying....and then i stopped for a second..and i realized something. TOO quiet. wayyyyy too quiet. and then of course my fucked up mind starts going. and i think what if someone crazy killer guy comes down here and like just starts choppin at me with an ax. how much that would fucking hurt. (but of course i dont think good things like...doors are locked and alarms on...doggie home...parents home...all the safe shit) and then this morning while i was blow drying my hair for work i got another sense of hardcore fear...that someone would come bouding thro the bathroom door and like just start killin me. and since i had the blow dryer on i would hear them. so i stopped to lock the door and then couldnt even finish crying it...too scared. oh!! and i can NEVER close my eyes in the shower. so its really hard to wash my face or like...anything. but im too afraid ill open myeyes and there will be someone or something literally seconds away from my face. ya know?? i know..its sick. im sick. oh well, gotten used to it. but ill never get used to the fucking fear i get. over nothing. im weird. thats why i will NEVER be able to live alone...ever.