No rest for the weary
I'm going to get a tattoo. I will wear it, and endure it, as a motto for the life i've been granted. It shall be placed upon my back. The words no rest for the weary, shall go from shoulder to shoulder, and beneath that shall be a forlorn scarecrow crucified to the post, with button eyes sagging, and no mouth stitched on. It is my symbol now. AND it means more than i've stated in these few words. BUT it gets me to the point of what i'm needing to state now.
For those of you that didn't get the mass text from my beloved passive aggressive gabriella, she and i are no longer. i made a choice where someone beyond myself had to get hurt, and i shall bear this choice until i fall.
It came about during a trip to Colorado. I went there to see an ex-girlfriend, to see a friend get married, and to provide closure enough to allow me to move on with my life.
It didn't work out that way. What happened was i fell for this girl again. It felt to us like it had when we were together oh so long ago. And now i was crushed between a choice i would have to make. Should i stay, or should i go.
I chose, and i chose her. I knew if i didn't, that i would always be plagued by those "what ifs" and "might have beens" and that with those in my head and in my heart i would never be able to faithfully serve Gabi as i had before.
So upon arrival back at home, *indiana, if you aren't following closely* i informed Gabi of this happenstance and we embarked on a week long spiral of anger, sadness, passion, and ultimately ended in the betrayal of our life together.
I hold her not at fault. I chose to risk everything, everything i thought i had under control, to go to Colorado. Now i will wear my burden beneath the surface upon my heart for my remaining days.
Please do not feel sorry for me either. this is one of the first choices i have made, without having the answer thrust into my lap as is my wont.
I simply ask that you understand that perhaps sometimes certain things are left buried, and other times the past has to come forward for life to go forward. Now my life is moving again. how or what will come from this i cannot say, but i know there is the potential for something great... and for something monumentally disasterous.
But life is what it is, right?
---
Sidenote- For those of you undecided yet about attending the annual coming of age of JD, please come. This may be the only time we have to share goodbyes, because Colorado is looming and i will be there in sixish weeks time.
For those of you that didn't get the mass text from my beloved passive aggressive gabriella, she and i are no longer. i made a choice where someone beyond myself had to get hurt, and i shall bear this choice until i fall.
It came about during a trip to Colorado. I went there to see an ex-girlfriend, to see a friend get married, and to provide closure enough to allow me to move on with my life.
It didn't work out that way. What happened was i fell for this girl again. It felt to us like it had when we were together oh so long ago. And now i was crushed between a choice i would have to make. Should i stay, or should i go.
I chose, and i chose her. I knew if i didn't, that i would always be plagued by those "what ifs" and "might have beens" and that with those in my head and in my heart i would never be able to faithfully serve Gabi as i had before.
So upon arrival back at home, *indiana, if you aren't following closely* i informed Gabi of this happenstance and we embarked on a week long spiral of anger, sadness, passion, and ultimately ended in the betrayal of our life together.
I hold her not at fault. I chose to risk everything, everything i thought i had under control, to go to Colorado. Now i will wear my burden beneath the surface upon my heart for my remaining days.
Please do not feel sorry for me either. this is one of the first choices i have made, without having the answer thrust into my lap as is my wont.
I simply ask that you understand that perhaps sometimes certain things are left buried, and other times the past has to come forward for life to go forward. Now my life is moving again. how or what will come from this i cannot say, but i know there is the potential for something great... and for something monumentally disasterous.
But life is what it is, right?
---
Sidenote- For those of you undecided yet about attending the annual coming of age of JD, please come. This may be the only time we have to share goodbyes, because Colorado is looming and i will be there in sixish weeks time.