moving on with a new anti-panic motto
"Excuse me! But nothing will interrupt my eight hours of sleep! Not even you... even if you're due at 1 p.m.!"
I defied my phone's alarm at 3AM. Yesterday afternoon, around 5 p.m., I thought I made up my mind to wake up at dawn to begin the paper. Now it's 3 AM, and regarding the paper, my mind mind was willing, but my flesh was weak. So I though I'd wake up at 4 A.M. and I set the alarm. I figured I would feel less sleepier by then. So I went back to sleep.
4 AM with the scandalous alarm. I took one second to observe myself: am I still sleepy? Yeah. So I reset the alarm for 5 AM. That would be more than eight hours of sleep so I would not have any more reason to still feel tired. So I went back to sleep. 5 AM came with the alarm. It went with another resetting the alarm for 6 AM-final postponement.
6 AM arrived, with the alarm and, this time, my conscience. Conscience, since a month ago when I barely had three days to cram my thesis completely deleted, has been like Ferdie Lopez when doing negative reinforcement. It always insighted fear in me, fear and paranoia, which worked in a very unpleasant way, unpleasant because I would cry like crazy while typing. My chest would beat in nervousness whenever I had a weak argument with weak premises and I had to consume about thirty minutes to an hour of my time to contrive an argument more incisive as I see fit. It would uncomfit me so because of time is running out and a considerable part of it should be spent on thinking when what I should just be doing is typing and revising! Think, hurry, and type and get this over with or else... or else, Song verona Lee. you'll fail. You'll end up not winning Mr. AB, and not getting Best Thesis. You'll end up like one of those classmates of yours plagiarizing without even meaning to and getting caught when you least expect it! YOu will fail! You've failed already because you're cramming... Isn't that your New Year's resolution... So you've failed, huh? Another failure of the great failure Ron Rico Oandasan!
Thus goes my conscience, before thesis deadline. Now, I'm done with thesis, the thesis defense, and all that's left for me to do is cut and paste from my other papers to the paper on Shakespeare, the last paper of my college life... to be submitted at 1 PM later, 7 hours after 6 AM. Less than 7 hours actually because it's pass 6 already! Hurry! There goes my conscience again--you've been procrastinating since dawn, and you expect yourself to finish 15 pages of thought this morning?
I answered Who cares? All I have to do is cut and paste from my previous papers on gender and the economy. What's so difficult about that? I have 7 hours to do it... What happened with a 75-paged thesis is hell. But this paper requires only 15 pages, so take it easy! All I have to do is limit my breaks to 10 minutes, otherwise, I keep typing, typing, typing, pasting, pasting, pasting...
Then my panic strikes back. For some reason, it had the feeling that this would be another crammed paper, and in the end I would be upset at the thought that I could have done better, I could have made the paper yesterday if I didn't feel too lazy and sleepy. I would have felt too lazy and sleepy if I hadn't hang out with AB Chorale Seniors the other night... But I loved that other night! So many revelations, so much tears that night (which I didn't necessarily shed myself) but did decorate the occassion with sentiment... I'd never forget it. So I didn't waste my time after all..
But the panic does not abate: "You could have done better if you did this earlier..."
I said, who cares about panic!?! And I kept typing. Kept typing, paused for ten minutes on breaks after every hour of typing.
at 12 noon I was printing it. Crammed, but sensible. Looks like I procrastinated to sleep and I finished the paper on time after all. No thanks to panic, but thanks to my anti-panic motto: "Who cares?"
This is my first post since the pageant. It seems I've moved on already. Then Ayn started talking about the MMAB controversy, and Mai winning, and no mention about me winning anything at all… It’s coming back. But I’m okay. It’s been a year indeed. And I’m still okay. I’ve grown. I felt it the hard way. But I’ll talk about that later. For now, eight hours of sleep takes precedence.
I defied my phone's alarm at 3AM. Yesterday afternoon, around 5 p.m., I thought I made up my mind to wake up at dawn to begin the paper. Now it's 3 AM, and regarding the paper, my mind mind was willing, but my flesh was weak. So I though I'd wake up at 4 A.M. and I set the alarm. I figured I would feel less sleepier by then. So I went back to sleep.
4 AM with the scandalous alarm. I took one second to observe myself: am I still sleepy? Yeah. So I reset the alarm for 5 AM. That would be more than eight hours of sleep so I would not have any more reason to still feel tired. So I went back to sleep. 5 AM came with the alarm. It went with another resetting the alarm for 6 AM-final postponement.
6 AM arrived, with the alarm and, this time, my conscience. Conscience, since a month ago when I barely had three days to cram my thesis completely deleted, has been like Ferdie Lopez when doing negative reinforcement. It always insighted fear in me, fear and paranoia, which worked in a very unpleasant way, unpleasant because I would cry like crazy while typing. My chest would beat in nervousness whenever I had a weak argument with weak premises and I had to consume about thirty minutes to an hour of my time to contrive an argument more incisive as I see fit. It would uncomfit me so because of time is running out and a considerable part of it should be spent on thinking when what I should just be doing is typing and revising! Think, hurry, and type and get this over with or else... or else, Song verona Lee. you'll fail. You'll end up not winning Mr. AB, and not getting Best Thesis. You'll end up like one of those classmates of yours plagiarizing without even meaning to and getting caught when you least expect it! YOu will fail! You've failed already because you're cramming... Isn't that your New Year's resolution... So you've failed, huh? Another failure of the great failure Ron Rico Oandasan!
Thus goes my conscience, before thesis deadline. Now, I'm done with thesis, the thesis defense, and all that's left for me to do is cut and paste from my other papers to the paper on Shakespeare, the last paper of my college life... to be submitted at 1 PM later, 7 hours after 6 AM. Less than 7 hours actually because it's pass 6 already! Hurry! There goes my conscience again--you've been procrastinating since dawn, and you expect yourself to finish 15 pages of thought this morning?
I answered Who cares? All I have to do is cut and paste from my previous papers on gender and the economy. What's so difficult about that? I have 7 hours to do it... What happened with a 75-paged thesis is hell. But this paper requires only 15 pages, so take it easy! All I have to do is limit my breaks to 10 minutes, otherwise, I keep typing, typing, typing, pasting, pasting, pasting...
Then my panic strikes back. For some reason, it had the feeling that this would be another crammed paper, and in the end I would be upset at the thought that I could have done better, I could have made the paper yesterday if I didn't feel too lazy and sleepy. I would have felt too lazy and sleepy if I hadn't hang out with AB Chorale Seniors the other night... But I loved that other night! So many revelations, so much tears that night (which I didn't necessarily shed myself) but did decorate the occassion with sentiment... I'd never forget it. So I didn't waste my time after all..
But the panic does not abate: "You could have done better if you did this earlier..."
I said, who cares about panic!?! And I kept typing. Kept typing, paused for ten minutes on breaks after every hour of typing.
at 12 noon I was printing it. Crammed, but sensible. Looks like I procrastinated to sleep and I finished the paper on time after all. No thanks to panic, but thanks to my anti-panic motto: "Who cares?"
This is my first post since the pageant. It seems I've moved on already. Then Ayn started talking about the MMAB controversy, and Mai winning, and no mention about me winning anything at all… It’s coming back. But I’m okay. It’s been a year indeed. And I’m still okay. I’ve grown. I felt it the hard way. But I’ll talk about that later. For now, eight hours of sleep takes precedence.