Jealousy is a brown eyed girl
I hate it that I’m a jealous person. I don’t mean jealous of material possessions, I’m jealous of the self-confidence that women have. I see all of these women with curves and I’m jealous of the way they carry themselves, with all of this confidence like they are the best thing on the planet and you better watch out. I wish I had that, I don’t see it as conceded, I see it as having confidence. Another thing I am jealous of are relationships. I’m not talking about romantic relationships, although that would be nice… I know that it will come in God’s time… I mean a friendship relationship. I have lost so many friendship relationships b/c of my stupid attitude, really really stupid things I have said, or my completely moronic actions. On my long drives to and from work I have had the chance to think a lot, this is both good and bad/sad. Good b/c I have had a chance to think about my actions that have caused me to lose these friendship relationships. There is one friendship that I would give anything to go back and change, but I was so stupid that I don’t think he would ever want to take me back as a friend and that hurts me more than anything. And its bad that I have so much time to think about lost relationships b/c I start thinking really hard about arguments that I have had with past friends and I start thinking about what I should have said and what they would have said and b4 I know it I’m having another fight… a fight that never happened and will never happen b/c it would be totally stupid! This is something that I’m quite guilty of… having a fight in my mind with someone and they fight, which never happens, makes me more mad at the person for no reason at all!
I’ve been a worrier for as long as I can remember, its something that I have tried to change but… its freakin’ hard! I was told one time that worry is a mild form of atheism. Meaning that when you worry you are saying that its something that God can’t take care of and therefore God isn’t as powerful as ppl think he is, this lack of power means that you don’t believe that God is all powerful, thus resulting in a disbelief in God, ergot, atheism. Does that make sense? I’m really bad at explaining things. I’ve been worrying about my dad, worrying about my family, worrying about the kids of the doc that killed himself, worrying about who I am. I know its all dumb.
As you know my dad had surgery a while back. Well, he still hasn’t healed. This may have something to do with the fact that he has diabetes and it takes him a little longer to heal after surgeries and stuff, but I’ve always known my dad to bounce back like the bionic man or something. I’ve never had a real relationship with my dad but he’s still my dad regardless of that.
Last Saturday my 38 year old cousin died from strokes that she had on both Thursday and Friday. I’m not worried about her b/c I know that God will take care of her either way… what way? I’m still thinking about that. The thing, person, that I’m worried about is her 18 year old son. He is a senior at DCHS and doesn’t have a dad around to take care of him really. He has his mom’s husband, but he used to be an alcoholic, they said that he’s a lot better but I can’t help but worry about him some. So just pray for him this is something that has been on my heart since I heard about the strokes.
And last but certainly not least… a heart doc that used to live in Owensboro killed himself last week. I’m not going to voice my opinion on the act of suicide but I will say that I feel VERY sorry for his 4 SONS THAT HE LEFT BEHIND!!!!! This doc had tired to kill himself one time b4 and this caused one of his sons to go off the proverbial deep end. I can’t imagine what he is going through this time. I worry that he will try to do just what his dad did… just pray for those kids. I don’t know what else to say about that.
Well I think its bedtime, the thunder has calmed down a little and I’m getting very sleepy. I think I’ll read a little and then slowly nod off.
Blessings and love
I’ve been a worrier for as long as I can remember, its something that I have tried to change but… its freakin’ hard! I was told one time that worry is a mild form of atheism. Meaning that when you worry you are saying that its something that God can’t take care of and therefore God isn’t as powerful as ppl think he is, this lack of power means that you don’t believe that God is all powerful, thus resulting in a disbelief in God, ergot, atheism. Does that make sense? I’m really bad at explaining things. I’ve been worrying about my dad, worrying about my family, worrying about the kids of the doc that killed himself, worrying about who I am. I know its all dumb.
As you know my dad had surgery a while back. Well, he still hasn’t healed. This may have something to do with the fact that he has diabetes and it takes him a little longer to heal after surgeries and stuff, but I’ve always known my dad to bounce back like the bionic man or something. I’ve never had a real relationship with my dad but he’s still my dad regardless of that.
Last Saturday my 38 year old cousin died from strokes that she had on both Thursday and Friday. I’m not worried about her b/c I know that God will take care of her either way… what way? I’m still thinking about that. The thing, person, that I’m worried about is her 18 year old son. He is a senior at DCHS and doesn’t have a dad around to take care of him really. He has his mom’s husband, but he used to be an alcoholic, they said that he’s a lot better but I can’t help but worry about him some. So just pray for him this is something that has been on my heart since I heard about the strokes.
And last but certainly not least… a heart doc that used to live in Owensboro killed himself last week. I’m not going to voice my opinion on the act of suicide but I will say that I feel VERY sorry for his 4 SONS THAT HE LEFT BEHIND!!!!! This doc had tired to kill himself one time b4 and this caused one of his sons to go off the proverbial deep end. I can’t imagine what he is going through this time. I worry that he will try to do just what his dad did… just pray for those kids. I don’t know what else to say about that.
Well I think its bedtime, the thunder has calmed down a little and I’m getting very sleepy. I think I’ll read a little and then slowly nod off.
Blessings and love