Worrying my ass off...and that sucks cause I need that...
Post-Spring Break has been running a lot smoother than I imagined, but my fears and worries dont seem to be going away. In brief, here is a list of all the things I have on my mind:
-I have a composition that I've had 3 weeks to write, but have no more than probably about 8 measures written.
-I have to meet with Judicial Affairs for something I got written up for in February
-that I've missed to many music history classes
-that I wont pass my sophmore review or be able to get into the Composition program
-I haven't taken my ball room dancing mid-term yet and have not been able to bring myself to e-mail the teacher
-honestly, though I feel like I've been doing better in school, I feel so in over my head about so many different things
-Every minute I spend thinking about what Im going to do next is one minute wasted not doing something else
-that I can't possibly sit comfortably with out worrying about some deadline, some composition I need to have written, something I've forgotten, something that isn't done...an inescapable anxiety
-I've been trying hard, but it isn't hard enough
-I wish people knew why I show up late to things rather than just assuming that Im just always late
-that I have no form of note-worthy talent in the school of music
-I doubt myself more than I ever have before...my confidence in my abilities is completely shot
-There are so many things I should be able to do, but I just can't yet
-that Im going to be bald...but Im actually serious
-that Im not writing enough music...or enough good music
-that Im a joke to my peers
-that I have trouble sleeping because Im so scared that I need to be doing something....but then worry that Im not getting enough sleep
there are so many more...
Guys, if you know anything about me, its that Im trying so hard to do everything I need to. I love you all so much and I would do anything for you. I've just been feeling that deadlines are coming up and rushing by and I haven't even had the chance to figure out how Im even going to make up for lost time. Im trying to keep my chin up though, because I know that school is tough for everyone and Im sure Im not the only one who feels stressed. Seriously, I need the biggest hug right now...
-I have a composition that I've had 3 weeks to write, but have no more than probably about 8 measures written.
-I have to meet with Judicial Affairs for something I got written up for in February
-that I've missed to many music history classes
-that I wont pass my sophmore review or be able to get into the Composition program
-I haven't taken my ball room dancing mid-term yet and have not been able to bring myself to e-mail the teacher
-honestly, though I feel like I've been doing better in school, I feel so in over my head about so many different things
-Every minute I spend thinking about what Im going to do next is one minute wasted not doing something else
-that I can't possibly sit comfortably with out worrying about some deadline, some composition I need to have written, something I've forgotten, something that isn't done...an inescapable anxiety
-I've been trying hard, but it isn't hard enough
-I wish people knew why I show up late to things rather than just assuming that Im just always late
-that I have no form of note-worthy talent in the school of music
-I doubt myself more than I ever have before...my confidence in my abilities is completely shot
-There are so many things I should be able to do, but I just can't yet
-that Im going to be bald...but Im actually serious
-that Im not writing enough music...or enough good music
-that Im a joke to my peers
-that I have trouble sleeping because Im so scared that I need to be doing something....but then worry that Im not getting enough sleep
there are so many more...
Guys, if you know anything about me, its that Im trying so hard to do everything I need to. I love you all so much and I would do anything for you. I've just been feeling that deadlines are coming up and rushing by and I haven't even had the chance to figure out how Im even going to make up for lost time. Im trying to keep my chin up though, because I know that school is tough for everyone and Im sure Im not the only one who feels stressed. Seriously, I need the biggest hug right now...