(no subject)
Title: Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad (2/2)
Authors: Draco The Lizard and Sonata Night
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Summary: Jack and Daniel go to a karaoke bar, get drunk, and then Jack refuses to sleep with Daniel, infuriating the other man.
Notes: Inspired while Draco was drunk. She wanted to write Emo!Jack, made up an outline, and then reread it and wrote a much better version of what it would have been when she had sobered up. I simply added in the smut and a bit of afterfic. :D
Disclaimer: Fish are friends, not food - Erhm, I mean, all of this is purely from our imagination.
Archive: If you think it's good enough, drop me a line at jiradamister@writing.com and archive away.
Okay, so what was wrong with this picture? Granted, his mind was a little blurry right now. He really shouldn’t have had the second tequila. It was all Teal’c’s fault anyway, for some reason. And maybe he should’ve stopped after seven beers. Seven was more than enough anyway, especially with the two tequilas. Two tequila shots. Was he insane? He was thinking that he might be. Especially when he had done karaoke. Yep, definitely insane. He would call Fraiser in the morning, to see if there was a nice padded cell free for him. Daniel would be all for it, and think of it as a revenge for the deal with whatshisname, with the little blue bugs.
There was something about Daniel… Oh! Right, Daniel was angry with him for some reason. But why?
~~~
Teal’c and Carter had been absolutely right. They hadn’t had a good team night in way too long. And when Carter said she knew of a place, he wanted to check it out, especially when Carter explained Fraiser had told her about it. Fraiser knew her bars, it was bound to be good. Unfortunately Daniel had pointed out that they couldn’t have a team night at noon. He said it was linguistically impossible. Jack didn’t care. If he was going to deal with Daniel, he was going to need something to drink.
So they followed Daniel’s unfortunately reasonable advice to meet up at ten at the bar Carter mentioned. Jack approved, the price for beer seemed reasonable and the music wasn’t too shabby either. He was just beginning to think that it would be a great night when Daniel elbowed him and pointed out a sign. Karaoke Night. Oh crap. He hurried over to the bar to get another beer. He was going to need it. Why had Carter dragged them here? Why had Fraiser suggested this bar? He wondered how Teal’c would feel about the karaoke. He’d probably consider it another strange Tau’ri custom, and once again wonder why he had gotten involved with the Tau’ri in the first place. Jack certainly wondered the same thing. Jaffa probably didn’t have karaoke.
“You that thirsty?” Daniel asked, pointing at his other beer.
Okay, maybe two beers at one time was over-doing it, but he really didn’t like karaoke. ““No, but if there’s gonna be karaoke at eleven, I need to have more beer.”
Carter had the gall to ask him he was building up courage to sing. Hah! She’d wish. Wait a minute… what were the odds of Teal’c suggesting a team night just when Carter knew of a good bar? He eyed the other two. Could they have planned this? And for what reason? To get him to do karaoke? Hah. Fat chance of that.
He glared at her sternly. “’Course not. Just building up my ability to not be bothered by the bad singers.”
He gulped down some of the beer when Teal’c suggested that the people here might actually be half-decent. He’d wish. They should be so lucky to be in the one bar with karaoke that was frequented by people who could actually sing. “Hah! I know karaoke. It’s all about drunken people singing bad songs drunkenly. And the only way to enjoy it is by being drunk yourself.” He took another big gulp. He had about fifty more minutes until the karaoke started, and he was going to need every minute of it.
“Karaoke is not about being drunk,” Carter argued. “It’s about having fun.”
He snorted at that. “Yes, and the only way to have karaoke related fun is by being drunk. Trust me.” Perhaps Daniel would back him up on this. “Daniel? You’ve been at university and college half your life. You must’ve been in karaoke bars, students are known for doing it.” And boy, he would pay good money to see Daniel do karaoke. Perhaps if he could get Daniel drunk enough, he could get him to do some embarrassing eighties song.
“Er, well, I’ve only been in one a couple of times. But yeah, it’s only fun if you’re drunk and the people are bad drunken singers.” Daniel shrugged. “It’s no fun if someone can actually sing well.”
Jack beamed smugly at Teal’c and Carter, who remained sceptical. “We’ll see who’s right and who has more fun. The two of you trying to get drunk ASAP, or me and Teal’c staying sober. Well, more sober at any rate.”
Teal’c was firmly on Carter’s side. “I am sure I will have a good time in this establishment, I do not require alcohol for that.”
Well, Teal’c didn’t exactly have a choice in that. His Goa’uld larvae prevented him from getting drunk. It was unfair, really. Teal’c had to endure karaoke night sober. Having a larvae really had its downsides sometimes. “Let’s hear you say that in two hours. Karaoke will have started properly by then, never does until the first drunkards decide to sing. Like I said, no one sober is insane enough to do karaoke.”
“We shall see, O’Neill,” Teal’c said. It almost sounded like a threat, combined with the eyebrow raise.
He shrugged it off and got two more beers. If anyone asked, he would say the other one was for Daniel. Teal’c was just being Teal’c. Just Teal’c being Teal’c… and getting the karaoke book? And Carter looking through it with interest? Now that just wasn’t right. He put the other glass in front of Daniel. And if it just happened to move over to his side, well, that was just a pure coincidence.
Daniel had spotted the strangeness of it too. “You guys aren’t seriously going to sing, are you?”
“Of course we are. We’re going to prove that sober people can have fun with karaoke too,” Carter replied, and Teal’c nodded.
Oh crap. He didn’t like the sound of that. “For crying out loud, Carter, I believe you. I don’t need you and Teal’c singing some crap song to proof it.” He drank from his third glass, and sneaked the fourth glass closer. Daniel didn’t say anything about it, which was good. The more beers for him then.
“We shall demonstrate nonetheless, O’Neill.” Teal’c pointed at the book, and Carter seemed to agree with his choice.
“We’ll do that one. It’s perfect,” Carter said. Jack doubted it. There was no song perfect for karaoke. Especially not if Carter and Teal’c were going to do it. He had to work with them!
Daniel seemed more curious about the song. “Which one is it?” He asked.
Carter had the better reflexes and shut the book before he got a peep. “You’ll just have to have patience, But I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised.” Teal’c and she went to inform whoever was in charge that they had chosen a song. Jack doubted he would be pleasantly surprised. He was already surprised at the two of them wanting to do karaoke.
“Seriously, T, which song have you chosen?” Jack asked. That way he could do some mental preparing. Teal’c just looked at him, and said nothing. “Carter? I’ll order you to tell me if I have to.”
Carter took a sip of her wine. “Off-duty, sir. And patience is a virtue after all.”
“I’ve never been virtuous in my life, and I don’t intend to start now. So just give it up before I have to resort to other tactics,” He threatened. Okay, so his tactic consisted of ordering Daniel to tickle her to death until she spilled, it was still a decent tactic.
“Why am I not surprised to hear that,” Carter said, and shared a glance with Daniel and Teal’c.
“Hey!” Jack didn’t have a good reply for it, but he knew it was an insult. “It’s not like you have any patience with your technical doodads!”
“At least my first plan is not ‘let’s blow it up’ if a door doesn’t open.” Carter said to no one in particular.
“A door is not a technical doodad, Carter, doesn’t count,” Jack replied. Why didn’t Daniel say something to help him? Sure, stay neutral. Be Switzerland. Enjoy your chocolate and cuckoo clocks.
“We have come across some very advanced doors, O’Neill,” Teal’c said. “Some of them have proven to be quite difficult to operate.”
“Like the door on P4X-689,” Carter continued. “That was very difficult to operate, wasn’t it sir?”
Jack grumbled as he finished his third beer and decided to start on the fourth, since it was here right in front of him and everything. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know the door was supposed to open to the inside rather than the outside.
“At least the people treated us with a lot more respect after that,” Daniel said. Aha! Finally, Daniel wakes up to say something in defence of his best friend. About damn time too. “If Jack hadn’t blown the door up, they might never have wanted to trade with us.”
“They only wanted the C4, Daniel. They just thought the explosion looked pretty. Still, they had some useful things,” Carter admitted.
Jack eyed the clock. It was getting close to eleven, and any minute now one of the bartenders was going to announce the first drunken contestant. Would getting a fifth beer be pushing it? He decided to let it depend on the quality of the first singer. If the first singer was obviously drunk, it was a sign that Jack should get drunk as well.
Too bad the first singer was a young girl who was doing karaoke did fairly well. He ignored Teal’c’s and Carter’s smug glances, they would get theirs when they had to sing. He hummed along with the next couple. Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near. He never got that feeling when he’d been in love with someone. Oh, sure, he could relate to wanting to be close, but he had never spotted any birds being nearer. He usually had better things to do than bird-spotting anyway. He eyed Daniel. Linguist-spotting was much more fun. Allowed for interaction, though not the kind he would prefer. Still, he had never managed to piss off a bird the way he pissed off Daniel, which to him meant that Daniel was infinitely better than birds. He drank from his fourth beer, and saw Daniel go to the bar. Hmm, maybe he should’ve left him the drink anyway. This wasn’t making him look any better. He’d better get Daniel another beer later on, and make sure he didn’t drink it instead.
He did his best to ignore the next couple of singers, who confirmed his drunken karaoke theory. They were able to stand, but that was about it.
“So, when’s your turn?” Daniel asked.
Good question. When would Teal’c and Sam embarrass the hell out of themselves. Dammit, next time he would have to bring a camera. Or a sound recorder. Something he could use for leverage next time Carter brought up the door incident in public again.
Carter was about to say something, and Jack would bet his next two beers it was ‘patience is a virtue’ when the karaoke guy made an announcement. “And next to sing a song are Sam and Murray. Please give them a warm applause, ladies and gentlemen!”
Daniel elbowed him. What? Oh, maybe he didn’t like Jack sneaking beer to himself again. Whoops. “They’re up!” Teal’c and Sam?
“Dammit, I was hoping it wasn’t their turn yet! Four beers is not enough to deal with friends doing karaoke!” It wasn’t. Maybe if he just took a really big gulp from Daniel’s beer. His was empty and he needed it more. He could buy Daniel two beers later.
It turned out that the last minute gulp hadn’t been necessary. Carter and Teal’c did "I Got You Baby" fairly well. Next to him, Daniel sniggered. “’I Got You Babe’,” He said. “Think they’re trying to tell us something?”
He snorted at that idea. Carter and Teal’c? Never. They both were too busy to have anything like a love life. Carter spent all her time with naquadah reactors, which just couldn’t be healthy. She really need a more normal hobby. Why hadn’t she liked his knitting idea? Sarah had always said it was quite relaxing. Or maybe that was just a ploy to get him to knit his own socks. “Doubt it. Still, they’re not bad. Better than some of the others, anyway.”
They were certainly getting theatrical. Carter was swooning over Teal’c, although Jack had no reference for Carter’s swooning habits to see how bad this. And Teal’c had slung an arm around her shoulder. It was quite sweet, in a sickening way. And he just knew that the two of them would team up to get him and Daniel to do the same thing. And as much as he liked the idea of Daniel swooning over him, he’d rather not do it whilst singing some soppy song. “Daniel? Let’s make a pact. Let’s promise each other that no matter what happens tonight, neither of us is going to come anywhere NEAR that machine.” If Teal’c and Carter were teaming, so were he and Daniel, damn them.
Daniel was taking his sweet time thinking about, much to Jack’s annoyance. Surely it wouldn’t that difficult a decision? But eventually he agreed, and they toasted to their pact.
~~~
Unfortunately, the pact had failed. Jack blamed the tequila. And Teal’c for not drinking his tequila. He also blamed Carter for being a manipulative sneak, and Daniel for not putting up more of a fight. He supposed he could blame himself, but decided that he had blamed enough people already. Wait, he hadn’t blamed the guy in charge of the karaoke. He deserved some blame too.
It all started after Carter had suggested My Sharona. He had said no, no to My Sharona and no to karaoke in general. He liked My Sharona, so he was not going to butcher it.
Then Teal’c had proposed a deal. Tequila in exchange for singing. It sounded fair to Jack, but only if Teal’c got the drinks and he and Daniel got to think about their answer afterwards. Jack didn’t need to do much thinking, his answer was a firm ‘no’ anyway. He didn’t know what Daniel’s answer was, but he hoped it was quite firm too. And there went his dirty mind. The alcohol wasn’t doing him much good in that department. Which beer was this? Six or seven? And did it matter?
Daniel spluttered for a bit. What, did he really think Jack was going to say yes after one tequila shot. He was not that easy. Well, depending on the person really. If Daniel got him tequila, he’d be very easy.
“We’re just gonna say no after the shot. Easy. If Teal’c wants to buy us drinks, I’m not stopping him,” He said. “I’m all for other people buying me drinks.” Especially if Daniel did it. The man got paid enough. Jack bought him drinks. Okay, so they ended up on his part of the table, but the thought still counted.
“I noticed,” Daniel said icily. Oh, what was that supposed to mean? Was that Daniel’s way of saying ‘you bought me a beer and then drank it yourself, you asshole’? Cause that was bad. He didn’t want Daniel thinking of him as a selfish asshole. He’d be nicer to Daniel from now. Show him he wasn’t a selfish asshole. Unless it came to alcohol. Then it was every man for himself. All was allowed in love, war and alcohol.
Teal’c slammed the glasses on the table and Carter had brought the salt and the lemons. Efficient as always, his team. “Everybody’s done this before?” She asked.
“I have not. What is the use of the lemons and the salt?” Teal’c asked. Oh boy, was he in for a treat.
Jack figured that he might as well explain tequila shots to Teal’c. And what better way then by doing a demonstration? “Oh, you’re about to find out what the lemons are for. Just follow my lead.” He licked his hand, and then checked to see if Teal’c was following. He wasn’t. “I said follow my lead, Teal’c, not look at me like I’ve grown a second head.” Surely hand-licking wasn’t that weird? From the corner of his eye he saw Daniel looking weirded-out too. Come on! Surely Daniel had done tequila shots before? After decades in a student environment, he had to have. Still, time to move on to the next step. “Okay, so then you put salt on your hand.” Again he checked to see if Teal’c was following his instructions. “And you’re still not following my lead, Teal’c.”
“I believe I shall wait until you are done before I do so,” Teal’c said. Pff, where was the fun in that? As soon as Teal’c realised the lemon slice had to be sucked, he’d bow out. And he really wanted to know what Teal’c thought of the tequila, even if it didn’t have an effect on him.
He glared at Teal’c, and got himself a glass to continue the demonstration. Even if Teal’c didn’t do the tequila shot, he would know about this strange Tau’ri custom as well. “Right, so you’ve covered your hand with salt, then you lick off the salt.” And he immediately reached for the glass and the lemon slice. Damn, vile, vile stuff. At least the slice made it better.
“But why the salt and lemons?” Teal’c asked with his eyebrow raised. Yep, Teal’c had definitely filed this under ‘strange Tau’ri customs that make NO sense’.
Daniel pushed a tequila glass towards him. “Have you smelled the tequila? If not, you should.” Smelling tequila? Please, that was the quickest way to convince someone not to drink it!
“It does not smell very pleasant,” Teal’c said, after trying it. He had never seen Teal’c recoil that quickly from something.
He put the slice in his shot glass. “Doesn’t taste very pleasant either.”
Carter of course went with a more scientific explanation. “The salt is to make you thirsty enough to down it, and the lemon is to counter the taste.” He hoped she wouldn’t start talking about taste buds.
“I see. I do not think I want to take part in this. Someone else can have my glass,” Teal’c said, pushing the glass away.
Well, if no one else was going to drink it, he might as well. It would be a shame to let the tequila go to waste. And else Daniel might drink it, and he wasn’t going to let Daniel get too drunk. One of them had to keep a level head if they were going to do any karaoke avoiding. It was for Daniel’s own good.
“I’m not too sure about this, guys, I don’t want to mix my drinks too much,” Daniel said. Now hang on! Teal’c did not get these drinks to let two of them go to waste! One tequila shot never hurt anyone.
“Don’t be such a wimp, Daniel, come here.” Jack grabbed Daniel’s hand, and licked it for him. Avoiding Daniel’s eyes he put salt on it too, and hoped the whole hand-licking hadn’t grossed Daniel out. If Daniel didn’t like Jack licking his hand, he probably didn’t like the idea of Jack licking other bits of Daniel either. “There, you have to do it now, otherwise you’ll look like an idiot with salt on his hand.” Daniel just continued to stare at him like he had two heads.
“On three?” Carter suddenly asked. She must’ve prepared her own hand as well, probably thinking that if she wasn’t fast enough Jack was going to do it for her. Pfsh, like he was going to lick Carter’s hand. “One, two and…”
Nope, tequila did not taste better the second time. He sucked on his lemon a bit longer too, trying to get the taste away. Maybe he should’ve had a beer lined up, although that might’ve been pushing it alcoholwise.
After he’d dumped the lemon slice in the shot glass again, and Teal’c had gone to the bar to return the salt, Carter had put the karaoke book in front of him. “So, what do you think of this one? It’s a classic.” Oh gods, she was still in the ‘let’s suggest embarrassing songs in the hopes they’ll sing it’ stage? What was she thinking? Like he would ever sing Turn Back Time in front of a crowd! He was not that stupid. And he was sure that Daniel wasn’t either.
“Forget it Carter, you and Teal’c do Cher songs all you like, Daniel and I have more taste than that.” And then he slung an arm around Daniel. For some reason. He couldn’t remember thinking he wanted to do that. Well, obviously he wanted to touch Daniel as often as possible, but not so much that it was noticeable. This friendly arm shoulder slinging was not noticeable enough, thank God. But he had to keep his drunken mind in check. He couldn’t just touch Daniel any place he liked. Because those places would be damn noticeable. “Isn’t that right?”
Daniel nodded along with him. Wait a minute, hadn’t he just pretty much agreed to do karaoke? What had he been thinking? Carter moved the karaoke book towards. Oh crap, he had just agreed to do karaoke. Maybe he could plead temporary insanity.
He flipped through the book. Ah, there was the birds suddenly appearing again. Too soppy. He said so to Daniel, who wasn’t responding. Oh dear. Daniel must be really upset if he wasn’t replying. “And this is just too stupid.” Like he was going to sing "Waterloo"! And "Hit Me Baby One More Time"? Puh-lease. “Too girly…” Daniel still wasn’t talking. Yep, definitely angry. He just patted him on the shoulder. The Divinyls? "I Touch Myself?" Oh yeah, he did that a LOT but he wasn’t going to sing about it in public. His sad pathetic sex life was his own, thankyouverymuch. And singing it with the person he thought about. Nuh uh. Not ever. “Too soppy again.” He didn’t like Daniel being this quiet. “Daniel? What song do you think we should do? You gotta have an opinion, you’ve done this before.” Maybe Daniel could come up with some genius excuse to get them out of this. The man didn’t have a sky-high IQ for nothing.
The genius just shrugged. “As long as it’s within my range. Which excludes anything done by women.” Oh great, now that was some help.
“Means we don’t get to do "I Got You Babe", too bad,” He said sarcastically. “Come on, there’s got to be something we can do together.” Besides having fantastic hot sex. Oh, wait, that was only in his mind. Dammit. He looked at the book again. How many damn eighties songs did one bar need? Hey, that one was kinda alright. “Oh, how about this one? Sounds just about perfect for us.”
“You want to do 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go'?”
“What? No!” The idea that Daniel might think he would even want to do that appalled him. . “How can you think that? No, the one under it.” "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go". Hah. Daniel definitely had had too much to drink. He left Daniel and went to find the karaoke guy.
“Hey there! Were you able to make a choice?” The bartender smiled and took the book.
“Yeah, that one,” Jack said, pointing at "Born To Be Wild".
The bartender looked at the book, and then at Jack again. “Huh, I’d never have imagined someone like you would be a Wham! fan.”
“No! The one underneath!” Dammit, what was it today with people thinking he liked Wham!?
Upon his return, he heard Carter mention Whitney Houston. “What did I hear? Is Carter going to sing a Whitney Houston song?” Because if she was, he was really going to have a talk with the bartenders, see if they didn’t have a recorder.
“No,” Carter replied. “Daniel is.” Oh! That would work too.
“Daniel? Why, I’d never thought you were a fan! Figured you were more the Mariah Carey type, y’know, "All I Want For Christmas". You can frolic in the snow.” He bet Daniel would be incredibly adorable frolicking in the snow. There could be a snow fight, and making of snowmen. And afterwards there would be the discarding of the wet clothes and snuggling up in front of a fire with hot cocoa. With rum. And marshmallows.
Daniel glared at him for that. What? Didn’t he like snow? “Well, I’m just happy they don’t have opera karaoke.”
Oh, sure, throw the opera thing in his face! “Don’t know what you’re talking about,” He said, deciding to just ignore it. “Come on Daniel, get another drink. Can’t have you parched for our big number.” And get more drunk too! Let’s see you without inhibitions!
~~~
"Born To Be Wild" was a lot more difficult than he remembered. And he would’ve sworn the lyrics were different too. Still, at least Daniel wasn’t tons better than he was. He would say they were about equally bad. And it also proved his point that the audience loved drunken karaoke singers, since they applauded wildly and demanded an encore. Daniel didn’t seem to want to do one, and Daniel dragged him back to his seat where their team-mates were doing their version of howling with laughter. Teal’c was just smiling, but Carter actually had tears on her face.
“I’m glad you were amused,” Daniel said crankily. Ouch. Sounded like Daniel didn’t much like the enforced karaoke. Oh dear, he had a lot of making up to do from the sounds of it.
“If only I had brought a camera with me,” Carter said. “The blackmail material would last me for ages.” You and me both! And surely the sight of Carter and Teal’c doing ‘I Got You Babe’ was way better blackmail material than their horrible version of ‘Born To Be Wild’?
And besides, like Carter would ever beat him when it came to being sneaky and evil. “I doubt it, I have my ways.” He made some hopefully spooky hand movements, but he could tell that Carter wasn’t impressed.
“I’m sure you do, sir,” Carter said, and snorted. Then she checked her watch, and was obviously surprised. “I think it’s time I get myself home.”
Jack checked his own watch. It was only half past one! That was nowhere near late. For Teal’c however, it was. Looked like it was just him and Daniel staying. Well, that suited him just fine.
Jack waved as the two left to get a cab, and was surprised to find Daniel putting a glass in front of him. Had Daniel finally decided to get his friend something to drink? Things were looking up! “Here, drink this.” He certainly did. Don’t let it be said that he wouldn’t take advice, as long as it was sound advice.
He took a big gulp, and put it down in disappointment. “This is water. Not alcohol.”
Daniel just kept standing besides him, looking over his glasses like he was some sort of stern schoolteacher. Mmm, that was a new fantasy. It had potential. “You had enough alcohol for one night, I think. And so have I.” Well, Daniel certainly had had enough alcohol. If he was anywhere near sober, he wouldn’t have done the karaoke!
“No such thing as too much alcohol.” It was a great way of dealing with Daniel. At least if he was drunk and did stupid things like touching Daniel inappropriately he had an excuse. He finished the water anyway, to make Daniel happy. “Why’re you so worried anyway?”
“Because I’ll be sharing a cab with you to make sure you get home alright, and I don’t want you vomiting all over me,” Daniel replied.
That was entirely the driver’s fault. No corner should ever be done in the fourth gear, he was sure of it. “That happened once! Once! Years ago. Are you going to hold that against me forever?” He’d rather have Daniel hold other things against him. Like oh, maybe himself? But that would involve Daniel getting a clue and he didn’t see that happen anytime soon.
“Considering that I had to pay the cab driver extra to cover the cleaning, and that my shirt has never been same since, I think that yes, I will hold it against you. If I die again, I will haunt you so I can remind you of it. Come on, let’s go,” Daniel said, and got their jackets.
The thought of Daniel dying didn’t make him very happy. But at least Daniel said he was going to visit him, which was sort of a positive thing again. Although ghosts couldn’t really touch each other, could they?
When they got outside, Jack noticed the complete lack of cabs. “So, get a cab then.” Not that he expected Daniel to conjure up a cab from nowhere, but it was Daniel’s idea to leave the bar, so it was Daniel’s responsibility to get them a cab. That was logic.
“It’s not my fault if we have to wait a while,” Daniel argued.
Jack had to admit that it wasn’t, but it still wasn’t fair on them. It was rather chilly outside. “I could go back in and get another drink. The beer’s good.” He huddled deeper into his jacket. “Would keep out the cold too.”
“You only think it keeps out the cold. But you’re still cold. You just don’t really feel it,” Daniel replied, looking anxiously up and down the street. Still no cabs.
So, getting more alcohol wasn’t a good plan. “So… I’m still cold even though I don’t know it?” Because then he would need another plan to get warm. Let’s see… basic survival skills, how to get warm. Of course! Body heat! If Daniel said something about it later on, he would use his ‘I was drunk and I had no idea of what I was doing’ excuse. It was brilliant, and foolproof.
“Yes,” Daniel said, as Jack snuck up and held him tightly. Yep, he was feeling warmer already. “What! What’re you doing?” Wasn’t it obvious?
“Sharing body heat,” He informed Daniel. “You’re cold, I’m cold, we just don’t know it. So let’s get warm!” And if Daniel didn’t like the snuggling to get warm, he had some other ideas lined up.
Daniel started fidgeting in his grasp. Why? He didn’t really seem to be struggling to get out, which he took as a good sign. “Jack, I need to call a cab, can you let go so I can get my phone?”
What? Let go? Now that he had Daniel finally in his arms and a good excuse? He didn’t think so. Plus, this cell phone hunt sounded like another good excuse for touching Daniel. “But I’d get cold! What pocket is it in? I’ll get it for you.” Please say trouser pocket, please say trouser pocket. Front or back, he didn’t much care.
“Inside pocket of my coat, it’s on the left,” Daniel replied. Dammit. No groin groping.
“Your left or my left?” He asked, and started unzipping the coat. As he asked it, he realised what a stupid question it was. Crap! He didn’t want Daniel thinking he was a complete idiot. Still, it definitely showed how drunk he was. All the more reason for Daniel to believe the excuse if he had to use it.
“It doesn’t matter! Your left and my left are the same!” Crap, Daniel really did think he was that stupid. Well, he’d blame the alcohol for that. “You’re right behind me, any closer and you’d be in this jacket with me!”
“Now there’s an idea!” Wait, had he said that out loud? Whoops.
“No! No it’s not! It’s a very bad idea!” Daniel started struggling to get away, but Jack held on anyway. He was going to get that cell phone, even if it killed him.
“Keep still Daniel,” He said. “I can’t get your cell phone if you keep moving.”
Daniel slumped against Jack, probably in defeat. “Just make it quick, Jack. I don’t want to stand here all evening.” Well, tough luck. Jack was more than happy to stand here in the cold all evening if it meant he could feel up his linguist’s upper body like this. He should’ve used the ‘I was drunk!’ excuse before. It was working very well.
“I’ve got ya, Daniel,” Jack said. “Now, where’s that pocket of yours? Are you sure you have an inside pocket at all? I can’t find it.” And certainly not for lack of trying. Jack was pretty sure he had felt everywhere. Hmm, maybe he should try searching the inside of the jacket rather than Daniel’s chest.
Daniel snapped at him. “I think I know my own jacket.”
Damn, Daniel was getting annoyed with it now. He’d better find the cell phone before Daniel bit his head off. “I think I got… oh wait, that’s a pen.” He felt Daniel shiver. That decided it, if Daniel was getting cold, it wasn’t worth it. He felt a big lump, that must be it. It couldn’t be another pen. “I think… yes! Got it!” He gave Daniel the cell phone and zipped up the jacked, then backed off. “Thanks for the body heat,” He said cheerfully. Hopefully Daniel would get warm again now, without his jacket open.
And rather then getting them a cab, Daniel just stared at him strangely. Yep, the snuggling had weirded Daniel out. Curses. He would have to change the subject. Ah! Right, cabs. “Aren’t you gonna call us a cab? I thought you didn’t want to spend the night outside?”
“Oh, yes, right.”
Jack watched as Daniel dialled the cab company and tried to listen in on the conversation but he couldn’t really figure it out. “What did they say?”
Daniel looked rather annoyed. “There’ll be one here in ten minutes.”
Jack figured that Daniel was annoyed because of the snuggling, and resolved not to hug him again, but when the cab approached he decided to do it anyway, just to annoy Daniel a little bit more. Oh, wait, he had a plan to be nice to Daniel. Well, hugging was nice, wasn’t it?
“Not now, Jack, the cab’s here!” Daniel hissed. Jack looked at the cab driver and grinned. “He’s drunk.” Like the driver hadn’t realised that by now. He got out, and helped Daniel to get Jack into the car. Oh, please, like he couldn’t get himself into a car! He allowed Daniel to push him against the other window.
He listened to the cab driver warning Daniel about vomiting. Hmpf, he hadn’t had that much. “How much did he have?”
“Too much.” Sure, from Daniel’s POV maybe.
“Not nearly enough! Really, he dragged me out before it got good. He’s such, a,” Words could not describe what Doctor Jackson was. A damn tease, maybe? “A crap friend, that’s what he is.”
“Really? Well, friends don’t let friends drink way too much,” The driver said. What did he know? “From the looks of it, he’s a good friend.”
Jack glared at Daniel as he looked smug. “Well, I’m an all or nothing kinda guy. I don’t buy that two out of three ain’t bad crap.” He really didn’t. Just a random example here: Say Daniel was naked and conscious in his bed. That was good, right? But he still wasn’t willing, which was sort of the key to good sex. And what if Daniel was willing and naked, but not conscious? That wouldn’t get them anywhere either! And as for willing and conscious, well, that could work, but clothes still got in the way. So really, two out of three did not work. He had leaned over, and decided to get back to being snugly and put his head on Daniel’s shoulder. It was surprisingly comfy. “Hey, your shoulder is comfy, you know that? Why didn’t you tell me before?”
Daniel muttered that he had never asked. Well, it wasn’t exactly the sort of thing you asked in a normal conversation. “Well, I wonder what other parts of you are comfortable.” Let’s see… what other part of Daniel would be comfortable as well? The legs? He petted Daniel’s thigh. Oh yeah, that felt very comfortably. “The legs don’t feel that bad either.”
He heard the cab driver snort at that derisively when he closed his eyes. The driver could think what he wanted. He had his head on Daniel’s shoulder, and his hands in his lap. He was pretty happy.
He must’ve dozed off, because the next thing he remembered was the cab stopping suddenly. “We there?”
“Yeah, we are,” Daniel said, and helped Jack out of the car. The short nap hadn’t really done him any good. He just wanted more sleep, and was feeling a little grouchy.
“Ah, my place!” He walked into the kitchen. Maybe another drink would get him back to normal. “You can go now, Daniel.” And it was probably for the best anyway. He had done quite a lot of inappropriate touching, and the ‘I was drunk!’ excuse was probably stretching it. He didn’t think it would cover, say, kissing Daniel suddenly. And he wouldn’t put it past himself to go and do that. He obviously wasn’t thinking with his right brain now.
Daniel had followed him into the kitchen. “No more booze, Jack, you had plenty.”
What did Daniel know about Jack getting plenty? Daniel wasn’t the one who needed to be drunk so he had an excuse to touch his friend. Daniel could just touch Jack and it wasn’t weird at all. Not that Daniel ever did. “Hey, I told you to leave, you didn’t listen. Now I’m not going to listen to you. Just leave me and my beer alone, Daniel, I’ll be fine.” He certainly would be, after he finished this beer and got into bed. Alone. And wake up alone. And miserable, no doubt.
Daniel didn’t budge. “Jack, drinking more beer isn’t going to make you fine. You need to get some sleep, go to bed.”
Good idea Daniel! Let’s go to bed! Except… obviously not together. That would actually make Jack’s life better, wouldn’t it? Can’t have that. “Fine.” He walked into the living room and let himself fall on his sofa. “Fine, you want me less drunk, you make me coffee then.”
Coffee isn’t going to make you better, Jack. It just dehydrates your brain, making the inevitable hangover much worse. You just think you feel better,” Daniel replied from the kitchen.
Couldn’t the man just do one thing Jack asked him? Just once? “Is this like the alcohol and cold thing again?” Because that had sounded a bit too much like science. “Daniel, if I wanted to talk about scientific things, I’d have taken Carter home.” And no doubt she would’ve bored his mind with explaining some of her latest research. What the hell had he been thinking, flirting with her like that? It was a good thing Hammond hadn’t caught on. Sure, Carter was attractive, and nice and smart and all those nice qualities, but she was Carter. He didn’t think they could have much of a relationship if he kept calling her Carter and she kept calling him ‘Sir’. Although those sort of bedroom games could be a turn on, he supposed. With the right person.
“I’ll just get you some water then,” The right person said.
What, more water? Geez, he wasn’t a fish or something. “No, no more water. I’ve had plenty of water today.”
“I’ll just make some lemonade then,” Daniel called out.
Did Daniel even know where he kept the lemonade? Maybe he should help him. And maybe already apologise for all the stupid things he had done. Like the karaoke. And the snuggling. And the feeling up during the snuggling. That was incredibly inappropriate. He couldn’t wait to get another chance. He sighed, and got up from the couch and walked into his kitchen. He was about to say something when Daniel turned around and then stepped back, obviously startled. He decided not to say anything after all when Daniel spilled the lemonade on his shirt.
“Dammit, why did you sneak up to me?” Daniel asked.
Oh sure, blame it on him! It wasn’t his fault Daniel was easily startled. “I can’t sneak around in my own kitchen?”
Daniel just shoved the glasses into Jack’s hand, and started taking the shirt off. “Here, drink that. I’ll go put this in the laundry basket.” Jack just nodded. Sure, drink, laundry whatever. There was skin on display here! Daniel looked up from studying the shirt, and caught Jack staring. Crap. Could he blame this on the drunkenness? “What? Is it that odd that I want to put my shirt in the laundry basket? You know about laundry right? It’s what most people normally do with their dirty clothes.”
Good! Daniel obviously thought he was being stupid. “I know all about laundry, Daniel.” What the hell? That hadn’t even made sense! He shook his head as he walked back to the sofa. Today was not his sense-making day. “What?” He asked, when he noticed Daniel was looking at him expectantly.
“Laundry. Basket. For the shirt!” Oh, right. The shirt. Which Daniel was not wearing right now. Wouldn’t be wearing for a while if Jack had a say in it. Not that he had anything against the shirt, he just had a lot against Daniel in a shirt.
“Oh, it’s in the hallway, I think.” And if it wasn’t, it was probably near the hallway. And at least he could think somewhat normally without the shirtless Daniel around. He put one glass on the table and started to drink his lemonade, or what was left of it. Hmm, bit too sweet, but not all bad. He emptied it, and by the time he put it back on the table, Daniel was back, shirtlessly. And he joined Jack on the sofa, still shirtless. Then he shirtlessly finished the lemonade, and Jack told himself that there were other things to think about Daniel that weren’t shirtless. There was annoying, for one. And gorgeous. And sexy. And shirtless. He wasn’t really getting anywhere with that train of thought.
“I hope you do your laundry some time tomorrow.”
Laundry? “Hmm?” Why the hell would he want to do laundry if he could Jack around being all shirtless? Better to change the subject again. “Oh, look, lemonade.”
“I think it’s time we called it a night, Jack. We’d better get you to bed.” We? Bed? Oh, he should be so lucky!
He picked up the glasses. “Yes mom,” He said, and walked into the kitchen. Hmm, less steadier than he would’ve preferred. Still, he had had a couple of drinks, he had a good excuse. He looked at Daniel, who still shirtlessly sitting on the sofa. “Well? You coming?” Once again, Jack should be so lucky to be involved in that. “I distinctly heard a ‘we’ there.”
Daniel didn’t look too happy at that. “Fine, fine. I didn’t know you were in such a hurry to go to bed.”
What did Daniel want? Did he want Jack safely in bed or not? “I thought you’d be happy I was taking your advice,” Jack said, as Daniel slung his arm around his shirtless shoulder. He figured he might as well go further with the inappropriate touching. Daniel hadn’t actually complained about any of it that much so far. He let his arm fall to Daniel’s waist, which was nice. But there was a very tempting ass in the vicinity, and he couldn’t pass that up, could he? Just a brief brush Daniel would never even notice.
They arrived at Jack’s bedroom before he got the chance to do it again, and as soon as Daniel opened the door, he let himself fall on the bed. “Comfy. Very comfy.” Maybe he could convince Daniel to experience the comfiness with him? Daniel must be sleepy too by now.
“Hey, Jack?” Daniel asked from somewhere behind him, and Jack turned to look at him. He only moved his head. Anything else involved too much effort. “You got the guestroom ready?” Damn! The guestroom.
“Hmmrf?” He replied. He had to keep to Daniel out of the guestroom. “Guestroom?” He bought himself some time to think. How could he keep Daniel out of the guestroom, and in here?
“Yeah, I don’t want to sleep on the couch. It’s not that comfy, and I’d like to get some sleep tonight.” Good, so Daniel didn’t want the couch at all. Good.
“Guestroom’s… not ready.” Okay, explanation? Right! Laundry! “Blankets’re in the laundry basket downstairs.” He didn’t think Daniel would want to use dirty sheets.
“Well, I can just get them. They can’t be that dirty,” Daniel said, and Jack saw him move to the door.
Dammit! Time to think fast. “The blankets were on top. Well, now your lemonade shirt is. So unless you want sticky sheets and blankets, you can’t use those.” He hoped Daniel didn’t mind sticky sheets TOO much. It would definitely make the sex a bit more difficult. Well, if he ever got to have sex with Daniel, which wasn’t very likely from the looks of it. Still, a man could dream. And fantasise. Damn, had he fantasised. Especially about the result of his next question. “You can share with me. No problem. It’s a big bed.” He moved to make room, and took off his shoes. Those would only get in the way. . “See? Plenty of space. As long as you don’t hog blankets.”
“I never had any complaints,” Daniel relied. Good! He wasn’t saying no.
“Good! There’re some sweats in the drawer over there, and throw me one too.” He was working on getting his shirt off. Why had he picked this shirt again? “Damn buttons!” What idiot invented buttons anyway? Zippers were more practical.
He felt something drop on the bed beside him as he tried to pull the shirt over his head. Dammit dammit dammit, he wasn’t even able to take off his own clothes! Stupid shirt. Stupid drinks. If he hadn’t been so drunk he might’ve been able to take off the shirt with a little bit more grace. That would’ve been nice. “Damn stupid good for nothing shirt!” He muttered grumpily, and finally managed to get it over his head. He threw it on the floor, next to his shoes. “Bad shirt! Bad!” He was never going to wear it again. Ever.
He watched Daniel grab another pair of sweats as he left for the bathroom. Good, that was Jack could take off his trousers without looking like an idiot. Damn buttons. Hmm, that was odd. The trousers were nowhere near as troublesome as the shirt, and he had changed in no time. Now he was lying in bed, waiting for Daniel to be done in the bathroom. And hopefully, if Daniel hadn’t done some thinking, Daniel would be sharing his bed. Yes!
He was taking a rather long time though. “Daniel? You done in there?” He thought he had seen the door open, but in the dim light from the window he couldn’t be sure.
“Oh? Yeah, sure, I didn’t know you were in any hurry to use the bathroom,” Daniel replied from the hallway. Jack smirked to himself. Oh, he was in no hurry to use the bathroom. As for using Daniel, well, he was in a great hurry.
He told himself to play it cool now. Don’t let Daniel know that you’re desperate to get him into bed. He just moved the blankets to make room for Daniel. “I was waiting for you to be done so I could get some sleep. Can’t sleep if someone’s about to get into bed with you.” He hoped it sounded as normal as he wanted it to be, and rolled over. He didn’t need to see Daniel decide. After all, he was playing it cool. Daniel was taking his sweet time though, and Jack really would like to get some sleep. “You coming or what?” Jack was hoping for the first, but from the looks of it, it was going to be the latter. Dammit.
He felt Daniel crawl into bed with him, and he smiled to himself. That was a promising sign already. “Took your time to get in, Daniel,” He said, hoping it came off as cool. Hmm, mabe he shouldn’t be arranging the blankets more comfortably around Daniel if he was going to play it cool.
“I was just… thinking,” Daniel replied, sounding not too freaked out.
Jack tucked him in some more. “You think too much.” Well, there was the understatement of the century. The only person who could beat Daniel in the thinking stakes was Carter. And he really didn’t want to think about her now that he had Daniel in his bed. And shirtless at that.
He lay down next to Daniel. Yep, he could definitely get used to this. “You look worried.” Was this because of the thinking?
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Daniel said. Which meant that Jack was definitely going to make him talk about it.
“Sure you do! You’re worried, I’m your best friend,” Jack said, and moved closer. “Therefore you tell me your worries.” Daniel moved away. Okay, that was bad. “Daniel? You don’t look very comfortable, what’s wrong?” Jack moved closer again. Maybe he could get Daniel to fall out of the bed. No, that would just be cruel. “Daniel? You don’t look very comfortable, what’s wrong?”
“I thought you wanted to go to sleep?” Daniel moved away again, getting too close to the edge of the bed, and Jack really didn’t want him falling out.
“Dammit, Daniel, you’re worried, you’re uncomfortable and you’re not getting away from me, y’hear?” And with that he snuck an arm around Daniel to pull him closer. Oh, this was nice. This was good. He should’ve done this earlier. His dick was very much in agreeance on that score.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Daniel sulked. There was no other word for it. This was sulking, and Daniel was doing so adorably. Not that Jack was going to tell him that.
So instead, he hugged Daniel closer. “I’ll talk about my worries if you tell me about yours.” And he meant it. He was willing to tell Daniel about his worries, and his desires, but only if Daniel told Jack his. Fair’s fair.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Damn, this was getting repetitive. And Daniel not wanting to talk? That was new.
“You’re not interested in my worries?” Jack asked, doing his best to sound sulky too. Maybe it was cute and adorable on him as well, he wasn’t sure.
“Not right now. I thought you wanted to sleep,” Daniel said. Oh, what did Daniel know about his thoughts? The only thing Jack wanted right now was to get closer and personal with Daniel. Without the damn sweat pants. But how to let Daniel know? Well, Jack had always been a doer rather than a thinker, and he very much wanted to do Daniel. So he decided to just pull Daniel as close as possible and let his dick do the talking.
“Surprise!” Jack said, and hoped Daniel wasn’t freaked out too much. Daniel turned to stare at him. Was that bad? He hadn’t said anything, hadn’t stormed out of the bed and called Hammond to resign. Surely there was a good sign in there somewhere?
And then Daniel rolled over. Surprise right back at you,” He whispered. Oh! Hello, yes. That was a bit of a surprise. Nice, nice surprise though. Jack was sure he’d like it. He let his hands drop to grab Daniel’s ass, who hugged him tightly in return. Aha, that must mean he was doing something right.
What happened if he rubbed his thumb just here? Okay, that had Daniel wriggling against him in an interesting way. “Can’t wait to have you in my bed when you’re sober.” And when he was sober as well. That was quite important too.
“I’m sober enough right now,” Daniel moaned, wriggling in that really interesting way again.
Jack just snorted. “I’m not buying that, Daniel. I know you. You had several beers and a tequila shot. We’re not doing anything more than cuddling.” And then tomorrow, when they were both sober and had an aspirine and some water to counter the hang-over, they would do lots more than cuddling. Although the cuddling was pleasant.
And that had Daniel moving away from him. Bad move. “Jack, you drank twice the amount I did. You did. And you’re telling me I’m not sober enough to have sex?” Jack had only said that because Daniel wasn’t. And he had never said he was sober enough for sex. Even though he was, considering that the proof was poking Daniel in the hip.
“Daniel, I don’t want you to regret this in the morning, okay? I’d feel like I was taking advantage of you,” Jack explained carefully. He hoped Daniel wouldn’t regret this in the morning. He really hoped this wasn’t Daniel being a cheap drunk and getting confused. But he wasn’t going to take that risk. Not with Daniel.
Daniel obviously wasn’t seeing things his way. “Excuse me? Shouldn’t that be the other way around? Seeing as how you’re more drunk than I am? I’d be taking advantage of you if anything, and seeing as how you want me to take advantage of you,” Daniel paused here to emphasise his point with a really very good brush of his groin against Jack’s, “I’m not seeing the problem.”
Jack groaned. From the very good and very brief contact, but also from Daniel not seeing the point here. “Don’t make this harder than this is, Daniel.” Okay, maybe the wrong word there, and he grimaced. “I’m not taking advantage of you. You’re drunk. We’re not having sex, no matter how much we both seem to want it. Wait until the morning.” He was telling this as much to himself as he was to Daniel.
“What if I said I wanted you to take advantage of me? Wrote it black on white? Signed it, filed it in triplicate and everything?” Daniel said. Jack thought that that would make a pretty odd request. ‘Doctor Jackson formally requests that he is being taken advantage of by Col. O’Neill ASAP’. Was that even grammatically correct? Daniel would know. “ Dammit, Jack, I need to get laid, and I need to get laid now!”
Okay. Never mind correct grammar. It was time to be reasonable again, even if his dick demanded otherwise. “I’m sure you feel that way now, Daniel, but things might be different in the morning. Let’s just sleep together first and see what the morning brings, okay?” Jack figured he’d more comfortable on his back, and took Daniel with him. Yeah, this worked. He could definitely sleep like this, with Daniel close to his side and half over him. He could get used to this.
“I don’t want to sleep together, I want to have some damn good sex together,” Daniel argued.
Jack smiled at his obvious frustration, it wasn’t hurting his ego at all to know that Daniel was desperate to get some from him. But it was time to be the older and wiser man once again. “I know you feel that way now, Daniel, but maybe you -”
Okay. Erm. Okay. Daniel was kissing him. That was new. And a surprise. Good surprise. Very, very good surprise. Best surprise ever, really. Damn good kiss. Yes, very good kiss. Mmm, he could do this for a while longer. If only he wasn’t so sleepy. But he had his eyes closed, and he was comfortable, and Daniel was now stealing a few brief kisses. Sure, go ahead, Daniel. He was just going to let his eyes rest for a bit.
Authors: Draco The Lizard and Sonata Night
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Summary: Jack and Daniel go to a karaoke bar, get drunk, and then Jack refuses to sleep with Daniel, infuriating the other man.
Notes: Inspired while Draco was drunk. She wanted to write Emo!Jack, made up an outline, and then reread it and wrote a much better version of what it would have been when she had sobered up. I simply added in the smut and a bit of afterfic. :D
Disclaimer: Fish are friends, not food - Erhm, I mean, all of this is purely from our imagination.
Archive: If you think it's good enough, drop me a line at jiradamister@writing.com and archive away.
Okay, so what was wrong with this picture? Granted, his mind was a little blurry right now. He really shouldn’t have had the second tequila. It was all Teal’c’s fault anyway, for some reason. And maybe he should’ve stopped after seven beers. Seven was more than enough anyway, especially with the two tequilas. Two tequila shots. Was he insane? He was thinking that he might be. Especially when he had done karaoke. Yep, definitely insane. He would call Fraiser in the morning, to see if there was a nice padded cell free for him. Daniel would be all for it, and think of it as a revenge for the deal with whatshisname, with the little blue bugs.
There was something about Daniel… Oh! Right, Daniel was angry with him for some reason. But why?
~~~
Teal’c and Carter had been absolutely right. They hadn’t had a good team night in way too long. And when Carter said she knew of a place, he wanted to check it out, especially when Carter explained Fraiser had told her about it. Fraiser knew her bars, it was bound to be good. Unfortunately Daniel had pointed out that they couldn’t have a team night at noon. He said it was linguistically impossible. Jack didn’t care. If he was going to deal with Daniel, he was going to need something to drink.
So they followed Daniel’s unfortunately reasonable advice to meet up at ten at the bar Carter mentioned. Jack approved, the price for beer seemed reasonable and the music wasn’t too shabby either. He was just beginning to think that it would be a great night when Daniel elbowed him and pointed out a sign. Karaoke Night. Oh crap. He hurried over to the bar to get another beer. He was going to need it. Why had Carter dragged them here? Why had Fraiser suggested this bar? He wondered how Teal’c would feel about the karaoke. He’d probably consider it another strange Tau’ri custom, and once again wonder why he had gotten involved with the Tau’ri in the first place. Jack certainly wondered the same thing. Jaffa probably didn’t have karaoke.
“You that thirsty?” Daniel asked, pointing at his other beer.
Okay, maybe two beers at one time was over-doing it, but he really didn’t like karaoke. ““No, but if there’s gonna be karaoke at eleven, I need to have more beer.”
Carter had the gall to ask him he was building up courage to sing. Hah! She’d wish. Wait a minute… what were the odds of Teal’c suggesting a team night just when Carter knew of a good bar? He eyed the other two. Could they have planned this? And for what reason? To get him to do karaoke? Hah. Fat chance of that.
He glared at her sternly. “’Course not. Just building up my ability to not be bothered by the bad singers.”
He gulped down some of the beer when Teal’c suggested that the people here might actually be half-decent. He’d wish. They should be so lucky to be in the one bar with karaoke that was frequented by people who could actually sing. “Hah! I know karaoke. It’s all about drunken people singing bad songs drunkenly. And the only way to enjoy it is by being drunk yourself.” He took another big gulp. He had about fifty more minutes until the karaoke started, and he was going to need every minute of it.
“Karaoke is not about being drunk,” Carter argued. “It’s about having fun.”
He snorted at that. “Yes, and the only way to have karaoke related fun is by being drunk. Trust me.” Perhaps Daniel would back him up on this. “Daniel? You’ve been at university and college half your life. You must’ve been in karaoke bars, students are known for doing it.” And boy, he would pay good money to see Daniel do karaoke. Perhaps if he could get Daniel drunk enough, he could get him to do some embarrassing eighties song.
“Er, well, I’ve only been in one a couple of times. But yeah, it’s only fun if you’re drunk and the people are bad drunken singers.” Daniel shrugged. “It’s no fun if someone can actually sing well.”
Jack beamed smugly at Teal’c and Carter, who remained sceptical. “We’ll see who’s right and who has more fun. The two of you trying to get drunk ASAP, or me and Teal’c staying sober. Well, more sober at any rate.”
Teal’c was firmly on Carter’s side. “I am sure I will have a good time in this establishment, I do not require alcohol for that.”
Well, Teal’c didn’t exactly have a choice in that. His Goa’uld larvae prevented him from getting drunk. It was unfair, really. Teal’c had to endure karaoke night sober. Having a larvae really had its downsides sometimes. “Let’s hear you say that in two hours. Karaoke will have started properly by then, never does until the first drunkards decide to sing. Like I said, no one sober is insane enough to do karaoke.”
“We shall see, O’Neill,” Teal’c said. It almost sounded like a threat, combined with the eyebrow raise.
He shrugged it off and got two more beers. If anyone asked, he would say the other one was for Daniel. Teal’c was just being Teal’c. Just Teal’c being Teal’c… and getting the karaoke book? And Carter looking through it with interest? Now that just wasn’t right. He put the other glass in front of Daniel. And if it just happened to move over to his side, well, that was just a pure coincidence.
Daniel had spotted the strangeness of it too. “You guys aren’t seriously going to sing, are you?”
“Of course we are. We’re going to prove that sober people can have fun with karaoke too,” Carter replied, and Teal’c nodded.
Oh crap. He didn’t like the sound of that. “For crying out loud, Carter, I believe you. I don’t need you and Teal’c singing some crap song to proof it.” He drank from his third glass, and sneaked the fourth glass closer. Daniel didn’t say anything about it, which was good. The more beers for him then.
“We shall demonstrate nonetheless, O’Neill.” Teal’c pointed at the book, and Carter seemed to agree with his choice.
“We’ll do that one. It’s perfect,” Carter said. Jack doubted it. There was no song perfect for karaoke. Especially not if Carter and Teal’c were going to do it. He had to work with them!
Daniel seemed more curious about the song. “Which one is it?” He asked.
Carter had the better reflexes and shut the book before he got a peep. “You’ll just have to have patience, But I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised.” Teal’c and she went to inform whoever was in charge that they had chosen a song. Jack doubted he would be pleasantly surprised. He was already surprised at the two of them wanting to do karaoke.
“Seriously, T, which song have you chosen?” Jack asked. That way he could do some mental preparing. Teal’c just looked at him, and said nothing. “Carter? I’ll order you to tell me if I have to.”
Carter took a sip of her wine. “Off-duty, sir. And patience is a virtue after all.”
“I’ve never been virtuous in my life, and I don’t intend to start now. So just give it up before I have to resort to other tactics,” He threatened. Okay, so his tactic consisted of ordering Daniel to tickle her to death until she spilled, it was still a decent tactic.
“Why am I not surprised to hear that,” Carter said, and shared a glance with Daniel and Teal’c.
“Hey!” Jack didn’t have a good reply for it, but he knew it was an insult. “It’s not like you have any patience with your technical doodads!”
“At least my first plan is not ‘let’s blow it up’ if a door doesn’t open.” Carter said to no one in particular.
“A door is not a technical doodad, Carter, doesn’t count,” Jack replied. Why didn’t Daniel say something to help him? Sure, stay neutral. Be Switzerland. Enjoy your chocolate and cuckoo clocks.
“We have come across some very advanced doors, O’Neill,” Teal’c said. “Some of them have proven to be quite difficult to operate.”
“Like the door on P4X-689,” Carter continued. “That was very difficult to operate, wasn’t it sir?”
Jack grumbled as he finished his third beer and decided to start on the fourth, since it was here right in front of him and everything. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know the door was supposed to open to the inside rather than the outside.
“At least the people treated us with a lot more respect after that,” Daniel said. Aha! Finally, Daniel wakes up to say something in defence of his best friend. About damn time too. “If Jack hadn’t blown the door up, they might never have wanted to trade with us.”
“They only wanted the C4, Daniel. They just thought the explosion looked pretty. Still, they had some useful things,” Carter admitted.
Jack eyed the clock. It was getting close to eleven, and any minute now one of the bartenders was going to announce the first drunken contestant. Would getting a fifth beer be pushing it? He decided to let it depend on the quality of the first singer. If the first singer was obviously drunk, it was a sign that Jack should get drunk as well.
Too bad the first singer was a young girl who was doing karaoke did fairly well. He ignored Teal’c’s and Carter’s smug glances, they would get theirs when they had to sing. He hummed along with the next couple. Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near. He never got that feeling when he’d been in love with someone. Oh, sure, he could relate to wanting to be close, but he had never spotted any birds being nearer. He usually had better things to do than bird-spotting anyway. He eyed Daniel. Linguist-spotting was much more fun. Allowed for interaction, though not the kind he would prefer. Still, he had never managed to piss off a bird the way he pissed off Daniel, which to him meant that Daniel was infinitely better than birds. He drank from his fourth beer, and saw Daniel go to the bar. Hmm, maybe he should’ve left him the drink anyway. This wasn’t making him look any better. He’d better get Daniel another beer later on, and make sure he didn’t drink it instead.
He did his best to ignore the next couple of singers, who confirmed his drunken karaoke theory. They were able to stand, but that was about it.
“So, when’s your turn?” Daniel asked.
Good question. When would Teal’c and Sam embarrass the hell out of themselves. Dammit, next time he would have to bring a camera. Or a sound recorder. Something he could use for leverage next time Carter brought up the door incident in public again.
Carter was about to say something, and Jack would bet his next two beers it was ‘patience is a virtue’ when the karaoke guy made an announcement. “And next to sing a song are Sam and Murray. Please give them a warm applause, ladies and gentlemen!”
Daniel elbowed him. What? Oh, maybe he didn’t like Jack sneaking beer to himself again. Whoops. “They’re up!” Teal’c and Sam?
“Dammit, I was hoping it wasn’t their turn yet! Four beers is not enough to deal with friends doing karaoke!” It wasn’t. Maybe if he just took a really big gulp from Daniel’s beer. His was empty and he needed it more. He could buy Daniel two beers later.
It turned out that the last minute gulp hadn’t been necessary. Carter and Teal’c did "I Got You Baby" fairly well. Next to him, Daniel sniggered. “’I Got You Babe’,” He said. “Think they’re trying to tell us something?”
He snorted at that idea. Carter and Teal’c? Never. They both were too busy to have anything like a love life. Carter spent all her time with naquadah reactors, which just couldn’t be healthy. She really need a more normal hobby. Why hadn’t she liked his knitting idea? Sarah had always said it was quite relaxing. Or maybe that was just a ploy to get him to knit his own socks. “Doubt it. Still, they’re not bad. Better than some of the others, anyway.”
They were certainly getting theatrical. Carter was swooning over Teal’c, although Jack had no reference for Carter’s swooning habits to see how bad this. And Teal’c had slung an arm around her shoulder. It was quite sweet, in a sickening way. And he just knew that the two of them would team up to get him and Daniel to do the same thing. And as much as he liked the idea of Daniel swooning over him, he’d rather not do it whilst singing some soppy song. “Daniel? Let’s make a pact. Let’s promise each other that no matter what happens tonight, neither of us is going to come anywhere NEAR that machine.” If Teal’c and Carter were teaming, so were he and Daniel, damn them.
Daniel was taking his sweet time thinking about, much to Jack’s annoyance. Surely it wouldn’t that difficult a decision? But eventually he agreed, and they toasted to their pact.
~~~
Unfortunately, the pact had failed. Jack blamed the tequila. And Teal’c for not drinking his tequila. He also blamed Carter for being a manipulative sneak, and Daniel for not putting up more of a fight. He supposed he could blame himself, but decided that he had blamed enough people already. Wait, he hadn’t blamed the guy in charge of the karaoke. He deserved some blame too.
It all started after Carter had suggested My Sharona. He had said no, no to My Sharona and no to karaoke in general. He liked My Sharona, so he was not going to butcher it.
Then Teal’c had proposed a deal. Tequila in exchange for singing. It sounded fair to Jack, but only if Teal’c got the drinks and he and Daniel got to think about their answer afterwards. Jack didn’t need to do much thinking, his answer was a firm ‘no’ anyway. He didn’t know what Daniel’s answer was, but he hoped it was quite firm too. And there went his dirty mind. The alcohol wasn’t doing him much good in that department. Which beer was this? Six or seven? And did it matter?
Daniel spluttered for a bit. What, did he really think Jack was going to say yes after one tequila shot. He was not that easy. Well, depending on the person really. If Daniel got him tequila, he’d be very easy.
“We’re just gonna say no after the shot. Easy. If Teal’c wants to buy us drinks, I’m not stopping him,” He said. “I’m all for other people buying me drinks.” Especially if Daniel did it. The man got paid enough. Jack bought him drinks. Okay, so they ended up on his part of the table, but the thought still counted.
“I noticed,” Daniel said icily. Oh, what was that supposed to mean? Was that Daniel’s way of saying ‘you bought me a beer and then drank it yourself, you asshole’? Cause that was bad. He didn’t want Daniel thinking of him as a selfish asshole. He’d be nicer to Daniel from now. Show him he wasn’t a selfish asshole. Unless it came to alcohol. Then it was every man for himself. All was allowed in love, war and alcohol.
Teal’c slammed the glasses on the table and Carter had brought the salt and the lemons. Efficient as always, his team. “Everybody’s done this before?” She asked.
“I have not. What is the use of the lemons and the salt?” Teal’c asked. Oh boy, was he in for a treat.
Jack figured that he might as well explain tequila shots to Teal’c. And what better way then by doing a demonstration? “Oh, you’re about to find out what the lemons are for. Just follow my lead.” He licked his hand, and then checked to see if Teal’c was following. He wasn’t. “I said follow my lead, Teal’c, not look at me like I’ve grown a second head.” Surely hand-licking wasn’t that weird? From the corner of his eye he saw Daniel looking weirded-out too. Come on! Surely Daniel had done tequila shots before? After decades in a student environment, he had to have. Still, time to move on to the next step. “Okay, so then you put salt on your hand.” Again he checked to see if Teal’c was following his instructions. “And you’re still not following my lead, Teal’c.”
“I believe I shall wait until you are done before I do so,” Teal’c said. Pff, where was the fun in that? As soon as Teal’c realised the lemon slice had to be sucked, he’d bow out. And he really wanted to know what Teal’c thought of the tequila, even if it didn’t have an effect on him.
He glared at Teal’c, and got himself a glass to continue the demonstration. Even if Teal’c didn’t do the tequila shot, he would know about this strange Tau’ri custom as well. “Right, so you’ve covered your hand with salt, then you lick off the salt.” And he immediately reached for the glass and the lemon slice. Damn, vile, vile stuff. At least the slice made it better.
“But why the salt and lemons?” Teal’c asked with his eyebrow raised. Yep, Teal’c had definitely filed this under ‘strange Tau’ri customs that make NO sense’.
Daniel pushed a tequila glass towards him. “Have you smelled the tequila? If not, you should.” Smelling tequila? Please, that was the quickest way to convince someone not to drink it!
“It does not smell very pleasant,” Teal’c said, after trying it. He had never seen Teal’c recoil that quickly from something.
He put the slice in his shot glass. “Doesn’t taste very pleasant either.”
Carter of course went with a more scientific explanation. “The salt is to make you thirsty enough to down it, and the lemon is to counter the taste.” He hoped she wouldn’t start talking about taste buds.
“I see. I do not think I want to take part in this. Someone else can have my glass,” Teal’c said, pushing the glass away.
Well, if no one else was going to drink it, he might as well. It would be a shame to let the tequila go to waste. And else Daniel might drink it, and he wasn’t going to let Daniel get too drunk. One of them had to keep a level head if they were going to do any karaoke avoiding. It was for Daniel’s own good.
“I’m not too sure about this, guys, I don’t want to mix my drinks too much,” Daniel said. Now hang on! Teal’c did not get these drinks to let two of them go to waste! One tequila shot never hurt anyone.
“Don’t be such a wimp, Daniel, come here.” Jack grabbed Daniel’s hand, and licked it for him. Avoiding Daniel’s eyes he put salt on it too, and hoped the whole hand-licking hadn’t grossed Daniel out. If Daniel didn’t like Jack licking his hand, he probably didn’t like the idea of Jack licking other bits of Daniel either. “There, you have to do it now, otherwise you’ll look like an idiot with salt on his hand.” Daniel just continued to stare at him like he had two heads.
“On three?” Carter suddenly asked. She must’ve prepared her own hand as well, probably thinking that if she wasn’t fast enough Jack was going to do it for her. Pfsh, like he was going to lick Carter’s hand. “One, two and…”
Nope, tequila did not taste better the second time. He sucked on his lemon a bit longer too, trying to get the taste away. Maybe he should’ve had a beer lined up, although that might’ve been pushing it alcoholwise.
After he’d dumped the lemon slice in the shot glass again, and Teal’c had gone to the bar to return the salt, Carter had put the karaoke book in front of him. “So, what do you think of this one? It’s a classic.” Oh gods, she was still in the ‘let’s suggest embarrassing songs in the hopes they’ll sing it’ stage? What was she thinking? Like he would ever sing Turn Back Time in front of a crowd! He was not that stupid. And he was sure that Daniel wasn’t either.
“Forget it Carter, you and Teal’c do Cher songs all you like, Daniel and I have more taste than that.” And then he slung an arm around Daniel. For some reason. He couldn’t remember thinking he wanted to do that. Well, obviously he wanted to touch Daniel as often as possible, but not so much that it was noticeable. This friendly arm shoulder slinging was not noticeable enough, thank God. But he had to keep his drunken mind in check. He couldn’t just touch Daniel any place he liked. Because those places would be damn noticeable. “Isn’t that right?”
Daniel nodded along with him. Wait a minute, hadn’t he just pretty much agreed to do karaoke? What had he been thinking? Carter moved the karaoke book towards. Oh crap, he had just agreed to do karaoke. Maybe he could plead temporary insanity.
He flipped through the book. Ah, there was the birds suddenly appearing again. Too soppy. He said so to Daniel, who wasn’t responding. Oh dear. Daniel must be really upset if he wasn’t replying. “And this is just too stupid.” Like he was going to sing "Waterloo"! And "Hit Me Baby One More Time"? Puh-lease. “Too girly…” Daniel still wasn’t talking. Yep, definitely angry. He just patted him on the shoulder. The Divinyls? "I Touch Myself?" Oh yeah, he did that a LOT but he wasn’t going to sing about it in public. His sad pathetic sex life was his own, thankyouverymuch. And singing it with the person he thought about. Nuh uh. Not ever. “Too soppy again.” He didn’t like Daniel being this quiet. “Daniel? What song do you think we should do? You gotta have an opinion, you’ve done this before.” Maybe Daniel could come up with some genius excuse to get them out of this. The man didn’t have a sky-high IQ for nothing.
The genius just shrugged. “As long as it’s within my range. Which excludes anything done by women.” Oh great, now that was some help.
“Means we don’t get to do "I Got You Babe", too bad,” He said sarcastically. “Come on, there’s got to be something we can do together.” Besides having fantastic hot sex. Oh, wait, that was only in his mind. Dammit. He looked at the book again. How many damn eighties songs did one bar need? Hey, that one was kinda alright. “Oh, how about this one? Sounds just about perfect for us.”
“You want to do 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go'?”
“What? No!” The idea that Daniel might think he would even want to do that appalled him. . “How can you think that? No, the one under it.” "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go". Hah. Daniel definitely had had too much to drink. He left Daniel and went to find the karaoke guy.
“Hey there! Were you able to make a choice?” The bartender smiled and took the book.
“Yeah, that one,” Jack said, pointing at "Born To Be Wild".
The bartender looked at the book, and then at Jack again. “Huh, I’d never have imagined someone like you would be a Wham! fan.”
“No! The one underneath!” Dammit, what was it today with people thinking he liked Wham!?
Upon his return, he heard Carter mention Whitney Houston. “What did I hear? Is Carter going to sing a Whitney Houston song?” Because if she was, he was really going to have a talk with the bartenders, see if they didn’t have a recorder.
“No,” Carter replied. “Daniel is.” Oh! That would work too.
“Daniel? Why, I’d never thought you were a fan! Figured you were more the Mariah Carey type, y’know, "All I Want For Christmas". You can frolic in the snow.” He bet Daniel would be incredibly adorable frolicking in the snow. There could be a snow fight, and making of snowmen. And afterwards there would be the discarding of the wet clothes and snuggling up in front of a fire with hot cocoa. With rum. And marshmallows.
Daniel glared at him for that. What? Didn’t he like snow? “Well, I’m just happy they don’t have opera karaoke.”
Oh, sure, throw the opera thing in his face! “Don’t know what you’re talking about,” He said, deciding to just ignore it. “Come on Daniel, get another drink. Can’t have you parched for our big number.” And get more drunk too! Let’s see you without inhibitions!
~~~
"Born To Be Wild" was a lot more difficult than he remembered. And he would’ve sworn the lyrics were different too. Still, at least Daniel wasn’t tons better than he was. He would say they were about equally bad. And it also proved his point that the audience loved drunken karaoke singers, since they applauded wildly and demanded an encore. Daniel didn’t seem to want to do one, and Daniel dragged him back to his seat where their team-mates were doing their version of howling with laughter. Teal’c was just smiling, but Carter actually had tears on her face.
“I’m glad you were amused,” Daniel said crankily. Ouch. Sounded like Daniel didn’t much like the enforced karaoke. Oh dear, he had a lot of making up to do from the sounds of it.
“If only I had brought a camera with me,” Carter said. “The blackmail material would last me for ages.” You and me both! And surely the sight of Carter and Teal’c doing ‘I Got You Babe’ was way better blackmail material than their horrible version of ‘Born To Be Wild’?
And besides, like Carter would ever beat him when it came to being sneaky and evil. “I doubt it, I have my ways.” He made some hopefully spooky hand movements, but he could tell that Carter wasn’t impressed.
“I’m sure you do, sir,” Carter said, and snorted. Then she checked her watch, and was obviously surprised. “I think it’s time I get myself home.”
Jack checked his own watch. It was only half past one! That was nowhere near late. For Teal’c however, it was. Looked like it was just him and Daniel staying. Well, that suited him just fine.
Jack waved as the two left to get a cab, and was surprised to find Daniel putting a glass in front of him. Had Daniel finally decided to get his friend something to drink? Things were looking up! “Here, drink this.” He certainly did. Don’t let it be said that he wouldn’t take advice, as long as it was sound advice.
He took a big gulp, and put it down in disappointment. “This is water. Not alcohol.”
Daniel just kept standing besides him, looking over his glasses like he was some sort of stern schoolteacher. Mmm, that was a new fantasy. It had potential. “You had enough alcohol for one night, I think. And so have I.” Well, Daniel certainly had had enough alcohol. If he was anywhere near sober, he wouldn’t have done the karaoke!
“No such thing as too much alcohol.” It was a great way of dealing with Daniel. At least if he was drunk and did stupid things like touching Daniel inappropriately he had an excuse. He finished the water anyway, to make Daniel happy. “Why’re you so worried anyway?”
“Because I’ll be sharing a cab with you to make sure you get home alright, and I don’t want you vomiting all over me,” Daniel replied.
That was entirely the driver’s fault. No corner should ever be done in the fourth gear, he was sure of it. “That happened once! Once! Years ago. Are you going to hold that against me forever?” He’d rather have Daniel hold other things against him. Like oh, maybe himself? But that would involve Daniel getting a clue and he didn’t see that happen anytime soon.
“Considering that I had to pay the cab driver extra to cover the cleaning, and that my shirt has never been same since, I think that yes, I will hold it against you. If I die again, I will haunt you so I can remind you of it. Come on, let’s go,” Daniel said, and got their jackets.
The thought of Daniel dying didn’t make him very happy. But at least Daniel said he was going to visit him, which was sort of a positive thing again. Although ghosts couldn’t really touch each other, could they?
When they got outside, Jack noticed the complete lack of cabs. “So, get a cab then.” Not that he expected Daniel to conjure up a cab from nowhere, but it was Daniel’s idea to leave the bar, so it was Daniel’s responsibility to get them a cab. That was logic.
“It’s not my fault if we have to wait a while,” Daniel argued.
Jack had to admit that it wasn’t, but it still wasn’t fair on them. It was rather chilly outside. “I could go back in and get another drink. The beer’s good.” He huddled deeper into his jacket. “Would keep out the cold too.”
“You only think it keeps out the cold. But you’re still cold. You just don’t really feel it,” Daniel replied, looking anxiously up and down the street. Still no cabs.
So, getting more alcohol wasn’t a good plan. “So… I’m still cold even though I don’t know it?” Because then he would need another plan to get warm. Let’s see… basic survival skills, how to get warm. Of course! Body heat! If Daniel said something about it later on, he would use his ‘I was drunk and I had no idea of what I was doing’ excuse. It was brilliant, and foolproof.
“Yes,” Daniel said, as Jack snuck up and held him tightly. Yep, he was feeling warmer already. “What! What’re you doing?” Wasn’t it obvious?
“Sharing body heat,” He informed Daniel. “You’re cold, I’m cold, we just don’t know it. So let’s get warm!” And if Daniel didn’t like the snuggling to get warm, he had some other ideas lined up.
Daniel started fidgeting in his grasp. Why? He didn’t really seem to be struggling to get out, which he took as a good sign. “Jack, I need to call a cab, can you let go so I can get my phone?”
What? Let go? Now that he had Daniel finally in his arms and a good excuse? He didn’t think so. Plus, this cell phone hunt sounded like another good excuse for touching Daniel. “But I’d get cold! What pocket is it in? I’ll get it for you.” Please say trouser pocket, please say trouser pocket. Front or back, he didn’t much care.
“Inside pocket of my coat, it’s on the left,” Daniel replied. Dammit. No groin groping.
“Your left or my left?” He asked, and started unzipping the coat. As he asked it, he realised what a stupid question it was. Crap! He didn’t want Daniel thinking he was a complete idiot. Still, it definitely showed how drunk he was. All the more reason for Daniel to believe the excuse if he had to use it.
“It doesn’t matter! Your left and my left are the same!” Crap, Daniel really did think he was that stupid. Well, he’d blame the alcohol for that. “You’re right behind me, any closer and you’d be in this jacket with me!”
“Now there’s an idea!” Wait, had he said that out loud? Whoops.
“No! No it’s not! It’s a very bad idea!” Daniel started struggling to get away, but Jack held on anyway. He was going to get that cell phone, even if it killed him.
“Keep still Daniel,” He said. “I can’t get your cell phone if you keep moving.”
Daniel slumped against Jack, probably in defeat. “Just make it quick, Jack. I don’t want to stand here all evening.” Well, tough luck. Jack was more than happy to stand here in the cold all evening if it meant he could feel up his linguist’s upper body like this. He should’ve used the ‘I was drunk!’ excuse before. It was working very well.
“I’ve got ya, Daniel,” Jack said. “Now, where’s that pocket of yours? Are you sure you have an inside pocket at all? I can’t find it.” And certainly not for lack of trying. Jack was pretty sure he had felt everywhere. Hmm, maybe he should try searching the inside of the jacket rather than Daniel’s chest.
Daniel snapped at him. “I think I know my own jacket.”
Damn, Daniel was getting annoyed with it now. He’d better find the cell phone before Daniel bit his head off. “I think I got… oh wait, that’s a pen.” He felt Daniel shiver. That decided it, if Daniel was getting cold, it wasn’t worth it. He felt a big lump, that must be it. It couldn’t be another pen. “I think… yes! Got it!” He gave Daniel the cell phone and zipped up the jacked, then backed off. “Thanks for the body heat,” He said cheerfully. Hopefully Daniel would get warm again now, without his jacket open.
And rather then getting them a cab, Daniel just stared at him strangely. Yep, the snuggling had weirded Daniel out. Curses. He would have to change the subject. Ah! Right, cabs. “Aren’t you gonna call us a cab? I thought you didn’t want to spend the night outside?”
“Oh, yes, right.”
Jack watched as Daniel dialled the cab company and tried to listen in on the conversation but he couldn’t really figure it out. “What did they say?”
Daniel looked rather annoyed. “There’ll be one here in ten minutes.”
Jack figured that Daniel was annoyed because of the snuggling, and resolved not to hug him again, but when the cab approached he decided to do it anyway, just to annoy Daniel a little bit more. Oh, wait, he had a plan to be nice to Daniel. Well, hugging was nice, wasn’t it?
“Not now, Jack, the cab’s here!” Daniel hissed. Jack looked at the cab driver and grinned. “He’s drunk.” Like the driver hadn’t realised that by now. He got out, and helped Daniel to get Jack into the car. Oh, please, like he couldn’t get himself into a car! He allowed Daniel to push him against the other window.
He listened to the cab driver warning Daniel about vomiting. Hmpf, he hadn’t had that much. “How much did he have?”
“Too much.” Sure, from Daniel’s POV maybe.
“Not nearly enough! Really, he dragged me out before it got good. He’s such, a,” Words could not describe what Doctor Jackson was. A damn tease, maybe? “A crap friend, that’s what he is.”
“Really? Well, friends don’t let friends drink way too much,” The driver said. What did he know? “From the looks of it, he’s a good friend.”
Jack glared at Daniel as he looked smug. “Well, I’m an all or nothing kinda guy. I don’t buy that two out of three ain’t bad crap.” He really didn’t. Just a random example here: Say Daniel was naked and conscious in his bed. That was good, right? But he still wasn’t willing, which was sort of the key to good sex. And what if Daniel was willing and naked, but not conscious? That wouldn’t get them anywhere either! And as for willing and conscious, well, that could work, but clothes still got in the way. So really, two out of three did not work. He had leaned over, and decided to get back to being snugly and put his head on Daniel’s shoulder. It was surprisingly comfy. “Hey, your shoulder is comfy, you know that? Why didn’t you tell me before?”
Daniel muttered that he had never asked. Well, it wasn’t exactly the sort of thing you asked in a normal conversation. “Well, I wonder what other parts of you are comfortable.” Let’s see… what other part of Daniel would be comfortable as well? The legs? He petted Daniel’s thigh. Oh yeah, that felt very comfortably. “The legs don’t feel that bad either.”
He heard the cab driver snort at that derisively when he closed his eyes. The driver could think what he wanted. He had his head on Daniel’s shoulder, and his hands in his lap. He was pretty happy.
He must’ve dozed off, because the next thing he remembered was the cab stopping suddenly. “We there?”
“Yeah, we are,” Daniel said, and helped Jack out of the car. The short nap hadn’t really done him any good. He just wanted more sleep, and was feeling a little grouchy.
“Ah, my place!” He walked into the kitchen. Maybe another drink would get him back to normal. “You can go now, Daniel.” And it was probably for the best anyway. He had done quite a lot of inappropriate touching, and the ‘I was drunk!’ excuse was probably stretching it. He didn’t think it would cover, say, kissing Daniel suddenly. And he wouldn’t put it past himself to go and do that. He obviously wasn’t thinking with his right brain now.
Daniel had followed him into the kitchen. “No more booze, Jack, you had plenty.”
What did Daniel know about Jack getting plenty? Daniel wasn’t the one who needed to be drunk so he had an excuse to touch his friend. Daniel could just touch Jack and it wasn’t weird at all. Not that Daniel ever did. “Hey, I told you to leave, you didn’t listen. Now I’m not going to listen to you. Just leave me and my beer alone, Daniel, I’ll be fine.” He certainly would be, after he finished this beer and got into bed. Alone. And wake up alone. And miserable, no doubt.
Daniel didn’t budge. “Jack, drinking more beer isn’t going to make you fine. You need to get some sleep, go to bed.”
Good idea Daniel! Let’s go to bed! Except… obviously not together. That would actually make Jack’s life better, wouldn’t it? Can’t have that. “Fine.” He walked into the living room and let himself fall on his sofa. “Fine, you want me less drunk, you make me coffee then.”
Coffee isn’t going to make you better, Jack. It just dehydrates your brain, making the inevitable hangover much worse. You just think you feel better,” Daniel replied from the kitchen.
Couldn’t the man just do one thing Jack asked him? Just once? “Is this like the alcohol and cold thing again?” Because that had sounded a bit too much like science. “Daniel, if I wanted to talk about scientific things, I’d have taken Carter home.” And no doubt she would’ve bored his mind with explaining some of her latest research. What the hell had he been thinking, flirting with her like that? It was a good thing Hammond hadn’t caught on. Sure, Carter was attractive, and nice and smart and all those nice qualities, but she was Carter. He didn’t think they could have much of a relationship if he kept calling her Carter and she kept calling him ‘Sir’. Although those sort of bedroom games could be a turn on, he supposed. With the right person.
“I’ll just get you some water then,” The right person said.
What, more water? Geez, he wasn’t a fish or something. “No, no more water. I’ve had plenty of water today.”
“I’ll just make some lemonade then,” Daniel called out.
Did Daniel even know where he kept the lemonade? Maybe he should help him. And maybe already apologise for all the stupid things he had done. Like the karaoke. And the snuggling. And the feeling up during the snuggling. That was incredibly inappropriate. He couldn’t wait to get another chance. He sighed, and got up from the couch and walked into his kitchen. He was about to say something when Daniel turned around and then stepped back, obviously startled. He decided not to say anything after all when Daniel spilled the lemonade on his shirt.
“Dammit, why did you sneak up to me?” Daniel asked.
Oh sure, blame it on him! It wasn’t his fault Daniel was easily startled. “I can’t sneak around in my own kitchen?”
Daniel just shoved the glasses into Jack’s hand, and started taking the shirt off. “Here, drink that. I’ll go put this in the laundry basket.” Jack just nodded. Sure, drink, laundry whatever. There was skin on display here! Daniel looked up from studying the shirt, and caught Jack staring. Crap. Could he blame this on the drunkenness? “What? Is it that odd that I want to put my shirt in the laundry basket? You know about laundry right? It’s what most people normally do with their dirty clothes.”
Good! Daniel obviously thought he was being stupid. “I know all about laundry, Daniel.” What the hell? That hadn’t even made sense! He shook his head as he walked back to the sofa. Today was not his sense-making day. “What?” He asked, when he noticed Daniel was looking at him expectantly.
“Laundry. Basket. For the shirt!” Oh, right. The shirt. Which Daniel was not wearing right now. Wouldn’t be wearing for a while if Jack had a say in it. Not that he had anything against the shirt, he just had a lot against Daniel in a shirt.
“Oh, it’s in the hallway, I think.” And if it wasn’t, it was probably near the hallway. And at least he could think somewhat normally without the shirtless Daniel around. He put one glass on the table and started to drink his lemonade, or what was left of it. Hmm, bit too sweet, but not all bad. He emptied it, and by the time he put it back on the table, Daniel was back, shirtlessly. And he joined Jack on the sofa, still shirtless. Then he shirtlessly finished the lemonade, and Jack told himself that there were other things to think about Daniel that weren’t shirtless. There was annoying, for one. And gorgeous. And sexy. And shirtless. He wasn’t really getting anywhere with that train of thought.
“I hope you do your laundry some time tomorrow.”
Laundry? “Hmm?” Why the hell would he want to do laundry if he could Jack around being all shirtless? Better to change the subject again. “Oh, look, lemonade.”
“I think it’s time we called it a night, Jack. We’d better get you to bed.” We? Bed? Oh, he should be so lucky!
He picked up the glasses. “Yes mom,” He said, and walked into the kitchen. Hmm, less steadier than he would’ve preferred. Still, he had had a couple of drinks, he had a good excuse. He looked at Daniel, who still shirtlessly sitting on the sofa. “Well? You coming?” Once again, Jack should be so lucky to be involved in that. “I distinctly heard a ‘we’ there.”
Daniel didn’t look too happy at that. “Fine, fine. I didn’t know you were in such a hurry to go to bed.”
What did Daniel want? Did he want Jack safely in bed or not? “I thought you’d be happy I was taking your advice,” Jack said, as Daniel slung his arm around his shirtless shoulder. He figured he might as well go further with the inappropriate touching. Daniel hadn’t actually complained about any of it that much so far. He let his arm fall to Daniel’s waist, which was nice. But there was a very tempting ass in the vicinity, and he couldn’t pass that up, could he? Just a brief brush Daniel would never even notice.
They arrived at Jack’s bedroom before he got the chance to do it again, and as soon as Daniel opened the door, he let himself fall on the bed. “Comfy. Very comfy.” Maybe he could convince Daniel to experience the comfiness with him? Daniel must be sleepy too by now.
“Hey, Jack?” Daniel asked from somewhere behind him, and Jack turned to look at him. He only moved his head. Anything else involved too much effort. “You got the guestroom ready?” Damn! The guestroom.
“Hmmrf?” He replied. He had to keep to Daniel out of the guestroom. “Guestroom?” He bought himself some time to think. How could he keep Daniel out of the guestroom, and in here?
“Yeah, I don’t want to sleep on the couch. It’s not that comfy, and I’d like to get some sleep tonight.” Good, so Daniel didn’t want the couch at all. Good.
“Guestroom’s… not ready.” Okay, explanation? Right! Laundry! “Blankets’re in the laundry basket downstairs.” He didn’t think Daniel would want to use dirty sheets.
“Well, I can just get them. They can’t be that dirty,” Daniel said, and Jack saw him move to the door.
Dammit! Time to think fast. “The blankets were on top. Well, now your lemonade shirt is. So unless you want sticky sheets and blankets, you can’t use those.” He hoped Daniel didn’t mind sticky sheets TOO much. It would definitely make the sex a bit more difficult. Well, if he ever got to have sex with Daniel, which wasn’t very likely from the looks of it. Still, a man could dream. And fantasise. Damn, had he fantasised. Especially about the result of his next question. “You can share with me. No problem. It’s a big bed.” He moved to make room, and took off his shoes. Those would only get in the way. . “See? Plenty of space. As long as you don’t hog blankets.”
“I never had any complaints,” Daniel relied. Good! He wasn’t saying no.
“Good! There’re some sweats in the drawer over there, and throw me one too.” He was working on getting his shirt off. Why had he picked this shirt again? “Damn buttons!” What idiot invented buttons anyway? Zippers were more practical.
He felt something drop on the bed beside him as he tried to pull the shirt over his head. Dammit dammit dammit, he wasn’t even able to take off his own clothes! Stupid shirt. Stupid drinks. If he hadn’t been so drunk he might’ve been able to take off the shirt with a little bit more grace. That would’ve been nice. “Damn stupid good for nothing shirt!” He muttered grumpily, and finally managed to get it over his head. He threw it on the floor, next to his shoes. “Bad shirt! Bad!” He was never going to wear it again. Ever.
He watched Daniel grab another pair of sweats as he left for the bathroom. Good, that was Jack could take off his trousers without looking like an idiot. Damn buttons. Hmm, that was odd. The trousers were nowhere near as troublesome as the shirt, and he had changed in no time. Now he was lying in bed, waiting for Daniel to be done in the bathroom. And hopefully, if Daniel hadn’t done some thinking, Daniel would be sharing his bed. Yes!
He was taking a rather long time though. “Daniel? You done in there?” He thought he had seen the door open, but in the dim light from the window he couldn’t be sure.
“Oh? Yeah, sure, I didn’t know you were in any hurry to use the bathroom,” Daniel replied from the hallway. Jack smirked to himself. Oh, he was in no hurry to use the bathroom. As for using Daniel, well, he was in a great hurry.
He told himself to play it cool now. Don’t let Daniel know that you’re desperate to get him into bed. He just moved the blankets to make room for Daniel. “I was waiting for you to be done so I could get some sleep. Can’t sleep if someone’s about to get into bed with you.” He hoped it sounded as normal as he wanted it to be, and rolled over. He didn’t need to see Daniel decide. After all, he was playing it cool. Daniel was taking his sweet time though, and Jack really would like to get some sleep. “You coming or what?” Jack was hoping for the first, but from the looks of it, it was going to be the latter. Dammit.
He felt Daniel crawl into bed with him, and he smiled to himself. That was a promising sign already. “Took your time to get in, Daniel,” He said, hoping it came off as cool. Hmm, mabe he shouldn’t be arranging the blankets more comfortably around Daniel if he was going to play it cool.
“I was just… thinking,” Daniel replied, sounding not too freaked out.
Jack tucked him in some more. “You think too much.” Well, there was the understatement of the century. The only person who could beat Daniel in the thinking stakes was Carter. And he really didn’t want to think about her now that he had Daniel in his bed. And shirtless at that.
He lay down next to Daniel. Yep, he could definitely get used to this. “You look worried.” Was this because of the thinking?
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Daniel said. Which meant that Jack was definitely going to make him talk about it.
“Sure you do! You’re worried, I’m your best friend,” Jack said, and moved closer. “Therefore you tell me your worries.” Daniel moved away. Okay, that was bad. “Daniel? You don’t look very comfortable, what’s wrong?” Jack moved closer again. Maybe he could get Daniel to fall out of the bed. No, that would just be cruel. “Daniel? You don’t look very comfortable, what’s wrong?”
“I thought you wanted to go to sleep?” Daniel moved away again, getting too close to the edge of the bed, and Jack really didn’t want him falling out.
“Dammit, Daniel, you’re worried, you’re uncomfortable and you’re not getting away from me, y’hear?” And with that he snuck an arm around Daniel to pull him closer. Oh, this was nice. This was good. He should’ve done this earlier. His dick was very much in agreeance on that score.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Daniel sulked. There was no other word for it. This was sulking, and Daniel was doing so adorably. Not that Jack was going to tell him that.
So instead, he hugged Daniel closer. “I’ll talk about my worries if you tell me about yours.” And he meant it. He was willing to tell Daniel about his worries, and his desires, but only if Daniel told Jack his. Fair’s fair.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Damn, this was getting repetitive. And Daniel not wanting to talk? That was new.
“You’re not interested in my worries?” Jack asked, doing his best to sound sulky too. Maybe it was cute and adorable on him as well, he wasn’t sure.
“Not right now. I thought you wanted to sleep,” Daniel said. Oh, what did Daniel know about his thoughts? The only thing Jack wanted right now was to get closer and personal with Daniel. Without the damn sweat pants. But how to let Daniel know? Well, Jack had always been a doer rather than a thinker, and he very much wanted to do Daniel. So he decided to just pull Daniel as close as possible and let his dick do the talking.
“Surprise!” Jack said, and hoped Daniel wasn’t freaked out too much. Daniel turned to stare at him. Was that bad? He hadn’t said anything, hadn’t stormed out of the bed and called Hammond to resign. Surely there was a good sign in there somewhere?
And then Daniel rolled over. Surprise right back at you,” He whispered. Oh! Hello, yes. That was a bit of a surprise. Nice, nice surprise though. Jack was sure he’d like it. He let his hands drop to grab Daniel’s ass, who hugged him tightly in return. Aha, that must mean he was doing something right.
What happened if he rubbed his thumb just here? Okay, that had Daniel wriggling against him in an interesting way. “Can’t wait to have you in my bed when you’re sober.” And when he was sober as well. That was quite important too.
“I’m sober enough right now,” Daniel moaned, wriggling in that really interesting way again.
Jack just snorted. “I’m not buying that, Daniel. I know you. You had several beers and a tequila shot. We’re not doing anything more than cuddling.” And then tomorrow, when they were both sober and had an aspirine and some water to counter the hang-over, they would do lots more than cuddling. Although the cuddling was pleasant.
And that had Daniel moving away from him. Bad move. “Jack, you drank twice the amount I did. You did. And you’re telling me I’m not sober enough to have sex?” Jack had only said that because Daniel wasn’t. And he had never said he was sober enough for sex. Even though he was, considering that the proof was poking Daniel in the hip.
“Daniel, I don’t want you to regret this in the morning, okay? I’d feel like I was taking advantage of you,” Jack explained carefully. He hoped Daniel wouldn’t regret this in the morning. He really hoped this wasn’t Daniel being a cheap drunk and getting confused. But he wasn’t going to take that risk. Not with Daniel.
Daniel obviously wasn’t seeing things his way. “Excuse me? Shouldn’t that be the other way around? Seeing as how you’re more drunk than I am? I’d be taking advantage of you if anything, and seeing as how you want me to take advantage of you,” Daniel paused here to emphasise his point with a really very good brush of his groin against Jack’s, “I’m not seeing the problem.”
Jack groaned. From the very good and very brief contact, but also from Daniel not seeing the point here. “Don’t make this harder than this is, Daniel.” Okay, maybe the wrong word there, and he grimaced. “I’m not taking advantage of you. You’re drunk. We’re not having sex, no matter how much we both seem to want it. Wait until the morning.” He was telling this as much to himself as he was to Daniel.
“What if I said I wanted you to take advantage of me? Wrote it black on white? Signed it, filed it in triplicate and everything?” Daniel said. Jack thought that that would make a pretty odd request. ‘Doctor Jackson formally requests that he is being taken advantage of by Col. O’Neill ASAP’. Was that even grammatically correct? Daniel would know. “ Dammit, Jack, I need to get laid, and I need to get laid now!”
Okay. Never mind correct grammar. It was time to be reasonable again, even if his dick demanded otherwise. “I’m sure you feel that way now, Daniel, but things might be different in the morning. Let’s just sleep together first and see what the morning brings, okay?” Jack figured he’d more comfortable on his back, and took Daniel with him. Yeah, this worked. He could definitely sleep like this, with Daniel close to his side and half over him. He could get used to this.
“I don’t want to sleep together, I want to have some damn good sex together,” Daniel argued.
Jack smiled at his obvious frustration, it wasn’t hurting his ego at all to know that Daniel was desperate to get some from him. But it was time to be the older and wiser man once again. “I know you feel that way now, Daniel, but maybe you -”
Okay. Erm. Okay. Daniel was kissing him. That was new. And a surprise. Good surprise. Very, very good surprise. Best surprise ever, really. Damn good kiss. Yes, very good kiss. Mmm, he could do this for a while longer. If only he wasn’t so sleepy. But he had his eyes closed, and he was comfortable, and Daniel was now stealing a few brief kisses. Sure, go ahead, Daniel. He was just going to let his eyes rest for a bit.