Ugh...its 4:45 am...
It's almost 5 in the morning, I spent about 5 hours all together working on my portfolio today, I barely slept at all last night, and I'm still awake. Seriously, I was seeing weird shit while I was driving home. I kept thinking I saw cats running in front of my car but they weren't actually there.
So why am I awake? It's because I know what I want right now in my life, but I don't have the courage to take it. Everybody I've talked to has said if you want it, don't wait for something to happen, take the initiative, screw the other people that are in your way, and go for it. I'm struggling to do that though. I've been the one who was in someone else's way before, and I was the one who got the raw deal. Part of me feels like I would be killing part of myself, probably my integrity, by just taking. The fact is though, in this case I feel like I have justification. That doesn't make it easy though.
So why am I awake? It's because I know what I want right now in my life, but I don't have the courage to take it. Everybody I've talked to has said if you want it, don't wait for something to happen, take the initiative, screw the other people that are in your way, and go for it. I'm struggling to do that though. I've been the one who was in someone else's way before, and I was the one who got the raw deal. Part of me feels like I would be killing part of myself, probably my integrity, by just taking. The fact is though, in this case I feel like I have justification. That doesn't make it easy though.