Notice falling as a re-occuring theme...
I seem to be perpetually surrounded somehow by inoperable electronics. A broken Ipod has a way of putting a damper on my general demeanor. That is pleasingly paired with an endless series of vapid hours spent at my work, and on my couch. Its a winning combination. The real major problem with slowness at work is my propensity to deep, probing, depressing, introspective thought. In an eight hour day I can fully convince myself of .... (lost train of thought).
How fortuitous that Audrey and Victor should leave at the same time. Minimal forays into the land of the social have been launched and met with indeterminate results. Their recent departure has illuminated many of the qualities I share with some species of crustaceans. Somehow with them gone I feel lost, aimless. Without something to hold on to.
And in that last sentence lies the key. Somehow I turn people into my personal security blankets. I get all weird about it too. I get mad that I seem to be the only person that acquires these blankets somehow. And I get mad when my blankets don't seem(key word) to reciprocate my affections and yearnings (psychosis). So then I get mad at myself for being so crazy. There is this constant war of contradictory beliefs and feelings that bombard me on a daily basis. Swells of anger, sadness, guilt, and grief, all inspired by each other. My anger begets my sadness begets my guilt, begets my grief. It feeds itself to the point where it becomes overwhelming. Then I come dump it all here and hope to feel better.
This entry has been all nonsensical rambling.
I thank my 3 readers for their continued patronage.
Why oh why am I so fragile. I just want it to stop. I'm sure its annoying.
Anyone want to do something Thursday night? Call me, I'm looking for activity.
-Neimah
How fortuitous that Audrey and Victor should leave at the same time. Minimal forays into the land of the social have been launched and met with indeterminate results. Their recent departure has illuminated many of the qualities I share with some species of crustaceans. Somehow with them gone I feel lost, aimless. Without something to hold on to.
And in that last sentence lies the key. Somehow I turn people into my personal security blankets. I get all weird about it too. I get mad that I seem to be the only person that acquires these blankets somehow. And I get mad when my blankets don't seem(key word) to reciprocate my affections and yearnings (psychosis). So then I get mad at myself for being so crazy. There is this constant war of contradictory beliefs and feelings that bombard me on a daily basis. Swells of anger, sadness, guilt, and grief, all inspired by each other. My anger begets my sadness begets my guilt, begets my grief. It feeds itself to the point where it becomes overwhelming. Then I come dump it all here and hope to feel better.
This entry has been all nonsensical rambling.
I thank my 3 readers for their continued patronage.
Why oh why am I so fragile. I just want it to stop. I'm sure its annoying.
Anyone want to do something Thursday night? Call me, I'm looking for activity.
-Neimah