(no subject)
So, as I near dangerously close to one great day and one terrible day I have been sort of taking stock of my life and I'm realizing that maybe my life hasn't turned out to be what I'd hoped but in a lot of ways I'm really glad. 3 days from now is Jake and My two year anniversary. I'm really happy about that but I've been having a lot of strange dreams, mostly about Michael. Some times I wonder if maybe I made the wrong decision maybe I ended up with the wrong guy if that makes any sense. At the same time though I know that Michael is much happier now than I could have made him and even if Jake and I don't work out at least Michael gets to be happy and I am sure that one day I will be happy too. Don't get me wrong though sometimes things are amazing with Jake and I can't wait to see what he has planned for our anniversary, but sometimes I just wonder if it's possible to love some one but not want to marry them.
Then only 3 days after that, so six days from today, is the six year anniversary of the day that I was raped. Just thinking about it now makes my stomach churn. In the past six years I have become so strong and some times I think that I really am over what happened to me but the truth of it all is I will never be over it and that just has to be fine.
I think I have decided to go to Eastern Washington State up near Spokane, they have a nationally recognized criminal justice program and I'd love to get out of Oregon. I think I've finally decided that I want to be a detective on a sex crimes unit. I know that a lot of people think that's like the worst thing I could do seeing as I'm a victim my self but i think because I've spent so much of my life (by the time I'm out of college it will have been nine years) being a victim and trying to understand why what happened had to happen that I think I'd do really well working for a unit like that. Of course the FBI is always an option too my only problem with that being that when I have talked to active duty agents they have told me that a lot of their work now is with the patriot act and I am so against the patriot act that I don't think I could work for the FBI. Hopefully by the time I'm out of school though they will have amended the patriot act to make it less distasteful.
In other news my internship with the OLCC is about to run up and I'm really bummed, I can only do my current internship up until 6 months before my 21st birthday. That means that in March I'm out an internship which really sucks because it's been so awesome working with every one that I have gotten to. So up until then he has me working with younger kids and training them in a sense to take over after I leave which sort of sucks because I don't want to leave or work with these stupid kids. He just told me though that he has been working with his boss to come up with an internship that I can do once this one is over for the last 3 months of the year. It will basically be an internship that was created specifically for me which feels pretty good I guess. So I don't think any one reads this and I'm done saying what needs to be said so I guess I'm gonna go do some dishes.
Then only 3 days after that, so six days from today, is the six year anniversary of the day that I was raped. Just thinking about it now makes my stomach churn. In the past six years I have become so strong and some times I think that I really am over what happened to me but the truth of it all is I will never be over it and that just has to be fine.
I think I have decided to go to Eastern Washington State up near Spokane, they have a nationally recognized criminal justice program and I'd love to get out of Oregon. I think I've finally decided that I want to be a detective on a sex crimes unit. I know that a lot of people think that's like the worst thing I could do seeing as I'm a victim my self but i think because I've spent so much of my life (by the time I'm out of college it will have been nine years) being a victim and trying to understand why what happened had to happen that I think I'd do really well working for a unit like that. Of course the FBI is always an option too my only problem with that being that when I have talked to active duty agents they have told me that a lot of their work now is with the patriot act and I am so against the patriot act that I don't think I could work for the FBI. Hopefully by the time I'm out of school though they will have amended the patriot act to make it less distasteful.
In other news my internship with the OLCC is about to run up and I'm really bummed, I can only do my current internship up until 6 months before my 21st birthday. That means that in March I'm out an internship which really sucks because it's been so awesome working with every one that I have gotten to. So up until then he has me working with younger kids and training them in a sense to take over after I leave which sort of sucks because I don't want to leave or work with these stupid kids. He just told me though that he has been working with his boss to come up with an internship that I can do once this one is over for the last 3 months of the year. It will basically be an internship that was created specifically for me which feels pretty good I guess. So I don't think any one reads this and I'm done saying what needs to be said so I guess I'm gonna go do some dishes.