All the Answers
There is a simple reason that i have an answer to every suggestion. Engineering is problem solving--- find the problem, develop solutions, and check to see if the solution is going to work or not. I have nothing but time to run thru every solution and outcome that i can possibly think of. And in certain situations i can see how things are going to go, the choices people are going to make, sometimes people suprise me, lately ive been fairly good at knowing, the only time i was wrong lately was when i let hope get in the way. But i hate that i know this, that i can almost see it coming, but just a bit too late to do anything about it, or without enough influence to change it.
I wish someone, anyone would prove me wrong, prove to me that people are always selfcentered, that every decision they make isnt entirely for their own benefit, that maybe they give one ounce of thought about others, or that they are least make their own decisions. Prove that someone cares. Because lately ive been so good at knowing only because ive counted on the fact that almost all the people in my life are currently making decisions that benefit only themselves. Which means that im the outcast of society, the one who currently doesnt get to see any of my friends. and everytime i try to reach out and see anyone, they have plans which im not part of, or are hanging out with people that i once thought i was good friends with who now apparently must hate me since they cant see or talk to me.
And yes i understand you are going there with your boyfriend and that is why you are allowed, but im sorry that i feel a bit hurt that you have to spend both weekend nights there. One night fine, but both is just rubbing it in that im not welcome and have no where else to go. And i realize that i cant expect you to defend, or speak up for me in any way, nor do i expect you to-- i can yell at them myself, i wont get a response but i could do it. The only thing that i would expect of my friend would be that you coudl at least be my ears and eyes because i cant see nor will they talk to me at all. An maybe i would like to know something of whats going on, somehow know if they are ok, and if im ever going to get my friends back. Because i dont get all of this, this is so far from every version of how i thought things would end. I never thought that i would be put in limbo like this with " we're still friends but we cant hang out"-- that doesnt make sense to me. By def friends hangout, they keep in touch, they know at least part of what is going on in each other's lives. And obviously i wasnt going to be friends with lehigh forever, i never expected that, but i figured we could get thru this summer, maybe new years, then they would graduate and it would be done. And either i would never talk to them again or would occassionaly email.
And whats even worse is that because im not welcome there i seem to be excluded from everything-- because why go get coffee when you can go out and be with a larger group. Obviously thats much more fun. But its hurtful when someone says they are tired and then goes out to a party which takes more energy than just sitting somewhere talking, and its alway a "cant go, or sorry , or nope, or other plans" whenever i suggest to do anything. And when i say let me know when you are free no one ever gets back to me about anything, so even with my friends i feel like a loser who is alway bothering everyone.
I wish someone, anyone would prove me wrong, prove to me that people are always selfcentered, that every decision they make isnt entirely for their own benefit, that maybe they give one ounce of thought about others, or that they are least make their own decisions. Prove that someone cares. Because lately ive been so good at knowing only because ive counted on the fact that almost all the people in my life are currently making decisions that benefit only themselves. Which means that im the outcast of society, the one who currently doesnt get to see any of my friends. and everytime i try to reach out and see anyone, they have plans which im not part of, or are hanging out with people that i once thought i was good friends with who now apparently must hate me since they cant see or talk to me.
And yes i understand you are going there with your boyfriend and that is why you are allowed, but im sorry that i feel a bit hurt that you have to spend both weekend nights there. One night fine, but both is just rubbing it in that im not welcome and have no where else to go. And i realize that i cant expect you to defend, or speak up for me in any way, nor do i expect you to-- i can yell at them myself, i wont get a response but i could do it. The only thing that i would expect of my friend would be that you coudl at least be my ears and eyes because i cant see nor will they talk to me at all. An maybe i would like to know something of whats going on, somehow know if they are ok, and if im ever going to get my friends back. Because i dont get all of this, this is so far from every version of how i thought things would end. I never thought that i would be put in limbo like this with " we're still friends but we cant hang out"-- that doesnt make sense to me. By def friends hangout, they keep in touch, they know at least part of what is going on in each other's lives. And obviously i wasnt going to be friends with lehigh forever, i never expected that, but i figured we could get thru this summer, maybe new years, then they would graduate and it would be done. And either i would never talk to them again or would occassionaly email.
And whats even worse is that because im not welcome there i seem to be excluded from everything-- because why go get coffee when you can go out and be with a larger group. Obviously thats much more fun. But its hurtful when someone says they are tired and then goes out to a party which takes more energy than just sitting somewhere talking, and its alway a "cant go, or sorry , or nope, or other plans" whenever i suggest to do anything. And when i say let me know when you are free no one ever gets back to me about anything, so even with my friends i feel like a loser who is alway bothering everyone.