making the effort
Well after much hesitation and a long talk with Rayn at four o'clock this morning I decided I need to swallow my fear and write my young brother a letter. We haven't spoken in a very long time as a biproduct of my decision to not include my father in my life. It wasn't an intention to sever my relationship with my brother. At the time I didn't know how to maintain our relationship without having to deal with my father so that was the chioce I made. During the time when my mom and I were not on speaking terms he called her looking for me. That was sevral years ago and by the time she got the message to me she had mis-placed his information during a move so I had no idea how to find him. Recently I guy I met helped me locate him on-line and I've put off making contact. Rayn helped realize that that I was being cowardly so I sat myself down and wrote him a letter. It felt good to put things down on paper and it felt even better to drop that envelop in the mail box. I even walked to the grocery store down the street to put it in their out going mail so I couldn't chicken out and pull it out of the mail box before the postman came. Now all there is to do is wait and see what happens. I have no idea what lays ahead for us or the implication re-establising my relationship with Travis will have on things between me and my dad. I guess now it's just up for fate to decide what is to come next. I'm trying to enter the future with an open mind and an open heart.
I'm missing Rayn and Trebor exceedingly more and more everyday. Although Rayn and I have been exchange I love you's for quite sometime, for the first time the other day, Trebor reciprocated my saying I love you. It made glow. I'm so lucky to have not one but two boys that love and appreciate me as much as they do. I try not to think to much about getting back to them because it makes the waiting that much harder. SO I suppliment my desire to be with them with frequent phone calls. Most are typically over an hour long but no matter the length it still pains me every time I have to hang up the phone at the end. I am love lament.
I'm missing Rayn and Trebor exceedingly more and more everyday. Although Rayn and I have been exchange I love you's for quite sometime, for the first time the other day, Trebor reciprocated my saying I love you. It made glow. I'm so lucky to have not one but two boys that love and appreciate me as much as they do. I try not to think to much about getting back to them because it makes the waiting that much harder. SO I suppliment my desire to be with them with frequent phone calls. Most are typically over an hour long but no matter the length it still pains me every time I have to hang up the phone at the end. I am love lament.