Nothing Major
I'm apparently in a state in which I can seem to write a bit. Not writing much, though
Ongoing matter: death. I owe a full exploration, if only for Coley (been promising some thoughts on it for her for some time now), but that'll come later.
(Incidentally, Firefox insists that "that'll" is misspelled. I occasionally use contractions up to the form of "I'd've", which Firefox of course hates, but the point of contractions is to indicate missing elements - and in writing informally, I'll reflect my "informal" speaking mannerisms, and I do indeed use "doubly contracted" forms. But that "that'll" is somehow improperly spelled just amuses me.)
Reflecting upon my own death, if only in part. Don't want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
Not really, of course. But some thoughts.
No black. I don't care if it's tradition. It's stupid. If you have the good (?) fortune to be an attendee of my funeral, don't wear black. Wear it, if it's what you'd wear anyway. Just don't wear it specifically. This has been an idea of mine, but it really cemented when I read about Jim Henson's funeral, and how he specifically requested people not wear black. So don't. And while I don't "hope" that I survive you, I do hope you won't need to consider this, any of this, for at least another 50 or 60, or better, years, anyway.
No church. I have no need for it. Funerals are for the survivors - but people can survive me without dogmatic, doctrinal, trappings.
Don't focus on the body - the corpse (literally, "body"). I - you - am far more than the shell that will, one day, remain. Who I am is intimately entwined with my body, but my body is not me.
Remember. While no one, generally, wants to die - me among them - it's a simple fact, a law of nature, that nothing lasts forever (perhaps not even existence). I may be intimately entwined with my body - I can't live without it - but while the body may die, and the mind (or soul, if you wish to mince English) with it, I'm also entwined with you. No one ever truly dies who lives on in those who know, perhaps love, them.
Don't eulogize. "Eu-logy" is "good speak[ing]". We have a sort of ingrown insistence that we not speak ill of the dead. This does no service, either to ourselves, others - or the dead. A part of a person dies if you overlook the "flaws". Not all "flaws" are bad. Some people may be... harmful, disturbed. Some may even act evilly. But to gloss over failings and shortcomings is to kill a part of a person. Remember them wholly, good and bad.
If something must be said, give "equal time". If you've read "Speaker For The Dead", by Orson Scott Card, then speak. If not, read it, but until then: if you speak, speak of the good, but also speak of the bad (see above). It does no one any favors to idealize anyone, to whitewash a person. I would argue - albeit in too many words - that all are better served if we treat ourselves and others as perfect humans - complete with our imperfections.
Don't waste space. We did not always bury our dead. We do not, and indeed we should not. There is some honor to be accorded to the bodies of our former friends and family - while our bodies are not our selves, they are yet an integral part of us - but only to a point. To bury in the ground, and to cordon off an area to other use, is a waste.
Don't embalm. Similar to the above. It is a waste to even attempt to "preserve" one's self - anyway, one's body. It's a waste of space, and a waste of nature. We come from, ultimately, the earth - we should return to it, not in word, but in deed. To pickle oneself and entomb oneself is a hubris - I am different, I am above, nature, and I'm eternally (not really) declaring myself apart of it. We are part of nature - there is no point in not returning to it. For my part, cremation is acceptable. Best to allow a full return to nature, but legal (and sanitary!) matters otherwise, combustion is ok. A "Viking funeral" even better.
Don't show the body! A body is not our self. A body is part of us, to be sure, and indeed we are primarily our mind, a function of our brain - a critical aspect of our body. But it is not us. And once it ceases, it is indeed little more than a shell. Don't focus on a corpse - focus on a soul. Relive and share a person's traits and personality, their history and relations - focus on this, "show" this at a wake! But ditch the body - really.
Much of my ideas on death, at least my eventual own, have been built over years. But some are influenced, or cemented by the deaths of others.
At the wake/funeral (one or both, or the same), one relative of a dead man spoke along the lines of "Someone tell a joke, that's what so-and-so would do". And at the "reception" - the post burial get-together, which was very Irish in spirit - we ate and drank and socialized and laughed in so-and-so's name, and celebrated his life.
Don't mourn. Laugh, and smile. Or do all of the above. But laugh. There is a passage in the Tanakh (aka "Old Testament") that reads roughly (I can't find it, or the source): "There is sorrow in the evening, but joy in the morning". Laugh, even if in tears. Mourn - indeed. But remember (see above), and know that death is momentary, and only inhibits (not prohibits) the continuation of a person in the memories of others.
Just some thoughts. I need to round up some of these for my own use (no one expects to die young - but many do, and without wishes made clear), and need to... round up others and elaborate a bit for both my use (I like to write, even if I face several problems in doing so) and for others'. But this does for now. I also need to write upon the deaths of those... dear to me... which should be eased by even just jotting notes - again, I face problems in writing, but I try. In particular, I need to write upon the lives of those dear to me, including but hardly limited to those who have already died.
Ongoing matter: death. I owe a full exploration, if only for Coley (been promising some thoughts on it for her for some time now), but that'll come later.
(Incidentally, Firefox insists that "that'll" is misspelled. I occasionally use contractions up to the form of "I'd've", which Firefox of course hates, but the point of contractions is to indicate missing elements - and in writing informally, I'll reflect my "informal" speaking mannerisms, and I do indeed use "doubly contracted" forms. But that "that'll" is somehow improperly spelled just amuses me.)
Reflecting upon my own death, if only in part. Don't want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
Not really, of course. But some thoughts.
No black. I don't care if it's tradition. It's stupid. If you have the good (?) fortune to be an attendee of my funeral, don't wear black. Wear it, if it's what you'd wear anyway. Just don't wear it specifically. This has been an idea of mine, but it really cemented when I read about Jim Henson's funeral, and how he specifically requested people not wear black. So don't. And while I don't "hope" that I survive you, I do hope you won't need to consider this, any of this, for at least another 50 or 60, or better, years, anyway.
No church. I have no need for it. Funerals are for the survivors - but people can survive me without dogmatic, doctrinal, trappings.
Don't focus on the body - the corpse (literally, "body"). I - you - am far more than the shell that will, one day, remain. Who I am is intimately entwined with my body, but my body is not me.
Remember. While no one, generally, wants to die - me among them - it's a simple fact, a law of nature, that nothing lasts forever (perhaps not even existence). I may be intimately entwined with my body - I can't live without it - but while the body may die, and the mind (or soul, if you wish to mince English) with it, I'm also entwined with you. No one ever truly dies who lives on in those who know, perhaps love, them.
Don't eulogize. "Eu-logy" is "good speak[ing]". We have a sort of ingrown insistence that we not speak ill of the dead. This does no service, either to ourselves, others - or the dead. A part of a person dies if you overlook the "flaws". Not all "flaws" are bad. Some people may be... harmful, disturbed. Some may even act evilly. But to gloss over failings and shortcomings is to kill a part of a person. Remember them wholly, good and bad.
If something must be said, give "equal time". If you've read "Speaker For The Dead", by Orson Scott Card, then speak. If not, read it, but until then: if you speak, speak of the good, but also speak of the bad (see above). It does no one any favors to idealize anyone, to whitewash a person. I would argue - albeit in too many words - that all are better served if we treat ourselves and others as perfect humans - complete with our imperfections.
Don't waste space. We did not always bury our dead. We do not, and indeed we should not. There is some honor to be accorded to the bodies of our former friends and family - while our bodies are not our selves, they are yet an integral part of us - but only to a point. To bury in the ground, and to cordon off an area to other use, is a waste.
Don't embalm. Similar to the above. It is a waste to even attempt to "preserve" one's self - anyway, one's body. It's a waste of space, and a waste of nature. We come from, ultimately, the earth - we should return to it, not in word, but in deed. To pickle oneself and entomb oneself is a hubris - I am different, I am above, nature, and I'm eternally (not really) declaring myself apart of it. We are part of nature - there is no point in not returning to it. For my part, cremation is acceptable. Best to allow a full return to nature, but legal (and sanitary!) matters otherwise, combustion is ok. A "Viking funeral" even better.
Don't show the body! A body is not our self. A body is part of us, to be sure, and indeed we are primarily our mind, a function of our brain - a critical aspect of our body. But it is not us. And once it ceases, it is indeed little more than a shell. Don't focus on a corpse - focus on a soul. Relive and share a person's traits and personality, their history and relations - focus on this, "show" this at a wake! But ditch the body - really.
Much of my ideas on death, at least my eventual own, have been built over years. But some are influenced, or cemented by the deaths of others.
At the wake/funeral (one or both, or the same), one relative of a dead man spoke along the lines of "Someone tell a joke, that's what so-and-so would do". And at the "reception" - the post burial get-together, which was very Irish in spirit - we ate and drank and socialized and laughed in so-and-so's name, and celebrated his life.
Don't mourn. Laugh, and smile. Or do all of the above. But laugh. There is a passage in the Tanakh (aka "Old Testament") that reads roughly (I can't find it, or the source): "There is sorrow in the evening, but joy in the morning". Laugh, even if in tears. Mourn - indeed. But remember (see above), and know that death is momentary, and only inhibits (not prohibits) the continuation of a person in the memories of others.
Just some thoughts. I need to round up some of these for my own use (no one expects to die young - but many do, and without wishes made clear), and need to... round up others and elaborate a bit for both my use (I like to write, even if I face several problems in doing so) and for others'. But this does for now. I also need to write upon the deaths of those... dear to me... which should be eased by even just jotting notes - again, I face problems in writing, but I try. In particular, I need to write upon the lives of those dear to me, including but hardly limited to those who have already died.