Fish Food.
I feel like I'm drowning. I'm done treading water. I'm one of those that are fine out in the water until panic strikes and you try to push harder and harder to get to shore, tire yourself out then drown. All that work and what do you get in the end? Fish food. And then you just come to realize, "Why did I do all that? I could have just waved to the lifeguard." The sad thing is, I did.
Symbolism: School.
I meet regularly with my Rhetorical Theory teacher, just about once a week. No one else does in the class, maybe a few here and there. But no one as much as me. I spend a week and half analyzing a Robert F. Kennedy Speech, turned in two rough drafts and the end result? A "B". Now, I know that's a good grade. But... there were students who don't do SHIT in the class, never see the teacher, never speak in class and wrote the damn paper the night before. And they received just as better or the same grade. On top of that, their thesis was incorrect! it missed the whole idea of the paper! Again, I turned in two rough drafts and corrected the hell out of the turn in paper.
Now I'm not so much complaining that I got a B on the paper, even though I thought a deserved an A, but if I wasn't FAILING THE CLASS BECAUSE OF ONE TEST, wouldn't mind so much of a B. Mind you, after the test I took I sat down and went over the test with the teacher, come to realize that more than half of the answers that I got wrong, I knew. Which would have resulted in a B on the test, instead I received a 54%.
NOT TO MENTION at CSUSM a passing grade is a C. Not a C-. In other words "C-" means you failed the class.
I have missed papers, readings and other homework just to read a 20 pages repetitive paper on SHIT THAT I'M NEVER GOING TO USE IN MY LINE OF WORK. Whatever that may be. All I know is if the job requires the use of Rhetorical Theory I wont be accepting it.
I have tried so FUCKING hard in this class and so far the result is a D+. I have yet one more paper due Wednesday on an analysis of another speech, which I'm sure I'll get a B or C on, one more test and a final paper on what I've learned about Rhetoric that has to be 8-10 pages. SINGLE SPACED.
Why did I take the class? It fit in my schedule. Why didn't I drop it? It's hard as hell to find a class to fill that time slot as well as a class that isn't already full and I don't want to chance not finding a class and ending up being one more class behind in graduating. Why didn't I just drop the class? Because the fucking tuition at the school is 1800 and increasing. I need to get these classes done with.
And suppose I don't pass this class. There will be quite the chip on my shoulder. A very sharp, jaggid chip.