(no subject)
The other day I crawled the foot and a half or so from outside his sacred space and up to his altar before bowing on my knees and elbows as low as I could. I do this (the low, submissive bow) whenever doing anything having to do with his altar, even if it's cleaning it or lighting the insense. He never asked me to do such a thing. He never insinuated it either. But I do it because it's the right thing to do, even though I don't treat my own altar in the same way.
He watched me do it this morning, placing two pennies into the tiny box infront of it. The smile on his face was.. it's what I strive for. He patted my ass when I went out towards the livingroom, and I wiggled in responce.
When I clean and find pennies, I put one for the day in the box. In turn, I'll be 'earning' them back. The thought makes me squirm and my toes curl and my eyes probably light up.
The first penny I earn is being superglued into my /s journal. The second will have a hole drilled into it and attached to my collar.
My tag came today, a steel doggy bone shaped tag. On the front is says TYBER, the back reading 'If found please return immediatly to Ian Murphy', and then his phone #. When I shake my head, it jingles. Ian mentioned getting a pink tag silencer for it, the gummy thing you put around the edges, so it can have some pink in it. I like the idea.. alot <3
I don't think I mentioned, but at the MAST meeting, I was the only /s on the floor. I sat in lotus, which is how I always sit beside him, if it can be helped. On the floor in lotus.
I want to be able to sit like that with him everywhere. I want to be able to go to resturaunts and sit on the fucking floor next to him. I want to be able to sit like that in the aisle at movies. It kinda pisses me off that I can't.
I'm intergrating my spirituality and my /s lifestyle so much easier than I thought was possible. It's like the two were meant to fit together. It makes my /s lifestyle, in all technicality, a way I practice my beleif system. It feels.. wonderful. To have that. In 12 Step recovery, one of the steps is finding your higher power, and my /s lifestyle is mine.
I'll be a sober a year come this July. I haven't even thought about things like that. Even when I'm stressed, I don't feel the need to act out.
It's fucking amazing.
He watched me do it this morning, placing two pennies into the tiny box infront of it. The smile on his face was.. it's what I strive for. He patted my ass when I went out towards the livingroom, and I wiggled in responce.
When I clean and find pennies, I put one for the day in the box. In turn, I'll be 'earning' them back. The thought makes me squirm and my toes curl and my eyes probably light up.
The first penny I earn is being superglued into my /s journal. The second will have a hole drilled into it and attached to my collar.
My tag came today, a steel doggy bone shaped tag. On the front is says TYBER, the back reading 'If found please return immediatly to Ian Murphy', and then his phone #. When I shake my head, it jingles. Ian mentioned getting a pink tag silencer for it, the gummy thing you put around the edges, so it can have some pink in it. I like the idea.. alot <3
I don't think I mentioned, but at the MAST meeting, I was the only /s on the floor. I sat in lotus, which is how I always sit beside him, if it can be helped. On the floor in lotus.
I want to be able to sit like that with him everywhere. I want to be able to go to resturaunts and sit on the fucking floor next to him. I want to be able to sit like that in the aisle at movies. It kinda pisses me off that I can't.
I'm intergrating my spirituality and my /s lifestyle so much easier than I thought was possible. It's like the two were meant to fit together. It makes my /s lifestyle, in all technicality, a way I practice my beleif system. It feels.. wonderful. To have that. In 12 Step recovery, one of the steps is finding your higher power, and my /s lifestyle is mine.
I'll be a sober a year come this July. I haven't even thought about things like that. Even when I'm stressed, I don't feel the need to act out.
It's fucking amazing.